Dre-
P.S Chicken pizza with all the toppings is the only way I eat my pizza, I don’t eat pork! You see, Savannah, no matter how hard you’re trying to keep me out my child’s life; it’s still a daddy’s baby!
I put the letter down and let the water fall down my legs; I was in labor. I called Dr. Davis and told her to meet me at hospital. It was time. I grabbed the bag I had packed, put Dre’s letter in it and drove all the way to the hospital in the worst pain I had ever felt in my life.
I turned on the radio to try and comfort myself and Sade’s new song about being a soldier was playing. I toughened up and made the drive.
Dr. Davis and two men were waiting on me when I pulled up at the emergency room with a wheelchair. Once I sat in the chair, everything else went quickly. I was pushed in a room, put on a table, Dr. Davis stuck her hand between my thighs, her gloves came out red, she hit a button on my bed and said STAT, and the nurses ran in. I laid back and after two pushes, the baby was out and screaming.
She was eight pounds, two ounces, 19 inches long and was the prettiest little girl I had ever laid eyes on. “She looks just like you,” Dr. Davis said, while bringing her over to me. I thought to myself, she has never seen Dre.
She looked like her father and me combined. Her skin was lighter than the both of ours; I guess her color would come with time.
“Would you like to hold her, Savannah?” Previously I had said I didn’t want to see or touch the baby once she was born, but I shook my head yes.
The baby was crying when the doctor handed her to me. She soon stopped as if she knew who I was. I had read online that babies had a sense of knowing things and it was good to talk to them while they were in your stomach so they could get familiar with your voice and I did just that.
There was no one around me for three months; I had to find a way to hear my own voice so I talked to her and read her a book of my choice. I tried reading her children’s stories, but they were too fictional. I wanted my daughter to know what was really on the other side of my stomach; we ended up reading The Coldest Winter Ever by Sister Souljah.
I know there is a lot of adult content in the book, but there were so many lessons she could learn to help her become a better woman; that’s why it was my first choice. I packed the book in my hospital bag and wrote her a message in it that I would give to her new parents to give to her, once she was old enough.
Like I said earlier, I didn’t have anyone positive in my life while growing up. I wish someone would have handed me Sister Souljah's book, I might have made better life choices.
The nurses pushed me into my room while they ran the normal tests on my daughter. “Get some rest, Ms. James, we will keep her in the nursery with us tonight.” I didn’t need any rest, hell; I had a lot to do in the next three days.
“When you’re done with your tests, bring my daughter back, please, thank you! And can you pull that curtain and close my door?”
As soon as I pulled out my laptop, there was a knock on the door. Dr. Davis and Margie had come to me with updates.
Margie spoke first. “We have requested her social security card to be sent here so we can give it to the parents; they will be coming shortly to do her birth certificate, which you said you did want to complete with your information; what is the child’s name?”
I named my daughter on the ride to the hospital. “Her name is Sade Chrisett and she will have her father’s last name, Burns.” I waited for a response and I knew Dr. Davis would have one.
“Did you decide to give her father custody? If not, which couple will it be? We need to notify them that the child has been born.”
I was hearing her talk, but I wasn’t listening. My mind was spinning around, not only did I just have Dre’s baby, but he knew I was having her. I needed my baby to go as far away from him as possible.
“No, she will not be going with her father and if I didn’t like you Doc, we would be having words. I have chosen the Jeffersons to raise my child.”
I knew I would be breaking their hearts if I ever decided to take her from them, but hell, she is my child and we can come to agreement on something.
Margie walked out the door in a hurry; I guess I pissed her off. I was back to me now, fuck her and what she thinks is best. If the bitch walked a day in my shoes, she would have corns.
For the last two weeks, I’d been thinking of ways to better myself, looking back on my mistakes. I’ve made plans on having my shit back tight. This move back to California was going to be a good thing after all. I could get revenge on everyone I needed to pay back, show off the new Savannah James and make lots of money while doing it. But, first things first.
I needed to wrap up things in the south. I would be released from the hospital tomorrow tonight and Sade would be headed to Washington the day after. Once she was out of the south and untraceable, I would send her daddy a letter and make sure it was one he wouldn’t forget.
I called my uncle, Johnny, who was now coaching at UCLA. “Hi, Uncle stranger.”
He cleared his voice. “Is this my baby girl?” After all this time, he had no kids and still treated me like I was his.
“Who else would it be? Uncle, I need your help with something; do you have a minute?” I told my uncle about my promotion to partner and that I would be moving home. I asked if he could start looking for a house or condo by the beach since UCLA was right down the street.
“Baby, them places is high out there. Why don’t you move out here to Torrance or Carson by me? You could own a house for the amount you’re going to pay in rent living by the water.”
I knew he would want me near him, but living near him would not impress anybody. I wanted to break hearts. “Uncle, I am way above those areas. Yes, they are nice, don’t get me wrong, but with my income I want the best; I don’t want to spend my money on security.” He took a deep breath.
“Savannah, you ain’t got to impress nobody, baby. Everybody from the old neighborhood is still in the old neighborhood. You and Keisha’s little sister are the only two who made it out.”
He didn’t understand all the hell I went through. “I don’t give a damn what they are still doing. I already know I’m better than them; I just don’t like being around broke, goal-less people. Uncle, you should understand, you made it out, too!”
I had forgotten I cursed. “You better watch your mouth; what has gotten into you? I will find you a place in Malibu, Pacific Coast Hwy, or Rodeo Drive if that’s what you want. You got 90210 money, you want me to look there, too? What I’m trying to get you to understand is it doesn’t matter where you lay your head if your shit stank. Putting it in a fancy box just presents it better. I hope this move is going to be a good thing for you. Have you told your father yet?”
Always the voice of reason, this time I wasn’t hearing it. Trying to stand in my way would be like jumping in front of a train. I’m not going to stop until I run your ass over.
“I’m sorry for cursing and no, I haven’t talked to him yet, I am going to call him next; and thank you, Uncle, any of those places you named will be fine. I would like to move in by next month so move fast, how much do I owe you?”
There was silence and then he said, “Money can’t buy love, baby; I will find you a place this week and email you the details. I love you with your hard headed ass; you got to learn everything the hard way, don’t you? Why do you think you didn’t get that scholarship to USC? ‘Cause of your attitude. I’m getting off this phone, good night.” He hung up before I could say thank you back. My next call was to my daddy.
“Hey, Daddy.” He must have been smoking a cigarette because I could hear the lighter flickering in the background.
“Hey, baby, what’s new?” He always asked me what was new like he was waiting on some exciting news. It felt good to be able to give him some.
“Daddy, I got promoted at work and will be moving back to California to run my own branch of my company.”
He was so excited. I asked him to set
up a PO Box in his name tomorrow, but he needed to set it up at the 24-hour post office in Hollywood. I told him it would be my business PO Box and I would be the only one permitted in it.
We talked for an hour just about me and my new position. He was proud of me and made sure he told me every chance he got.
“Savannah, you have came a long ways, baby. I’m so proud of you. I wish your mother could see what a beautiful and successful woman you have become.”
I hated when he brought her up, so I rushed off the phone saying I had to make more phone calls and would call him to give him my new address soon as Uncle Johnny found me a place.
Before I could call Stephanie to tell her I would be back next week, the nurse brought Sade back in the room. I fed her, changed her, and then told her my game plan. I told her I loved her and would be supporting her throughout her life even if she never saw me again.
I spoke to her like I was speaking to an adult; there was no goo goo and gaga in my voice. I gave it to her straight.
“I never wanted to have a child, Sade, then you came along. I have to be honest, if I would have had the opportunity to abort you, I would have, but it was too late. I love you and will always love you. You’re the only thing in this world that is mine. I can’t mother you and teach you to be a woman, I barely could teach myself to be one and I’m still learning. I want you to feel the love of two parents, something I never had and don’t think I can give. If you grow up to hate me I will understand but like the bitch that left me said, some things you will never understand.”
I must really be the cold hearted bitch everyone calls me because I wasn’t sad at all when I told her goodbye the next night. I took a hundred pictures of her with my camera phone and kissed her goodbye.
Tomorrow at this time, she would be arriving in Washington to her new mother and father and I would be writing her sperm donor a letter he would never forget.
I headed straight to Marcus when I left the hospital and got some weed. He commented on my weight gain saying I looked thick. If he only knew.
Just in case Dre had his goons spying on my place, I went and stayed at the Residence Inn in Gwinnett for a week. I stopped at TJ Maxx and grabbed a few outfits, some underwear, two work sutes and some comfortable shoes. Once I made it to the Residence Inn, I didn’t leave and there really was no need to. There was a laundry room, workout room, outdoor pool and a mini market inside. The hotel was made like a small condo so it had an at home feel.
My first day there I slept the entire day. I didn’t realize I was that tired until I woke up at four o’clock the next afternoon. I walked over to the desk, grabbed my notebook and started writing Dre.
I wrote his name on top. This wasn’t an average nigga I was dealing with, so I tried to use some of the business law I learned while in college mixed with the ‘hood, criminal shit I learned in Los Angeles. I had to be careful about what I wrote because any errors I made would be like leaving him clues. This time when I left Dre, he would fully understand that I meant it, or he would be hunting me down…
Mr. Andre Burns,
How are you? Don’t worry about writing me back to tell me because I really don’t care! I’ve heard of women being sprung over dick but never the other way around. I wonder if it was the way I fucked or sucked you that has you stalking me. You win the best detective of the year award, I did think if I changed my number and terminated my lease, I would be cutting off all ties with you but I see I was wrong.
There are some things you are right about; your intelligence has shocked me. You were right about me not giving the letter you wrote me to the police, with all of your connects on the judicial side I would be wasting my time and I am not a snitch. I gave Nashville police the letter to buy you time. I was thinking they would hunt down someone else if they saw you had a date for when you were going to turn yourself in. This was a lie and now I realize you used me as bait. You wanted me to give the police the fake date so you could make other arrangements. You have a full understanding of the law I see. To address what you wrote in your letter about being in love with me. All I can say is, you know like I know, it wasn’t love. We just have a lot in common and some beautiful sex.
I’m not ashamed to say the dick was good, I just wish it was connected to a better person or at least a man who was worth my time. Maybe if you weren’t such a criminal we could have had more, but sorry ass niggas like you don’t change. I won’t waste this letter bad talking you and telling you that you ain’t shit, you already know that. What I will tell you is that you were right about me being pregnant by you.
You were also right about me not wanting you in our daughter’s life and by the way that was smooth how you had your friend deliver my pizza to get a status on me. Hats off to you.
Now that I told you everything you were right about, let me tell you where you are wrong. You were wrong to think that I went into hiding to stop you from knowing I was pregnant. I went into hiding to stop the world from knowing I was pregnant!
I am not a caring person, my only concern is me and what’s best for me. Your beautiful eight pound daughter, who looked just like you, will never know either one of us. I hired an out of country adoption agency to ship her off to her new parents two days after she was born.
I know you don’t believe me and will play detective again and that’s fine but the next time one of your goons find me they will see me alone without a child. I have destroyed all the records of the birth and my pregnancy to prevent you from trying to get her.
You told me how you would have tried to get custody of your son so I had to make sure I didn’t leave you the option of getting her. If you still don’t understand what I’m saying to you yet, let me make it simple.
I am well-paid and only use men for sex. Fuck a relationship, love, marriage, the white picket fence and fuck the dog too. That shit ain’t for me and neither are you or your child.
So have a nice life Dre, and remember not to drop the soap.
-Savannah-
P.S The next time you want to find me, you should knock on my door yourself. Don’t send someone to handle your business! When and if you do come knocking, I will be waiting!
Chapter 9: Can’t Dwell on the Past
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Tyrone sent me on a trip down memory lane. It had been two years and 10 months since I had given birth to Sade. I hadn’t changed my mind about giving her away; I loved having my freedom and she would have stopped that.
The first few weeks I had nightmares about Dre finding her and raising her, but they soon stopped. I checked the PO Box for updates every two months and loaded money on the card once a month.
Sade was beautiful. She had long, pretty hair now with her daddy’s lips. She was going to be a heartbreaker. I just hoped she wasn’t as hot in the ass as me.
If anyone in Washington would have known Dre, they would be able to look at her and tell she was his. I’m not going to pretend like I thought about her a lot over the years as running a company kept all my attention. I barely had time for sex. I had fucked only four people over the last two years and three of the four of them were one night stands.
I managed to sleep with Devin once a month because he worked in the building next to mine, so getting a room for lunch instead of eating came easy. Even my revenge plan had gotten put on the back burner until just recently.
Whenever I visited my daddy, there was never anyone from my past around. I saw lazy ass Memphis who was still selling drugs even though that line of work had gotten him shot. What a stupid motherfucker. You have been arrested and shot over the shit, yet you are still out there all day and night. You deserve everything that comes your way if you’re that dumb.
So what if he is my brother? I’m glad I didn’t inherit the idiot gene he had gotten from my mother. “The love for money, but getting it in all the wrong ways.” I worked hard for mine.
Kismet (Beyond the Bedroom Series) Page 10
