I grab her hand, stopping her progress. She spins to face me, eyes narrowed, nostrils flaring.
“What do you want, Jake?”
“I want to apologize.”
“Not necessary.” She turns away once more.
“I’m sorry.” She doesn’t move, but she keeps her back to me. “I was a jerk last night and a bigger one this morning. Like I said, I never expected to see you again. You just threw me off balance is all.”
“Apology accepted,” she mumbles, taking a step forward.
“Let me take you home. It’s the least I can do.”
“I’ll walk.”
“Your folks would kill me if you do. Please.”
With an exasperated sigh, she marches past me and climbs on the snowmobile.
“Just so you know, I’m only letting you do this because my legs are killing me.”
She crosses her arms, pouting and staring off to the side. I can’t help the smile tugging at my lips. I forgot how cute she is when she’s mad.
“Fair enough. That all the luggage you have?”
“Yes.”
“Seriously?” I eye the backpack, wondering how much can fit in there.
“I’m here to spend the holidays with my parents. Don’t have any other plans so it’s not like I need a lot of stuff.”
“Huh. Okay.” I nod, accepting her explanation.
“Do I have permission to touch you?” she asks when I climb on in front of her. “Otherwise I might fall off. Or is that what you’re hoping for?”
“Jesus, Sydney!” I exclaim. “Of course you can. In spite of what you think, I don’t want to hurt you.”
Without a word, her arms slide around my waist, her body pressing into mine. Despite her anger and the multiple layers of clothes between us, I become highly aware of her. My mind may not be able to reconcile what she did all those years ago, but my body apparently doesn’t know that. I crank up the snowmobile, turning toward the George’s place. The sooner I get her home, the sooner I can get away from her.
The ride to her house ends up being the longest ten minutes of my life. I’m so confused by these feelings I’m having. Do I want her, or do I want her gone? Curse my little peep show last night! Maybe if I hadn’t seen her like that, this wouldn’t be happening.
I pull up to her house, keeping the motor running because I have no intention of sticking around. She climbs off, yelping as she loses her balance. I react without thought, wrapping my arm around her waist to stop her from falling. The action inadvertently forces her against my chest. Her hands land on my shoulders while she steadies herself. For a brief moment, we’re face to face.
Our eyes meet.
Her breathing accelerates.
So does mine.
The condensation from our breaths meets and mingles in the cold air. My gaze slides to her lips and I’m bombarded with memories of each time I sucked on the full bottom one.
Christ.
“Sydney!”
She jerks away from me, our spell broken by her mother’s excited outburst. Sydney hurries up the steps, throwing her arms around her mom, then her dad, who appears in the doorway. I wave to them, intending it to be a goodbye, but Mr. George motions me forward. Shutting off the engine, I follow Sydney’s footsteps.
“Jake! Good to see you. Thanks for looking after my girl.”
“No problem, Mr. George. Have to say I was quite surprised when she showed up at my door.”
“I didn’t know it was your house,” Sydney grumbles.
“Come in, both of you. Have some breakfast,” her mom offers.
“Sorry, I can’t. Gotta get to work.”
“Shame. You’re coming to our party on Christmas Eve, right?”
I glance at Sydney, but she’s ignoring me. “I’ll try,” I answer, not wanting to commit to anything now that I know what I’d have to deal with.
“You’ll do more than try,” Mrs. George scolds. “I intend to see you here, Jacob Maston.”
Sydney huffs, pushing her way inside and away from us. I simply smile and nod, making my own getaway.
I’ve had enough of Sydney George for one day.
“You’re so lucky you found Jake last night.”
“Hmm.”
I’m only half-listening to my mother as I shovel eggs into my mouth. I made a perfectly good breakfast this morning that will go to waste because of Mr. Scrooge.
“I worry about him, being all alone in that house.”
“Something tells me he’s not in need of female companionship.”
“Just because he’s not alone doesn’t mean he’s not lonely, dear.”
I look up from my plate with a raised brow. “How do you know so much about Jake’s love life?”
“I don’t. I’m just saying.” There’s a brief pause before she adds, “So nice of him to bring you home, too.”
“Mom, stop.”
“Stop what?” She tries to sound innocent.
“He hates me.”
“Didn’t look like that this morning,” she teases.
“I almost fell. He caught me. The end.”
“Okay, dear.”
“Jeez.” I roll my eyes, getting up from the table. “I’m going to take a bath, return some phone calls, then take a nap. I’m tired.”
“I bet.”
“Mom!”
She giggles. Dad glares at her over the frame of his glasses.
“I stayed on the couch. It wasn’t very comfortable. Trust me when I say there’s nothing there to rekindle. That firewood is as wet and cold as the snow outside.”
“If you say so, dear.”
Grabbing my bag off the floor, I head straight for the bathroom. I forego the bath and have a quick shower instead, then curl up in my bed with my phone. I woke up this morning to endless messages, emails, and voicemails, even though I’m on vacation. It’s the first one I’ve taken in years so somehow I think no one believes I’m actually off. I love my job. I worked my way up to the position of Purchasing Manager for one of the country’s largest chains of high-end department stores, and I’ve been living the life I left Cody to pursue. I made my dreams come true.
Jake is the only regret I have. In another life, I would have stayed. I would have married him, had a couple of kids. Hell, I probably would have been happy. The thing is, I would have constantly been wondering “what if.” I couldn’t resign myself to that life. I had to see what was out there and I did. I made a life for myself that I’m proud of and for that, I’ll never be sorry.
After taking care of business, I curl up under the covers. Once again, my thoughts are occupied by Jake. I haven’t thought about him this much since I left. Seeing him again has stirred up things inside me I thought were long dead. The way he looked at me this morning as he held me close… for a moment I thought he was going to kiss me. However, I quickly came to my senses. He really does hate me and nothing I say or do can ever change that.
“Jake! Good morning, son!” Dad issues a greeting.
Great. What’s he doing here?
“Good morning, Mr. George.” He nods to me. “Sydney.”
“Morning.” I don’t hide my annoyance.
I made it three whole days without seeing him, and hoped I could go the last four just the same. Guess that’s not in the cards. The roads have finally been cleared, so Dad and I came to see about my rental. I certainly didn’t expect to find Jake here.
“Saw the road was cleared so I figured I’d check if it was still here. Cleared off most of the snow.”
“Thanks.” Dad chuckles. “Saved me some trouble. Why don’t you see if it’ll start, Syd?”
“Sure.”
I have to pass Jake to get to the door, and he’s standing way too closely. He won’t move either, and I can’t say anything without Dad hearing, so I brush against him. The jerk smirks. Ha! That’s a good one. It rhymes and everything.
“Make sure you turn off the heater, radio, and anything you might have running.”
I give him the finger. “I grew up here and we have snow in New York. I know what I’m doing.”
“Okay.” He backs away.
I turn the key, but nothing happens. After a few more tries, I give up, popping the hood. “Looks like we’ll have to jump it.”
“I’ll get the cable,” Dad says, disappearing to the back of his truck.
The hairs on the back of my neck stand up, and I turn to find Jake watching me intently. Again.
“What?”
“Nothing,” he answers with a smile, walking away to help my dad.
Weird. First, he can’t stop scowling, now he’s being… pleasant. Huh. Maybe he got laid last night and that’s what’s improved his mood. I try to ignore the stab of jealousy, turning the key when Dad tells me to. The engine turns over on the second try.
“Let it run for a bit, punkin. I’ll see you back at home.”
“Aren’t you going to wait with me?” I jump out of the vehicle.
“Jake will wait with you.” He turns to Jake, giving him what looks like a conspiratorial smile. “Won’t you, Jake?”
“Sure. I got nowhere to be.”
“But, Dad—”
“See you two later.”
He jumps into his truck with a speed I haven’t seen in years. Damn it, Dad. Why are my parents trying to push me and Jake together? Do they really think a few days are enough to undo what’s been done over the course of ten years?
Jake hops into the passenger seat. As much as I want to avoid being locked in an enclosed space with him, it’s freezing. With a deep breath, I join him.
“Nice wheels.”
“It’s a rental.”
“I figured.” He chuckles. “Still nice. Thought you’d want something flashier.”
“Why?”
“You know, the new image and all.”
“Yeah, well, life’s not all about fancy clothes and cars.” I stare out the window at nothing in particular. I had to learn that lesson the hard way.
“No, it’s not.” After a pause, he continues, “So your mom says you work for a department store?”
“I’m the Purchasing Manager for a department store chain,” I clarify.
“Sounds impressive. What do you do?”
“There are a hundred and fifty stores all over the US, and I’m in charge of what goes on the racks and shelves.”
“Do you like it?”
“I love it. What about you?”
“I still have the lumberyard. I managed to turn things around and we’ve been making a profit every year.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
“Syd….”
I turn to face him when he stops. “What?”
“You got what you wanted. Despite how things ended with us, I’m glad you chased your dream and caught it.”
“Thank you.” I swallow hard at the sincerity in his voice. “Why didn’t you come with me, Jake?” I demand. “You could have come after. It… we didn’t have to end.”
“Yes, it did. We wanted different things. You had stars in your eyes, but you were the only star in mine, Syd.”
“Jake…” For the first time in years, tears for Jake Maston cloud my eyes. “I didn’t forget you.”
“Yeah, all the calls and letters made that clear,” he says, sarcasm coloring his words.
“I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me. For months, I cried myself to sleep every night. I was miserable that first year. Then… then I heard about you and Sue.”
“Sue loved me. I loved her, too, but not the way she wanted me to. She saw through it all and accepted me the way I was. It wasn’t fair to her and there’s no way I can make it up to her now.”
“We can’t change the past, Jake. We can only move on.”
“I know that now. It took way too long, but I think I finally get it.”
He swipes a tear from my cheek, his thumb moving slowly down to brush my bottom lip. My lids flutter closed, all those old sensations coming back to life. I never got over Jake, and if I understand what he’s trying to say, he didn’t get over me either.
His touch disappears and so does all warmth. My eyes open, meeting his. I get a glimpse of the way those baby blues used to stare down at me, and decade-old doubts resurface. Did I make the right choice? I owe him more than an apology, but it’s all I can offer.
“I’m sorry. I know it means nothing now, but I’m sorry. I left you at the worst possible time to pursue something I now know could have waited. You needed me and I wasn’t there for you. That’s what I regret the most. I wanted to call you… to come to your dad’s funeral, but… I doubt you would have wanted either.”
“Thank you. You’re probably right. I wasn’t in a good place then. I think it’s a good thing you didn’t.”
“I’m sorry,” I choke out through sniffles and sobs.
“It’s okay, Syd.” He nods slowly. “I should go.” He opens the door, quickly retreating.
“Jake, wait!”
“I’ll see you tonight,” he reassures me with a weak smile.
“Tonight?”
“Your parents’ Christmas Eve party.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“Bye, Syd.”
“Bye.”
I give him a small wave, but something tells me this isn’t a “see you later.” Jake has firmly closed the door on our past.
Ten years ago
“Are you sure you have everything, dear?”
“Yes, Mom.” I roll my eyes in annoyance. That’s the tenth time she’s asked me that question. “Let’s go, I don’t want to miss my flight.”
“Okay, okay.”
I grab my backpack and give the house one last look. This is going to be my first time away from home, but destiny and my degree in Fashion Business Management await. I just wish…. Shaking away the doubt, I turn and head for Dad’s truck. I freeze in my tracks, finding Jake leaning against it.
“Oh, dear,” Mom whispers from behind me.
“Give us a minute?” I ask, watching them walk back into the house.
Gathering courage, I approach the truck. I didn’t expect to see him. We had a huge argument a few weeks ago about me leaving, and he’s been avoiding me ever since. This would have been so much easier for me if he hadn’t shown up. Now I’m really having doubts. His beauty has always mesmerized me, and for some reason, he’s never looked more beautiful than he does today.
Fashion has been my “thing” since I was a child—designers, haute couture, models… the works. I couldn’t afford to wear the stuff, but I kept my mom and her sewing machine busy trying to recreate the latest styles. More than the clothes, the industry intrigued me. I’ve always known it’s where I wanted to be. Jake didn’t care about any of that at all and stuck to his staples of jeans and plaid flannel shirts. Figures that’s the type of man I’d fall for. My sexy lumberjack.
“Hi.” My voice cracks with nervousness.
“So this is it? You’re really leaving?”
“Flight’s in a couple hours.”
“You’ve been talking about this day for so long. I guess I just never thought it would come.”
“You know this is my dream, Jake. You always knew.”
“Don’t do this, Syd,” he begs, his cool demeanor slipping. “Don’t go.”
“Jake, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I’ll even get to study in Italy for a year.”
“And what about me? What about us?”
“Come with me.” I take his hands in mine. I know it’s impulsive, but I have to try. “We can do it. Come with me, Jake.”
“I need you. I need you to be here for me. I just lost my mom, Syd. You know my dad’s cancer spread. He doesn’t have much longer and I’m all he has. I have to take care of him and run the lumberyard.” He tugs his hands from mine, running his fingers through his hair. “Since he’s been sick, things have gone downhill. The business is suffering, and he doesn’t have insurance so every penny is going to his treatments. I think we’re going to lose
the house.”
“Oh, Jake… I’m so sorry.” I take a step toward him, eyes clouding with unshed tears. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Would it have made a difference?”
I glance at my luggage sitting in the bed of Dad’s truck. What do I do? Should I stay? What kind of comfort would I be to him knowing what I had to give up?
“It sounds crude, but if I stay here, none of that changes. What good would I be to you?”
“Syd….”
“I have to go. Don’t you get it? I need to do this for me. It may be selfish, but you asking me to stay for you? That’s you being selfish. If I do, neither of us will be happy. I’ll end up resenting you and you’ll constantly be worried about me leaving.”
I try to blink back my tears, but it’s no use. They flow like rivers down my cheeks. With a curt nod, he walks away.
“Bye, Syd.”
I watch his retreating back, sobs rocking my body. Each step he takes tramples on my heart. It’s being drawn and quartered in the streets.
“Sydney?”
I throw myself into my mother’s arms, crying on her shoulder. “Am I doing the right thing, Mom?”
“You’re doing what you think is right for you. You’ll be okay, sweetheart.”
God, I hope so.
I also hope I’m not throwing away the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Present
The smell of Christmas surrounds me—pine, eggnog, and mulled wine. The Georges turned their home into holiday central. Lights and garlands adorn the furniture. Decorative balls, and snowflakes in red, white, and green hang from the ceiling. I haven’t celebrated a holiday since Sue died, and all this is a little overkill for me, including the people milling about. I don’t know why I decided to attend this party, but it’s too late to turn back now. Mrs. George has already seen me. She’s also thrown herself into the holiday theme, dressed in a Mrs. Clause costume. I make my way toward her, pasting a smile on my lips.
“Jake, dear! So glad you could come.” She kisses my cheek.
“Thanks for the invitation.”
“No one should be alone at Christmas, Jacob.” She winks. “Go mingle. Sydney will be out in a bit.”
Under The Mistletoe: A Holiday Short Story Page 2
