She shook her head no, but his hand lifted to her face, tentative yet steady. His thumb ran under her puffy eyes with a feather’s touch.
“I made you cry?” His voice sounded strangled. “Jaysus…”
“No, Gavin, stop.” She cleared her throat and found her voice, struggling for normalcy. “You didn’t make me cry. It’s been building for a few days. I just… sometimes when I’m feeling that much adrenaline shooting through me, the only way to release it is with a quick cry. That’s all. It wasn’t you. Or, only because of you.”
“I hate that you were crying at all,” he murmured.
His tenderness lanced her, almost bringing fresh tears. She swallowed hard. “Can we stop talking now?” she asked. “You’re sorry, I’m sorry, all’s well, we’re done.” She grasped his face between her hands and pulled him down, crushing her mouth to his. “I don’t want to talk anymore. Just touch me. Be with me.”
He seemed hesitant at first, but then their mutual passion ignited as it usually did, sweeping over them like a flash fire, and he kissed her back hard and deep. He edged her backwards into her room, kicking the door closed with his foot.
*
An hour later, Toni walked into the bathroom, locked the door, put down the toilet cover and sat on it with a sigh, her head falling into her hands.
First, that quick argument that should never have happened. He’d seen right through her and known something was wrong. She’d lied through her teeth. and he didn’t give up. He knew her well already, after such a short time. That was perplexing enough. But add to that the fiery makeup sex she and Gavin had just had… there was the usual heat, the typical rushed passion… but there had been something else, too. A desperation. On both their parts. It was as if they were clinging to each other, forceful and needy and clawing…
Toni swallowed hard and her eyes squeezed shut. She was so in love with him. Her heart felt like it was being twisted in a vise. How the hell had this happened?
He was wonderful, that was how it’d happened. Gavin was a wonderful man. Tender, thoughtful, and attentive, while at the same time sexy, strong, and sure. Frighteningly smart, and friendly, with a dry sense of humor. Not to mention drop-dead gorgeous and great in bed. How could anyone not fall in love with him?
Toni felt the tears prick her eyes again. She’d finally found someone special, someone she loved and wanted to be with… and he was leaving. No way around that. He’d leave, she’d ache, and that was that.
*
They went to the Nest later on. Though it had gone unspoken, they both knew the buffers of other people, loud music, and many drinks would be a good way to get some space from the afternoon’s intensity.
Anna bought them their first round, glad to see them there together. When Toni had her back turned, talking to Wren further down the bar, Anna half-hopped over the bar and grabbed her brother by the shoulder. She leaned in and said into his ear, “Had your first lovers’ quarrel, did ya?”
He shrugged.
“You worked it out, I gather. You’re here together, you seem better…”
“Mind your business, Annie.”
“You’re both my business,” she retorted. “You’re my brother, and she’s my friend. I care about ya both.”
“I know you do.” He drank the rest of his beer, draining the glass. “Make the next one a whisky, all right? Got any Tullamore Dew?”
“Aye. You’ll have it.” Anna blew out an irritated sigh. “She’s mad for ya, Gavin. Ya know that, right?” She pulled back just enough to look into his eyes, to make sure he was not only listening, but hearing her. “I’ve known her for a few years now. Seen her date other guys. None of ’em stuck. Because none of them mattered. But with you? Only a few weeks, and she’s all lit up. I see the way she looks at you, when she thinks you’re not lookin’. Poor girl’s head over heels for you.”
Gavin’s mouth tightened, but his eyes stayed glued to Anna’s. In his racing heart, hope battled with despair.
“And you. Sweet mother of God, you’ve got it so bad. I’ve never seen ya like this, not since your early days with Siobhan. And Toni’s ten times a better person than that bellend ever was. You know that. You’re so in love with her, ya don’t know what to do with yourself. It’s kind of cute.” Anna’s voice dropped. “But it’s not so cute, really, knowin’ you’re leavin’ a week from Monday. That’ll be it, I guess. And it’s sad, if I think about it.”
“Stop,” Gavin said tersely. “Just stop.”
“I’m not wrong.”
“I didn’t say you were, Anna.” His muscles tensed as he restlessly scrubbed his hand across the back of his neck. “Now please. Stop.”
“Gavin… what are you going to do?”
“Nothing. There’s nothin’ to do.” His jaw was gritted so tight it started to give him a mild headache. “She and I both knew that when we started this. Come the first, I go back to Ireland, she lives here, and we’ll always have the memories, right? That’s it. That was the deal from the start.” His eyes narrowed and his voice came out in a gravelly strain. “What would you have me do, Anna? There’s nothing I can do.”
“Oh, you poor lad…” Anna’s eyes went liquid.
His heart clenched. “If ya don’t stop this now,” he said, “I swear I’m leavin’. I can’t listen to another word of this. I can’t, Anna.”
“All right. But I’m not sorry for caring about you,” she said.
“I’m not either. And I’m thankful that ya do. But please… just drop it now.” He lifted his brows at her. “And don’t breathe a word of this to Toni. Promise me.”
“I swear.” She smacked a kiss on the back of his hand and slid back down to her side of the bar. Pulling a glass from above her, she moved to the shelf to pull the bottle of Tullamore Dew, filled the glass with a double shot, and placed it before him. “That one’s on me,” she said, then moved over to help the next customer.
Gavin’s head hurt and his heart did, too. The day had been so fantastic, down on the beach with all the housemates. They’d lain in the sun, relaxed and laughed, and rollicked in the waves until their fingertips pruned. He and Toni had talked while standing waist deep in the ocean, the waves moving and flowing around them. If he tried, he could still conjure up the scent of the sea mixed with the coconutty smell of her sunscreen, which he’d found intoxicating. He’d held her in his arms and kissed her, tasting the salt from the ocean on her lips, feeling the grain of it on her wet skin…
If it was so obvious to Anna that he was in love with Toni, why didn’t she see it? Or had she, and it broke the rules of their supposed-to-be-casual summer fling, so she didn’t want to talk about it? Was that why she’d stiffened up and shut him out at dinner?
He had no clue. Would he ever understand women? For a smart man, sometimes he felt plain bloody stupid.
Heaving out a sigh, he glanced over his shoulder at where Toni stood and talked to Wren. Her long curls were pulled back in a loose ponytail, and her striped tank top and olive shorts were as casual as could be. Her lightly tanned skin glowed, her curves called to him, and her radiant smile… she was the most beautiful woman in the room, without an ounce of effort. She just shone from within, like a beacon of light, and had from the moment he’d laid eyes on her. Her head fell back as she laughed at something Wren said, and his stomach twisted. God, he loved her. He loved everything about her. The power of his feelings stunned him. She was so fantastic, in every way… finding her had been a fluke, or a miracle, or maybe both. All he knew was that she’d breathed life back into his life. How would he be able to give her up?
He looked at the glass in his hand, raised it to his lips, and drank the whole thing down in a few hard gulps.
Chapter Thirteen
‡
“I have a surprise for you,” was all Gavin had said over breakfast on Sunday morning. A black Town Car had pulled up to the house at eleven o’clock; now, they were in the back seat of it, shooting along the Meadowbrook Parkway. It was a clo
udy day, and the air outside was thick with humidity. Toni was grateful for the air conditioning in the car.
“I hope what I’m wearing is appropriate for wherever we’re going,” she said.
Gavin leaned over and lifted one of her feet, the black sandal dangling from it. “Are these comfortable for walking?”
“Yes. You said to make sure I wore good walking shoes. These are fine for me.”
“Then you’ll be fine.” He grinned mischievously, eyes sparkling as he leaned in to kiss her.
“What about the rest of me?” she insisted. “You know, my clothes?”
His eyes did a slow glide over her, surveying her black tank top and olive capri pants. “Your clothes are fine too. Though I like you better out of them.”
She snorted out a laugh and rolled her eyes, bringing a hearty chuckle from him.
The ride was smooth, and with no traffic on the parkways, fast and easy. After the Meadowbrook, the driver took the Northern State Parkway, heading west.
“Are we going to the city?” she inquired from the cradle of his arms. Her back rested against his chest, and she tipped up her face to catch his eyes. “Come on, I know how to get to the city from my house.”
“Christ, you’re tenacious.” He grinned and dropped a kiss on the tip of her nose. “Yes, we’re going into the city. We’re doing something first, then having dinner with Sean and Cassandra. Hope that’s agreeable?”
“Dinner with them, of course. The rest, still no clue.”
“I’m fairly sure you’ll enjoy it.”
“Are you, now?” She dug her fingers into his thigh. “I have ways of making you talk, Doctor McKinnon.”
“You can try. But I’m good with secrets. I’m like a vault.”
“Ah. Duly noted, Doc.”
“Might as well give up, sit back, and just enjoy the ride.”
“Okay. Fine. You win this time.” She kissed his mouth quick, then nuzzled into him, watching the scenery pass outside as they sped along. The trees were a blur, their leaves a lush, dark summer green, a contrast to the brownish hue of the grass on the sides of the road. Weeks of the sun beating down had stripped the grass of its color. The expected rain later that day would be welcome.
“Is tonight the last time you’ll see your brother before you leave to go home?” she asked.
“Aye.”
“Will, um…” Toni swallowed hard. “Will you come back to visit him? All of them, I mean? Him, his wife and the baby, Anna…”
“At some point, sure. But I don’t know when.” Gavin’s voice got quiet. “I’ll want to meet the baby, of course. But since I’m starting the pediatrics switch in the fall… I don’t know what that’ll entail, what my schedule will be like. I’ll have to wait and see.”
“Makes sense.” She stared straight ahead, out the window, and tried to ignore the way her stomach did a heavy flip.
His lips moved to her ear, his breath warm against her skin. He kissed her there and whispered, “I’ll miss you, you know.”
Her heart skipped a beat and her eyes slipped closed. She was glad her face was turned away from him so he couldn’t see her, because her emotions were probably all over her. His arms were wrapped around her middle, their fingers intertwined. She gave them a gentle squeeze and whispered back, “I’ll miss you too, Gavin. A lot.”
He kissed the top of her head, inhaling her scent as he held her close.
They were silent for the rest of the ride.
*
Gavin watched Toni’s face as the car pulled up in front of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Her hazel eyes lit up, her smile went wide and joyful… she turned in his arms and said, “You thought of this?”
“I wanted to see you on your turf,” he said, unable to keep his fingers from playing in her hair. “And I know it’s one of the finest museums in the world. Honestly, I intended to come here before I’d ever met you; it was on my must-see list. So, here we are. Show me around. We have a few hours…” He checked his watch; it was just past noon. “We aren’t meeting Sean and Cass ’til six-thirty.”
She gaped at him for a few seconds before crushing her mouth against his in a series of quick, fiery kisses. “Thank you so much for thinking of this, and setting this up… oh, Gavin, you’re going to love it. I can’t wait to show you so many things.”
Her excitement was contagious, her delight palpable. The satisfaction of seeing her so thrilled flooded his insides with warmth and light.
Hand in hand, they wandered from exhibit to exhibit for hours, only stopping for a bite to eat at the museum cafeteria around two o’clock. Toni was as knowledgeable as any tour guide. She took him through the Greek and Roman Art wing, the Arms and Armor wing, European Sculpture and Decorative Arts… there were so many wondrous things, and she knew a little bit about most things they saw. Sculptures, artifacts, paintings—he tried to take it all in, snapping pictures with his cell phone wherever it was permitted. But all that wasn’t the highlight of his time there; Toni was. The quiet confidence or awe in her voice when she told him tidbits about a piece or an artist, or the way her eyes studied something she hadn’t seen before, drinking it in… she was enchanting, delightful. And bloody impressive. She’d told him she’d been impressed by seeing his medical skills in action? Watching her walk through the museum, so obviously in her element, had the same effect on him.
Gavin insisted they head to the gift shop before they had to leave for their dinner date with Sean and Cassandra. “I want a souvenir of this amazing day,” he said. So in they went. They split up and canvassed the store.
Toni thumbed through art books, glanced at T-shirts and boxed card sets. After a few minutes, Gavin called her over to the long, rectangular counters in the middle of the store. She went to him, noting how he stared down through the glass at the jewelry.
“Want to bring something back for my mum,” he said. “She loves silver jewelry.”
“So do I,” Toni said. “She has good taste. And a thoughtful son. This is sweet of you, to think of her.”
His grin quirked. “Help me pick something out?”
She looked down at the array of pieces, sparkling and beautiful. There was gold and silver, jeweled or not, earrings and bracelets and pendants… “It’s overwhelming,” Toni grinned. “Everything’s gorgeous.”
“Aye. That’s why I need your help. A woman’s opinion.”
“Well… does she have a favorite color? If she does, maybe find something that’s got that color stone in it.”
Gavin’s brow furrowed as he tried to think. “She likes yellow, but I don’t think that’s going to be here mixed with silver. Maybe we should just pick something with only silver, no stones.”
“Okay.” Toni continued to peruse the display.
“Hey,” he said. “What’s your favorite color? Do ya have one?”
“I love turquoise,” she said.
He smiled. “You wear that color often, I’ve noticed.”
“Well, that’s why,” she smiled back. “And pink. Especially hot pink.”
“Okay. Good to know.”
“What about you?” she asked as she moved further down the long counter. She lifted her eyes to look at him. “Do you have a favorite color?”
“I tend to favor blue,” he said. “I know. Typical. Boring.”
“You’re neither of those things.” She pressed a quick, light kiss to his lips, then turned back to gaze through the glass. “What about those earrings? You know her, I don’t. Think they’d suit her?”
He looked at the pair she pointed to, a delicate dangly swirl of silver threads. “Maybe. Earrings would be good, right? Better than a pendant or something?”
“You can give earrings to any woman and be safe,” Toni said. “Pendants are for girlfriends. But somehow I’m sure your mom would love anything you pick for her.” She stopped, and he watched her eyes widen. “Ooooooh.”
“What?” He leaned in. “You see something ya like?”
“That.” Toni po
inted to a tiny decorative box. Gavin read the small card beside it, describing it as an adaption of a Fabergé egg. It was robin’s egg blue, with delicate gold overlay and tiny crystals. “I just love the color, and it’s so intricate.” She stared at it a moment longer, then moved along the counter.
“If ya like it, get it,” he urged.
She shook her head. “It’s too decadent. It would just sit on a shelf and collect dust. Besides, an impulse buy like that isn’t smart considering I’m getting ready to quit my job.”
He blinked and said, “You’re what?”
Her eyes continued to scour the jewelry. “Yeah. I’m too miserable there. Time for a change.” She glanced up, sensing his intense stare. “What?”
“A few days ago, you said it’d be too hard, you… made excuses.” His brows creased, his expression clearly astounded. “So to hear ya say that now, I’m just surprised.” He peered harder. “When did you decide this? Did something happen?”
“No, nothing specific happened…” I fell in love with you and it’s turned my world upside down. Everything feels wrong and I need to do something to fix the parts that I can. “I’ve been thinking about it, that’s all. I mean, I have to research other jobs more before I quit, but I’m going to. I will.” She turned around the corner of the case and moved along the next section, her eyes on the jewelry.
He was at her side, leaning in closer. “Toni… whatever you choose to do, I wish you luck,” he said quietly. “I want you to be happy.”
Her breath hitched as she looked up into his face. You make me happy. And you’re leaving in a week, and I’ll probably never see you again. She swallowed back what felt like a pebble in her throat. “Thanks. Me, too.” Feeling a sting that threatened tears, she looked down again. A magnificent pendant drew her eye, sparkling at her; an elegant silver butterfly with tiny crystals decorating the wings. The stones were several shades of blue and purple, the threading delicate. “I know this is such a cliché, but I love butterflies.”
“Why is it a cliché?” he asked.
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