by Cruise, Anna
“No.” I breathed in again, like I was gulping the air around me, and stared at her. “How did you know?”
“Come on, Lily. I don't know. I...”
“Did you do it?” I asked.
The words hung there in the air between us, suspended, like a curtain of suspicion and doubt and clarity, all rolled into one. The leaves above us rustled, the water behind us moved, and the words I'd just spoken echoed through the trees.
“Did you do it?” I asked again.
She started to say something, then shook her head, chuckling. “Well, this is just perfect.”
“What?” I cried. My lips felt numb, just like the rest of me. “Nothing is perfect!”
“No, I mean it's just perfect that Dad's here to protect you,” she said. She looked at me and I took a step back. Her eyes were filled with anger and hate and, for the first time in my life, I didn't recognize the person standing next to me. “Just like always.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that once again, he's buying your story,” she said.
“It's not a story. I didn't hurt Rosie or Annie.”
“I know.”
The knot in my stomach grew, sharpening into something long and dangerous, something that threatened to cut me at my very core.
“You did it,” I said softly. “To both of them.”
Her hate-filled eyes hardened into small, black marbles. “Do you know what it's like to to be your sister? Do you have any idea?”
My mind was racing and I felt the bile rise up in my throat. I swallowed the bitter acid down, trying to keep myself in the conversation, in control of the situation.
“I could never be as perfect as you,” she said, her eyes glazing over, almost looking through me. “No matter what I did, it wasn't good enough. You were always the favorite. Especially Dad's.”
“That's not true.”
“Of course it is,” she said, a vicious smile on her face. “You haven't done anything wrong since the day you were born.”
“Jenna, that makes no—”
“And I was sick of it, even as a kid,” Jenna said, ignoring me. “Do you know how often I was asked why I wasn't more like you? School, friends, everything. No matter what I did, it wasn't good enough.”
My head pounded and my blood ran cold as the icicle in my stomach grew. But I had to ask the question.
“You pushed Rosie in the river?” I said, the words sounding foreign as they came out of my mouth.
Jenna hesitated, then nodded. “Of course I did.”
The imaginary icicle stabbed at my insides and I cried out, clutching my stomach as the realization of what my sister had done sunk in.
“The ironic part is that if you'd been watching her like you were supposed to, nothing would've happened,” Jenna said. “And yet here we are. And I'm gonna be the one that gets in trouble.”
My temples pounded. “What did you do to her, Jenna?”
Her eyes took on a faraway look. “I took her down there.”
“What?” I took a step closer to my traitorous sister, not sure that I'd heard her correctly.
“You heard me.” She smiled again but there was no mirth, only malice. “She came in to the tent for the game and I told her we should play a trick on you. She didn't want to. Such a goody-goody. Just like you.” She made a face. “But I told her it would be fun. Like a different kind of hide-and-seek. So we went down to the river. I held her hand the whole way.”
My eyes ached as tears spilled down my cheeks. I listened, my mouth agape in horror.
“And that's what we were going to do, you know,” Jenna said. She chewed her thumbnail, her eyes never leaving mine. “I was just going to leave her down there. Get you in trouble for not watching her like you said you would.” She frowned. “But then she started crying. Said she wanted to go back to the camp site, said she was scared. Such a fucking baby. And I got mad. Shoved her. Hard.”
“On...on her back?”
Jenna nodded. “Yep. That bruise Jorgenson saw? I gave it to her.” She pulled her thumb away and I could see the nail bed bleeding. “Anyway, she lost her footing. Suck a klutz.” She shook her head, disgusted. “And she slipped. Went into the river. I was pissed because she was wet and I knew mom and dad would freak. And I'd get blamed. Again.”
She shifted her gaze to the water and her eyes clouded over a little. “She bobbed up right away. But she was freaked out. Screaming and crying. She couldn't keep her fucking mouth shut, kept swallowing water. And I saw the panic start to set in. Saw her floundering.”
“So it was an accident,” I said desperately, trying to make sense of it.
“No,” she said, shaking her head as her eyes returned to mine. “It wasn't. Because I saw her going under. I knew she wasn't going to make it. And I watched.”
I gasped and clutched my stomach. “You can't be serious.”
She nodded, but her eyes still weren't focused. “The current picked her up. I watched her go around the bend. Disappear. And then I went back to the tent. No one even knew I was gone. Not even you.”
I covered my mouth, shaking my head. Even as I listened to her words, I didn't think it was possible.
“I thought for sure you'd get in trouble,” she continued. “But even then, even after our fucking sister died, it didn't matter. No one blamed you for a second. Everyone told you it wasn't your fault. That it was an accident. Same shit, different day. Lily can't do a fucking thing wrong.”
I looked at her through a blur of tears. I couldn't believe she was capable of doing what she said she'd done, that she'd hated me for so long. And if she'd done it then...
“What did you do to Annie?” I asked, my voice shaking. “What did she have to do with any of this?”
Something shifted in her demeanor and suddenly, it was as if she were somewhere else. “It was another chance.”
“Another chance?”
“To get you. To get you to take some blame.” She paused, staring into the trees. “She looked just like Rosie. I saw her when I was running. She was at the water's edge. I didn't take her down there—she was already there. And the lightbulb went off. You were already here. I could push her in, scare everyone a little bit. I figured there was no way you'd get around it this time.”
I wanted to run away screaming, but I couldn't move.
“I just didn't know she was such a good swimmer,” she said. “That screwed up everything.” Then she shrugged. “But it wouldn't have mattered, anyway. You would've figured a way out of it.”
“I didn't do anything, Jenna,” I said. “You realize that, don't you?”
She made a face like I'd tried to spit on her. “You've been doing things to me since I was born.”
“Jenna, I—”
“Just shut up,” she said, holding out her hand. “Just shut up!”
I swallowed hard, forcing the bile back down my throat. I tried to stay calm, tried to figure out what to do. She wasn't all there. There was nothing I was going to be able to say to convince her otherwise. She'd snapped out of reality and was living...somewhere else.
“And of course Dad came here to rescue you,” she rambled. “I thought he might come and see something different. See just what kind of trouble you were in this time, make him wonder about his precious fucking golden child. But of course he didn't. Because good little Lily wouldn't ever hurt a soul.”
“I wouldn't,” I whispered.
She looked at me and her eyes cleared and I knew she was staring right at me. “I know. I just wanted everyone else to think that you would. To believe me for a change.”
“You killed our sister,” I said, my voice trembling again. “And you tried to do the same thing to another little girl who had nothing to do with us.”
“And now you're gonna go tell Dad, right?” she said, smirking at me. “Because that's what you do. Tattle. Tell him all of the bad things I've done.”
“This isn't a game, Jenna! This isn't tattling. Do
you even realize what you did?” I asked. “ Do you?”
She hesitated, then nodded, a slow smile spreading across her face. “Yeah. I made a mistake. I should've killed you.”
The icicle in my stomach stabbed me again and I couldn't speak, couldn't think.
“I mean, I should've known I couldn't fool anyone into thinking you'd done anything wrong,” Jenna said, taking a step toward me. “I should've known you'd get out of it. It would've just been easier if something had happened to you.”
I took a step backward, my foot slipping a little.
“And since you're gonna go tell Dad, I guess I don't have anything to lose, do I?”
My heart thudded against my chest and I finally found my voice. It came out cracked, a hoarse whisper. “What are you talking about?”
She shook her head, still smiling. “I'm not gonna let you tell him, Lily.”
I spun and tried to scramble up the hillside, but her hands found my waist and she pulled me hard toward her. I stumbled and fell onto my back. She stood over me, her eyes wild as she fell on top of me. Her hands found my neck. I thrashed beneath her and realized she was really going to kill me if I let her.
I reached for her hair, grabbed a handful and yanked on it as hard as I could. She screamed and her head jerked to the side, her hands sliding off me to keep herself upright. She wrenched my hand free and I balled it into a fist and smashed it into her face. It landed firmly on her nose and she shrieked again, slapping my hands away from her face. Blood blossomed beneath her nostrils, spreading over her lips.
And she was laughing.
She fought my punches off and reached for my neck again. I kicked and wiggled beneath her, trying to scoot out from under her. We slid together and something cold shocked the back of my skull.
The river.
Her fingers tightened around my neck and I struck out again at her face, punching her in the nose again. Another scream erupted from her and she brought her hands to her face.
I wiggled again, but I only managed to slide further into the water. Jenna pulled her hands from her face and realized the same thing. An ugly, bloody smile appeared and she used her leverage to shove me and I went all the way in, the water reaching the top of my head.
She lunged at me, her hands encircling my neck again. She pressed hard, hard enough to push my face under the water. Her own face blurred as I stared at her underwater and I started to panic.
She was a macabre image on the other side of the water. Bloody. Smiling. Determined. The ripples in the river couldn't obscure any of that as I thrashed beneath her, futilely trying to get out from under her. But the harder I fought, the harder she pushed down on me, her fingers constricting my airway.
I grabbed at her arms, digging my nails into her skin, but she wouldn't let go. My lungs felt tight and I pressed my lips together, trying to keep the water out. My lungs screamed for air. Spots floated over my eyes and I got light-headed.
I watched her, my eyes wide, pleading. If she noticed, she didn't respond, just kept up the pressure on my neck, my airway, my lifeline. I wondered what she would tell people about my death. Would she come up with something that explained it all away or would she get caught this time?
My strength evaporated and my arms fell from hers, limply trying to pull at her hands under the water, the hands that were still wrapped around my throat.
She squeezed harder and the spots grew bigger and I couldn't keep my mouth closed any longer. My lips parted and the water rushed in, strangling me, choking me. In desperation, I closed them but I needed to cough, needed to get the water out and breathe air instead. Air that I didn't have, air that was just beyond my reach.
I opened my mouth again but, this time, I didn't feel the water. I didn't feel anything. My eyelids felt heavy and a rush of heat coursed through my veins. I was warm and sleepy and oddly relaxed.
My eyes fluttered and I used my last ounce of strength to open them. A shadow moved above me, a giant cloud or something hovering behind my sister, blocking the light that had been streaming into the water as I struggled to remain conscious.
I wondered if it was darkness. Death coming to get me. I wanted to see light. Something blinding and beautiful to greet me as the water stilled my heart.
Her fingers scraped at my neck and, without warning, the pressure was gone from my throat. I felt water splash beyond me, a massive splash that rippled the water above me so I could no longer make out anything.
It didn't matter.
I closed my eyes and wished for light to steal away the darkness.
FIFTY FOUR
Water spouted from my mouth and I was choking. My head pounded. But there was air. I could breathe.
“Come on, Lily,” a voice said. A voice I recognized. “Come on.”
I coughed again and more water gushed from my mouth. My throat ached and my lungs burned and I gasped and gulped and vomited again.
“There you go,” the voice said. “Come on. Open your eyes.”
My eyelids felt heavy, like there were ten pound weights keeping them closed, but I forced them open. The blue sky blinded me and I closed them, blinking away the tears that were forming. I tilted my head to the side and opened them again. Weeds greeted me, an inch from my nose, tiny yellow flowers swaying gently in the soft breeze. I shifted and moaned. I was on my back, splayed out against something hard and firm. The ground. Everything hurt, every part of me ached, but it didn't matter. I was breathing. I was alive.
“You're back.”
I tried to turn my head in the other direction. I rotated it slowly, almost in slow-motion. I knew that voice. My vision was blurred but I could make out the shape of his face. The hazel eyes. The mouth that broke into a smile as soon as my eyes met his.
Ty.
I started to say something, but more water erupted from mouth and the inside of my throat felt like I'd swallowed fire. My entire stomach felt full, distended, and my neck throbbed. For a half second, I wondered why. And then I remembered.
He wiped at my mouth, his fingers warm against my clammy skin, his touch soft. “You don't have to talk,” he said. My eyes adjusted and I could see him clearer, could see the worry in his eyes, the anxiety written all over his face. “It's okay.”
“Jenna,” I rasped.
He nodded to my left and my head lolled in that direction. My sister lay sprawled on her back, staring up into the trees. Her eyes were open but she lay there, unmoving, her clothes plastered to her body, her hair a tangled mess. I couldn't tell if she was dead or alive.
“I heard everything,” Ty said. His fingers trailed down my cheek, then moved to my shoulder. “I stayed up on the trail. I thought something was wrong when you told me to go. I started to head back, but it just bugged me. Leaving you.”
I tried to nod my head, tried to speak again, but his fingers moved back to my mouth, silencing me. “So I went to the top of the trail, tried to eavesdrop.” He glanced at Jenna, then shifted his gaze back to me, his eyes wet with unshed tears. “It was hard to hear, especially when you guys went quiet. I didn't know she had you under the water until it was almost too late. I got down here, grabbed her and threw her as far into the river as I could to get her off you. Then I pulled you out. She swam back here to the shore and she's been laying there ever since.” His expression hardened. “I told her if she moved, I'd throw her back in. She hasn't made a peep.”
I tried to nod, but the muscles in my neck ached.
“Don't move,” he said, a frown creasing his forehead. “Just rest.” His voice was a whisper, soft like the wind rustling through the canopy of trees above us. “You're going to be fine.”
I couldn't answer. Not because of the knives still scratching at my throat and not because I was drifting back out of consciousness. I couldn't answer because I wasn't sure what fine meant anymore. I wasn't dead, but the memories of my conversation with Jenna came flooding back and my stomach lurched. I had a dead sister, a memory I'd lived with for years. But I had something ne
w: the knowledge that my other sister had killed her. Had lured her and tricked her and watched her die. And had tried to hurt another girl. Alive was better than being dead, but I wasn't sure about being fine.
Ty stroked my hair, then leaned down and kissed my forehead. “I thought I'd lost you, Lily. It took a minute before you starting coughing and I...I thought you were gone.” His voice cracked.
I took another hesitant breath. Water didn't pour out of my mouth this time and I felt a tiny step closer to normal.
“Don't scare me like that again,” he whispered.
I lifted my arms. They felt heavy and weak, but I got them up and around his shoulders. “I'm sorry,” I managed.
He shook his head, gave me a disapproving look. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
Tears spilled from the corner of my eyes. My entire body ached. And my heart hurt. For Rosie and all that she'd suffered. And for my other sister, who was so broken and damaged that she'd allowed herself to do something to hurt another person. Not one, but several, over and over again, in different ways, through her actions and lies and omissions and deceptions.
Ty leaned down, got his arms underneath me and lifted me to his chest. I tightened my arms around him as best I could, desperate to hang on to him.
“I've got you, Lily,” he said, holding me close, his voice breaking again. “I won't let you go.”
FIFTY FIVE
Two hours later, I was sitting on the steps of Ty's parents home.
He'd called his father on his cellphone from the river bank and quickly explained to him where we were and what had happened. Colin Reilly came down with Jorgenson and my father and, soon after, paramedics. Ty passed me to my father, who seemed bewildered by the entire scene. Ty explained to his father and Jorgenson what he'd heard and what he'd seen. My father listened, too, but didn't say anything. When Ty was done talking, Jorgenson seemed paralyzed for a moment, unsure what to do, looking between me huddled with my dad and Jenna, who was still prone on the bank. My father had listened, too, and if he was surprised or upset, he didn't show it.
