She sniffled. “I wanted to confess a hundred times, but I was afraid.”
Her voice was a raspy whisper, yet Achan had no doubt that every ear could hear in the great hall. He felt a twinge of regret for forcing her to speak of such matters in public. He should have relocated to one of the council rooms. It was the proper, merciful thing to do. But he wasn’t feeling very merciful at the moment. He folded his arms. “You were so afraid of me and my cruel intentions.”
“No! Not really. I never truly believed you capable of such betrayal. But I— I was afraid that I loved you. Or afraid I only thought I did. Afraid I really loved Bran and was being unfaithful. Afraid that Bran no longer loved me. Afraid of being queen. Afraid that you would leave me or find a mistress or a whole harem.”
She waved one hand in an arc as if accusing everyone present of being part of Achan’s harem. “That was what frightened me most, Achan Cham—that I would hold your interest briefly but never your heart. That another more comely than me would traipse by, and you would be gone after her, as all of your forefathers have done. I couldn’t bear to be only ‘the wife’ when a never-ending parade of women held your heart. That was why I never told you.”
Sir Caleb. The knock came quickly, but Achan ignored it. He might never get Sparrow to speak so freely again. He would not stop her, no matter what she accused him of.
She squeezed her hands together as if wringing juice from an orange. “My father had told me of King Axel’s reputation with women. And then you confirmed it.” Her teary gaze met his. “You said I could be your m-mistress. I just—”
“That was just a stray thought, Sparrow! Can’t a man’s thoughts be private? I was desperate to have you in my arms but thought I had to marry someone else for politics, for the good of the kingdom. I only wanted to find a way to have you.”
“But you thought it! It was my greatest fear, and you confirmed it.” She gasped in a breath. “I did not believe it safe to give you my heart. I did not think you loved Arman. I am not beautiful enough or strong enough to be a queen. Bran left me. My father left me. Sir Rigil never cared for me in such a way. I just knew your head would turn from me as easily as theirs had. I could not stand to marry you and be cast aside.”
Achan couldn’t help but glance at Bran and Sir Rigil. Had Sparrow once cared for Sir Rigil too? Both men’s eyes were downcast, expressions stoic. He looked back to Sparrow. “So you cast yourself aside in advance? To save yourself some hurt, you hurt yourself? What kind of way is that to live?”
She shrugged one shoulder. “A safe way?”
He released a gusty laugh. “Is this what you call safe? It’s not a safe way, Sparrow, it’s a pathetic and lonely way. Sparrow, sometimes life is scary. Get over it, and live.” With me! he wanted to add.
She sniffled and tipped her nose, so small and red, in the air. “I am trying to, Your Highness. That is why I have come.”
He scratched a hand through his own hair. “Well… good, then.” He became aware again of how silent the room was and just how many people were watching them. Heat crept up into his face.
“Your Highness?” Sir Caleb said.
Achan wheeled around, nearly falling off his step. “Yes?”
“Why don’t we move to the solar for Sir Eagan’s report? We could have some food brought up. Those not attending the meeting are welcome to eat here.”
Sparrow pushed to her feet. “Master Rennan needs a healer right away. He is wounded.”
Sir Caleb bowed. “Of course, my lady.”
Achan’s eyes widened at the exchange, for Sir Caleb, who had disdained all talk of Vrell Sparrow for the past few weeks, now treated her quite differently. And Sparrow… No wonder she’d always been such a bossy little thing. Duchess Amal’s daughter had been born and bred to rule Carm.
His stomach flipped in his gut. Oh, the things he’d said and done to this girl—to this noblewoman! Pig snout. He caught sight of the maroon sleeve on his arm out of the corner of his eye and looked back to Sparrow.
Arman? What exactly have You done?
It wasn’t long before they were all assembled in the solar. Achan sat at the head of a table and watched Sparrow, who hadn’t looked at him since her confession on the stairs.
She, Sir Eagan, Sir Jax, and Sir Rigil sat on one side of the table, eating like starved peasants. Sir Eagan sat on Achan’s right, with Sparrow on the far end. Esper sat opposite Achan, just around the corner from Sparrow’s place. Sir Caleb, Captain Demry, Inko, and Bodwin sat on the other side of the table. Shung and Manu stood by the door.
Bodwin’s gaze fell on Sparrow and Esper, and his expression darkened. “Why are women being present for such a meeting? It’s being bad luck to be having women involved in matters of war.”
“Lady Averella is here at my personal invitation,” Sir Eagan said.
Bodwin waved at Esper. “But Sir Caleb’s wife…”
“Is here as my chaperone,” Sparrow said. “Surely you must agree that it would be improper for a lady to be in a secluded meeting with ten men.”
“That never stopped you before,” Achan mumbled.
Sparrow’s cheeks flushed pink, and when she spoke, she still did not look his way. “That is true, Your Highness. But I am turning over a new petal in an effort to become the flower you once proclaimed me to be.”
This time Achan’s cheeks flamed, more so when he caught Shung’s smile. Something funny, Shung?
Shung’s grin widened.
“So tell us the tale, Sir Eagan,” Sir Caleb said. “How did you come to free the prisoners? And what brought you into the company of Lady Averella?”
“Well, Your Highness,” Sir Eagan said, “my report goes thusly. I entered Mahanaim with Captain Demry’s men. My mission was to slip up to the Hadad’s tower and assassinate him. Little did I know what Lady Averella and her companions were up to. Her tale must come first. Just as Captain Demry attacked, Lady Averella took a boat to a secret entrance to the dungeon. Posing as Lady Viola, she was able to reach the cell with the guard’s help. Then—and this part will please you, I suspect, Your Highness—Lady Averella took out the guard using a leg sweep.” Sir Eagan raised his dark eyebrows and smiled. “What do you think of that?”
Achan tried not to smile. “I’m glad she learned something in her time with us despicable men.”
Sir Caleb kicked Achan under the table.
Sparrow’s spine straightened. She tipped up her chin, but looked at her trencher when she spoke. “Besides the leg sweep, Your Highness, I also learned to scratch, burp, and spit during my time with you. So I too am thankful to have learned something useful.”
Esper held her hand over her mouth to suppress a giggle.
Achan drew in a breath, wanting to spit back something cutting, for Sparrow baited him like no other, but Sir Eagan clapped Achan’s shoulder.
“Then Lady Averella challenged the freed soldiers to weaken Mahanaim from the inside. Shortly thereafter, she, Madam Hoff, and Noam met up with me atop the Hadad’s tower. I pulled my knife on Lady Averella, for which I pray she forgives me.”
“Of course I forgive you, Father. There was a battle going on, and I was wearing armor and a helm over my face.”
Father. Achan looked from one to the other, seeing the similarities now. The hair, the round face, the light skin. How could he have missed it?
“How came you to wear this armor?” Sir Caleb asked.
“Noam and Gren scavenged it in the courtyard. We were helping some of the wounded as we made our way inside.”
Sir Eagan chuckled. “Which is where she got the title Iamos, for the men believed they saw the healing goddess, her brother, and her maiden walking among them.”
“I told them all that I was not Iamos,” Sparrow said. “No one wanted to hear it, though.”
“When I recognized Lady Averella, I put away my blade,” Sir Eagan said. “The Hadad’s tower was locked from inside. While Noam and I tried and failed to break down the door, Lady Averella went out
the window.”
“Of the watchtower?” Achan asked.
“Aye. Skirting the decorative ledge. Gowzals attacked her, but she still managed to dive in through the window and open the door. The Hadad awoke, though, and tried to control Averella, to make her kill me. But she fooled the old man and used Rhomphaia to finish him.”
A gasp escaped Achan. Sparrow had killed Macoun Hadar? He glanced at Sparrow, then back to Sir Eagan. “But Sir Gavin told me you killed Macoun Hadar.”
“Forgive me, Your Highness. I asked Sir Gavin to keep Averella’s presence a secret in case…” He rubbed the back of his neck and shifted in his chair.
“Go on with the story,” Achan said, not wanting to rekindle his anger at the deceit his advisors had carried on so long.
“When Macoun died, we saw the keliy for a moment. Strangest thing I ever saw. Then we got out of there. We met Sir Rigil, Master Rennan, and Sir Jax on our way back down. Then we found a boat and left Mahanaim.”
Sir Eagan went on to explain their trip into Nahar Forest, a man called Peripaso who led them past Ebens and through the mountains, their trouble with wolves, and how they arrived in Noiz.
Achan desperately wanted to speak to Sparrow’s mind, but something about the way she carried herself now intimidated him. And she would still not look his way. He forced himself to be patient. The words of her confession repeated like a song stuck in his head. All this time he had been betrothed to Sparrow! The fact made him turn away to hide his smile.
Then, as if he were having to go through it all again, he remembered that Duchess Amal had severed the agreement because her daughter had refused him. Sparrow had refused him. And he’d treated her horribly in the foyer.
Pig snout. But she had just said she was trying to be his flower petals, or something like that, hadn’t she? He needed a moment alone with her to figure all this out. Yet he feared it as well. For it might be his last chance, and what if he squandered it? Win Sparrow, or lose her forever.
Arman, do I even want her? She’s such a trial.
Yes, hang it all. For look how lovely she was. And fun. He missed her teasing barbs. Her nose in the air. Her captivating green eyes. Her pathetic use of a sword, though the fact that she had killed Macoun Hadar impressed him greatly.
Sir Eagan was still talking. Inko had asked him a question. “Going down one of the tunnels. Averella treated him.”
“Master Rennan is having his wound looked at by a healer, or he would be here now,” Sir Rigil said. “He has been a stalwart companion to us on this journey.”
“I’ll knight him as soon as he recovers,” Achan said. “If you have no arguments, Sir Rigil.”
Sir Rigil beamed. “None at all, Your Highness. The lad is due, in my opinion.”
“And I shall knight the man called Peripaso and Lady Averella as well.”
The room fell as silent as a calm sea.
Achan fixed his gaze on Sparrow, but she kept her head down, a torn piece of bread halfway to her lips.
“If not for Lady Averella—” Oh, how strange that name sounded on his tongue— “many of our knights would still be imprisoned, maybe eaten by the tanniyn. And Sir Eagan may never have found a way into the Hadad’s tower or managed to kill him. But she did.”
“But to be knighting a woman, Your Highness?” Bodwin said. “Has ever such a thing been happening?”
“Not that I’ve heard of.” Sir Caleb cast a withering glance at Achan. At least he hadn’t kicked him this time.
“Berland knights women,” Shung said from his place at the door.
“And why shouldn’t they?” Achan said. “Have not men been knighted for far less heroic deeds?”
“Be that as it may, Your Highness,” Sparrow said, turning her green eyes to Achan for the first time since entering this room, “I am no trained warrior. I am simply a servant of my master. I thank you though, for you show me great honor in the offer. But all I have done is for Arman’s glory. The Kingsguard knights, while brave and honorable and respectable, is not a place for me.”
“Well said, my lady,” Sir Caleb said, beaming.
Achan stared into those cat-like eyes. He had hoped his offer might at least make peace after having treated her so harshly in the great hall. Had it done that much?
The meeting went on. Sir Gavin had sent word to Sir Caleb that he had met with the Mârad general, and that Captain Chantry’s ships were nearing Armonguard. Achan did not speak or ask questions during Sir Caleb’s report, for he could focus on nothing but what had yet to be said between him and Sparrow.
“Unless you have something to add, Your Highness?” Sir Caleb said, drawing Achan’s attention to him.
“No,” Achan said, hoping he had missed nothing vital with his rambling thoughts. “Meeting adjourned.”
Everyone but Achan stood. Sparrow and Esper inched their way toward the door behind Inko and Bodwin.
Achan stood as well. “Sparrow, may I speak with you?”
She stopped where she was. Esper stepped around her and met Sir Caleb on the other side of the table.
“Your Highness,” Sir Caleb said, taking Esper’s hand. “She is Lady Averella, and you must not speak with her without a chaperone present.”
Heat flashed over Achan at Sir Caleb’s implication. He said nothing, however, for in all his time in his role as a prince, he had never once wished to spend a moment alone with any noblewoman. Sir Caleb had trained him how to behave, but this was Sparrow. He suddenly felt oafish and beneath her, for she knew how poor his manners really were. All the time they had spent together, she must have thought his behavior so coarse, so common, so rude.
Esper stepped back toward the table. “I will remain with Lady Averella if she would like to stay.”
“Thank you,” Sparrow said with a small curtsy.
“Very well.” Sir Caleb shot a warning glance at Achan and left the room.
And then there were four, since Shung remained beside the door and closed it behind Sir Caleb.
Sparrow hadn’t moved since she’d stopped on her path to the doorway. Esper took her elbow and tried to see her face.
Achan stood at the head of the table, feeling completely exposed. He glanced at Shung. Help me.
What can Shung do?
Something. Anything.
“Madam Agros,” Shung said. “We have not met.” His tone was stiff, his words more formal than any Achan had ever heard him speak. “I am Sir Shung Noatak from Berland. I have been in the prince’s service for several months now. I have much respect for Sir Caleb.”
Esper curtsied. “I am pleased to know you, Sir Shung. Sir Caleb is the finest of men.”
“Have you lived in Noiz long?” Shung asked.
Esper stepped closer to Shung. “For several years now.”
Lady Averella. Achan pushed past her shields as if they were made of steam. Her name felt strange, even in his mind.
She turned her gaze to his. She was likely exhausted from her journey. Her skin seemed paler than what was healthy, and she looked quite thin. Her moss-colored eyes contained as much mystery as ever.
What might it be like to know this woman for real?
She cocked one eyebrow, and her lips curved in a small smile. Yes, Your Highness?
Words were lost within him. He only knew he didn’t want to be parted from her, ever again. He couldn’t very well say that. I imagine you’re tired.
“I am indeed,” she said aloud.
Her words were soft, the sound of her voice hypnotic. Only one thing really mattered. One thing Achan needed to know. “Did you…” His eyebrows sank. “Remember?”
Shung and Esper continued to talk by the door. Sparrow lowered her gaze to where her fingers fidgeted with a pleat on her gown. Her eyelashes were long and dark and fell like soft shadows over her alabaster cheeks. Why did his thoughts turn to poetry when she was around? He wanted to grab her, squeeze out a favorable answer. But he waited—for what seemed an eternity to pass—before she finally spoke.
>
“I did.”
Small words to hold such power, but they emboldened him. “You became a man in order to avoid marriage,” he said, tossing the words she had used to reject him back at her.
“To someone horrible.” She reached into the neckline of her gown and pulled out a ring threaded on a length of twine she wore around her neck. She held the ring—his father’s signet ring—on her palm and raised it between them. “You are not so bad, right?”
She had kept the ring, all this time. And she was using his own words. Playing along. Their gazes locked, taking Achan to another time and place. He finished what he had told her the last time. “And I love you.”
She continued the exchange. “So it won’t be like marrying a man thrice my elder or one who only means to use me.”
“Nay.” He grinned, changing her former rejection to, “It would be better.”
Again her eyelashes fell to her cheeks, which were now flushed pink. “How can I know anything for certain? So much is muddled in my mind.”
“What assurance do you need?”
“That you love me and not my title or inheritance. I have given it up, so it is unlikely you would get it anyway.”
“Nothing has changed, Sparrow. I don’t want your inheritance. Here.” He took his father’s ring from her hand, lifted the cord over her head, and set it on the table. Then he ripped her sleeve from his arm and dropped it on top of the ring. “I cannot renounce the throne, for that is Arman’s call on my life, but…” He dug the gold coin with his father’s likeness out of his pocket and slapped it on the table. He drew his boot knife and cut the coin in half, surprised how easily the blade sank through the gold.
“This is how peasants often do it, maybe not with a gold coin, but a coin of some sort.” He held up the two halves, each pinched between his thumb and forefingers and hoped this would in no way offend her.
Sparrow’s eyes focused on one half and then the other, and then his face. “I do not understand.”
“Most peasants can’t afford the pomp of a marriage celebration and feast, so the local smithy witnesses their promise to one another.” He swallowed, wanting to say things just right. “You were right about me, Sparrow. I’m a man capable of unfaithfulness. I know because I was tempted recently. My father was such a man. And I am his son, so I could be just like him. I feel that weakness inside, calling to me. But I won’t give it ears. You see, I have prayed that Arman will help me be a better man than my father. To make a different path for me and my sons. Arman has changed me, and I know that with His help, and yours, I will not betray you.”
From Darkness Won Page 42
