“Was New Orleans fun?”
“I suppose it was, though I don’t recall what I did there or if I was happy.”
Danny’s forehead furrowed in a frown. “How can you not remember?”
“After a while, what I thought were good times just sort of blended together in a blur of wasted years.”
“Wasted?”
Gabe nodded. “The fun I was looking for was often the wrong kind. I hurt your mother, and I did things that God didn’t like. I’m not proud of that.”
Danny pondered that a moment before asking, “Why did you come back?”
“Because I’ve been very unhappy the past year or so, and I saw that what I once thought was fun wasn’t anymore. I thought maybe if I came back and started over, I could find out what real contentment was like.
“When I was hurt, and I woke up and saw your mother standing beside the bed, I knew that the only time I was really happy was the time I spent with her.” Gabe smiled sadly. “She gave me a lot of love, Danny, and I didn’t realize how special that was. All I gave her was heartache.”
Danny nodded. “She’s got a lot of love inside her,” he said with a nod, “and she’s been crying a lot since you came.”
A knife-sharp pain shot through Gabe’s heart. He’d caused her enough suffering. If she’d let him, he’d spend the rest of his life making it up to her.
“She didn’t want to tell you about me until we knew you were going to stay here. You are, aren’t you?”
“I’m staying.”
“And is it all right with you that I’m your son?” Danny’s blue eyes were filled with uncertainty.
Slipping his arm around Danny’s shoulders, Gabe pulled him close, humbled by his ready acceptance. He marveled at how such a simple thing like Danny relaxing against him in perfect trust could ease so much of the emptiness he’d felt for so many years.
“It’s very much all right,” he said. “More to the point, I hope you’re all right having me for a father. I didn’t get off to a good start, but I’ll do my best to do better if your mother will let me.”
Danny looked up at him and said solemnly, “I think you’re doing all right, so far.”
* * *
For the first time in nine years, Rachel felt the need to unburden herself to someone, only to find that the preacher was visiting a woman who’d just lost her husband. She needed to talk to someone she could trust and who would not be judgmental, someone who might understand the turmoil her emotions had undergone those many years ago. The only person who came to mind was Abby. Rachel headed the phaeton west, out of town.
Abby answered her knock, drying her hands on her apron. “What’s wrong?” she blurted, seeing the expression on Rachel’s face. “Danny? Edward?”
“They’re fine,” Rachel said. “At least I think Danny’s okay.” Her eyes filled with tears. “Do you have a minute to talk?”
Abby took Rachel’s arm and pulled her through the door. “I have all the time you need. Come into the kitchen.”
Rachel followed her friend through the house to the kitchen, truly the heart of this home. Eli slept in the cradle, and both Laura and Betsy were playing in the square penlike contraption Abby’s first husband had constructed. Bread was rising at the back of the stove, and the mouthwatering aroma of chicken boiling escaped the lid of a cast-iron Dutch oven.
Rachel took a seat at the table, and Abby poured two glasses of lemonade before joining her. “Okay, what’s happened?”
Rachel’s voice was little more than a whisper. “I need to tell you something and ask your advice, but I’m so afraid it will change your opinion of me.”
Abby reached out and touched Rachel’s hand. “Nothing you’ve done or could ever do would make me think any less of you. Surely you know that.”
She gave a reluctant nod. “I’ll just give you the abridged version.”
“However much you feel comfortable telling,” Abby said.
Rachel drew in a deep breath. “When I was studying medicine in St. Louis, Gabe looked me up.”
“Gabe?” Abby’s surprise could not be hidden.
Rachel nodded. “He flattered me and wooed me for a few weeks and then he left with nothing but a note to say goodbye.”
Abby raised her eyebrows. “Well, from what I’ve heard, that doesn’t surprise me. A lot of unsuspecting girls have lost their hearts to bounders like Gabe Gentry.”
Rachel dropped her gaze to the tabletop. “My heart wasn’t the only thing I lost.”
The statement fell into the room like the proverbial rock.
“I see.” Abby tugged one of Rachel’s hands free of the glass and clutched it in both of hers. “Look at me, Rachel.”
She complied reluctantly.
“You’re trying to tell me Danny is Gabe’s son.”
“Yes.”
Uttering the simple word of confession seemed to open a floodgate of emotions. Anger and blame and even shame vanished before a gut-wrenching sorrow. A moan clawed its way up from her battered heart and long-denied tears broke free. It was not a pretty sight and made her crying the night she’d confessed to her father seem like nothing. Abby handed Rachel a clean diaper to mop away the moisture. After long moments, the crying dwindled to a trickle and an occasional shuddering sob.
“Did Gabe know?” Abby asked when Rachel had more or less regained her composure.
She shook her head. “He left before I even knew.”
“Have you told him since he’s been back?”
“No. But my dad figured things out and told me I should tell Danny before someone else put two and two together. When I found out Gabe was buying the mercantile and staying in town, I had no choice but to tell Danny.”
“And what did he say?”
“Actually,” Rachel said with a wan smile, “he was thrilled and wanted to know what happened. I told him that I was wrong to put my feelings for Gabe before God and that Gabe wasn’t ready to be a father. He wanted to tell Gabe, but I said we should wait until the time was just right. I prayed that he would just leave town, but that didn’t happen.”
“Nothing’s ever that simple, is it?”
“It seems not,” Rachel said, swiping the cloth across her still-damp cheeks.
“Obviously, something has happened.”
“Sarah—”
Abby leaped to her feet, flinging up her hands in disgust. “I should have guessed that Sarah had something to do with your being in such a state! Tell me what happened.”
Rachel sniffed. “Danny went to the mercantile to see if my medical supplies had come in. Evidently Sarah had been there long enough to see some interaction between Gabe and Danny, and when I walked in, she made the oh-so-innocent comment that they looked enough alike to be father and son.”
“No!” Abby’s eyes were wide with disbelief. “How could she?”
“Quite happily, it seemed.”
“What happened then?”
“Gabe and Danny both looked stunned, Sarah looked inordinately pleased with herself, and I corroborated the statement by grabbing Danny and running out.” She swiped her fingers across a fresh rush of tears that slipped down her cheeks. “What a mess!”
“I’m sure it seems that way, but all that matters in the end is how the three of you work things out. What did Danny say?”
“He was glad Gabe finally knew the truth. He said that now I wouldn’t have to tell him and that it would be okay because Gabe really likes him.”
“It will all be okay. I promise.”
“How can it be? We’ll be the talk of the town.”
“Probably. At least until the next bit of gossip comes along. But at least you won’t have to carry that burden alone anymore.”
“Do you really think that Gabriel Gentry knowing the
truth will lighten my load? More than likely he’ll deny everything.”
“I don’t think so,” Abby said with a shake of her head. “I’ve heard the stories about him, so I understand why you’d feel the way you do, especially since his actions with you seemed to confirm the gossip, but I truly believe he’s doing his best to change, and both Caleb and I feel that he is taking his new commitments very seriously.”
Rachel thought about that. Abby was right. How could she deny Gabe’s sincerity when she could not see into his heart and everything she’d heard and seen the past few weeks pointed to a changed man?
“I’ve put all the blame on him all these years,” she confessed. “It was easy. I told myself that he was worldly and knew all the tricks about how to seduce a girl, and I was innocent and shy and he swept me off my feet, but that isn’t at all the way I remember it. He was the one who had to remind me that it was a mutual choice.”
Abby smiled her gentle smile. “Sometimes it’s hard for us to recognize our own part of the blame, but the fact that you have says a lot about how you’ll handle things with Gabe from here on out.”
“Handle things?”
“You have to talk to him, Rachel.”
“I know I will sooner or later.”
“The sooner the better,” Abby insisted. “The two of you and your father need to stand united—if not for your own sake, for Danny’s, because you’re correct—there’ll be talk aplenty for a while.”
Rachel knew Abby was right, but the very idea of discussing the past with Gabe would be like ripping the scab off a partially healed wound. Since coming back to Wolf Creek, she had concentrated on building her reputation both as a physician and a solid, God-fearing citizen. Dredging up the past, both the good and the bad, meant examining every aspect of those three weeks with Gabe. Worse, it would leave her wide open for more heartbreak.
* * *
It was dusky dark when Rachel approached the house. She had spent the better part of two hours with Abby and then more time with the preacher. He was not judgmental and told her that her repentance when she’d returned had put her back on the right track. When she asked why Gabe had chosen to come back to stay, the minister told her that no one understood how God worked in our lives, but we had to trust that He had a plan and that every day was within His control. She knew he was right, but she still dreaded her next meeting with Gabe.
Though she knew there were rocky times ahead, the relief she’d felt after telling her father about Gabe was nothing compared to the release she felt knowing that both Danny and Gabe knew the truth. Secrecy was a heavy burden. Now that Gabe knew and she’d accepted her own share of responsibility for their situation, her heart felt lighter than it had been in a very long time...perhaps since the time she’d spent with Gabe in St. Louis.
To her dismay, the first thing she saw when she crossed the railroad tracks in front of the house was Gabe sitting on the porch steps next to Danny. The tension holding her in its grip the past few hours eased when she saw there was no noticeable strain in either of them, and her heart gave a little lurch of something that wavered suspiciously between joy and hope.
Both of them were resting their elbows on the step behind them. Danny was clearly trying to mimic his father’s posture and attitude. His face lit up when he saw her approach, his eyes sparkling with joy. Gabe’s expression was unreadable. She wondered if her face reflected her uncertainty and was surprised that the antagonism that usually assaulted her when she saw him was absent. Perhaps her prayers were working. At least it would make dealing with him easier, which was good for Danny’s sake. Abby was right. No matter how they felt or what they suffered the next few days and weeks, their main priority must be protecting Danny as much as possible.
As she pulled to a stop at the hitching post, Gabe leaned down and said something to Danny, who got up and went inside. Striding to the buggy with a loose, long-legged gait, Gabe lifted her down without giving her the opportunity to acquiesce or refuse.
His hands were warm at her waist.
Hers gripped his shoulders for balance and also in an effort to resist the almost overwhelming impulse to slide them up to cradle his lean cheeks between her palms. Was it her imagination, or did his hands tighten? Searching for answers, signs, anything to give her a clue as to what he was feeling, she examined his face. He was still unbearably handsome, even with the new bump on his nose and the jagged scar scoring his cheek.
The intensity in his eyes was familiar. When Gabe gave his attention to something, it was complete and undivided. Just now that interest was focused on her. He searched her face, as if he, too, were looking for some way to gauge her frame of mind. Afraid that he would see the vulnerability she was feeling, she broke free and went to sit in one of the rockers.
He followed, crossing his arms over his wide chest and leaning against the porch post. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
She’d expected him to broach the subject—though perhaps not quite so soon or in such a direct way. She had not expected the aching tenderness that accompanied the question.
“I didn’t know until after you left,” she confessed, staring down at the hands clasped in her lap. “And once I did, how was I supposed to find you in New Orleans?”
He had no ready answer.
“Would you have come back to me if you had known?” she asked, glancing upward.
“Yes.”
His lack of hesitation surprised her.
“Yes? Are you actually saying you’d have stopped your wandering to be a husband and father?”
“Of course I would have.” His expression said that he couldn’t believe she’d asked such a thing. “You forget that I know what it’s like to be abandoned by a parent. I would never intentionally put a child of mine through that.”
Knowing his past and how deep were the scars left by his mother’s departure, there was no doubting him. Random thoughts, startling in clarity, raced through her mind, disjointed images of how her life would have been if he’d stayed and they’d brought up Danny together.
Gabe hadn’t loved her, had never claimed to. Could her love have held him when restlessness began to creep in? Would what he felt have been enough to keep him at her side when the inevitable trials of life began to edge into their utopia? Could a marriage between them have lasted? Would she have finished medical school or been forced to help support them?
She made a low sound of denial. Now was not the time to indulge in what-might-have-been. “How’s Danny?” she asked, curious about both her son’s state of mind and how he was handling Sarah’s stunning statement.
“He’s fine. Perfect.”
The enthusiasm in his voice buoyed her spirits. “I wouldn’t say he’s perfect,” she contradicted, “but he’s pretty close.” The last was said with a proud smile that Gabe returned. The shared moment of parental pride seemed to bind them together somehow.
“From what I’ve observed, you’ve done a wonderful job with him,” he told her. “I can’t begin to imagine what it must have been like to come back here with a child, unmarried, and have the likes of Sarah VanSickle around to lord it over you.”
“Actually, Sarah broke the news to the town before I ever came home.”
“How on earth did she find out?”
“She made a trip to St. Louis to visit her sister and looked me up. I was almost at the end of the pregnancy when she showed up on my doorstep.” Her mouth curved into a derisive smile.
“I can only imagine her glee,” Gabe growled.
“She did seem to delight in my embarrassment, and of course, she knew I wasn’t married. She couldn’t wait to get home and tell everyone.”
“I’ll be the first to admit that I have more than my share of faults,” Gabe said, “but for the life of me I can’t imagine how anyone takes so much pleasure from deliberately dealing grief to oth
ers.”
“I’ve given up trying to figure it out where she’s concerned. At any rate, I hadn’t breathed a word to my father about you and never intended to. My plan was to stay away from Wolf Creek until the baby was born, put it up for adoption, finish my schooling and then come home.”
“You planned to give up the baby?”
She gave a deep sigh. “Believe me, it wasn’t an easy choice. I did a lot of soul-searching and in the end I was convinced that giving him up would be best for everyone.
“What’s that they say about the best laid plans of mice and men? When Pops showed up soon after Sarah went home and spilled the beans, he wouldn’t hear of my giving up Danny. He said that I might have made a mistake, but that I wasn’t going to compound it by giving away my child.”
“Thank goodness.”
The fervency in his voice sent Rachel’s gaze winging to his. His sincerity was as heartfelt as her relief. “Yes. Thank goodness he knows me so well. He knew I’d never forgive myself. So we stayed there until I got my diploma, and I’ve been trying to make it up to everyone ever since.”
“What happened wasn’t your fault,” Gabe told her. “I took advantage of you.”
Rachel looked at him thoughtfully. She’d spent years convincing herself that what he said was true, but now she knew that it had been a mutual longing. Perhaps in the beginning his masculine beauty and charm had played a part, and yes, she was lonely and he had made her feel beautiful and special. But she knew right from wrong and had not been without the tools to withstand his advances if she’d wanted to. She hadn’t wanted to, because she’d loved him and believed he loved her.
“No, you were right,” she argued. “I was every bit as much to blame as you. I have no excuse except that I loved you and because of that I turned my back on God and everything I’d been taught.” Her voice broke, and tears began to slip down her pale cheeks.
Wolf Creek Homecoming Page 11
