by Bella Jewel
Car lights flash against my face but I don’t look up. I can’t stop now. I’ve let go. Everything is pouring out and fear for my mom, my God damned lifeline, is crippling me.
A door slams, then I hear booted feet approaching me. Before I know it, hard, firm arms are wrapped around me. Familiar arms. Arms I’ve needed for so long, around me exactly as they are now. Marcus nuzzles my neck, holding me so close it’s difficult to breathe.
Then he does it.
He becomes the person I need.
He becomes all I have.
He becomes what I’ve wanted for so long with one, single word.
“Baby.”
~*~*~*~
I’m tucked in Marcus’s lap, my head buried in his neck. We’ve been waiting for four hours now. Dusty, Candy, Ellie and even Pierre are here, waiting, too. I don’t look or talk to any of them, I don’t even know who called them. I just need my husband. I need him to give me more of what he’s giving. This . . . this finally feels right. On the worst day of my life, he’s turning my world around.
“Baby,” he murmurs again. Nothing will ever sound so beautiful. “The doctor is here.”
I lift my face from his shoulder and look over to see an older doctor coming in. I get off Marcus’s lap and he steadies me with a hand to my hip. Then he leads me towards the doctor. My fingers tremble and I clutch Marcus’s shirt, suddenly unable to breathe.
The doctor stops in front of us, his blue eyes scanning my face. “Your mother is out of surgery, and she’s doing well. She had some broken bones and some slight internal bleeding but we’ve repaired the damage. She sustained a slight head injury, but we’re hopeful she’ll have a steady recovery. She was very lucky.”
“What about her brain, it’s already so damaged?”
“It’s all looking good, Katia. I think she’ll recover fine and it won’t slow her progress.”
With that, my knees buckle. Marcus takes my weight as more tears slide from my eyes. This time, they’re tears of relief. Thank God. She’s going to be okay. Oh God, she’s going to be okay.
~*~*~*~
“I was so scared,” I whisper, clutching her hand.
My mother looks up at me. Her eyes are dark with bruising and she’s got a bandage around her hair. There are tubes everywhere, but otherwise she’s doing okay.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” she whispers, her voice hoarse.
“Momma, don’t you ever leave me. I don’t . . . I don’t know what I’d do.”
She reaches out, cupping my face. I lean into her hand and close my eyes, breathing her in. Her fingers against my cheek flinch suddenly and I let my eyes flicker open. She’s staring beyond me at the door. I turn slowly to see Pierre standing, his eyes on her, his expression soft. I turn to her, smiling weakly.
“I’ll leave you to it.”
Her eyes flick back to me and she looks scared. I lean down, kissing her cheek.
“It’ll be okay,” I assure her. “He won’t upset you, Mom. He’s been here waiting nearly as long as me.”
She swallows and her eyes go back to Pierre. I kiss her again and promise her I’ll come back tomorrow morning. The doctor has only given us another fifteen minutes with her before she needs to rest for the night. I meet Pierre at the door and he glances down at me. “Don’t upset her.”
He nods, his eyes gentle.
I step out and meet Marcus, who is leaning against the wall, waiting. He pushes off when he sees me. He reaches out, curling his hand behind my head where he pulls me closer, pressing his forehead to mine. “You okay?”
I nod.
“Let’s go home, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
As he leads me out, I realize what Marcus gave me tonight was a piece of him I’ve been searching for, for the past year. He opened up. He showed me that maybe, just maybe, I’ve been wrong about him.
I have no idea that the very next day, my entire world will crash around me.
And the Katia I am, she’ll die.
I will be reborn in the worst possible way.
As a monster.
CHAPTER 29
NOW
Marcus
Fuck.
She feels so good.
Her tiny body is curled around mine, her arms around my neck, her lips sliding across my cheek, her long, thick hair cascading down my back. I’m inside her and she’s riding me slow. Fuckin’ slow and sweet. Every now and then she runs her fingernails down my back. God, fuck yeah.
“Baby,” I murmur, hating that I love how that word sounds.
The moment it leaves my lips, she whimpers and her head drops back, exposing her long, exquisite neck and that beautiful fuckin’ jaw. Jesus, she’s gorgeous. I always knew it but now, seeing her like this, it’s as if my eyes have finally opened.
Using her hips to slow her, I gently show her how to ride my cock. I want nothing more than to bend her over and fuck her hard, but like this is fuckin’ nice too. Her nipples rub against my chest and she’s mewling, pussy clenching around my dick. Dammit, she’s fuckin’ divine.
I’m fucked.
~*~*~*~
KATIA
I wake up in Marcus’s arms, and it’s brilliant. I snuggle back into him, loving his warmth against my back, loving how amazing he’s making me feel. I don’t know why it took so long for him to let me see this side of him, and I don’t care. It’s here and I’m holding on with both hands. I won’t let go.
“I’m hungry,” I murmur into my pillow.
His arms tighten around me and he sleepily says, “Then get breakfast.”
I snort. “True romantic, Marcus Tandem.”
He chuckles behind me, and I decide I love that sound more than anything.
“Never said I was, precious.”
“I want pancakes.”
He snorts.
“And bacon.”
A huff.
“And then your cock again.”
He growls and slides his tongue across the back of my neck. “How’re you doin’ this morning? Aside from wanting to ride my cock again.”
I giggle softly, but answer him seriously. “I’m so relieved Mom is okay. I’ll go and see her first thing.”
“And about everything else?”
“You mean that my husband helps criminals?”
He flinches, but I can’t bring myself to be angry with him. I spent a lot of time thinking about it yesterday, and I know it’s dangerous, but I also know Marcus is a smart man. I’ve never, not once, had it come into my world, since I’ve been with him. Except for the involvement of my father, but I don’t think he would have hurt me.
“I’m careful with what I do, Katia.”
“On a scale of one to ten, how safe are we?”
“Never let anything happen to you.”
“That’s not an answer,” I say softly.
“Then eight.”
“Eight’s good.”
“Yeah?”
“Look, I don’t like it, and I’m not saying one day . . .” Say, when we have children. “. . . I will agree, but for now, it’s not affecting my life.”
“Ain’t goin’ to be forever. I’m getting out as we speak, but this shit takes time.”
“Why did you start doing it in the first place?” I ask.
He tightens his arm around me and thinks on that for a while. “Was a messed up kid, used to do drugs and deal with bad shit. I got contacts. I made friends. When I got involved in the business, a massive drug runner came to me, asking me to make his money clean. I did it, it benefited both me and him, it helped my business grow because I got a percentage, and so here I am.”
I still don’t fully understand how it works, but at least he’s being honest.
“You did drugs?”
“Yeah.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah.”
“Do you still?”
He jerks. “No, Katia.”
Oh, there’s that tone. Time for a subject change.
“About breakfa
st . . .”
His nose nuzzles my neck again. “Mmmm.”
“I think I’ll start with you.”
With a grin, I roll over, slide beneath the blankets, put his cock in my mouth, and do just that.
CHAPTER 30
NOW
Katia
Crouching down, I lift the yellow envelope of papers that has been left outside the door to the offices. I turn it over and see my name printed on it. Confused, I glance around. No one is about, so I have no idea how it got here. Shrugging, I tuck it under my arm and walk inside. Candy is at the reception desk, waiting for me.
“Hey honey.” She smiles.
“Hey chicky.”
“How’s your mom?”
I put the envelope down. “She’s good. She gets out today.”
“I’m so glad!”
I smile. “Me too, believe me.”
“So, we’re having a party on the weekend. Dusty and me. You should join.”
“I’ll be there,” I say distractedly, staring at the envelope.
“What’s that?”
“It was on the doorstep. It’s addressed to me. It didn’t come through the mail, so it’s strange.”
“Oh my God, open it then!”
I glance down at my watch. It is my lunch break.
“Okay, I’ll take it outside while I eat lunch.”
Candy hooks her arm through mine and we head outside. I unwrap my cupcake and sit down and place the envelope on the table in front of me.
“I’m kind of scared. What if it’s a bomb?”
She reaches over, pressing it. “It’s papers.”
“And if it was a bomb,” I say sarcastically, “we’d be dead.”
“Dramatic much?” she laughs. “Come on, the suspense is killing me.”
“Okay, fine.”
I lift the envelope and slide my finger in to open it. I pull out the papers and glance down at the first page. It’s a copy of a will. The man named is Marcus’s grandfather; I know because he’s told me about him.
“It’s a will. Who would put a copy of a will on my doorstep?” I ask, glancing at the first page, which is full of information about Marcus’s grandfather.
“I don’t know. Is there a note?”
I put my hand back in the envelope, and sure enough there is more paper. I pull out a tiny, yellow slip that reads, You deserve the truth.
I show it to Candy, and her eyes widen. I glance back at the papers and flick them open.
My gaze runs down the pages, detailing the distribution of his assets. There’s business about his house, his finances, but nothing that jumps out.
It’s on the fourth page that I read something that changes my entire world. As I stare down at the words, my entire body goes numb. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up as some words flash out at me.
Business.
Needs a wife.
Within twelve months.
Loses everything if he doesn’t stay married.
My vision blurs and I know Candy is yelling something at me, but I can’t make out the words. The chair beneath my bottom moves out as I stand, numbly.
The papers are still in my hand as I stumble towards the house. My mind is swirling, my heart is pounding, but everything seems to be going in slow motion.
I reach the kitchen where I find him.
I’m still in some sort of hazy state, because my hand moves of its own accord and it connects with his cheek. It’s not a slap, but a deep, treacherous hit with the heel of my hand that has him roaring in pain and taking two steps backwards. Then it happens. The emotion catches up and I lose it.
“You piece of fucking shit!” I scream so loudly I scare myself.
My body jolts out of its haze and reality sets in. My skin prickles, my heart aches, my stomach twists and my head pounds as rage and pure heartbreak mix and become lethal in my system. Marcus is holding his cheek, his eyes on the paper in my hand. His expression . . . blank.
Blank like I’ve seen so many times before.
Blank because he doesn’t . . . fucking . . . feel.
I’m a joke.
A contract.
I lift my eyes to him, and he finally meets my gaze. He’s not shocked. He’s not hurt. He’s just fucking blank. Empty fucking brown eyes. Empty fucking man.
“Is this real?”
“Katia . . .”
“God damn it, you piece of shit, is this fucking real?”
“Fuck it, Katia.”
“Don’t you fucking dare,” I scream, my entire body breaking out in trembles. “I fell in love with you, you sick bastard. Now tell me, you weak son-of-a-bitch. Grow some balls and fucking tell me.”
“Yes.”
One word crushes my soul.
I drop to the floor, the papers skidding across the tiles. My head falls into my hands and pain like I’ve never felt in my life rips through my body. I scream in pure agony. It hurts, so bad vomit rises in my throat. Every inch of my body feels like it’s being torn to pieces. Nothing. I mean nothing. It was all a lie. None of it was real.
He doesn’t love me.
I lift my head, and through trembling lips I hiss, “You sick, deranged . . .” My voice cracks, “. . . pathetic loser of a man. What the fuck is wrong with you? You destroyed me. You took my heart and you have shattered it.”
Something comes across his face, something horrific. I watch him suck any emotion he’s felt for me during the past few weeks back behind his wall of cold, heartless emotion. He’s gone. He’s fucking gone. He takes a step forward, leans down and hisses, “You didn’t think you ever fucking mattered, did you, Katia?”
And just like that, my world comes crashing down. I’m a joke. He never loved me. He never even liked me. I was just a way to keep his business. A loud, pained cry leaves my throat as I stare up at the man I gave my entire world to. That man just shattered it.
“Mattered?” I whisper. “Mattered? I never fucking mattered, I know that now, but there was a second . . . a fucking second . . . I thought something had changed.”
Something flickers across his face but he pushes it back. “You thought wrong. You’re just a name on a piece of paper to me. You stupid, stupid, naive little girl.”
Whack.
His words are like a blow to the face.
“I don’t even fuckin’ like you.”
Whack.
“You never meant a fuckin’ thing.”
Whack.
“It was all a fuckin’ act.”
Whack.
“The Whole. Fucking. Lot. A lie.”
I fall backwards, landing with my hands behind me. Intense, pure, raw heartbreak rips through my soul. My head spins, my body is numb and there’s a pain in my heart I know will never leave. He has torn a hole into my very existence, and he’s ripped me out of it, stomped on me and then tossed me back in, bloody and broken.
“Leave, Katia.”
His voice is like a whip.
“What?”
“Leave. I don’t want you here. I don’t need you here. Get the fuck out of my house.”
I see unadulterated rage in his eyes, and his jaw is so tight I know he’s clenching his teeth together. I stare at him, truly look. Such a beautiful, fucked-up man. Such a waste of perfection. I push to my feet, even though my entire body is shaking. He wants me gone. I’ll go.
“I hope it burns,” I say, taking a step back. “I hope you see my face every time you lose something in your life. I hope one day you have your heart ripped out and crushed just like you did to mine, but most of all, Marcus Tandem, I hope to God someone makes you pay.”
Then I turn, lifting my purse and walking out. I step out of his world, and in doing so I leave this Katia behind. My soul is crushed. My heart is broken. I’m pathetic, and stupid, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same again. Heartache is something I know will become a part of my life that I’ll never be able to shake.
He destroyed me.
Right now, I can’t even breathe.
Marcus took everything I was, and he crushed it. Everything I believed in was a lie. He ruined my life. He took from me. He broke my heart. He left me this pathetic, pitiful mess. I may have made a vow before God, that I would love him and cherish him until death do we part.
I can’t keep that vow.
What is it they say?
There’s a fine line between love and hate.
There is.
**MARCUS**
I launch my fist into the countertop over and over, my entire body breaking into pieces as I watch her go. Blood trickles from my knuckles but it’s nothing compared to the pain in my heart. It’s a foreign emotion, something I’ve never felt, but it tears through me, ripping my soul to shreds. My heart feels like it’s going to explode and the overwhelming need to claw at my own chest just to stop it, is driving me over the edge.
This isn’t how it was supposed to go.
I was never supposed to care.
The words I spat at her repeat over and over in my head as I fight the urge to drop to my knees and bellow in agony. She’ll never know what I just sacrificed. She’ll never know what I just gave her. She’ll never know that I just set her free.
“What the fuck have you done?”
Lifting my head, I see Mack standing in the doorway. I don’t know why he’s here. I don’t really care. He looks angry. I guess he would be. He knows everything. He knows about Katia. He knows why she’s with me. He knows what I’ll lose.
“I just heard what you said, what is wrong with you? Do you not see what you’ve just done? What the fuck could possibly possess you to give up everything you’ve worked for?”
“I gave her life back, her freedom...” I mutter, staring blankly. Emptiness rises higher and higher in my pathetic heart.
“I’m all for being the good guy, bud. Fuck, I like Katia...but you made a choice to save your business. You took action. You didn’t do that shit lightly. You fight for that. You fix it. You make it better. Sending her away without a fight means you’ll lose everything.”
I laugh, low and bitter. “You don’t fucking see it, do you, Mack? Even I can see it so clearly now.”
