When he asked her to tell him what kind of man she’d want as a third, she’d been unable to even think about the option for at least two weeks and then he’d pressed her again. Telling him her options had surprised her more than she realized. Yep, her ideal man was blondie all right. No wonder he’d been pissed. At the end of the day, she wasn’t entirely certain what she wanted other than Luke. But she’d told him of course and while he repeated the question about a woman, she knew something had bothered him. When Luke admitted jealousy of certain types, including more alpha males, she couldn’t help but smile. But there was no need for him to be jealous. What she wanted more than anything and certainly more than any kinky act was Luke and to please him and to be with him. Shivering, the thought remained a constant and something that filled her nights with more than once fantasy.
Finally Luke had admitted to her that he didn’t want her craving a dominant man. In truth he’d had been adamant about the fact and the one condition of sharing. He also told her he truly didn’t want another dominant woman either, but the door was open to whatever and whomever Luke decided and she’d accepted the fact easily. After all, he was going to be in charge.
He’d asked one other question that he knew she would answer too quickly. And true to form, Jessie answered fast and furious. Then he’d looked at her, in the subtle way he could, and really asked her to think about what he was asking again. There was no doubt there would be certain “concerns” from family and friends if they knew what her relationship with Luke was going to be based on. After all, she wasn’t simply getting involved with a man of color, which shocked the crap of her that something so ancient and in her mind ugly still mattered, but also having him in charge of her in a D/s situation. Many would frown, scoff and think she was losing it. This time she laughed out loud. How utterly ridiculous. But he deserved the question answered in the method in which he had asked.
If questioned about why you would enter into a relationship with a black man who you want to be your Dom, what will you say to the naysayers? There are so many aspects to this question and some I’m not certain I can answer fully. I know in my heart what I found is right for me and I don’t look at a man in the concept of color. How would I answer then? That I am who I am and have never fallen into the traps of bigotry period. I love men of all flavors and that has always been a part of me. My friends and family would not understand my foray into entering in this kind of relationship period. Whether or not they see a difference based on color or heritage won’t stop me or hinder my decisions.
This is about the man I want to be with, share my life with, my bed with and my love. My decision to enter into a D/s lifestyle is a dark craving and I would only share with the right person. In my opinion that person for me comes along once in my life. You are the man I have dreamed of and searched for and the man who fills my dreams every night with thoughts and cravings. There is nothing wrong with wanting what I desire.
Chucking to herself, she wanted to add, anymore questions? Sighing, Jessie reread the passages. This was a good entry. Pleased with herself, she pushed the pad and pen back and got up from the table. Later she’d add a few poems she’d been thinking about. Now it was time to finish cleaning and then on to shopping.
After all, tomorrow night wasn’t just about submitting finally to her man, her Dom, but also about pleasing a man entirely – body and soul. The thought was more than just daunting. She had to look perfect for him. Giggling, she fingered the new dress and licked her lips. Sometimes Jessie had to remind herself that she was a woman first and foremost.
I BECKON
I beckon
You come
Your eyes full of trepidation
Yet a slight smile curls across your face
I nod
You whimper
Your legs trembling as you come closer
Yet you obey without a question
I sigh
You hurry
Your mind understanding of what’s to come
Yet your soul needs peace as only I can give
I growl
You scamper
Your body closing the distance, ready for your punishment
Yet your lips open and close as if to beg
I pat
You nod
Your hands shaking as you climb across my lap
Yet you succumb and relax, the anticipation of what you crave
I inhale
You pant
Your legs opening wide, begging to be whipped
Yet the little girl remains shy and nervous
I smack
You jump
Your body trembling with each hard strike
Yet you meet every whip, wanting more
I moan
You sigh
Your soul at peace from the hungered discipline
Yet you will ask for more, knowing only I can give you what you need
And again…I beckon
I WILL NEVER…
I will never forget him
His touch
His kiss
His taste
And that feeling when I knew
I will never resent him
His will
His wants
His needs
And that moment when I realized
I will never combat him
His hunger
His control
His command
And that knowing when I succumbed
I will always protect him
His passion
His words
His desires
And that understanding that I belong
I will always love him
His thoughts
His cravings
His love
And that willing knowing we are as one
IT IS I
I want
I fear
I need
I crave
I wish
I trust
I fight, I quiver, I moan
Yet you take control
I scream, I rage, I purr
Yet you take my soul
I hunger, I crave, I whimper
Yet you take my heart
I ask, I give, I pray
Yet you take my body
I pause, I succumb, I surrender
Yet you acquiesce my will
You ask
You hunger
You beckon
You take
You punish
You forgive
You are
You own
PLEASURE ME
Pleasure me
Beyond my control
As I whimper in your hands
Begging for release
Pleasure me
Taking my will
As I shiver from your needs
Praying for understanding
Pleasure me
Forcing my hand
As I fight every step of the way
Wishing for more
Pleasure me
Desiring my body
As I moan and writhe with your touch
Promising you everything
Pleasure me
Craving my soul
As I rage against what I need
Thriving on your single command
Pleasure me
Accepting my faults
As I wish for acceptance
Understand my faults
Pleasure me
Taking my body
As I succumb to your skill
Allowing your final control
Submission
Saturday morning dawned with bright blue skies and fluffy clouds trailing in the sky. Since getting up bright and early to take a long walk and finish cleaning the house, Jessie had remained a bundle of nerves. There was no way she couldn’t adequately describe the tense and yet freeing feeling she had enveloping her. The dichotomy was certainly strange, but she was excited, apprehensive and uncertain what Luke had in mind. A series
of wild thoughts raced through her. What was he planning? Had she done enough? Would he like how far she’d come in her journey? Sighing, she had to push the thoughts aside for a little while or she’d go mad.
Dinner was first and then he told her he had something special in mind. He had asked her if she was ready to give him her answer, in his quiet and thoughtful demeanor. There’d been zero hesitation. Yes popped out of her mouth instantly and then he had exhaled slowly and didn’t ask anything else again until a text at almost midnight. She’d answered him, hoping for additional information but since then he’d been silent. He usually sent her an email or two reminding her of certain things and making certain she was okay. Nothing. Zippo. The thought made her cringe a bit inside. This meant he truly did have something particular in mind and something she knew instinctively would change them. Forever. This was the night of her choice, her ending of a life as she knew it and a glorious chapter. If she was ready.
Quivering deep inside, she could only imagine what the something special could be. Was he going to bring over some form of play equipment? No, that wasn’t what this was about. Was he going to punish her for all her indiscretions? Probably but she knew she wanted him to. He’d only in truth disciplined her a couple of times after she’d asked but there was so much he was holding back. Her heart and her gut told her that. Why? Perhaps Luke didn’t want to push her away. After all, he was still a man. The thought gave her a smile. In truth, he was easing her into the lifestyle.
Shaking her head, she stood in front of her bathroom vanity and smiled, gazing at the reflection of the woman staring back at her. While somehow she’d anticipated haunted eyes on the morning before her entire life changed, instead they were bright and full of life. Jessie leaned forward to make certain she wasn’t seeing things. No, she looked positively radiant and her eyes twinkled in almost defiance. Oh wouldn’t that bode well for submitting to her Master? Giggling, she cocked her head and grinned. Her skin was glowing, her smile genuine and while her heart raced, sending a series of echoes into her ears, she was so very ready. And utterly terrified.
After brushing her teeth, she walked into the bedroom and turned on the radio while selecting her day clothes to wear. Thank God it was warm outside or the evening’s rather sultry dress wouldn’t be appropriate. Then again, they weren’t going out. At least that’s what he’d told her. He’d been gone too long away on business and she genuinely missed the hell out of him. Luke had become not just her lover but also her best friend. And now he will become my Dom. Thinking the words never grew old.
Sighing, she headed into the living room and for the umpteenth time checked her email. He was already on the plane. Yep. That was it. Resigned, she realized she was more than just disappointed. Jessie couldn’t help but chuckle. How old was she again? The moment she walked into the kitchen her cell phone rang. Jerking the damn thing off the counter, she almost dropped it with a hard thud on the floor. Purchasing a new phone she didn’t need added to the mix. Breathless with anticipation, she glanced at the small screen, hoping, expecting and when she saw her best friend’s number pop up she actually snarled. And then she had to laugh. This was her best gal pal after all.
“Hey, Tina, how are you?” There was no doubt where this call was going and while she wanted not only to go out with her friends and play, just not tonight.
“It’s Saturday night. Time to party with the girls,” Tina cooed.
“Can’t tonight.” Tina knew about Luke but she didn’t “know” about him. Wrinkling her nose, Jessie knew this was the first girl friend she was going to tell, it was simply when. She was the one woman the night she’d met Luke who had taken Jessie into the bathroom and said simply, you’re allowed to find the man of your dreams. Go for him.
“Hot date?”
Opening and closing her mouth, Jessie was trying to figure out what to say when she heard Tina squeal.
“Oh my God! You are really doing him, aren’t you? I knew you had it in you!”
“Doing him? How old are we?”
“Very old,” Tina said as she sighed. “Lucky girl. He’s one damn hottie. I’d join you if you were into girls.”
The comment more than surprising, Jessie burst into laughter. “Well… I didn’t think you liked Luke.”
“What the hell is not to like? He’s sexy and hot and I could so do him.” Laughing, Tina finally sighed. “Look. Does he treat you well?”
“Very.” Jessie could feel heat rising on her face. “Oh very much so.”
“And you obviously adore him.”
“God yes.”
Tina purred. “And he’s damn good in bed?”
Again, another question catching her off guard, Jessie choked.
“That’s exactly what I thought. Have fun on your date but you are so telling me all the details tomorrow period including size, shape, positions…”
“Tina!” But Jessie laughed. This was perhaps a phone call she needed. Luke was just her boyfriend and this was nothing more than another step in changing the dynamics. “I’ll tell you things.” And in truth she would. She almost suspected Tina might be a touch jealous.
The rest of the day Jessie simply busied herself with getting ready. From doing laundry and working on her journal, she was as nervous as a kitty kat. The thought gave her a smile. Luke called her Kat or kitty kat for so many reasons including the fact she loved to purr around him. After meeting him they’d talked when he was out of town on Facebook and over the phone and there were times the teasing initially had been so provocative and so damn sexual, she’d left the conversation racing to her bedroom to pull out a vibrator or two. Whew. Even the thought at this moment made her more than a little hot and bothered.
But right now she wasn’t allowed to pleasure herself. They’d agreed on at least a few rules after Luke knew she was serious about learning to become his submissive. One he was adamant about was not pleasuring herself unless she asked for permission. But every time she asked he’d said yes of course. Brushing the tip of her finger back and forth across the seam of her mouth, she shivered as she closed her eyes. It was almost too early to get ready and she still hadn’t heard anything from him. For some reason she knew he was testing her, seeing if she could be patient. Jessie had zero patience when she began her relationship with Luke and now while the virtue waned at times, she had more. She’d been required to have more. Nope. No contact. No emails. No texting. No calling. Nothing. “Fuck!”
Luke made certain some things were very clear to her. While he only tested her every so often, asking specific questions concerning what he considered to be major portions of her understanding the lifestyle, he’d never used them against her, merely reminded her what he’d said or asked. Everything about his demeanor was nurturing but he had a mysterious side, one he very rarely allowed her to see. There were times she wondered about the tortured man who hid himself so well behind a mask of sensuality and dark eyes. “Mmm…” Well, she could certainly daydream about him all day long but she had tasks to complete and a report for work required to be off her desk before two pm.
Grabbing a bottle of water and some fruit, she settled at her desk, prepping the material for the report. Over thirty minutes later she flipped on her laptop and as she waited for the programs to start, she remembered the very first conversation they’d had about the D/s lifestyle. As they sat quietly in front of a fire, not really talking about much of anything, she’d been surfing his page on Facebook early in the day and found something particularly provocative. Not only were the picture and the poem enlightening, but also the words he’d used around them very seductive and it had taken her the entire day and all through dinner to garner to courage to ask questions.
“I saw something on your Facebook page today and wanted to ask you about. I mean, if you don’t mind.” Dear God, this was already difficult. Jessie could feel a twitch in the corner of her mouth. Reaching up, she placed her hand over her lips and absently reached for her wine. As she took a sip and then a gulp she coul
d tell Luke was watching her every movement intently. Only when she set down her glass did he finally react.
Leaning over, Luke took her hand into his, intertwining their fingers together. “I’ve told you many times you can ask me anything. I want you to feel very free to tell me whatever you need to tell me. I value your opinion above all other things. Please, what do you need to know?”
For some reason the word “need” surprised her. She’d often thought about how he just seemed to magically sense her discomfort or know what was on her mind as it raced to find the right words to ask something. Now this word was comforting and gave her courage. “I noticed a picture of a Dom on your page with a poem about a woman submitting to you. The piece was very haunting and I really enjoyed reading every word. Every thought was heartfelt.”
“Thank you. A favorite of mine.”
“Um… So, did you write it?” Of course he’d known there was more to her question. Barely able to look into his eyes, Jessie sighed. When she heard him inhaling slowly, she finally looked in his direction. His eyes told her the truth. The realization thrilled and terrified her. Nodding, a swell of emotions was building inside of her and she thought about the words on the poem and smiled. Somehow Jessie knew the piece was about her. Her breath skipping, she reached for the wine again, nearly draining the glass. You can do this. He’s just a man and you asked him. Jessie almost burst into laughter. He’d written a poem and that was all but…
On Becoming His Page 4
