His face falls a little, but he gives me a forced smile. “Whatever you need.”
The ride back to his house is pretty quiet. The guys talk about sports and play a few video games, but I’m in my own little world. I’m still out of sorts. I have no home, car, or any worldly possessions except for the clothes and things in my suitcase. How could I live like that for over a year? One of the things I remember clearly is my plan to find an apartment after my Australia trip. Did Elijah derail that? Did I give up on all my plans for a man? It doesn’t sound like me, but you do crazy things when you’re in love, so it could have happened. I do know one thing. Even though Elijah and I have made progress in learning about each other, I can’t keep acting as if everything is okay. I need to find a way to tell him, without sounding like we’re over. I’m startled out of my inner musings when the RV comes to a stop, bouncing us a little forward and back.
“Sorry,” Jared calls from the driver seat.
“Home sweet home,” Elijah tells me, holding his hand out to help me stand.
I take his hand and follow him out of the RV. Elijah’s house is not what I expected. It’s a modest size stone home with an immaculate yard. We’re parked in the paved driveway in front of a two car attached garage. I’d picture a middle class couple living here, not a multi-millionaire movie star, but this is L.A. and homes are expensive. I assume the inside will be a typical bachelor pad, but it’s not.
“Wow, this is not what I expected.” I smile at Elijah as I glance around.
“You said that the first time I brought you here. My mom is Joanna Prescott.” I stare at him in shock. Why haven’t I asked him about his family?
I laugh. “Does Carter know?”
“Heck, yes I do!” Carter bellows as he walks up beside me and slings his arm around my shoulder.
I poke his stomach. “Made your day, I bet.”
“More like my century!” Carter pats his heart and does a wide-eyed look, like he’s in love.
Elijah shoves him off me. “Stop doing that!”
He laughs, so he’s not really upset, but I wonder if Carter has taken it too far. He has had a crush on Joanna Prescott for a long time, or if Elijah shoved him off because Carter is touching me. Elijah takes my hand.
“Come on, I’ll show you to the guest room. Are you tired?”
I shrug. “A little. I’d really like a nice soak in the bath.”
“Why don’t you use my bathroom?”
He takes me upstairs and points out the various rooms. The guest room, where I’ll be sleeping, is right beside the master bedroom, but we don’t go in as he is determined to fix a bath for me.
“This is my room. You’re welcome in here anytime. You actually have some clothes in the closet.” He points to a set of double doors.
I’m surprised by this. “But you said I didn’t live with you?”
He turns on the water in the tub before turning to me. “You don’t, but you have some red carpet dresses and seasonal clothes here. You’ve stayed over before so there’s some casual stuff too, it’s all in the closet, look around. I have no secrets from you.”
I nod. Why does stuff like this makes me so overwhelmed and uncomfortable? One minute I’m happy and carefree with him, the next it’s like I’m a stranger in my own body. Before he leaves me to my bath, I take his hand into mine.
“After dinner, when everyone leaves or is in bed, can we talk?”
He squeezes my hand lightly. “Of course, but I don’t really like how that’s sounding.”
I force a grin. “I need to find some normalcy or something. I’m really overwhelmed.”
“I’m here to help.” He brings my hand to his lips and presses a kiss to my knuckles.
“I really appreciate that. Thank you for letting me stay here until I find a place.”
His face morphs into an expression of pain. “Sophie, what do I have to do to get you to understand how much I love you? You’re my life. I’d do anything for you.”
I stare at our joined hands. I can’t explain myself, nor do I want to right now. “I forget this is difficult for you too. I know I’ve been really wishy-washy, but I can’t help it.”
He tugs me to him, wrapping me into a hug. “Everything will work out. Just talk to me, okay?” I nod.
My bath is wonderful, but the longer I soak, the more I second guess talking to Elijah. So, once I’m out of the water, I sneak to the guest room, climb into bed, and fall asleep, surprisingly quickly. It’s one of the best night’s sleep I’ve had since waking from my accident. I’m refreshed when I get up the next morning.
~*~
Days pass and nothing changes, except for the fact that I’m still avoiding the ‘talk’ I wanted to have with Elijah. He has become extra grumpy anytime Carter is around, and he’s been around a lot. He hasn’t done anything wrong, but Carter is very touchy feely, and I’m more comfortable with him than Elijah, so that’s caused some jealousy. I have a horrible sense of guilt, but I don’t have a clue what to do. My cellphone rings as I’m finishing my lunch on the fifth day I’ve been back in California.
“Hello?” I answer.
“Sophia! How are you?”
“Hey, Amelia. I’m surprised I’ve not heard from you before now.”
She clears her throat. “Yes, well. I was advised to let you rest. But it’s been almost a week since you’ve been back and according to your doctor’s letter you are clear to fly by this weekend, therefore you can continue your book tour. Some venues we had planned are not available, but there are several events that I was able to book instead.” I thought the doctor had advised two to three weeks, but I guess I was wrong.
“Sure. I’ve read up on what I’d been working on prior to the accident, so I’m ready.”
“Perfect. I’m happy to hear that. Your flight leaves Friday, I’ll email you the information and itinerary. Your tour is two weeks in length, but it’s pretty standard. I’m assuming you’ll be taking your boys?” Oh, so it will be two weeks by the time I leave. That’s more reassuring.
“Yeah, probably Carter, Josh, and Jared will go.”
“I’ll arrange for them as well. Also, the timeline for your next book has been pushed back four months, so you’ll have more time for the next installment.”
“I really appreciate that, Amelia. I’ve been stressing the last few days, trying to come up with a plan.”
“No worries. I’m not as cold as Elijah will make you believe. I’ve done a lot of smoothing over with the publisher, but all in all they’ve been very understanding of your situation.” She sounds quite proud of herself.
“Thank you.” I tell her sincerely.
“Not a problem. I’ll talk to you soon.” She hangs up without a goodbye, typical Amelia.
I dread telling Elijah about this. He won’t be happy about my flying. He’s already expressed his concerns when I mentioned that I’d probably go back on tour soon, not to mention the delayed talk. It’s like there’s a vast distance between us right now, and I’m not sure how to fix it. I find all the guys, minus Hutch and Danny as today is their day off, in the game room. Carter and Jared are playing video games and Elijah is working on his laptop, he’s always working. I sit down beside him.
He leans over and kisses my cheek. “How are you?” he asks.
“Better. A nap and lunch were what I needed.”
I’d been really tired the past couple of days. I had a follow appointment with the doctor here in Los Angeles and though my head is fine, my vitamin levels were off, possibly because of everything I’ve been through. I got some all natural supplements and have been eating a super balanced healthy diet. I’m starting to get better, but still a little sluggish. Stress has played a big part in my health as well. The doctor said I show signs of depression, but I’m not willing to try anything for it until I see how the supplements do, since low vitamin levels can have a major impact on your emotional state.
“That’s good to hear. Who was on the phone?”
He doesn’t look at me as he types on his laptop. I’ve learned that this is him. He likes to include me, but he also likes to multi-task. I really don’t mind though, at first I thought he was being rude or standoffish, but now I just see it as how he manages his life.
“Amelia.”
He stops and shuts his computer before turning to face me fully, with his knee bent up on the couch between us. “What did our friendly Brit have to say?”
By his tone, I can tell this isn’t going to go over well. “I leave next Friday for a two week tour.”
He inhales deeply, grabs at his hair and stands from the couch, and starts to pace. “That’s crazy! No, no you’re not doing this. You can’t, Sophie. You’re not better yet, and I can’t go with you. Plus, we have that meeting with the movie executives the week after next.”
I try to stay calm, I really do, but I fail miserably. “You aren’t invited.” He looks at me taken aback, but I continue. “I have a career. Yes, I got hurt, but I’m as good as I’ll probably ever get, so I’m going back to work. It is not your choice. It’s my life.”
“We share our lives. We’re engaged, Sophie.”
“I gave you back your ring! Do you think I’d marry someone I don’t know, Elijah? Does that seem fair to me? You said we’d wait as long as I needed, and we’d start over, but that hasn’t really happened.”
He stares at me opened-mouthed for a long moment then snaps it shut. Jared and Carter pause the game and leave quietly, but Carter wide-eyes me. I’m a little surprised they leave, since they are always butting in on my business.
“Sophie ... I don’t understand.” Hurt radiates across his face. “I thought we’d talked about everything. I thought we were on the same page. We were making progress. Is this what you’ve been avoiding talking to me about?”
I don’t know how to explain any of it to him, but I have to try. “You’ve tried, and I really appreciate that, but you forget that to me this is brand new. The touches, kisses, everything is so overwhelming and confusing. To me, I met you less than three weeks ago. When we first started dating what was I like at three weeks?”
He says nothing as he stares at the ground, hands in his pockets. I take a deep breath and continue, softening my voice. “Did I stay at your house, live with you twenty-four-seven?”
He shakes his head and mumbles, “No.”
“In my mind, I’m doing everything wrong. I was raised that you don’t live together before marriage, you don’t do anything physical. Yes, I have my own variations of those rules, but I don’t remember what that variation is in regards to you. I don’t know who I am or what I believe anymore.”
It’s like a lightbulb clicks for him. His hands go to his hair and he grips it hard as he sits on the coffee table. “Oh, Sophie. I’m so sorry. You’re right. I haven’t been as thoughtful of how this all may feel to you. I didn’t think. I’m driving you away.”
I shake my head. “Elijah, I want to be with you. I like you a lot, but until I can remember everything, I need this to be different. To truly start over.” I stand.
“No, baby. Please.”
I’m not exactly sure what he’s begging for. He pulls my engagement ring out of his pocket, staring at it. I shake my head as my eyes tear up. He holds it up. I’m not sure if he wants me to take it or not. I shake my head again. This seems like the end. I cover the ring and his hang.
“I can’t marry you right now. I can’t pretend everything is normal. I want to be able to remember my proposal and saying yes. I need those happy memories and feelings. I know that’s not fair to you but I can’t do this anymore.” I stand and move toward the door.
His head falls and his shoulders shake. I want to comfort him, but it’s not because I’m in love with him, it’s just that I hate to see people I care about cry. I do care about him, so much. I have so many mixed emotions and thoughts. I need a break to sort it out. I can hear him crying as I shut the door. I lean my head against it. He’s breaking my heart, or is it that I’m the one breaking both our hearts. Did I just end us? It’s not what I want. I hurry to my bedroom and start to pack my bags.
“What’re you doing?” Jared asks.
“I’m going to find a hotel room and when I get back from tour I’m going to look for a three bedroom apartment.”
“What about you and Elijah buying a house?”
“I ... I may have broken up with him.”
Jared looks as confused as I feel. He rubs my back. “I see. Well, I’ll get Carter, and we’ll be ready to leave in twenty. Okay?”
I hug my brother and as soon as he returns my embrace, I lose it, sobs shaking my body. “I’ve ruined everything.”
“I doubt it, Soph. He’s crazy about you.” He soothes me.
Carter knocks and pokes his head in the door. “What’s wrong?”
We tell him, and though I expect him be happy or at least smug, he’s not. He hugs me and tells me everything will work out. Twenty minutes later we have our stuff down at the door ready to go.
“So you’re leaving?” I turn to see Elijah leaning against the opening to the living room. He looks horrible with red rimmed eyes and tear streaked face.
“I think its best.”
He shakes his head. “I understand. Will you call me?”
He hands me my phone. I take it, staring at it for a long moment, before forcing myself to meet Elijah's eyes. “Of course. Did I ruin everything?”
He holds his hand out and I place mine in his without hesitation. This is something that confuses me. I go to him without thought, but when I’m there, I don’t know what to do with myself. I do things, like kissing him deeply, hugging, holding his hand with no hesitation sometimes, then other times I can’t do any of those things. Who I am?
“No. You need space. I’m willing to wait for you.”
“Thank you.” Hesitantly, I lean up and kiss his cheek. “I’ll call you.”
He walks us out to the car and shuts the door behind me. The drive to the hotel is quiet, and after we check in, I ask Jared to let Elijah know we’ve arrived safely, and I go straight to bed, exhausted. I want to believe that I did the right thing, but the ache in my heart makes me question the decision.
~*~
The next couple of days I lie in bed and wallow in self guilt and pity. I talk to Gran who tells me to follow my heart, as she always has, but that’s the problem. I have no idea what my heart wants. I care about Elijah and I know that I must have loved him. I wouldn’t have agreed to marry him otherwise, but I don’t remember. I thought being home would help me remember more but it hasn’t. There’s nothing and it seems like everyone expects me to be the person I was before the accident, but I can’t do that. I really should see a therapist.
“Knock knock.” I look up to see Carter leaning against the door frame.
“Hey.”
He scrunches up his face. “You gonna shower today?” I shrug. He sits on my bed. “You don't need to do this to yourself. You didn’t break up with him.”
“I feel like I did.”
“Did you want to break up?” He asks, taking my phone out of my hand. I’d been looking at a picture of Elijah and me, before my amnesia.
“No, I don’t want to be engaged. It’s too much pressure right now.”
“He understands, you know.” Carter hands me back my phone.
I sniffle. “He’s been very understanding. I really do like him, somewhere inside me I might even love him. I mean, I know I love him. We were engaged, but it all feels like someone else’s life.”
Carter pulls me to him, hugging me. “It’s okay to feel that way, Peaches. You’ve been through a lot. No one is asking you to be who you were right now, this second. I’m sorry if we’ve all seemed a little overbearing with all the information we’ve shoved at you.” We sit quietly, hugging for a long while. “Call him.”
I pull back, nodding my head. “Has he called here?”
Carter snorts. “He’s blown up our phones. He refused to text you because y
ou needed space.”
I blow out an exaggerated breath and fall back onto my pillows. “I’ve made such a mess of things.”
Carter lies down beside me with his head propped up on his hand. “No, but you will if you don’t talk to him. You can’t get to know him better if you don’t.”
“We’ve spent so much time together in the last month. I feel like I know so much, but there are parts missing. Gaps that I don’t understand in my feelings. I fear that if I don’t get my memories back that it’ll always be that way, and he’ll despise me for it.”
“Try not to focus on that right now. Work on being comfortable with him and learning what you can. The rest will fall into place when it’s time.”
“Maybe you’re right.”
He cocks an eyebrow. “Always am.”
I shove him. “Get out of my room. I need to shower. I’ll call Elijah.”
“He can’t smell you over the phone.”
I roll my eyes. “I need some time to myself. Go!”
He pops off the bed and salutes me before turning on his heel in military fashion and leaving the room. He’s such a dork. I use the time in my shower to reflect and try to decide what I want. Obviously, I want my memories back, but if that doesn’t happen, what is it that I want in my life? I’m not sure, but I do want to try with Elijah. I wish I had a female friend I could chat about this with. I wonder if I could call Krystal. Elijah suspects her of leaking those photos, but I don’t know that she’d do that. I’ll call her, maybe drinks with a friend will clear my head.
As soon as I’m out of the shower, I call Krystal. As I suspected, she’s all for meeting up. She texts me directions, and I agree to meet her in an hour. I’m staring down at my phone when Elijah calls. I hesitate, but decide to answer after a couple of rings.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” he says softly. I close my eyes. I’m a horrible person.
“Hey.”
There’s a long awkward pause. “Is it okay that I called?” he asks.
“Yeah, of course. I’m sorry I haven’t called. I’ve been in a funk.” I sink down in my bed as I speak. I miss him terribly.
Fame & Consequences Page 23
