by Janice Lynn
“You shouldn’t do that,” he warned. “You can’t.”
Her eyes widened in alarm. “I can’t?”
“Not this quick.”
She frowned. “Why not?”
“You’ll be sore tomorrow,” he reminded her.
“Is that all?” She shrugged her slim shoulders. “Then I guess you better make it worth it tonight.”
Jude did.
* * *
“Charles and Grace got engaged!” Sarah gushed out the moment she burst into Jude’s kitchen, her hair still wet from the bath he’d insisted she take while he made them breakfast.
He winced. He should have known Sarah would hear the news about Charles proposing to Grace on a sleigh ride in Central Park. Clearly, avoiding conversations about his cousin was going to be difficult over the next few days.
“I heard.”
“Isn’t it wonderful?” Sarah rushed on, her smile bright. “He sounded so happy when he called a few minutes ago.”
Charles had called to tell her?
“That’s nice.”
“They love each other very much. It’s so obvious when you see the two of them together.”
“If you say so.” Distracted, he lifted the pan lid to check their breakfast. Trapped steam rose and burned his fingers. Jude swore. “Can we not talk about Charles?”
So excited about the news, Sarah was oblivious to his mood and kept on talking. “He invited me to an impromptu engagement party Vanessa is throwing for them tonight.”
Apparently, they did have to talk about his cousin.
Not looking at Sarah, Jude let out a long sigh. “How about those Knicks?”
“You must be happy for Charles, surely?”
“We’re really not that close but, sure, I’m happy for him.” Was he? Jude wasn’t so sure.
“You’re going to the party, too?”
Vanessa had called him just moments before. The news that Charles had asked Grace to marry him had shocked Jude. Had thrown him for a loop.
“No, I’m not going.” When she looked ready to argue, he added, “Let it go, Sarah.”
Unfortunately, she wasn’t ready to let the matter drop.
“Why does it matter to you that I’m not going, anyway?”
Her gaze narrowed. “Maybe you weren’t paying attention, but I was invited. I’d like to have a date.”
“So you want to use me?” He was trying to lighten the conversation, to ease the annoyance he’d never heard in her voice before. To just spend the day with her and not think about Charles and Grace...and Nina.
“Absolutely.” Sarah didn’t crack a smile. “You found me out. That’s all last night was. I was using you so I wouldn’t have to go to Charles’s engagement party alone.”
“You’re a terrible liar, Sarah.”
“So are you,” she countered, lifting her chin a notch.
He took a deep breath.
“I’m going whether you do or not,” Sarah informed him, her disappointment thick. “Because I care about Charles and I want him to know how happy I am for them. Since no one but Penny knows about us, at least I’ll be spared having to make excuses about why you aren’t with me.”
Did she really think no one knew about them except Penny? His father had called to ask about the woman Penny had flown around. His father hadn’t asked him about the opposite sex in years. Fussed about how many women came in and out of Jude’s life, yes, but never asked for details. Until Sarah. Which made Jude wonder what Penny had said. No doubt she’d sensed Sarah was special, that Jude wanted to make her happy, that he didn’t want to disappoint her.
As he was doing by refusing to go to his cousin’s engagement party.
“Is that it? Do you not want to go to Charles and Grace’s party because you don’t want your family to know about us?”
Old insecurities had appeared in her eyes and gutted Jude.
“They know.”
More uncertainty flitted across her face. “Does that bother you?”
“No, and no, that they know about us is not why I’m not going to Vanessa’s party.”
Taking a deep breath, Sarah took his hand into hers and squeezed it tight. “Please, go, Jude. I can’t imagine being with your family if they know about us and you aren’t with me.”
He opened his mouth to say no again, but his gaze met hers, saw the vulnerability in the depths, and when his mouth opened, the wrong words came out.
“I’ll go.”
“Really?” She practically leaped into his arms.
Jude wanted to take back those wrong words, but couldn’t.
Not with how happy his mistake had made Sarah, but hell if he relished the prospect of seeing his cousin after all this time.
* * *
“You look absolutely stunning.”
Sarah smiled at Jude’s cousin Penny. “That’s because you’re comparing me to the pale, terrified woman who climbed into your helicopter.”
Penny laughed. “You were stunning that night, too, but there’s something different about you tonight.”
Yeah, there was. Jude had introduced her to what all the fuss was about. The ahhhh of why people had sex, why sex sold things, why sex made the world go round and round and round.
He’d made her world go round and round.
She understood why Brandy had begged for more. Understood the constant flow of women in and out of Jude’s apartment. When a man was that superb at giving pleasure, who cared if he was just using you?
Only not once had Jude made her feel that way.
Was she delusional?
Could a man like Jude fall for a woman like her?
He hadn’t said he loved her, but when he looked at her...
Good grief, she was delusional.
Or something far worse. In love.
She lifted her gaze to Penny’s and, unable to hide her surprise, her thoughts, Penny’s eyes widened with realization, then a big grin cut across her beautiful face.
“Maybe we’ll be celebrating another engagement soon.”
Embarrassed that she’d revealed so much to Jude’s cousin, Sarah shook her head in quick denial. “Jude isn’t a settling-down kind of man.”
Penny studied her. “But you’d like him to be?”
Sarah took a deep breath. “My guess is that every woman who has experienced your cousin’s attention wants him to be the settling-down kind. He’s a great man.”
Penny nodded. “Until I saw him with you, I didn’t think he’d ever be the settling-down kind either. He’s had this restlessness about him. When he called to ask about showing you the city, that restlessness wasn’t there. Something else was.”
Don’t let this go to your head, Sarah. Don’t read too much into what Penny is saying. Just don’t.
“What?” she whispered, knowing her heart was on her sleeve.
“Excitement. Hope.” Penny shrugged. “Anticipation? You tell me. Whatever it is, it looks good on him.”
Sarah glanced at where Jude talked with his father, an older version of Jude. “I’ve yet to find anything that doesn’t look good on him.”
Penny laughed. “You have it bad.”
Sarah didn’t bother to deny it. Why bother? She did have it bad.
“Lucky for you that he’s just as smitten. Congrats.”
Sarah knew it was way too early in her and Jude’s relationship for anyone to be issuing congrats, but Penny’s words fueled hope. Whatever was between them, she was different from any other woman he’d been with.
He’d shown her she was and she believed him.
He glanced toward her, and she smiled, letting everything in her heart shine because there was no point in trying to hide how she felt.
She was
crazy about Jude.
Unfortunately, he didn’t smile back. Or respond in any way other than to turn back to his father.
Okay, not what she was expecting, but maybe they were having an unpleasant conversation.
Only when she joined him a few minutes later, after he’d finished talking to his father and was finally alone, he was still scowling.
And abrupt in his responses.
Almost angry.
When another family member came over to talk to him, he dismissed them just as abruptly. Good grief, what was wrong with him?
Taking her arm, he gently guided her away from the crowd to where they stood off by themselves.
“Finally, I can breathe,” he practically growled.
He hadn’t had any problems with crowds on their other public outings, quite the opposite, so Sarah just stared, not sure what to say or do. She wanted to comfort him, but he didn’t look welcoming of anything she might say or do.
“Remind me how you convinced me to come to this damn party again?”
Ouch.
Annoyed at his growl, hurt at his accusatory question, confused at his attitude, she lifted her chin and fake smiled. “How could you forget? I held a gun to your head this morning until you finally gave in and said you’d go for fear of your life.”
His eyes flashed quicksilver. “Not funny.”
“Yeah, well, neither is your attitude tonight.”
“There is nothing wrong with my attitude. I told you from the beginning, I don’t want to be here.”
“So you’re determined to make everyone have a bad time?”
“Are you having a bad time?” he snarled. “You seem to be buzzing from one person to the next and are all smiles.”
Who was this stranger who’d taken hold of the sweet man she’d awakened next to that morning?
“Did I miss something?” she asked, totally confused. “You don’t want me to smile or have a good time?”
He closed his eyes, raked his fingers through his hair, then took a deep breath. “I want you to have a good time.” His tone wasn’t thrilled, but at least he hadn’t growled. “I was just ready to leave before we got here.”
“I’d never have guessed.”
“Normally, I appreciate that sharp wit of yours, but at the moment you’ll have to excuse me.” He glanced around the room, almost desperately. “I’m going to go find something to drink. You want something?”
Yeah, she wanted the man she’d made love to back and this belligerent stranger gone.
Not that he waited for her to answer.
She watched him walk away, watched as people came over to talk to him. He shifted his weight, didn’t make eye contact, and just looked awkward.
What was wrong with him?
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
COMING HERE HAD been a mistake.
Jude had thought going to Charles and Grace’s engagement party would be okay, that he could deal with seeing his cousin.
He’d been wrong.
He’d rather be in the middle of a burning building than in the same room as Charles.
Time hadn’t changed that.
Jude supposed it never would.
He finished talking to family member after family member who cornered him on his way to get his drink, and finally made it back to where Sarah patiently waited. He’d felt her watching him, and he’d bristled, not wanting her to see beneath the surface. Not that the surface was shiny and attractive.
Far from it. But what was beneath was bitter and hurt and didn’t want to be in this room full of partygoers.
“Are you embarrassed to be here with me?”
He cut his gaze to her. Why had he said he’d come? He should have let her come and been sitting in his apartment, watching the sunset over the city. That would have been relaxing, enjoyable, pleasant, not this.
“You know that’s not the case,” he finally said, wishing she’d say she wanted to go home.
“Then why are you acting so weird?”
Because seeing Charles laughing, touching another woman—her hand, her back, her face—and looking at another woman with love felt all kinds of wrong. Felt like a betrayal to Nina.
How could he? Nina had loved Charles. Had died giving birth to his twins.
Had broken Jude’s heart.
Charles had moved on, was in love with Grace, was going to raise Nina’s children with Grace, was happy.
His cousin had found genuine joy in life again.
Joy in love again.
Which made Jude itch to escape because he knew how quickly that joy could be ripped away.
Being here felt wrong, felt like a betrayal to Nina’s memory, like a betrayal to himself.
Maybe last night with Sarah had initiated that sense of betrayal, of guilt.
He’d been with other women, but they’d meant nothing.
Sarah meant something.
A whole lot of something.
That scared the hell out of him.
He wanted away from this party.
Everyone was celebrating love and happiness. Had Charles forgotten how quickly that could change?
How quickly how all hope could disappear?
Not that Nina had loved Jude. Not as more than a friend.
Neither did he fool himself that Sarah loved him.
She cared for him. He saw it in her eyes, but this was all new to her, and she was enamored with the sexual bliss they gave each other.
“Don’t say you aren’t acting weird, because you have no clue what I just asked you,” she interrupted his thoughts.
“You asked why I was acting weird,” he countered, feeling a little off kilter inside.
“Yeah, three questions ago.” She gave a little shake of her head. “This is your family, Jude. Your amazing, wonderful family who are glad you are here, who want to talk to you and spend time with you. Smile.”
“If you like them so much, you can have them.”
“I wish.” Realizing what she’d said, Sarah turned a bright shade of red. “That could be taken in all kinds of wrong ways, so let me clarify that I just meant I wish I had a big loving family like yours. Not that I was implying I specifically wanted your family to be mine.”
Well, as long as they were straight on that.
“They’re not all they’re cracked up to be,” he assured her, taking a long drink from his glass.
“At least they’re family and they love you.”
Not wanting to talk about his family anymore and knowing he was digging a hole he didn’t want to be in, Jude changed the direction of their conversation. “Do you not have family, Sarah? Is that what this is about?”
Her face a little pale, she shrugged. “My mother lives in Queens.”
She’d mentioned her mother a few times, briefly, but no one else.
“What about the rest of your family?”
“There is no rest of my family,” she told him, toying with the diamond earrings he’d given her on the night he’d taken her to the Broadway show. Why had he done that? He’d not bought jewelry for a woman ever.
“My mother ran off with her boyfriend when she was sixteen and lost all contact with her parents. If they are still alive, I’ve no clue. Apparently, she contacted them a few times early on, but they’d written her off as dead and refused to let her back into their lives. When she told them she had a baby, they wanted nothing to do with me, telling her she’d made her bed and to lie in it. Over the years, she worked about every kind of job there is, usually waitressing. Until she got involved with some loser again, that is, and then we’d end up in a homeless shelter or at one of her coworkers’ homes until she could save up enough to get us back off the streets again.”
He’d gotten the i
mpression she’d come from humble beginnings, but he hadn’t realized the scope of Sarah’s childhood, of what she’d had to overcome to achieve those academic scholarships she’d mentioned.
“She lives in a group home for abused women. I used to offer to let her live with me, but she never would. She leaves the home from time to time, but always goes back. This last time, she took a job at the shelter. It suits her. She feels safe there with other women who hate men.”
A bit stunned she’d revealed so much in the midst of a party, Jude stared. Yet again, this woman amazed him. He wanted to take her into his arms, protect her from the world, and tell her how proud he was, but she was as bristly now as he’d been minutes before.
“So, yeah, your big, loud, but loving family looks pretty good to me because it’s something I’ve never had and grew up dreaming of.” Every word dripped disapproval of his behavior.
“I’m sorry,” he said, and meant.
“Don’t be. Just appreciate what you have, because I don’t believe you do.”
“I like my family.”
She looked him straight in the eyes and asked a question that told him she saw further beneath the surface than any other person ever had. “Just not Charles?”
The question, the answer, gutted him.
“I don’t want to talk about Charles.”
Because seeing Charles reminded Jude of how quickly everything could change, of how he had so much guilt over everything that had happened after he’d lost Nina to his cousin.
Sarah’s lips pursed with disappointment. In him. He didn’t like it.
“Like I’ve said before,” she continued, not backing away from the subject despite his desire that she would, “Charles is an excellent man, an excellent boss and doctor. He’s a fabulous father and just look at how he is with Grace.” She cast a longing glance toward the couple. “I’ve met few better men in my life and none I admire more, especially at the moment.”
Which was a direct dig at him. Jude bristled.
“With the way you talk about him,” he barked, full of dislike at both her words and the way she was looking toward his cousin, “I’m surprised you didn’t sleep with him instead of me.”
