Thoughts of the child itself insinuated themselves into Gabriel’s mind at odd moments, and he had found himself considering a small girl with golden hair and unusual violet eyes like her beautiful mother. At this point, he would experience a surge of terror and push the image away as fast as he could.
Just focus on today, Gabriel. He put his head in his hands and tried to breathe as the image of the child kept creeping back behind his eyes. Dear God, what if she was like him? The idea made him want to be sick. The Greyston family had long been known for instability. There were numerous anecdotes of ancestors who had been strange at best, some so disturbed that they’d been locked up. Too many years of inbreeding, no doubt. How could he have done such a thing as create a child? Of all the wicked things he’d done in his lifetime, this had to be the foulest.
He’d been so careful until Crecy, and had denied his own pleasure rather than risk the possibility of leaving a bastard behind him. But with her, all sense had escaped him, he’d been so caught in her spell, so wholly lost in her that the thought had never even crossed his mind.
Thoughts of his own father came to mind and he shivered with revulsion. Well, this child would not suffer that, at least. Edward was a good man. Gabriel had hated him for so long that it was hard to admit it, but he knew at heart that his child would be safe and loved at Longwold. It was small comfort, but there was little enough of that in his life to be satisfied by it. One thing was for sure, Gabriel was not fit to be a father. Thoughts of what could happen if he lost his temper or if the child made a mess made fear crawl up his throat until he felt he would choke.
No. He would see that Crecy and the child were safe, that they had everything they needed, and then they would never see him again.
Chapter 25
“Wherein Crecy runs away.”
Crecy was more than relieved to discover that Edward and Belle had slept in after the drama of the night before. So she was able to eat breakfast alone, without any difficult questions to answer or anyone to notice how badly her hands were trembling.
As it was, her appetite had deserted her, and she simply drank some weak tea and nibbled the corner of a piece of dry toast in the hopes the nausea she had come to accept as part of her pregnancy would subside. She realised as she glanced up at the clock that she hadn’t even thought to ask Gabriel where they were going. Not that it mattered. As long as they were together, she didn’t really care about the details, but she had to admit to a little curiosity.
For a moment, she allowed herself to daydream about it, about a place where she could go to sleep in Gabriel’s arms and wake with him beside her. The thought brought a rather dreamy and wistful smile to her mouth. Despite her nerves, her guilt at leaving Belle in such a deceitful way, and all of her fears for the future, she felt hope that things were going to be all right. She would do all she could to bring Gabriel to trust her. Surely, with all the love she had in her heart for him and her dogged determination, surely that could overcome anything?
Her breakfast finished, Crecy returned to her bedroom. At least there was nothing for her to pack, and though she regretted some of the things she must leave behind, she hoped that it would not be forever. Belle loved her too well to never see her again, no matter the shame that she was about to bring down upon herself and her family. She swallowed down the sadness that idea gave her and reached for the letter that she had hidden in her bedside drawer, leaving it tucked just out of sight on the mantelpiece. It was addressed to Belle, and hopefully they would find it when she was still missing by dinner time. After last night’s outburst, she doubted it would be such a surprise as it might have been, but she didn’t doubt at all that Belle would be horrified.
She had tried to convey in the letter just how wrong they were about Gabriel, but she knew in the light of the fact she’d run away with him with no offer of marriage, that it was likely her words would fall on stony ground. She hadn’t even mentioned the child. Not yet. That was too much for Belle to take in all in one go. She could not be so cruel. But she would have to tell her. When they were settled, she would write again and explain everything, as best she could, at least.
Crecy took one last look around her bedroom before putting on her pelisse and bonnet. It was her favourite one, which she had bought whilst in London, and she wanted Gabriel to see it, for she knew it suited her. A bright, cerulean blue velvet, it made her feel hopeful as it put her in mind of blue skies and sunny days. The carriage dress below it was the same colour, though in India muslin, and Crecy felt sure that Gabriel would like it. That he wouldn’t say so was a thought so obvious that she didn’t consider it. Gabriel said very little at all, but that he felt a great deal was something she had always known. It was just a case of figuring out what was going on in his head, and she felt she was perhaps becoming more accustomed to that.
Crecy was early as she walked down the long, winding driveway from Longwold to the village. She had forced herself to walk slowly as she left the house, so as not to raise suspicion, but now that she was out of sight, she lengthened her strides, looking over her shoulder with anxious glances. She would not fail at this late stage.
To her relief, Gabriel was already there waiting for her, his glossy black carriage and horses gleaming in the spring sunshine. He got down from the carriage, looking serious and not the least like a lover running away with his mistress, but Crecy didn’t care. His black hair shone blue and he was as large and stern and imposing a figure as ever, and it took all of her self-control not to pick up her skirts and run to him. But she had promised herself to take things slowly, not to push him, and so she just took his hand, smiling up at him as her heart lifted. Suddenly her guilt and fears were gone. This was right. She knew it was.
“Hello,” she said, quite unable to keep the smile from her voice.
“Good morning.”
Gabriel looked tense, awkward, and so she thought it best they get going as soon as possible.
“Shall we, then?” She grinned at him, gesturing at the carriage.
“You’re very perky for a young woman running away from home,” he muttered, frowning at her.
Crecy allowed him to hand her up into the carriage, and sent him an arch look as he sat down opposite her. “If you haven’t discovered by now that I am a strange and contrary creature, I do despair of you, Gabriel,” she said, sounding rather tart, though her eyes must be filled with laughter.
Gabriel snorted and banged on the carriage roof, and the conveyance lurched forward a little, swaying as they moved off.
Crecy caught her breath as she realised she was really doing this. Good Lord, she was unmarried, almost four months pregnant, and running away to God knew where with her lover. Being every bit as contrary as she’d just stated, she could not but help the smile that curved over her mouth.
She looked up to find Gabriel watching her, his eyes curious, and her smile only grew.
“Shouldn’t you be weeping into a handkerchief or something?” he grumbled, looking perplexed. “You do realise what we are doing?”
Crecy chuckled, finding herself thoroughly entertained by his chagrin. “Of course. I’ve been telling you from the start that I would run away with you. It’s you that doesn’t believe a word I say,” she replied, shaking her head as she stripped off her gloves. It was a lovely spring day and really quite warm behind the glass of the carriage window. She gave him a direct look. “Would you prefer it if I cried, Gabriel? I can try if you would like me to?” Crecy struggled to keep her face straight, but managed to make the words sound perfectly serious.
“Good God, no,” he replied, looking perfectly revolted by the idea, but as he turned away to look out of the window, Crecy thought she saw a smile tug at his lips, and felt satisfied that she had amused him.
“Where are we going?” she asked, drawing his attention back to her again.
“I wondered when you were going to ask that,” he said, his tone dry. “For all you know, I’m going to cart you half way around the wor
ld with me.”
Crecy shrugged. “I don’t care, as long as I’m with you.”
Gabriel sighed, looking exasperated. “Well, you should care,” he snapped, folding his arms in a way that looked like it put his coat under remarkable strain as his powerful arms bulged. “You’re carrying my child.”
Drawing her eyes from his impressive musculature with difficulty, Crecy just smiled at him. “I’m in perfect health, Gabriel, please don’t worry.”
“Have you seen a doctor then?” he demanded, those dark, indigo eyes flashing as Crecy realised that he really was frightened for her.
“Of course not.” She tried to soften her words as she understood his concern, but surely he well knew she hadn’t seen a doctor. How could she? He was merely being sarcastic to make a point.
“So how the devil do you know you are in perfect health?”
Crecy drew in a breath and remembered that she was going to be patient with him. “Because pregnancy is not an illness, and apart from the dreadful sickness in the mornings I feel perfectly fine.”
“You didn’t look fine at that ball,” he persisted, his voice a growl of discontent. “You looked pale and ill and like you might pass out at any moment.”
She sighed and leaned back in her seat, staring at him with a fond expression. “That’s because I was utterly wretched without you,” she said, quite unable to give him anything but the truth. “I feel much better now.”
He frowned and cast her a puzzled look from beneath his dark brows before grunting and looking out of the window. Crecy smiled. I’ll get you yet, Gabriel, just you wait.
“You still haven’t told me where we’re going,” she said, watching as he glanced back at her.
“France,” he said, offering nothing more in the way of information. “We’re going to France.”
***
They made Bristol by precisely five minutes to one o’clock, and Crecy could only smile at Gabriel’s organisational skills. Lunch was ready for them the moment they arrived in the private parlour of a neat little inn. The meal was identical to that which he would have eaten at home, and she wondered just how precise the instructions he had sent ahead had been.
By the time Crecy had freshened up and returned to him, Gabriel had the table arranged with military precision and was staring at the clock with irritation as it now showed three minutes past.
“Forgive me,” she said, leaning over and giving him an impulsive kiss on the cheek before picking up her knife and fork. Gabriel glanced at her but said nothing, turning his attention to his meal. Crecy discovered that her appetite had quite returned to her and that she was utterly famished. She devoured everything on the table with gusto and quite happily accepted the serving girl’s offer of apple pie and cream. This was so good, in fact, that she ordered a second helping. She’d just taken her first mouthful, feeling rather gluttonous and very contented, when she looked up to see Gabriel watching her with amusement.
She chewed and swallowed, raising her eyebrows at him. “What?”
“Hungry, were you?” he asked, his mouth twitching a little.
Crecy gave a haughty little sniff, smoothing out her napkin in a dignified manner before picking up her spoon again and scooping up a generous mouthful. “I am eating for two, you know,” she returned, before digging in with relish and with a twinkle in her eye. Crecy returned her attention to her bowl because it really was extremely good, and then looked up with a start of surprise as Gabriel chuckled. She could not help the heartfelt smile that curved over her mouth. Everything was going to be all right.
After their meal, she was rather surprised when there was a knock on the door and a rosy-cheeked, plump young woman came in at Gabriel’s invitation.
“Good day, my lord. I’m Beth Dean.” Crecy looked up as Gabriel rose and the girl bobbed a curtsey.
“Thank you for coming, Miss Dean.” He turned and gestured towards Crecy. “This is Miss Holbrook, whom you will be working for.” The girl looked Crecy over with wide eyes, barely suppressing what looked like an ooh of astonishment as she looked over Crecy’s stylish London outfit.
Crecy blinked in surprise. When Gabriel had said that he would make all the arrangements, it had never occurred to her that he would make all the arrangements. She wondered what on earth else he’d arranged, especially as the Miss Holbrook had appeared to give the girl a moment’s pause.
Crecy got to her feet and greeted Beth with a smile. “Hello, Beth, I’m very pleased to meet you.”
Beth returned the smile, relaxing as it became obvious Crecy wasn’t going to be the snooty kind of mistress who would barely acknowledge the existence of a maid.
“I’m right happy to be here, Miss Holbrook,” she said, looking like she meant it. “I hope you’ll be pleased with my work.”
“I’m sure I shall be,” Crecy replied with a reassuring smile. She found she meant it, too. The girl had an open, pleasant face and kind brown eyes, and Crecy thought they should get along splendidly, providing the girl didn’t shock easily.
“They’ve shown you to your room?” Gabriel enquired, sounding as gruff as ever. Crecy hid a smile as Beth shot a rather anxious look in his direction. She nodded and stammered a reply in the affirmative. “We leave at seven AM, sharp,” he continued, making the girl pale further. “The tide is at eight fifteen and I have no desire to be late.”
“Yes, my lord,” she said, still staring at him and quailing a little. “I’ll make sure everything is ready in good time.”
Gabriel nodded his acceptance of her words and Beth curtsied again, then hurried from the room.
“You’ve thought of everything, haven’t you?” Crecy said, looking at him with obvious admiration. Gabriel looked a little awkward.
“I don’t like disorder,” he said, sounding rather grumpy, as though he’d been caught out in caring for her and looking after her needs.
“No,” Crecy said, giving a serious nod and holding back her smile. “I know.”
They went for a walk around Bristol after lunch, and Crecy thought she had never felt happier, her hand on Gabriel’s arm as they strolled around the shops. A book shop was an obvious magnet for both of them, and Crecy quite startled Gabriel by giving a crow of delight when she laid her hands on a copy of Frankenstein.
“I thought you’d ordered a copy?” he demanded as she waved the book under his nose with a triumphant expression.
“I did,” she said, frowning. “Only I never got to Bath to collect it. I suppose I shouldn’t buy two copies,” she said, looking at the horrific price of the book and knowing she was being dreadfully extravagant.
Gabriel tutted and rolled his eyes. “Oh, give it here,” he muttered, and added it to his own selection, which quite made Crecy’s day.
The only fly in the ointment came at bedtime. Crecy glared at her bed with a mutinous expression before flinging back the covers and removing the warming pan. She had expected Gabriel to be warming her bed tonight, but apparently he was prepared to run off with her but not debauch her until they got to his home.
So with a frustrated sigh, Crecy flounced onto the bed and sulked until she fell asleep.
Chapter 26
“Wherein a long journey, a welcome arrival, and a home are discovered.”
Crecy got into the carriage at Le Havre with a sigh of relief. The past two days at sea had been wearing, to say the least. Gabriel was clearly not at his most relaxed whilst travelling - to put it mildly - and did his best to save her from this by avoiding her entirely. As it happened, Crecy did not complain, as the seas were rough, compounding her morning sickness until she felt like she would die from it. Even now, she was certain she could feel the swell and roll of the waves beneath her, though the carriage wasn’t even moving. She swallowed hard and tried to ignore it.
It was barely eight o’clock. The boat had made port in the early hours of the morning and Gabriel was clearly keen that they reach their destination as soon as possible, as he’d insisted everyone was up at
the crack of dawn. Not being a morning person by any stretch of the imagination, this had not helped her disposition. Crecy strongly suspected that Gabriel had not slept at all; otherwise in his present state of mind, they’d have been waiting for him until lunchtime. He’d probably begun getting ready instead of going to bed. The idea saddened her, but she was determined to help put him at his ease once they were settled.
Beth, at least, was a godsend, and had already earned Crecy’s undying gratitude. She had been sympathetic to her mistress’ distress without fussing, and when Crecy had decided that she’d best tell her about her condition at once and before she guessed, the girl had barely blinked.
“That’s all right, miss,” she said, barely looking up as she unpacked a very pretty nightgown from the surprisingly comprehensive chest of items that Gabriel had provided for her comfort. “I helped my eldest sister deliver two of hers. I know what’s what.”
With that little drama over without so much as a blink, Crecy felt her last hurdle had been successfully cleared. But that had been before the boat set sail.
Crecy opened her eyes as Gabriel got in the carriage and it swayed into motion.
“Are you feeling better?” he asked, sounding rather anxious. “Miss Dean informs me you have been quite poorly.”
“Oh, Gabriel, please don’t talk about it,” Crecy said, shaking her head and putting her hands to her stomach as another wave of nausea hit. To her surprise, Gabriel moved, sitting beside her. He turned her head to look at her more closely.
“You’re very pale,” he noted, sounding more unsettled than ever.
Crecy sighed, knowing she must try and be well, for he’d only fret her to death with his worries if she wasn’t.
“I’m fine now, tired is all,” she lied, smiling at him. “It was just that dreadful boat. I didn’t get a lot of sleep.”
To Tame a Savage Heart Page 22
