by Blair Aaron
“Don't you remember me?” Jaidon said, as he threw his fist across Maddox's jaw.
Carter, who had been watching from the sidelines with stones in his stomach, stepped forward. “That's not fair! Back off fucker!”
Jaidon turned around to zero in on Carter like an eagle for his prey. “Do you know who you're talking to buddy? I could take your skinny ass in a heartbeat. Are you his friend? You two butt fuck buddies?”
Carter didn't back down when he saw Jaidon come within two inches of his neck with a knife. Somewhere in the recesses of his unconscious, Carter could sense that his life was on the verge of being completely different than it ever had been. He was a billiard ball rolling toward the edge of the pool table, about to bounce right off in an entirely new direction. He swallowed hard.
“Or,” Jaidon smiled, “are you lovers?”
“Just friends, that watch each others' backs.”
“Let's test it and see, then,” Jaidon said as he thumped Carter across his nose. Carter didn't flinch, but as Jaidon raised his fist to punch Carter again, he was pulled back from behind by Maddox. Maddox straddled him and wailaid his face in a quick succession of punches. Maddox wrapped his hands around the guy's neck to choke him off. In his eyes, Carter could see the defensive and possessiveness Maddox had for him. Maddox would protect him at the cost of his life.
The angry expression Maddox changed all of a sudden into a curious look of surprise. He looked down at the switchblade sticking out of his sternum.
“No!” Carter screamed and ran over to Maddox. Right as he reached Maddox, the cops pulled Jaidon away. “I got him. I told you I'd get him.”
Carter knew this would end badly, as the sinking feeling he'd been enduring became all encompassing. He watched as Maddox Stern, the love of his life, died right in his arms that day.
IV
When Lee Ann asked Stetson about bringing along Brock for the ride, he was almost too shocked to be mad. This was the annual trip he and his girlfriend went on in order to have endless amounts of sex, free from the prying ears of neighbouring apartments and interruptive habits of her friends' cell phones. There was nothing between Brock and Lee Ann, she promised Stetson several times over the few weeks leading up to the trip. It was just that Brock needed some space from his girlfriend, and Lee Ann was the only person he was close to that he could trust. So Stetson agreed on two conditions—Brock must not come alone and he must sleep on the other end of the cabin, with whomever he brought with him. There was nothing Stetson hated more than having his privacy breached by another person without his permission, and the thought of that little prick Brock listening to his muddled grunts during orgasm made Stetson irrational with anger.
“Look,” Brock said, taking the rifle out of Stetson's hands, “you've got to shoot like this. Put your trigger finger on the side of the carriage until you're ready to shoot. Like this, see?”
They were deer hunting, sitting in the cold wooden cabin tied to a tree, watching a deer meander through the forest. Lee Ann came along, because she had no one else to hang out with. Plus, perhaps unsurprisingly, Brock's date had back out at the last minute.
Brock pulled the trigger, and the deer ran off under the wooden explosion caused by his richoeted bullet. Stetson jerked the rifle out of his hand, without saying what he really wanted to say, which was, “Listen you little piss ant. What I'd like to do with this rifle is blow your fucking brains out.”
“Yeah man it was the wind. I know it was.”
“Yeah sure it was,” Stetson said. He adjusted his cowboy hat, letting the cold mountain air run across his thick brown hair. “Move aside.”
“OK man, let's see if you can do any better,” Brock said.
They waited for several minutes as a deer miraculously came into a clearing. Stetson raised his rifle, turned off the scope, and sat there.
“Take the shot now man,” Brock said. “Take it.”
Stetson stared through the window at the deer. The deer moved behind a clearing and in between two trees, obscuring most of its body.
Stetson looked over at Brock to give him a warning.
“Boy you've got one chance to keep your hole shut or the next thing I'm gonna shoot after this here deer is your dumb ass.”
Brock wouldn't meet Stetson's gaze. “Yes sir.”
Stetson looked one moment out the window and pulled the trigger. The deer feel instantly.
“Hot damn,” Lee Ann said.
Brock chuckled. “Was a fluke.”
—
They were driving back in the blue pickup on the way back to the cabin in silence. Brock was intimidated by Stetson and he showed it. But what's more is that Brock clearly wanted to impress Lee Ann, and Stetson was in the way of that. Stetson couldn't ignore anymore what he'd known to be true. Brock wasn't just a friend to Lee Ann—maybe she truly thought that, innocent as she was—but he wanted in her pants. Maybe he was playing the long con and hoped Lee Ann would see something in him that she had missed before. Maybe he was competing with Stetson today when they were hunting. The bottom line, though, is that Stetson trusted Lee Ann with his life; she had earned that trust through years and years of constant and subtle tests Stetson gave her—in the way she treated his father on his deathbed, how she warmed up to Stetson's German sheperd. He loved Lee Ann, and Lee Ann loved him. That much he was sure of. As he pulled up into the gravel driveway of their weekend cabin, he decided to let his love for his girlfriend diffuse the anger and rage he had for Brock once again. He just let it go.
They stepped inside the cabin, cold as ice. The living room was bare and musty because they hadn't been to the cabin in over a year. A few rats ran back into their holes in the wall, and Lee Ann immediately went over to the heater to turn it up full blast. Brock walked back into the hallway.
“Hey where's my bedroom. Is it this big one, Lee? Why don't you take a nap with me?” Brock was clearly busting Stetson's balls. He laughed.
Stetson walked to the closet near the back door and opened it. “This here's your room.”
“No way man. No way. I can't sleep there.”
“There ain't any other rooms. It's either this here cupboard or you sleep outside with the wolves.” Stetson walked out onto the porch.
“Where you going Stets?” Lee Ann asked.
“This deer is going to ruin if he don't get him slaughtered tonight. Temperature's going up for spring. We'll be dead if we eat him next week.”
“OK well what time you coming back?”
“No less than four hours. You guys play checkers or something since that there t.v. don't work anymore. I took baseball bat to it a year ago.”
And with that, he shut the door to the cabin. There was an awkward silence between Brock and Lee Ann. They stood staring at each other. They watched as the blue pickup disappeared down the driveway, shrinking to a small blue dot in the distance.
“God this place is cold,” Brock said.
“You're telling me.”
Brock walked over to Lee Ann and put his hand on her elbow. “How long you think he'll really be gone? Didn't you say he came for you early the other day?”
“Yeah, but that has happened only once, and I know he's telling the truth about that deer. It's always taken him at least four hours to harvest his hunt. Mostly more.”
“Well then our little plan worked out great didn't.” Brock took off his shirt.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” she said.
“The real question is, are you?”
“Of course. I need this, there's nothing more exciting than almost getting caught. I know he doesn't suspect a thing because he tells me all the time how much he trusts me. He's completely clueless trust me. Let's do it.”
Brock was much smaller in build than Stetson, and he would almost undoutedly lose in a physical fight. He did have a nice shape to his torso though. His chest muscle stood somewhat farther down his body than normal. He planted a wet kiss on Lee Ann, then ran his hand up her blouse.
“His bed, of course.”
In the bedroom, Lee Ann stood fully clothed but made Brock take off all this clothes. He was standing naked against the bed, fully erect and shivering and she unwrapped her bra from behind.
“Let me see you totally. Turn around,” she said. He turned around to show her his ass, which was medium sized with a little peach fuzz running along his cheeks. He had a single mole near his waist.
“Aw come on, I'm starting to feel vulnerable here.”
Lee Ann took her pants off, revealing the fact that she wasn't wearing any underwear.
“God that's a sight for sore eyes,” Brock said as he hopped on the bed and began performing oral sex on her. She wasn't wet to begin with, but once Brock started licking her pussy, she got lubed up pretty fast. Brock grabbed her thighs with his hands and lapped her up like a hungry puppy, while sat on his elbows and knees, his dick dangling down between his legs, waiting for a nice glove to slide into.
He could taste her juices, like a love potion that energized his own member once they hit his tongue. Pleasure. Ecstasy. Joy, they felt all these emotions run together like melted wax on a tie-dye shirt. Lee Ann grabbed Brock's hair and pulled his head toward her lips for a kiss. Their lips met just at the same time as Brock's penis met her vagina, which had the effect of enhancing each other. It was simultaneously the most sexually charged kiss and emotional thrust Brock had ever performed on entering a woman.
—
Stetson decided he'd just put the deer in a freezer for now, because he was tired, and mostly because he wanted to fuck his girl again like he had last night. He pushed his boot against the pedal a little harder as it sent his blue pickup truck up through the mountain and turned into the driveway. He closed the door and began his walk to the house, curious to find the television wasn't on and the light were off in the dusk of the sunset. He walked over to the window and peeked through.
Just as Brock ejaculated inside Stetson's fiancee, he raised his face from the feminine hair in which it had been buried to see Stetson himself watching him through the window.
“Oh shit.”
“What?” Lee Ann asked.
“I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead dead dead.”
Lee Ann caught Stetson's giant shadow just as he stepped away from the window. “Dear God baby it's not what you think. I promise you,” she yelled through the window.
Brock started crying, and outside Stetson dug through his glove box for a long disused cell phone whose billing plan he had neglected to cancel. Maybe it was because his father shared the only other line on the plan. He dialed a number and waited for an answer.
“Hello,” said a familiar voice.
“Jaylon. I need your help. You got anywhere for me to stay? I'm going to need a place to hide from the police.”
“Why?”
“Because I'm about to commit murder.”
And with that, Stetson put his hand behind the seat of his truck and pulled out a rifle, cocked and fully loaded.
V
In the days after Maddox's death, the social investments Jaidon had made by infiltrating the KKK into virtually every level of government finally paid off. There were just enough of his lawyers, judges, prosecutors, and policemen looking out for Jaidon's interests to get him off on a technicality, essentially claiming in the eyes of the court that Jaidon was acting in self-defense when he stabbed Carter's boyfriend. This did nothing to quell Carter's grief and the confirmation the very thing he feared the most came to pass in the worst possible way. His intuition was on point then, as it was several times in the past. He had known in the days before the incident something horrible was on its way; even hours before it happened, that strange sinking in his stomach was not heartburn or the result of a bad meal—it was heartache, pounding, terrible, painful heartache announcing its arrival. This whole catastrophe strengthened Carter's belief that he should trust his gut. Whenever he could sense an inexplicable push for him to make a move in his life, he vowed never to ignore it again.
But his grief was simply too much to bear, and his family, to whom he was not out of the closet about being gay, noted a marked change in their young son that was unusual for someone when they lose a friend, even a very close one.
For this reason Carter had to finally come out to his family. He feared they would essentially castrate him for being gay, because his mom and dad were loving, but fearful of anything different. He feared their reaction also because several of his peers had tried coming out lately across the nation and were met with murderous intentions from their families. He feared their reaction because his entire family, despite their lovingness, harbored an unconscious hatred for people not part of their group; they were uneducated even by high school standards, they were working class and kept to themselves, and they were altogether of a different era in the nation's history.
Even though he feared all this, their reaction was nonetheless accepting and loving; maybe it was because they were shocked by the grief he was experiencing. They suggested he go see his older brother Jaylon Simmons, who left the carney trade long ago, to live in the mountains on his own ranch. He maintained contact with his father and mother, but because they traveled through the nation nonstop, Carter didn't have much of a relationship with his brother.
When Carter arrived at Jaylon's cabin home in the mountains, Jaylon informed him that Jaylon had a friend who needed his help just as much as Carter did.
“What's happened to him?” Carter asked.
“He doesn't want to talk about it.”
“Well can't you tell me?”
“No I can't. I don't betray my friends.”
Carter had ask his family to contain the news of his homosexuality and that his brother should only know that a “very good friend” had passed away. They conceded this to Carter. So he wondered what kind of relationship his brother had with this mysterious cowboy friend of his. The most Jaylon would admit was that they'd been friends from long ago and were just now getting back in touch due to changes in his life.
“What's his name?”
“Stetson Carthswaite.”
Carter thought about it. He had always had a near uncontrollable sex drive, which had all but completely vanished when he lost Maddox. But it had been over a year, so things were definitely getting better. Carter always had a sexual fantasy of turning a straight gay—the most masculine, unapproachable, hopelessly straight male you could find, suddenly finds himself capable of full-on gay attraction to the same sex. Carter had wondered why this fantasy had pervaded his mind so intensely so early in his life, and he finally concluded that there was something about guys he wanted to get close to, to understand. This was why he found himself somewhat uncomfortable around his own sex as a child. The sexual fascination was just another indication of his intense interest in men; having sex with them brought him only so close. He wanted to know just exactly how their minds worked, what certain facial expressions meant about their inner life, and why did acted the way they did. Having sex with young men helped him achieve this, but young men were unformed, not yet fully in touch with their masculine sides, which would come with time. This was particulary true of young gay men. But straight males past the age of 30 were the epitome of whatever intangible quality Carter wanted to understand and get close to.
When he finally met Stetson, he was floored by his similarity to Maddox. It was as if Maddox had never died, but simply transferred his soul into another human being, who encapsulated everything Maddox would've been as a grown male—tall, silent, strong, and mysterious. And indeed, the feelings he had had for Maddox when they first met in that bar on Bourbon street mirrored the near instantaneous feelings he developed upon first meeting Stetson.
“Carter, this is Stetson,” Jaylon said.
“Hi sir,” Carter said, holding out his hand to his new crush.
“Howdy.” Stetson seemed a little distracted, and without a doubt completely and utterly u
ninterested in meeting Carter. There was no doubt in Carter's mind that his new love interest was straight.
Jaylon grabbed his keys. “OK guys let's go. This fence won't build itself.” They were building Jaylon's boss a new white fence for his horses.
They spent the day cutting wood, sanding edges into the perfect pristine shape Jaylon's boss wanted.
“I'll work down yonder,” Stetson told them, resetting his beige cowboy hat on his head and walked down several hundred yards from them.
“Are we talking too much?” Carter asked Jaylon when Stetson was out of earshot.
“No, he just needs to be alone lately. He's got a lot to think about. Give the guy a break.”
“I didn't mean to pry. Why are you so protective of him?”
“He's my friend Carter. What else do you expect? Have I told him about your friend?”
“No you haven't, hopefully.”
“Well then lay off.” Jaylon walked off to work by himself.
That night, Carter noticed after he was taking a shower that the doorway to his bedroom gave him a viewpoint straight into Stetson's room. He watched Stetson himself take off his shirt and hang up his hat on the edge of the doorknob. He didn't know he was being watched. His chest was in top shape, massive and wide. He took his pants, standing in blue cotton underwear and hung the pants on the edge of the door. He scratched his pubic hair as he took off his underwear to sleep naked. Carter surprised himself by getting a hard on for the first time since his boyfriend died last year. And Stetson reminded him so much of Maddox—he was the older, more mature, more masculine version of Maddox—yet there was no hope of ever getting a shot with the guy. Carter thought maybe the second best choice would be to simply jerk off to the idea of having sex with Stetson, as he watched him sleep naked in bed. He imagined Stetson come into the room, shirtless but still in jeans, his tan skin glowing softly in the lamplight. It was quiet outside, as he could hear the frogs croak by the lake outside. Carter was pinned frozen by anxiety on the bed as Stetson walked into the room and shut the door quietly so Jaylon wouldn't hear them. He put his black hat on the doorknob and finally locked eyes with Carter. His eyes were a bright blue, full of affection for Carter, but also a sexual hunger. Carter could feel the air tight with sexual tension, and vibes of hunger emanated from Stetson's body. At this point in Carter's imagination, he was fully erect in his bed, lying only in his underwear.
