Bram raked a hand through his hair and he sent her a hard look. ‘It was nothing like that. I remember…most of the fight.’
‘Do you?’ She doubted it. And from the uncertainty on his face, it was clear that he had been caught up with pieces of the past.
‘I don’t think you should go after Callum,’ she said bluntly. ‘Let your brothers bring him back.’
‘They don’t know Cairnross the way I do,’ he argued. ‘And I left him behind once. I’ll not do it again.’
She stood, walking slowly towards him. Gently, she took his wrists and raised his hands in front of his face. Bram’s fingers were trembling and he had no control over the agitated movement.
‘I know you want to protect him. But you need more time. You don’t eat. You don’t sleep. How can you possibly help him when you’re like this?’
‘I don’t have time to waste, Nairna. With every moment I spend here, it’s another second he’s suffering.’ His eyes were dark with fury.
He pulled his hands free, as if he had no intention of abandoning his quest. ‘Don’t try to stop me from fighting. It’s something I have to do.’
Nairna tried a different approach. Softening her voice, she asked, ‘Are you trying to punish yourself for what happened?’
The guilt in his eyes revealed it. If he died trying to free his brother, he wouldn’t care.
‘I gave Callum my word.’ Bram moved away from her, walking to the edge of the clearing, where the valley lay below them. ‘And I keep my promises.’
She took a deep breath, wondering why she was trying to convince him at all. ‘Why did you bring me here?’ she asked, changing the subject.
‘It’s where we’re going to live. If it pleases you.’
A home…and land of their own? She’d never guessed they would ever possess such a valuable place. She glanced around. Though several trees needed to be cleared, the ridge was in a strategic location above the valley. From here, they could see invaders from miles away. It was beautiful and wild, but even so, it struck her as isolated.
‘Did your brother grant you the land?’
‘He did.’ Bram’s hand rested at his side, and he added, ‘I refused to assume his position as chief, though it was my father’s wish.’
She nearly asked why, but kept silent. It was clear that Bram had no desire to take his brother’s place. And in return, Alex had granted him land worthy of his birthright.
‘What sort of house will you build?’ she asked. The land wasn’t suited for farming, but the lush grasses were perfect for sheep or goats.
‘As long as it’s dry and warm, it doesn’t matter to me, Nairna. You can choose whatever sort of shelter you want. My kinsmen will help us to build it.’
Bram stared out at the hills, crouching on one knee. He reached for a clump of grass, tearing out a handful. He let the grasses slip from his fingers until he held nothing in his palm. ‘You truly don’t believe I can get Callum back, do you?’
Heaviness weighed down his voice, and though she had no wish to hurt him, neither would she lie.
‘Not the way you are now, no.’ She moved towards him as he stood up.
‘You don’t think I’m strong enough.’ He took her hands and brought them to his shoulders. She felt the tight muscles, the lean strength that could not be denied. And he wanted her to know it.
‘Strength doesn’t matter when you’re facing arrows or swords,’ she answered. A knot caught in her throat and she grew more aware of how close he stood to her. If she moved a few inches forwards, her face would be pressed against the warmth of his chest.
‘I suppose I shouldn’t have come back for you, Nairna.’ He turned her to face the open meadow, framed by the tall green mountains. ‘I’m not much of a husband, am I?’
He removed his cloak, setting it over her shoulders. The wool still held the warmth of his skin and she drew it around her, as though it were an embrace.
‘I don’t suppose I’m much of a wife, either,’ she admitted, the buried pain rising up again.
‘Why would you say that?’
She hugged her waist and wondered how to tell him what needed to be said. He deserved the truth and it was wrong to keep it from him. She stared at the hills rising in the distance, her eyes burning with unshed tears.
‘Because you’ll want children and I can’t give them to you.’
Bram said nothing at first. He didn’t even look at her, but kept his gaze fixed upon the gleaming loch that shimmered through the trees. Her spirits lowered and she added, ‘For three years we tried. And…nothing.’
His damning silence bothered her. She supposed she’d hoped he would reassure her, but he didn’t. He kept staring at the valley below, and with every second that passed, her spirits sank lower. She couldn’t read his thoughts to know whether he was angry or whether he simply didn’t care.
Nairna turned to walk away, needing a few moments to pull her hurt feelings back together. She only got a few paces before Bram caught up to her. He pulled her into an embrace, lowering his face to her hair. She stood with him, surrounded by nothing except the misty air and the wooded hills. His strong arms held her tight, and the quiet action said more than any words ever could.
Her tears dampened his tunic, and she felt another piece of her heart beginning to crumble away.
Chapter Eight
‘Laren,’ Alex said, catching her by the arm as she was returning to the keep. ‘Why didn’t you come below stairs last night?’
Laren flinched at her husband’s sharp tone. Leaning down to her children, she murmured, ‘Go on to your chamber, girls. I’ll join you in a moment.’
Her four-year-old daughter Mairin stared at them with a troubled gaze, but she obeyed, holding Adaira’s chubby arm in her hand.
In her husband’s eyes, she saw the embarrassment and frustration that she hadn’t greeted the visitors to Glen Arrin. But he didn’t know the truth.
Last night, she’d sat upon the spiral stone stairs, watching the festivities from above. She couldn’t bear being surrounded by so many people drinking and laughing. It was easier to remain back in the shadows where no one would notice her.
She’d seen Alex’s brother Bram and the way he’d looked at his wife with such intense longing. It had been years since Alex had looked at her that way.
Right now, there was only disappointment on his face.
‘I was with the girls,’ she lied. ‘I couldn’t leave them.’
‘He’s my brother, Laren. You should have come.’
She didn’t deny it, for Alex was right. But he didn’t understand how out of place she felt among the MacKinlochs. She’d never felt welcome as their Lady, and more than a few whispered about her behind her back. They didn’t understand how awful it was for her.
‘Where are Bram and his wife now?’ she asked.
‘I gave them the land on top of the ridge to build a house. Last night, I had to put them in the grain shed, because there was no place else for them to sleep.’
She didn’t miss the subtle chastisement, but even their own quarters were just as bad. The roof leaked and it was cold at night. Likely the grain shed was more comfortable.
‘I want to have a welcoming celebration tonight,’ Alex added. ‘Could you arrange it?’
The idea made her slightly panicked, for she had no other women to help her. The MacKinloch men, though strong fighters, wouldn’t dream of setting foot in the kitchens. As only one woman, with her girls, it would be next to impossible.
‘I don’t know,’ she admitted. There was food enough, but the preparations would take a great deal of time.
‘Brodie has some geese you could roast,’ Alex suggested. ‘And I’ll send Dougal to help you.’
With the women gone, the task would be nearly impossible. Laren didn’t know how to feed so many men, and if she failed in this, it would only give her husband another reason to be frustrated with her.
Their marriage hadn’t been the same in the two years since
he’d become the MacKinloch chief. He hardly ever talked to her anymore, and he slept on the far side of the bed. They’d grown apart, despite five years of marriage.
But then Alex rested a hand upon her shoulder. The touch of his palm warmed her, and as she looked into his dark eyes, the sudden ache of longing came over her.
‘I’ll do what I can,’ she whispered, even knowing that she likely couldn’t succeed.
Alex let his hand fall back to his side. ‘We’re leaving in the morning for Cairnross. If you hadn’t heard, our brother Callum is a prisoner there.’ He stared at the outdoors, adding, ‘I’d rather leave Bram here, but he’s too damned stubborn. If we’re not careful, he’ll get himself killed.’
‘Be careful,’ she urged. The bleak fear in her heart threatened to crack apart the tight control over her feelings. But when she took a step closer, Alex moved aside, his gaze and thoughts focused elsewhere.
As her husband left the keep, she wondered if there would ever come a time when he would look at her with love again.
Bram worked for the next few hours, sweat rolling down his tunic as he lifted stones for the foundation of their house. The punishing work made his arms ache, but he was accustomed to the labour. Nairna wasn’t.
His wife struggled to lift stones that were too heavy for her and he could see the over-exertion in her face. ‘Leave them,’ he advised. ‘You can help me with the framing later.’
She pushed a strand of brown hair out of her face, looking frustrated. ‘I wish I were stronger. You shouldn’t have to do this by yourself.’
‘I don’t mind. And we won’t be working much longer. The sun will set soon.’ He hefted another stone and laid it into the trench he’d dug, aligning it with the previous stone until they were level.
When he stood, Nairna was in front of him. Worry twisted in her face and she touched his shoulder. ‘I should have told you before, about not being able to have children.’
In her eyes he saw the guilt. And he knew he ought to tell her words of comfort, saying something to make her feel better. But he lacked the right words. Instead, he simply shook his head. ‘Don’t let it trouble you.’
‘It does.’ Her voice was heavy with tears. ‘I hope things will be different…with us. But I thought you should know, it probably won’t be.’
She looked so upset, he didn’t know what in the name of the saints she expected him to say. If he told her he didn’t care, she’d believe he was lying. Did she expect him to blame her? He was glad she hadn’t become pregnant. If she’d borne a son to another man, it would have eaten him up inside. Even now, it felt like a knife twisting in his flesh, just to think of Iver MacDonnell touching her.
He gave a shrug, trying not to make too much of her distress. Right now, he wanted to build a shelter for them, a place where they could be alone from everyone else. But as he reached for another stone, his lack of response seemed to flare up Nairna’s anger.
‘Doesn’t it matter to you at all?’ she demanded. Her green eyes were fiery, her skin flushed.
Bram set the stone aside when Nairna moved closer. She was saying something about how he ought to care more about whether or not they had a family, but he didn’t pay much heed to her words. He was watching the way her mouth moved and the way her gown was damp from her earlier exertion.
‘Bram.’ Nairna frowned. ‘Aren’t you listening?’
‘Not really.’ He led her across the clearing to a small waterfall that spilled in a rivulet down the hillside into a stream. ‘You’re worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet.’ He reached into the clear water and scooped up a handful. ‘Have a drink. You look thirsty.’
She looked at him in disbelief. ‘I don’t understand you. I thought you’d be angry.’
‘Why would I be angry over something that’s in God’s hands anyway?’ He held up the water to her lips and she bent to drink from his hands. ‘If we’re meant to have a child, then we will.’ He touched his damp fingers to her face. ‘We haven’t even tried yet.’
Her face coloured, but it seemed he’d softened her anger. She lifted a handful of water to him in return and Bram sipped from her fingers. He held her fingers a moment, before Nairna pulled them away.
She bent down and collected a smooth stone from the stream bed. ‘Do you remember when we used to skip stones?’
He did. They’d spent hours talking together, wagering over who could skip stones the furthest. ‘You were never any good at it,’ he said, picking up a stone of his own. ‘Or has that changed?’
She tossed the stone into the air and caught it. ‘I don’t know if it has or not.’ When she flicked her wrist, trying to send the stone across the water, it sank to the bottom. ‘Clearly not.’
Bram tossed his own stone and it skipped the water three times. He kept his satisfaction hidden and reached for another stone.
‘I suppose you’re going to boast now.’
‘No boasting.’ But he had another idea. Moving behind her, he pressed his second stone into her right hand. ‘I’ll teach you how.’
His left arm curled around her waist, his right hand showing her how to move her wrist. ‘It’s all a matter of timing.’ His voice rumbled against her ear and Nairna shivered.
‘You have to hold it gently.’ His left hand moved up to her ribcage, caressing her. ‘Not too firm.’
He brought his hips up against her and she sent him a suspicious look. ‘From where I’m standing, it feels rather firm to me.’
He tightened his grasp, his arousal moving against her bottom. ‘Sometimes firm can be a good thing.’
An unexpected smile broke over her face. ‘Show me.’
He released her and reached for the ties at his trews. ‘If you insist.’
‘No,’ she laughed, clutching at his tunic. ‘Skipping stones, I meant.’
‘Oh. That.’ He didn’t hide his wickedness this time and took her back in his arms. Holding her hand, he demonstrated how to send the stone across the water, but when Nairna tried, she kept using too much force.
‘You’re not trying to stone the water, Nairna. Go softer.’
After several practice attempts, she started to improve. The sixth try resulted in a stone that skipped twice before it sank.
She beamed at him and he was caught by the warmth in her smile. He wanted to kiss her, to reclaim the lost years between them. But the sound of approaching horses interrupted the moment.
‘I suppose you’ll have to show me later,’ she said with regret, as Ross and Alex arrived. Bram tossed the stone into the water as his brother dismounted and walked towards them.
‘We’re hosting a feast tonight to celebrate your return home,’ Alex said.
‘There’s no need for that.’ Bram hated crowds of people and a feast would only pinpoint their attention on him.
‘Everyone is wanting a reason to celebrate. You’ve given them a good excuse to drink too much ale and forget their troubles.’
Bram made no response and he wished he had an excuse not to go. But he could see from Nairna’s face that she wanted to.
‘Come as soon as you’re able,’ Alex offered and raised a hand in farewell, as he and Ross departed.
When they’d gone, Nairna reached for her mantle. ‘I should go and help with the preparations.’
‘I don’t want a feast, Nairna.’ He’d rather remain here, away from his kinsmen who would ask questions he didn’t want to answer.
‘They’re your family,’ she said. ‘You have to attend.’
He stared at her, shaking his head. ‘I came home without Callum. It’s nothing worth celebrating.’ If they knew the terrible price he’d paid for his freedom, a feast would be the last thing on their mind.
‘Go on without me,’ he urged. ‘Help Laren if that’s your wish. I’ll continue to work on our house.’
‘Your brother will expect you to be there,’ she said, reaching up to touch his face. ‘Don’t disappoint him.’
Bram let his hands linger upon her,
wishing Nairna weren’t so intent upon returning to the keep. But he let her go, knowing that a woman like his wife thrived around people and gatherings. She would want to be there, lending a hand with the food and the people.
He didn’t know if he could stand to see their pitying looks. Nor could he answer, when they asked what he’d done to escape.
All around the fortress torches flickered. Nairna stopped to wash her face and hands; to her surprise, she smelled fish and…was that roasted goose? Her stomach rumbled, and she wondered what preparations remained.
When she entered the Hall, Alex stood at the far end, speaking to his kinsmen. A woman hung back in the shadows, her long red hair gleaming in the firelight. Beautiful and serene, the woman remained in the background, shying away from the men who argued over the food and drink at the trestle tables below.
It had to be the Lady of Glen Arrin, Nairna guessed. As she walked forwards, several of the men fought over the platters of food, even coming to blows. She winced when one man went sprawling on the floor after another punched him in the jaw.
But no one made a move to stop them. Nairna looked up at the dais, but the fighting seemed to have no effect upon the chief of Glen Arrin.
When she reached them, Alex rose in greeting. He glanced behind her, as if searching for Bram. He introduced her to the woman, saying, ‘Nairna, this is my wife Laren.’
Laren ventured a timid smile and Nairna returned it. Alex’s wife might be her only female ally in this place and she was grateful to meet her at last.
‘Where is Bram?’ Alex demanded. ‘Didn’t he come with you?’
‘He was finishing up some of the work on our house,’ she explained. And though she knew Bram didn’t want a feast in his honour, she supposed he would come eventually. ‘He’ll be here soon enough.’
Laren nodded, but said nothing. She looked painfully uncomfortable beside her husband, as if she wanted to be anywhere but here. At Alex’s suggestion, Nairna came and sat beside the Lady of Glen Arrin.
It was then that she noticed Laren was wearing gloves at the table. It struck her as odd, but no one else made any comment about it. Perhaps that was simply her habit.
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