by Bijou Hunter
I set my phone on the side table and roll over to reach for Cap. Despite having his eyes closed and seeming half asleep, he instantly slides an arm around me and nuzzles me closer. His silence invigorates me. Cap believes I can handle life. He doesn’t baby me because I’m not a child. However, I know if I fail, he’ll help me back up, and we’ll move on. Cap helped me realize life isn’t all or nothing. No, happiness is as simple as being brave enough to take one fantastic step after another without always worrying about the consequences.
12 - CAP
Audrey and I are fucking obnoxious during breakfast in the hotel lounge. We hold hands while filling our plates, kiss in between taking bites, and even feed each other. I’m horribly embarrassed by our behavior, but I can’t stop. Happiness makes people obnoxious, and I’ve never been fucking happier.
After breakfast, we drive to her house with the plan of preparing our parents for her move to White Horse tomorrow. For me, that involves calling home and telling Mom the news and her agreeing because she doesn’t get riled up about much. For Audrey, breaking the news will likely include tears, threats, and so many fucking emotions. Fortunately for me, I don’t have to endure them since she has me hide in her bedroom while she talks to her parents.
Relaxing on Audrey’s bed, I dial home. Mom answers her phone, sounding half-asleep. She does that on purpose to put the other person on edge as if they’ve rudely woken her. Despite knowing she pulls this trick, I do feel guilty for bothering her. Damn, the woman’s got my number.
“Are you in jail?” she asks immediately. “Do you need the OG twins to devise a prison break?”
“Think they would?”
“They’ve been bored since Howler died and they can no longer steal his dentures anymore.”
Recalling the good times we had jumping Tatum’s father, stealing his dentures, and taping his balls to his legs, I miss our yearly torture ritual. Perhaps, we can find a new enemy to hunt.
I put that thought on the backburner and return to the reason I called home. “I’d like Audrey to live in our guest room until I get the house renovated and we can move in together.”
“Fine, but don’t think having your girlfriend here will alter your father and my lifestyle. Let Audrey know she might walk in on us fucking in the kitchen or chasing your father while he’s ball gagged. I won’t be shamed into silence here, Cap.”
“As long as you’re not spreading STDs around the house, what do we care?”
“Your father got all his shots before we were married, and I wasn’t enough of a whore to pick up any STDs.”
“Thanks for sharing.”
“Parenting’s a tough task, but I love you too much not to be brutally, mind-shatteringly honest.”
“I love you too. Now let me hang up so I can get my woman packed up for the drive tomorrow.”
“I’ll tell your father to break out the sex swing in the living room, and we’ll party hard while the house is ours.”
“The most difficult part of my life is making eye contact with you after I hear about your sex life.”
“And the most difficult part of my life is scrubbing away the sex dungeon stink after I untie your father and he cries in the corner.”
“I’m done.”
“Oh, Cap, I pray one day you’ll win one of these battles,” she says, laughing as she hangs up.
Grinning at her triumph, I hang up and glance around Audrey’s room. I have no idea what she plans to take with her, so I relax on her bed and play games on my phone while she has the big talk with her parents.
AUDREY
Cap decides to hide in my bedroom while I talk to my family. A little part of me worries he’ll find something embarrassing in my belongings. Of course, we’ll soon live together, and our secrets won’t last long.
I spot Gram Jodi out on the back porch with Mom and Pop. They’re talking about the club’s potluck that weekend rather than gossiping about my love life. That’s got to be a good sign, right?
“Hey, Gram,” I say, patting the top of her curly blonde hair.
“Saw that boyfriend of yours beat poor Colt half to death,” she announces. “Gotta love a man who can throw a punch.” Instantly protective of her boy, Mom frowns at Gram who shrugs. “I come from a different generation, Farah.”
“I’m sure you hated watching Cooper and Tucker fight when they were young.”
“Only if they lost.”
While Mom rolls her eyes, I sit in a chair next to Gram. “Did you hear that I’m moving?”
“Yes. When will that be?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” Mom cries in a choked voice.
“But I’m not moving into that house. Cap and I talked, and I’m not ready to be alone in a place. So I’ll stay at his parents’ house while we fix up that rental.”
“Did he run that plan by his parents?” Pop mutters.
“This is better all around. I’ll be less homesick if I live with a family.”
“Not your family, though,” Gram points out.
“Still a family. They’re important to Cap, and they’ll be important to me too.”
“You shouldn’t be underfoot at a stranger’s house,” Mom insists.
“We have more people living in this house, and no one is underfoot.”
“Speak for yourself,” Pop grumbles.
“Then you should be happy I’m leaving.”
“You seem different today,” Mom says, leaning closer. “Did something happen? Are you high?”
Gram laughs instantly, and even Pop looks slightly amused at the idea that I’m popping pills to get this happy.
“Someone got laid,” Gram says, and I instantly lose my smile.
“Gross,” I tell her.
“Not how I did it,” she says and smiles wistfully. “Your Pop-Pop fucked like a pro.”
“No,” Pop says, shaking his head. “To both of that shit. No sex for Audrey and no hearing about my father pounding you.”
“Coop,” Mom groans. “Pounding?”
“Well, it sounded like pounding when I was a kid hearing them through the walls.”
“And it probably sounds the same way when your kids hear you pounding Farah.”
“She isn’t wrong,” I mumble and then scowl darker. “Wait, Pop, so now I can never have sex? Are you fucking kidding with that?”
“You will not have sex. I deny you that right.”
Gram bursts into laughter, which only makes Pop roll his eyes. Even Mom looks at him as if he’s nuts.
“Not that you must know, I did not have sex last night. Well, not dick-to-pussy sex anyway.”
“Never speak to me again,” Pop says, sending Mom into the same rolling giggles as Gram. Pop glares at them. “It’s not funny!”
“Pop, how do you expect to get grandkids if I can’t have sex?”
“I don’t want grandkids. Our babies only recently grew up. I don’t want new babies around here.”
“I want grandkids,” Mom says, still laughing.
“No, you don’t, Farah.”
“What if Colton knocks up a bar whore?” I ask, poking at his absurd no-sex rule which feels oddly recent. “Is that okay or should you snip his balls before he breeds?”
“Your brother knows how to use a condom.”
“I don’t even want to know why you’re so certain.”
Pop stands up and gestures around us. “Do you see any bastards running around?”
“Today, but who knows by tomorrow.”
“Stop talking about your brother’s sex life and your sex life and my mother’s sex life.”
“I wasn’t talking about Gram and Pop-Pop’s sex life.”
“That was me, baby,” Gram says, snickering.
“This entire conversation is evil.”
I can’t imagine three women laughing at him is good for the ego, but Pop brought on the mockery.
“Not to change the subject from how Pop was seeded in Gram’s womb, but I need to start packing. I
only plan to take two suitcases of stuff. I’ll get my posters and albums when the house is ready to decorate. Besides, I’ll be back a lot and don’t want my room feeling emptied out.”
“A lot,” Mom says and sighs.
“Yes. It’s only a few hours from here.”
Gram taps Pop’s hand. “You two could drive down this weekend and spend time with the giant boy’s parents. Get to know each other better.”
“I already know Hayes plenty.”
“That’s business. You could be thinking of these people as family soon.”
“I’m officially out,” Pop says, standing up and storming into the house.
“That’s a great idea, Gram,” I say and look at Mom. “Do you think you could drive down for the weekend?”
“Of course.”
“I’m really excited.”
“I know, and I’m happy for you,” Mom says before bursting into tears.
Hurrying to her chair, I kneel down and hug her tightly. “Don’t be sad.”
“I just wasn’t ready for you to go.”
“But I’ll be here so much that you won’t even miss me.”
Mom grips me tighter. “I will, though. You’re my baby.”
“Rando and Lily will pick up the slack. You can hug them extra especially Rando. She needs you to squeeze the weird out of her.”
Mom laughs through her tears and cups my face. “I’m scared for you, but I don’t want that to stop you from being brave. You are strong and smart enough to do whatever you want.”
My thumb wipes away a tear from her cheek. “You built a new life in Ellsberg when you were just a kid. Dad helped you stay strong, just like Cap will help me when I build a life in White Horse.”
“Your pop likes to complain, but he’s proud of you. He likes Cap too. Well, as much as a man like him can like a man like Cap. You know how those rough, tough fellas are.”
Grinning at Mom’s wording, I’m starting to see who inspired Lily’s grandma lingo. She certainly didn’t get it from Gram who chases Pop, calling him a fucking baby while he tries to outrun her. Knowing my pop, he’ll let her catch up. He just can’t disappoint his mama. Also, she’ll just wait until later to jump out and attack. The woman won’t be defeated by her kids, even if it means she’ll have to cheat to win.
13 - CAP
Audrey cries from the moment she wakes up and rolls over to demand I tell her something wonderful about my shithole town. I refuse to open my eyes because I’m tired from her taunting my dick all night. Her hand takes mine and strokes my index finger across her wet cheek. Relenting to her sadness, I roll over and open my eyes.
“White Horse has a bacon-themed restaurant.”
Audrey blinks a few times. “Bacon?”
“It’s half a block from Kitsch Kitchenette, so you could walk over for lunch.”
“Are these places small like that sandwich shop?”
“Yes. That was Cricket’s idea after businesses kept failing on Main Street. She thought too many restaurants and shops were niche and couldn’t bring in enough business to pay the rent. So we remodeled the locations by cutting the sizes in half. We get the same rent, businesses can stay open with their niche incomes, and Main Street has a funky feel that you can’t get in the neighboring towns.”
“Cricket sounds smart.”
“She is, but she’s also stupid. My sister knows how to balance shit out.”
“I wish I was closer to my sisters and brother.”
“Then be close to them.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Of course, it is. You just choose to spend time with them. I don’t love golf, but I choose to go weekly with my dad and brother. Cricket used to come along more until my youngest nephew was born. I know she doesn’t enjoy golf, but she does enjoy hanging out with us.”
“But you’re all the same kind of people. Rando and Lily are nothing like me.”
“Chipper’s wife is nothing like the rest of us. Her snark is at normal human levels, and she would never think to torment her enemies. Now that doesn’t mean she isn’t wildly amused when we torment her enemies. It’s just she wasn’t raised like us. Does that mean she can’t have fun? Of course not. Does that mean we don’t make sure she’s having fun? Of course not. It’s a choice to enjoy your family,” I say and sit up. “Well, I’m sure there are some families with people in them who are so fucking awful that nothing can be done, but you don’t have that problem.”
“No, I don’t.”
“And that’s why your family is always welcome in White Horse. Though there’s no way in hell that I’m letting your uncle hold our kids.”
Despite her wet cheeks, Audrey laughs. “We’re on the same page there.”
“Not that a weird kid would be so bad. The mini-twins are going through a truly odd phase that I find extremely entertaining. It’s all how you look at a situation.”
Audrey jumps up from the bed. “I’m ready to move. Let’s go eat downstairs and build up our energy.”
“Considering the amount of crying you’re bound to do today, I suggest you fill up on liquids.”
“Fuck you in your giant ass,” she taunts before disappearing into the bathroom.
I’m not wrong about her crying. Audrey gets going again when a crying Farah meets her at the front door. They hug and promise to text every hour and send lots of pictures. While the women say goodbye for thirty minutes, I attach the trailer with her Harley to the back of my truck and move all her boxes.
Through everything, Cooper watches me from the front porch. I choose to say, “hi” whenever I pass him. He grunts his irritation the first few times before deciding to ignore me the dozen following times. I ought to leave the old man alone, but I just keep saying hello to irritate him.
Finally, once I’m done packing her belongings, and Audrey finishes her goodbyes, I stop on the porch to face Cooper.
“You know I won’t let anyone fuck with her,” I say, staring out at the misty afternoon.
“I’m more concerned with you fucking with her.”
“I get that, and nothing I say will change your feelings on the matter. She’s your baby girl, and I’m the man stealing her away. If you didn’t think I was an asshole, I don’t know if I’d respect you.”
“I don’t give a flying fuck if you respect me.”
Glancing at him, I smirk. “We both know that shit is a bald-faced fucking lie, but I won’t rub it in since you’re nursing a sad heart today.”
“Asshole.”
Leaving him to sulk, I walk inside where Audrey forces me to pick her up and carry her out of the house. She hangs over my shoulder, crying while telling her mom once again how she’ll see her soon and call constantly and never forget her.
Another man might be bothered by the dramatics, but my sister routinely turns a simple emotional situation into an over-the-top clusterfuck. Something about amping up the theatrics during a painful or scary moment helps Cricket cope. I assume Audrey’s thinking is similar—whether she knows it or not.
AUDREY
My tears dry up as soon as I’m on the highway, following Cap in my El Camino. I try to distract from my nerves by listening to music. Skynyrd and the Stones make me think of all the times Pop took us kids somewhere and he’d put on his favorite music. No, I don’t need to cry more, so I switch it to something Pop would hate like Frank Zappa. Halfway through “Don’t Eat the Yellow Snow,” and I’m bummed about my family again. Pop used to complain so much about the song, and Mom said it gave her a headache. What once irritated me about them, now makes me miss them more.
I finally settle on the Ramones since Mom and Pop had no particular fondness or hatred for the band. Listening to music makes the drive faster, and I’m surprised by how soon we cross the state border. Soon after, we’re entering White Horse and heading to Cap’s house. My house now. A place I’ve never seen in a town where I know no one except Cap and his father.
My stomach knots up as I begin to overthink what to
say to Cap’s mom, sister, brother, best friend... I’m not good with new people. They tend to find me either too loud or too quiet, either oblivious or secretive.
Taking a deep breath, I remember how life isn’t one big decision and event. It’s many smaller ones. I might get along with some of his family and not others. I will have good days and bad ones. Nothing will be decided today. It’s just one piece of a larger puzzle.
Stop panicking!
Cap slows down once on a side road and stops in front of a security gate. A moment later, it opens, and he pulls down a stone driveway toward a gigantic contemporary-style home. I follow him and park next to his truck.
“We’re home,” I say to myself before turning off my El Camino.
Cap walks to my door and waits for me to get out. A massive dog appears near the front door but doesn’t run toward us.
“That’s DB,” Cap says once I’m next to him. “He’s harmless.”
“I have big dogs and know they’re not harmless.”
“You have Rottweilers and shepherds. DB is a Leonberger. He’ll act as a large wall between his people and any threats. If you expect him to attack a scary person, you’re out of luck. Though he does scare most people so much that you’ll have time to leisurely locate a weapon.”
“Good to know.”
“Mom and Dad are at the office,” he says, taking my hand and walking toward the now open garage. “I thought you’d do better if we had the house to ourselves while we unpack.”
“That’s smart.”
“It’s what I do.”
Despite rolling my eyes at his cocky swagger, I grab hold of his hand as if my life depends on keeping him close. We enter a hallway with sterile white walls lined with framed baby pictures. I think I spot one that must be Cap but say nothing. There’ll be time to tease him about his big ears later.
The hallway opens up to a large, open living room and kitchen combo. I’m a little taken back by how contemporary and male the house feels. My parents’ designed their home with a mix of his woodsy style and her quaint country influences. Soft and hard didn’t always melt together effortlessly, but Mom and Pop both got a say.
