by Allie Ritch
Sinking into the nearest chair, Lexy dropped his head into his hands. He’d really screwed up here. Somehow he had to make things right.
*
Huv wasn’t sure how many blocks he ran before he finally stopped to put on his shoes and shirt. A few people gave him an odd look, and a woman across the street even whistled. He must have made quite a sight, but he didn’t care.
To add insult to injury, Huv glanced around and discovered he didn’t know where he was. Usually when he stayed over, Lexy drove, although on a few occasions he’d taken public transit. Since he had no clue which direction he’d run, he didn’t know where the next stop might be.
He had to walk several blocks before he found a public vid screen. Logging in with his code, he placed a call back to the townhouse and prayed Rix was home. It took forever, but his cousin finally picked up, looking as if he’d just tumbled out of bed. Or out of someone’s arms.
“Hey, Huv.” Rix absently patted his tousled hair, which only made it sprout up in new places. “What’s happening?”
“I’m … I’m lost here.” In more ways than one. Gods, could his humiliation get any worse today? “I need some directions.”
Rix frowned at him. “You forgot the house address? I thought you had it down pat.”
“I know where you are; I just don’t know where I am. Help me out, will you?”
“Sure. Huv, are you okay?”
He had to resist a sad urge to laugh. “Not really.” Glancing around, he read the nearest street sign and the numbers on the apartment buildings.
Rix pulled the location up on a map and told him how to reach the nearest transit that would bring him home.
“Thanks, Rix.”
His cousin smiled reassuringly, but he still looked concerned. “Don’t worry, Huv. You’ll find your way.”
Huv sure hoped so.
Chapter 6
Learning Curve
On his lunch break Wednesday, Lexy logged on to his screen to check his messages for the millionth time. Huv still hadn’t returned his calls, and he was getting desperate. The look of fear on Huv’s face continued to haunt him, and he needed to make this right. Lexy was too much in love to let Huv go without a fight. Since his Allurian wasn’t answering his calls, he’d have to try another tactic.
It was a matter of minutes to find the number Lexy wanted, and he drummed his fingers on the desk as he waited for someone to pick up on the other end. After a moment, a familiar figure with purple hair filled the screen.
“Lexy,” Xindra said in surprise. “It’s nice to see you. Have you decided to model for one of our classes?”
“Oh, um.” Lexy hid a wince. He’d sort of forgotten about her request, although he supposed now he couldn’t refuse. Considering what he’d called to ask, he figured he’d owe Xindra. “Sure. I’d be happy to model for you.”
“How about next week? Tuesday night?” She sounded hopeful.
“That’s fine.” Lexy didn’t really care at the moment.
“You wouldn’t believe it. Last night, we hosted a wedding in class. Two more of our students have paired up—a Nimanian and a New Earthling—and they asked us to witness their mating ceremony. There’s never a dull moment.” Perhaps she caught something in his expression because she appeared to sober. “You don’t look like you called to discuss the class, though. What can I do for you?”
“I called about Huv.” This wasn’t easy to say, but Lexy needed some more information. “He and I have run into an issue, and I’m having trouble working it out. I was hoping you might be able to help.”
“I’ll try.” Xindra looked wary. “What exactly is the problem?”
Lexy chuckled, although he wasn’t feeling very funny. “Actually, it’s a sex issue. I need a little Allurian education from you, if you don’t mind.”
That seemed to put Xindra at ease. “Sure. What do you want to know?”
“Do Allurian men have prostates like Cedecians in male form? Or like New Earthling men?”
“Yes, they do, and the Allurian gland tends to run a bit larger.”
Discussing the subject so frankly made Lexy settle into his professional mode. “And do Allurian men gain pleasure from having their prostates stimulated? Do they enjoy anal sex?”
“Ah.” Xindra appeared to put it all together. “Physically, Allurian males have the same capacity for that as your race or New Earthlings, but it’s a matter of personal taste. If you’re asking if there’s any general physical reason Huv wouldn’t enjoy anal sex with you, the answer is no.”
Lexy felt his blood turn ice cold. “Is there a personal reason he wouldn’t?”
It had never occurred to him Huv might have suffered some kind of trauma or abuse. Was that why he’d been so afraid?
“Not that I know of,” Xindra said carefully. “I’ve only heard him talk about straight sex with females, but he wouldn’t necessarily have shared anything else with me.” She hesitated for a moment. “If he’s told anybody about a bad experience or something more risqué, he probably talked to Rix. Despite their age difference, they’re really close.”
So Lexy had noticed. “Thanks, Xindra. I appreciate your help.”
“Just work things out with Huv and keep my cousin happy. That’s thanks enough. I’ll talk to you later about the details for Tuesday night.”
With a quick good-bye, Lexy disconnected. It took him only moments to come to a decision.
He buzzed his secretary on-screen. “Qwen, please reschedule the rest of my appointments this afternoon. I need to leave early today.”
Lexy didn’t even wait for a response before he headed out the door to his car.
Twenty minutes later, he stood in front of Huv and Rix’s place, waiting for someone to answer. After what seemed like forever, Rix swung the door open to greet him. This time, there was no twinkle in his eye, no hint of flirtation. He just smiled pleasantly.
“May I help you?”
“Hi, Rix. Is Huv home?” Lexy didn’t hold out much hope, but he thought he’d ask.
“Not at the moment. He’s out arranging transport back to Alluria”
Lexy froze. “For the import business?” Or had Huv changed his mind and decided to move back home?
Rix’s brow furrowed. “Yes, for the business. There aren’t many flights right now, so it’ll be a few weeks. Do I know you?” His jaw suddenly dropped. “Wait. Lexy?”
“Yeah.”
Rix took a step forward and scrutinized him with narrowed eyes. “Stars above, it really is you.” He laughed. “You’re Cedecian?”
Obviously, neither Huv nor Xindra had shared that fact with him. Lexy didn’t know how he felt about the omission, but now wasn’t the time to figure it out.
“You’re even pretty as a guy.” Rix sounded amused. “Huv must be exhausted. He’s dating two people in one.”
“Rix.” Lexy invested his name with warning. It was bad enough this was how his cousin was learning the truth. He didn’t want Huv to suffer for it. “I know you and your cousin like to razz each other, but please don’t tease him about this. You could really hurt him. Huv is struggling hard enough with our relationship, and I’ve only made things worse.”
All the playfulness vanished from Rix’s face, as if someone had hit his Off switch. His tone was serious when he spoke. “Is that why Huv’s been moping around the past few days? I kind of wondered if you two had had a fight.”
Guilt gnawed at Lexy. “I scared him off. Now I’m trying to fix things.” Knowing Rix might be the only person who could help, Lexy voiced the question he’d come here to ask. “Rix, has Huv ever suffered a really bad sexual experience? With a man?”
“Not with a man,” Rix answered.
Everything inside Lexy stilled. “With a woman?”
Rix was already nodding his head. “He told me about it after I went through the same thing. When I hit puberty, I kind of rushed into the whole sex thing. In case you haven’t noticed, the men in our family are pretty horny. I coul
dn’t wait. I lost my virginity to an older girl at my school. A little discomfort, my ass. It was the most painful experience of my life. Afterward, I was hurt and humiliated, and I was convinced there was something wrong with me. I didn’t want my parents to know, so I called Huv.”
“Losing your virginity was painful?” Lexy was trying to follow along.
Rix looked at him like he thought Lexy was an idiot. “It is when you lose it to an Allurian female. Their sheaths aren’t smooth inside like the other races. Part way in, you get … what’s the alien term for it? Part of your cock skin is ripped off.”
“You’re circumcised?” Lexy nearly clutched his own crotch in sympathy.
“That’s the word. It’s sharp and agonizing, and the tight ring of an Allurian pussy is the only thing that keeps your erection from withering from the pain.” Rix shuddered. “Anyway, I was a wreck afterward. I couldn’t really walk, and the girl I was with didn’t help. Somehow I managed to crawl to a vid screen and tag Huv. He didn’t even hesitate. As soon as I gave him the address, he came and got me. He even played nurse and patched me up.”
Lexy wasn’t surprised. He had a feeling Huv would do anything for those he loved.
“That’s when he told me his first time had been a disaster, too.” Rix shook his head sadly. “Huv said the girl he slept with had also been a virgin, so the two of them hadn’t known what they were doing. She didn’t have the control to slow down or stop when he pleaded with her. He said he cried the whole time.”
Picturing a younger version of Huv with fear in his eyes and tears of pain streaming down his cheeks, Lexy felt his heart contract.
In contrast, Rix wore a fond smile. “I told Huv sex was terrible and I never wanted to do it again. He said he’d felt the same way at first, but he promised it got better. It wasn’t going to hurt like that again. Huv told me the secret to good sex was to learn what you were doing and stay in control. There’s no pleasure in ignorance and helplessness. Then he gave me a whole lecture on how to go about it.” Rix winked. “It worked too. I’ve loved sex ever since.”
Lexy tried to return the Allurian’s grin, but his mind was busy putting together the pieces. He’d worked so hard not to overanalyze his relationship with Huv that he’d kept his eyes too tightly shut. At heart, Huv was an honest man, and he’d given Lexy plenty of warning along the way.
I can’t. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I don’t know what to do. Huv had told him again and again. Whereas Huv had been insatiable and aggressive with Lexy the woman, he’d been meek with Lexy the man, always waiting for him to make the moves. With another male, Huv was a virgin all over again. He’d needed gentling, maybe a little romance. Instead, Lexy had rushed full speed ahead, assuming Huv could keep pace with him.
Of course, there was an element of dominance and submission to their relationship. Even two Cedecians interacted differently when their genders reversed. It was inevitable that aggression levels and attitude changed as hormones and muscle mass did. Huv might naturally be more submissive toward another male. But this went beyond that.
To a large extent, this was about control. Lexy had reveled in his ability to make Huv lose control during sex, not realizing how frightening that was for him. Huv evidently could deal with it while Lexy was female, but adding another unknown to the mix was too much. And why wouldn’t it be? Lexy had never offered Huv the greatest safety net of all. He’d never confessed his love.
“You’ll work it out,” Rix said quietly.
Lexy arched his eyebrow at him.
In response, Rix shrugged. “I recognize that look of determination. Just let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”
A plan began to form in Lexy’s mind. “I don’t suppose you’d give me the pass code to your house? Maybe clear out Friday night without tipping off Huv?”
Rix appeared to think about it for a moment before reciting his door code. “Just don’t burglarize me, okay? I’ll feel really stupid if you do.”
“Don’t worry. I’m not a crook. Although it’s tempting, seeing as you never invite me inside.”
“Oh, yeah.” Rix glanced around, appearing to take in his location blocking the doorway. “Sorry about that.”
Lexy waved that away and turned to leave.
“One more thing,” Rix added.
He waited.
“So when can I start with the sausage jokes?” Rix’s grin turned boyish and wicked. Obviously, his humor had returned.
Lexy groaned. “You do know I can beat you up in this form.”
“I thought Huv was the only one you wanted to pound?”
Biting his lip so he wouldn’t laugh, or possibly scream, Lexy walked away. When he got back into his car, he saw the raunchy Allurian gesticulating again. And there was no mistaking what he was pantomiming now.
* * * *
The sun had already set when Huv got home Friday night. Usually at this time, he’d have cadged a home-cooked meal from Lexy or been out on the town with him. Instead, Huv had eaten at a greasy diner alone, postponing his return to the townhouse as long as possible. He didn’t look forward to hearing his cousin getting laid in the other room.
When he walked inside, he was surprised to find the place dark. It was also nearly silent, except he could hear slow, jazzy music playing somewhere in back. The melody grew louder as he headed toward his bedroom. Huv stopped dead just inside the doorframe.
Although the main lights were off, a spectrum of decorative twinkle lights had been draped around the room, creating a pretty patchwork of illumination. The music emanated from the small vid screen by the bed, which also displayed a swirl of mood lighting. On top of the nightstand, a bottle of sparkling wine chilled in a bucket behind two elegant glasses.
Huv’s bed, usually a simple affair, had been remade with satin sheets and turned down invitingly. Lying in the middle was Lexy, barefoot but otherwise clothed in a nice shirt and dark jeans.
Despite his misgivings, Huv’s spirit lifted at the sight of him. “How did you get in?”
If Lexy was put off by the poor greeting, he didn’t show it. “Rix helped me out. He said you’ve been moping, and he wants to see you happy again.”
Huv made a mental note to strangle his cousin.
Lexy got up and crossed the room toward him. “You’ve been avoiding me. That makes it tough to apologize.”
“You don’t have to.”
“Don’t I?” Lexy’s gaze never wavered, but he released a loud sigh. “I am so sorry, Huv. You were right about me not being very patient. You asked for time, you told me you were struggling, and I didn’t listen. Please forgive me. I never meant to scare you.”
Huv had to swallow past the lump in his throat. He wished it were that simple. “You weren’t wrong. You do deserve someone who can … be with you all the time.” This was the hardest thing he’d ever had to admit. “I’m not sure I can give you what you need.”
“You are what I need.” Lexy caught his hand and clasped it to his chest before Huv could step back. His expression turned wry. “Want to hear the ironic part? I thought I’d be the one saying that to you, telling you I can’t be what you need.”
“What?”
“Allurians marry Allurians and have little baby Allurians. That’s what you told me the night we met. I’m not Allurian. I’m not even female half the time. How could I ever be what you’re looking for?”
“Lexy.” Huv invested those two syllables with a world of heartache, along with a large dash of reprimand. How could he think that?
Still holding his hand, Lexy continued. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking this past week, and I’ve figured some things out.”
Feeling like he was drifting on a slow, unstoppable current, Huv only managed a one-word response. “What?”
“I’ve been looking for a Mister or Miss Right for a long time now.” Lexy’s blue eyes turned thoughtful. “I thought I’d found them a couple of times, too. Then when things got serious, I started picking at the
relationship, dissecting it to see what was wrong. Because deep down, I knew it wasn’t meant to be.
“I was afraid to do that with you, Huv. So I didn’t look too closely at what was going on between us, and that was a mistake. Being a therapist isn’t just a job for me. It’s part of who I am. When people are scared or in pain, I want to help. If they’re dealing with some big issue, I want to be there to listen and guide them. I should have done that for you.”
Although he was finding it hard to breathe, Huv tilted his chin higher. “I’m not one of your patients.” He didn’t want Lexy to see him like that.
“No, you’re my lover. You deserve more of my attention than anybody.”
“This isn’t something you can—”
Lexy cut him off. “Once I let myself take a good hard look at this relationship, the most amazing thing happened. I discovered I wasn’t picking it apart to see what was wrong. Instead, I kept looking at what was right and trying to work out the rest. I want this to work, Huv. I know you do, too.”
Not knowing what to say, Huv tried to step aside to put some distance between them, but Lexy wouldn’t allow it.
His Cedecian stayed right with him. “Most of the thinking I’ve done this week has been about you. Soon after I met you, I decided you were having an identity crisis, even before we threw sex into the mix. I think you saw your younger brother starting a family and Xindra getting married, and it made you realize you were ready to settle down. You’re the right age for it. Since you didn’t see that happening on Alluria, you decided to move here in hopes of something better.”
“I decided to move here because of you.” The confession tore out of Huv, leaving him exposed.
Lexy’s smile was gentle. “I love you.”
“What?” Huv was sure he’d just been knocked over the head.
Amusement entered Lexy’s gray-blue gaze. “I love you, Huv. If you can only love me when I’m a woman, then I’ll take what I can get. I want you in my life. But you know what? I think you can love me as a man, too.”
