“I remember how delightful she was....” His thumb brushed the fullness of her lower lip, and she sucked in a startled breath. “And I remember how her sweet kisses took away my breath.”
He felt the starch go out of her. For perhaps the first time since returning, there was no reproach in the dark gaze that probed his.
“If you felt all that, why did you leave the way you did?”
“Because I was young and unbelievably stupid,” he told her.
Their probing gazes clung for long expectant seconds. Then, shrugging free of his hold, she turned and opened the door.
Heaving a sigh of sorrow, he spoke to her back. “The supplies you ordered should be in by week’s end. I’ll let you know when they arrive.”
Without answering, she shut the door behind her and hurried across the street. The bells tinkled merrily as he watched her go, wondering again if she would ever forgive him...wondering if he would ever forgive himself for the way his thoughtless treatment had changed her.
* * *
Rachel exited the mercantile, the image of Gabe’s contrition, anger and frustration branded into her mind. Ellie was just flipping around the sign to announce she was open for business. Rachel thought about getting a cup of coffee to settle her nerves, but instead turned the other way, heading toward the house, her trembling hands clenched inside her coat pockets, faced with a new reality and an old guilt she could no longer deny.
Until the moment Gabe had brutally reminded her that what happened between them was as much her choice as his, it had been easy to cast herself in the role of the victim, place all the blame on him and take refuge in her anger. That was no longer possible. It was a hard pill to swallow, but he was right. They were both to blame. It was a notion she would have to get used to, just as she would have to get accustomed to the fact that he was not leaving Wolf Creek. She’d pinned all her hopes on his wanderlust, certain that when he was healed, he would take off again.
Since that wasn’t to be, either, her immediate problem was what to do about Danny. His welfare was the most important thing in her life, and she was so afraid he was asking for heartbreak if he grew too close to the man who’d fathered him. If only he weren’t so infatuated with Gabe!
She recalled the day Danny had come home with a wide smile on his face.
“He’s staying, Mama!” he’d crowed, literally jumping up and down.
“Who’s staying, Danny?” she’d asked, though she feared she already knew the answer.
“Gabe.”
There was no missing the gleam of excitement in her son’s eyes or the little leap of her own heart. Both irritated her to no end. How was she expected to keep her treacherous feelings for him from growing if she had to deal with him on a regular basis for the rest of her life?
Up until now, avoiding him had been fairly easy. A polite nod, a perfunctory hello, a pleasant expression when he was around so that no one would suspect what was really in her heart had not been too much of a strain. But there was no way she could ignore him now. She had to have medical supplies and household necessities, and there was nowhere else to get them.
To give Gabe his due, he had become a Christian, and it had not escaped her that he was faithful in his church attendance. For the most part, people around town seemed fine with his attempts to reestablish himself in the community. While both signs were encouraging, she told herself that a few months of good living could not wipe out a lifetime of debauchery.
Except in God’s eyes.
The errant thought made her feel ashamed all over again, and she vowed to pray for His forgiveness more vigorously.
“Where did you get that idea?” she’d asked Danny as she locked the glass-front cabinet that held her medical supplies. “I told you he never stays in one place for very long.”
“When I went to the mercantile to spend the penny Pops gave me, there was a Sold sign in the window,” he’d told her. “I asked Mr. Emerson who bought the store, and he said Gabe. He’s going to live upstairs.”
Rachel had found herself speechless.
Now, with her early-morning talk with Gabe sitting like curdled milk in her stomach, there was another truth to face. With the recent changes in his life, it was entirely possible that she was borrowing trouble. Maybe Gabe would not hurt Danny at all.
One thing was certain, though. There was no putting off telling Danny about Gabe. It would have to be done. Soon.
At the house, she found her son and father in the kitchen making breakfast. Edward was buttering toast, while Danny stood on a small stool, stirring scrambled eggs with a wooden spoon.
“Good morning,” Rachel said, bending to press a kiss to the top of her father’s head. Doing the same to Danny’s cheek, she warned, “Be careful.”
He cast a surprisingly accurate imitation of her famous “look” over his shoulder. “I am.”
“How is Meg?” Edward asked.
Meg Thomerson was a young wife whose husband’s main source of pleasure when he was liquored up seemed to be beating her to within an inch of her life. “She’s not nearly as bad as the last time, but that isn’t saying much.”
“Do you think she’ll ever leave him?”
“Only in a casket, I’m afraid.” Rachel poured herself a cup of coffee. “Elton has her convinced it’s her fault he loses control.”
“Luther was just like him,” Edward said, thoughtfully. “It’s a self-perpetuating evil.” He shot a severe look at his grandson. “Are you listening, Danny? It’s never okay to hit girls.”
“I know,” he said over his shoulder. “Boys are supposed to take care of girls and keep bad things from happening to them, like I do for Bethany.”
Rachel smiled. Bethany was Ellie’s eleven-year-old daughter, a Mongoloid who was often the brunt of teasing and practical jokes. “Exactly.”
“Is the mercantile opening up today?” Edward asked, peering over the tops of his glasses.
By now, everyone in town knew of the Emersons’ sale to Gabe the day before. Unfortunately, Rachel seemed to be the only person who’d felt the necessity to confront him about his reasons. “He’s already open.”
Danny glanced up from his stirring, eager to hear news about the man he’d taken to so easily.
“I told you,” he said.
“So you did. Are those eggs done?” she asked, deftly changing the subject.
“Think so. They aren’t runny anymore.”
“Good.” She scooped the eggs from the skillet and added two sausage patties to each plate before setting them in front of Danny and her father.
They gave thanks for the food and the two guys dug in while Rachel nibbled at her sausage and pushed the eggs around on her plate.
“Anything wrong?” Edward asked.
“Only what you might imagine,” she said, offering him a false, sweet smile.
Edward lifted his eyebrows in understanding. “Ah.”
* * *
That night, Rachel knew she had put off the inevitable as long as possible. She knocked and let herself into Danny’s room. He was propped up in bed reading, something he did almost every night before she made him blow out the lamp.
Dreading the next few moments, she sat down on the side of the bed and rested her hand against his soft cheek. “Danny, I have something to tell you.” The unsteadiness she heard in her voice confirmed her anxiety.
“Yes, Mama?” The blue eyes so much like Gabe’s regarded her solemnly.
Drawing a breath, she plunged. “Do you remember when you asked me about your father, and I told you that he’d gone away before you were born?”
Danny’s dark head moved up and down against the pillow. “You said he was young and wasn’t ready for the responsibility of a family.”
Her mouth lifted in a sad smile. That much was true
. But she’d omitted so much more in an effort to keep from telling him an out-and-out lie. “Well, he’s come back.”
Danny bolted upright. “He has? Can I see him?”
The joy in his eyes was almost her undoing. Tears burned beneath her eyelids and her heart seemed to stop for a beat. “You have seen him,” she whispered.
“I have?” he asked with a puzzled frown.
“Danny, Gabe Gentry is your father.”
For long moments, he didn’t speak, only looked at her while his eight-year-old mind struggled to understand. Finally, he said, “Does he know about me?”
His previous enthusiasm was tempered somewhat by something she couldn’t put her finger on. A touch of anxiety? She shook her head. “No. I never told him about you.”
“Why not?”
Dear Lord, help me find the words... “There were reasons, Danny, reasons you’re too young to understand. Your father and I...we made a mistake. We were a mistake.”
“Because he wasn’t ready for the responsibility of a family,” he said, repeating by rote what she’d told him before.
“Yes.”
“What about now?” he asked. “Will you tell him about me now? I’m eight, so he’s older, too, and he’s probably ready for a family now, don’t you think?”
Rachel’s heart turned to ice. How could she have forgotten the second half of the equation? Sooner or later Gabe would have to be told the truth.
“Preferably later,” she muttered.
“What?”
“Later, Danny,” she told him, forcing a smile. “Be patient for just a little longer. The time to tell someone something like this has to be just right.”
And Lord help me, I have to find the courage.
“Do you think he’ll be happy, Mama?” Danny asked, his face wreathed in a wide smile. “Do you think he’ll be glad I’m his son?”
Rachel pressed her lips together to hold back her tears. How to answer? With Gabe, who could predict? “Oh, Danny!”
She reached out and pulled him into her arms, hugging him close. Dear God, why does this have to be so hard? She smoothed his dark hair away from his forehead.
“I know he will,” she told him fervently, praying it would be so. “But I still think we should wait to say anything a bit longer.”
“Why?” Danny demanded. “Because I’m a mistake?”
A little cry of distress escaped her. How quickly little minds were able to get to the crux of a matter. Regardless of how it had happened or whose fault it was, she did not regret him. Not for a second.
“Oh, no, Danny! Never believe that. I never thought you were a mistake. You’re a blessing. The mistake was mine. The mistake was my loving Gabe more than he loved me and for not loving God more than I did Gabe.”
“How could Gabe not love you, Mama?” Danny asked. “You’re so pretty and so nice.”
She smiled a watery smile at his gallant defense. “Thank you. It’s sweet of you to say so. But that’s the way it was.” She paused. “As for telling Gabe about you, I believe it’s best if this is our secret, at least for a while. Can you do that?”
Danny’s face fell. He nodded. Uncertain if she could take any more of his disappointment, she stood to leave.
“Mama?”
“Yes, Danny?”
“Do you think if he gets to know me, he’d learn to love me enough to take on some responsibility?”
Rachel’s heart broke just a little bit more as the uncertainty of the situation settled over her. It terrified her to imagine where the next few weeks might take them. She only hoped that Danny would survive with his happiness and his hope intact. She cradled his freckled face between her palms. “Everyone who knows you loves you.”
He thought about that for a moment and asked, “Would you ever leave me?”
“Never! Not for any reason.”
The words seemed to reassure him. Then he smiled and she saw a hint of mischief enter his eyes. “Except to go to heaven.”
“Well, yes,” she said, forcing a reciprocal smile. “Except that. And that would be okay, because one day you’d be right up there beside me.”
Once again, she started to go; once again, he stopped her.
“Mama, does Pops know about Gabe?”
“You must call him ‘Mr. Gentry,’ Danny, not ‘Gabe.’ And yes, Pops knows.”
“Is it okay if I talk to him about it?”
Rachel hesitated and then nodded her approval. She wondered what kinds of questions Danny might come up with for her father and knew that Edward Stone could handle whatever came his way.
Chapter Six
By the time the Emersons left, Gabe was physically back to normal. He worked from daylight until long after dark doing everything possible to improve the store and its contents. Keeping busy was a far better way to spend his time than thinking about Rachel, but even working, his thoughts turned to her as often as not.
He wished there was someone he could talk to about his past and his feelings for her, but no one in town knew about their past, so to say anything would be unthinkable. He couldn’t even confide to Caleb, though they were making strides in their efforts at becoming closer.
Spending more time with Caleb showed just how much he had changed. His eyes held happiness based not only on his love for Abby, but on his love of the Lord. It was humbling to see his brother setting the example for his family.
As uplifting as it was to see the changes in Caleb, it was also a bit disheartening, since Gabe wasn’t sure he would ever reach that point of commitment to God, and he despaired of ever finding happiness with Rachel. When he realized there was nothing he could do to change her mind and there was no one to talk to, he resorted to something he’d never done much of before—prayer. He didn’t think he was very good at it, but sharing his thoughts and feelings felt so good that he unburdened himself completely, pouring out his sorrow and feelings and frustrations. After all, it wasn’t as if God didn’t already know what was on his heart. Now there was nothing to do but keep praying and wait for the answer. Yes. No. Or wait awhile.
He was stacking new bolts of fabric onto the table in the dry-goods section, while watching for a glimpse of Rachel through the front window, which now read Gentry Mercantile in bold red and black letters. Earlier, he’d been putting a dress of sunshine-yellow dotted Swiss on one of the dress forms there, hoping it might catch the eye of some lady who needed a new summer frock, when he just happened to catch a glimpse of Rachel and Abby heading toward Ellie’s. Abby held Eli, and Rachel had Betsy on her hip, while Laura clung to her mother’s skirts. The older boys were nowhere to be seen, since school was in session until the end of the month.
He had watched the two women enter the café, smiling and chatting, caught up in whatever things women talked about when they were together, not, Gabe supposed, unlike the way the old men who played checkers every day talked about their interests when they congregated. All too soon, the ladies had disappeared inside, and he was left staring at the restaurant’s facade and wondering how long it might be before they emerged again. Shaking his head in disgust, he’d started putting out the remainder of the shipment.
Gabe saw Danny often. It seemed that no matter where he went, if school wasn’t in session, the child appeared sooner or later. Gabe often caught Danny staring at him in a contemplative way, but whenever he asked what he was thinking about, he’d just smile and say “My father,” which set Gabe off on another round of mental torture that left him miserable.
“What a lovely fabric, Gabriel.”
The comment came from Sarah VanSickle, who had been back in the shoe section, trying to cram her size eight into a size seven. Now he looked down at the bolt of sea-green seersucker in his hands.
“It is, isn’t it?” He picked up a spool of delicate ivory lace.
“I thought this might go well with it,” he said, trying to make conversation, though everything the woman did grated on his nerves. “What do you think?”
Sarah gave him an arch look, and a smirk intended to pass for a smile lifted the corners of her mouth. “You know women and what they might like very well, is what I think.”
There was no mistaking the meaning behind the words. Though Sarah had gone through all the outward motions of happiness the day Gabe became a Christian, there had been a disdainful gleam in her eyes that shouted of her insincerity.
Before he could stop himself, he said, “Perhaps all that riotous living wasn’t entirely in vain, right, Mrs. VanSickle?”
Undeterred, Sarah asked, “Wasn’t that your sister-in-law and Rachel Stone going into the restaurant a bit ago?”
“I believe it was.”
“An interesting situation, that,” Sarah said, pretending to sort through a box holding cards of buttons.
“What situation is that?”
“Why, your brother marrying Mrs. Carter, who was a virtual stranger when she moved in with him.”
The implication was clear, and the obnoxious woman had left out the important fact that Abby hadn’t just moved in. She had been hired as Betsy’s wet nurse. Caleb had explained how Sarah’s vicious gossip had left him and Abby with no recourse but to marry. Control or not, Gabe refused to stand there and have the reputation of one of the most wonderful women he’d ever had the privilege of knowing undermined by the likes of this tacky person. Bestowing his most charming smile on her, he said, “I understand we can thank you for that.”
Sarah gasped, and her dark eyes snapped in annoyance. “Whatever do you mean?”
He lifted his shoulders in a nonchalant shrug. “I understand from several people in town that you were the one to play matchmaker to Caleb and Abby.”
The portly woman’s face turned an unbecoming red, and for once she had no ready comeback.
Wolf Creek Homecoming Page 9
