“But it didn’t?” he asked quietly.
“Not by a long shot,” she admitted. “Of course, it would have if I wouldn’t have minded the other women and the partying—”
Josh’s gaze narrowed and unconsciously his fists clenched. “He cheated on you?” he said in a tone of voice that was so shocked she wanted to give him a pat in comfort. Knowing how the Ryan boys were all raised to believe that family and marriage was sacred, cheating on your spouse was not something that would ever enter their minds. Or be condoned or tolerated. Too bad Jack didn’t have the same ideals.
“Right from the beginning,” she admitted, wondering why it no longer hurt. “It didn’t take me long to realize I’d made a mistake. But you know how I feel about marriage and family.” Blowing out a pent-up breath, Em shoved a wad of bangs out of her eyes, unwilling to admit that at the time, she’d wanted the fairy tale, the home and loving family she’d never had enough to overlook Jack’s blatant behavior. And at the time, she’d blamed herself for her husband’s infidelities. She thought if she’d been a better wife, a better lover…Em’s thoughts broke off and she clenched her hands together in her lap. No, she wasn’t going to do that ever again. Never again would she accept responsibility for someone else’s actions.
It had taken her several years to realize her husband’s shortcomings had nothing to do with her as a person or a woman. He’d merely used her as an excuse for his inexcusable behavior. Perhaps if she’d been older or wiser, perhaps if she hadn’t clung to the belief that the fairy tale was out there and she could have it if she just tried harder, she would have realized the reality of the situation sooner and saved herself years of grief.
“I understand, Em,” Josh said quietly, his heart aching for her. Knowing how important, how sacred marriage and family were to her, her husband’s disregard for their marriage vows must have been a crippling blow to her.
“Well, when I got pregnant, I was thrilled,” she said, her eyes glowing happily. “You know how I feel about children.” Some of the light dimmed in her eyes. “I thought for certain it was just the thing to make Jack grow up and see exactly how wonderful having a family could be. I thought for sure he would finally settle down.”
“Apparently he had other ideas,” Josh commented.
She nodded. “While I was thrilled about the baby, Jack on the other hand was afraid a baby might cramp his…lifestyle,” Em added, unwilling to make excuses for her ex-husband any longer.
“Cramp his life—” Josh broke off, muttering a few oaths under his breath. “So basically, he didn’t want the baby, is that it?”
“In a nutshell,” Em admitted with a weary sigh.
“Em, when did this happen? I mean, how long ago did he abandon you?”
“Right after I told him I was pregnant.” She shrugged, glancing across the room. “About five months ago to be exact.”
His gaze searched hers. “What did you do?” he asked quietly, knowing she hadn’t gone to her father for help.
She shrugged. “The best I could, Josh. Once it was confirmed that Jack had indeed gone AWOL, I was ordered out of military housing.”
“They kicked you out of your home?” Josh asked.
“Well, Josh, the military sort of considered it their home, and yes, to answer your question. I was asked—actually ordered—to move out of military housing. And with Jack AWOL obviously there was no paycheck coming in….” Her voice trailed off. She was unable to even think about that horrible time and the panic and fear she’d endured. “I’d talked to Jack’s commanding officer, but finding one AWOL soldier is hardly at the top of the list of the army’s priorities.” She shrugged. “They promised to keep me informed if he was located, but that was about all they could do. So, I had no choice. I filed for divorce on the grounds of abandonment, moved out of military housing and tried to find some kind of work. I— I was having morning sickness really bad, even more so in the beginning than now, so I couldn’t hold a job, and—” She stopped when Josh held up his hand.
He didn’t think he could bear to hear the anguish she’d gone through, knowing she was alone and terrified, with no one to turn to, no one to count on during what should have been the happiest time of her life. He didn’t think he could bear to see the fear and terror in her eyes, a fear and terror she was trying to hide behind some kind of false bravado that was only annoying him to no end.
If her ex-husband was smart, he’d stay in Guam, Josh thought, his fists clenching unconsciously. It would save him the trouble of…teaching him a lesson in responsibility.
“Em, I’m sorry, I truly am.” He wanted to grab her up and hold her, to soothe the pain and hurt and the remaining fear in her eyes. “Why didn’t you come home?”
“Home?” She laughed, but the sound was soft and bitter. “Josh, I never had a home, remember? When I told my father I was dropping out of college to marry Jack, he warned me that Jack was no good, that if I went through with the marriage, I couldn’t come crying to him when it went bad.” She blinked back tears. “He told me if I left that day I could never come home again.” Sniffling, she swiped her nose, snuggling deeper into the couch. “He meant it, Josh.”
“Em,” Josh said, knowing he couldn’t argue with her because what she’d said was true. Her father had been a bitter, cold man, incapable of showing love, but Josh had always believed in his own way that Em’s father had loved her. “You could have called me.” Tenderly, he stroked a hand down her hair. “You could always come to me, Em, you know that. No matter what.”
Hearing the words only made the tears flow faster because she knew Josh meant them. Dear, sweet Josh. No matter what, he’d always been there for her regardless of the circumstances, and she loved him for it.
“I suppose on some level I knew that, Josh. Truly,” she added when he frowned. “But you have to understand something. I’m not a little girl anymore. I’m an adult, Josh, a fully functioning capable adult about to become a mother. And I figured it was time I finally stood up on my own two feet.”
Never again would she depend on a man for her happiness or security, nor for her child’s. She would take care of her child herself. And do a fine job of it as well, she thought firmly.
“Yeah, but Em, be reasonable here—”
“Reasonable?” One brow rose at his tone. She knew where this was going and wanted to head him off at the pass. “Josh, listen to me. I appreciate your concern. Truly I do,” she added, touching his arm. “But I don’t need Jack or any other man, and neither does the baby. I am quite capable of taking care of myself and my baby. I’m going to have my baby, run the diner, and live in Daddy’s house.” Slowly she began to rub her stomach, feeling a strong, maternal connection to her precious child. “I’ll make a home for myself and my child on my own without anyone’s help,” she added softly.
Josh pressed his palms together and prayed for patience. No wonder Em looked so pale, so fragile, so unbearably vulnerable. After what she’d been through… Unable to even bear thinking about it, Josh blew out a frustrated breath.
Now that her father was gone, and her husband as well, she was totally alone, with no support system, no backup. No one to help or support her, either financially or emotionally.
The thought caused the protective instincts that had stirred earlier in the day to intensify and Josh had the urge to throttle the man who had put Em in this position.
She obviously had no idea what she was in for, obviously hadn’t had time to think this through. She was probably just in shock. With her husband’s abandonment and then her father’s death, no wonder she didn’t realize the absolute seriousness of her situation.
“Em, listen to me, I really don’t think it’s wise for you to even think about running the diner in your condition. I have a couple of good prospects who are interested in buying the—”
“My condition?” she repeated slowly, a flush of anger warming her face. “Josh, I’m pregnant. Not incompetent or incapacitated. I’m a perfectly healthy, nor
mal woman, and there’s absolutely no reason why I can’t run the diner and have a baby. One doesn’t necessary preclude the other. Millions of single women continue working while they’re pregnant. It’s not that big of a deal nowadays, Josh. In case you haven’t heard.”
“But—”
“But nothing, Josh,” she said, unable to contain her annoyance any longer. She was going on sheer nerves and adrenaline right now, and she wasn’t up to having Josh or anyone else scrutinize or judge her actions. She was doing the best she could under difficult circumstances, and for now, it would simply have to be enough. “I fully intend to run the diner, and have my baby—at the same time, Josh, whether you or anyone else like it, or approve of it or not!”
Chapter Three
Like most small towns, Saddle Falls had a rhythm and pattern to life, a predictability that provided a sense of security and stability. Everyone in town knew that at precisely 9:00 a.m. every weekday Matthew Able would check his pocket watch before unlocking the double doors to the one and only Saddle Falls bank. Virginia Wilson, the longtime town librarian, would follow suit, waiting until she saw Mr. Abel’s Open sign before unlocking the doors to the town library. Perry’s Grocery would open for business shortly thereafter, while Mr. Benedetto’s fruit stand would be nearly empty by nine, having opened shortly after six so that busy wives and mothers would be able to purchase fruits and vegetables needed for that day’s breakfast and lunches.
The Saddle Falls Diner, which sat opposite the movie theatre, and nearly kitty-corner from the hotel, was open five days a week from 5:00 a.m. until 3 p.m., serving home-cooked breakfasts and lunches. Each day there was a soup of the day and a luncheon special, as well as a rash of homemade pies and cakes using Em’s late mother’s recipes.
Within a week of returning to town, news had spread that Emma Bowen was back home, pregnant but apparently minus one husband, running the diner and causing an increase in business, as it seemed everyone in town wanted to stop by to say hello.
If the scandal she’d caused when she ran off to get married six years before was still on people’s minds, they politely didn’t mention it. Instead, they preferred to express their sorrow at the loss of her father who’d been such an important part of the town.
After her first full week home, Em almost felt as if she hadn’t left. She’d quickly fallen into the routine of the diner, thrilled at having something productive to do with herself and her time, knowing full well that each day that passed was more secure for herself and her child.
Every day Josh stopped in for breakfast and lunch, and never failed to use the opportunity to try to talk some sense into her, to at least listen to his offers for the diner and the house, but she refused. Her mind was made up.
This morning as she bustled around the busy diner, helping her father’s longtime waitress-manager Agnes handle the early-morning breakfast rush, Josh trailed along behind her like a shadow.
“Be reasonable, Em,” Josh said, dogging her steps. “You can’t honestly think you can continue to handle working here, Em. I mean look at this place.” Em grinned in pleasure as he glanced around. “It’s mobbed,” Josh complained.
“Yes, I know,” she said, still grinning. “And hopefully it will stay that way,” she said, sidestepping around Josh to grab a fresh white apron from a stack behind the counter.
“But, Em you’re pregnant,” he reminded her again, putting a great deal more emphasis on the word than necessary, and garnering the attention of several customers in nearby booths.
“Thank you for pointing out the obvious, Josh,” Em said, as she tied her apron on and then rounded the counter and grabbed a full pot of decaf coffee to start refilling cups. “But I’m well aware of my condition.” She hesitated, realizing he was still trailing after her. “Josh, will you do something for me?”
“Anything, Em,” he said in relief, hoping she was finally going to be reasonable as he sidestepped over Ernie’s damp mop as the maintenance man swabbed the diner floor, dampening numerous sets of toes along the way. “Anything at all.”
“Go home,” she said firmly.
“Em,” he said in exasperation, throwing up his hands.
“I’m serious, Joshua.” Trying to ignore him, she stopped to refill the mayor’s cup, giving him a warm smile.
“How you doing there, Emma girl?” the mayor asked, lifting his cup in salute. “Heard you were home. It’s good to have you back.” He took a sip of his coffee. “Real good.”
She grinned. “It’s good to be home, Mayor.” She moved to the next booth to check the breakfast setups for the monthly meeting of the Saddle Falls Quilting Club with Josh hot on her heels. “Go home, Josh,” she repeated through gritted teeth, flashing a smile to Kay Beckett, president of the quilting club who’d already arrived. “Or to work. Go somewhere…anywhere.” Turning to him, she closed her eyes and prayed for patience. “And please stop following me and bothering me. I’ve got work to do.”
“That’s the whole point, Em. You shouldn’t be working.”
“Don’t start, Joshua Ryan, please don’t start this.” Em turned to look at him over her shoulder. “Trust me, I am not in the mood for this again this morning.”
“What are you in the mood for, Em?” he teased, trying to get her to lighten up and realizing he was on dangerous ground with her. “And speaking of food, did you even eat this morning?”
Not bothering to answer him, she merely gave him a scathing look, then continued on with her duties. He continued to sidestep next to her, talking all the while.
“Em, I’m just trying to be practical here. Maybe get you to look at a couple of other options.”
“Josh, believe me, there are no other options.”
“Yes, there are, Em. If you sold the diner you could invest the money and at least stay home until the baby’s born.”
“True,” she admitted as she continued moving down the line of booths refilling coffee cups. “But then what do I do when the money from the sale of the diner runs out, Josh?” One brow rose in question as she turned to stare at him, waiting for an answer, coffeepot midair. “How do I support myself and my child, then?”
That gave him pause and Josh stood there for a moment, realizing she had a point. While the diner was a profitable business, the sale wouldn’t bring in enough money to hold her for more than a couple of years—at best.
“That’s what I thought,” she said with a nod, moving again.
“Em, but think about this,” he said, coming up behind her as she swung through the door that led to the kitchen. “If you continue to run the diner, you’ll be on your feet for hours each day, lugging heavy trays of food, walking across slippery floors. What if you fall?” he challenged, darting around Ernie who’d begun swabbing the floor right between them.
“What if the sky falls?” she asked, knowing that anything he said was futile. She’d heard every argument he could come up with the past week and had rejected them all. She would do whatever was necessary to secure the future for her child.
Weary of his advice, yet touched beyond measure by his concern, Em leaned against the stainless steel food preparation table then crossed her arms across her breasts. She had to admit Josh had shown more caring and concern for her in the past week than Jack had in the past six years.
But then again she’d always known Josh was a special man. A man of character, confidence and absolutely total integrity. Three qualities Jack couldn’t hope to spell, let alone exhibit.
“Josh, listen to me.” Em turned to him, trying to hang on to her temper. She laid her hands to his wide chest, surprised at the strength she found there. “I appreciate your concern.” She had to tilt her head up to meet his gaze. “Truly I do, but I have to deal with reality here and I can’t base my actions on speculation or on something that might happen. I could fall walking in the house,” she said with a careless shrug. “Or trip over a carpet. Or fall down the porch stairs.” She moved around him to the large commercial refrigerator to pull
out the necessary ingredients to make salads for the afternoon’s lunch rush, carefully setting them on the stainless steel table. “Or I could trip over your shoes,” she pointed out, glancing up at him in time to see his smile. “There are no guarantees in life, Josh.” And no one knew that better than she. “None. So I’m going to do the best I can to secure my baby’s future and mine.” She shrugged, reaching around him for the large set of wooden salad bowls stacked up so she could fill them as she chopped lettuce and vegetables.
Going to the refrigerator again, she pulled out the large wooden tray that held numerous heads of lettuce waiting to be readied for salads.
All right, so she had a point, Josh realized with a hint of annoyance, wondering when Em had decided to get so practical. But he had to admit, even if he didn’t quite approve of what she planned to do, he had to admire her for it, wondering why Melanie hadn’t fought so fiercely to protect his child. His admiration for Em was growing by leaps and bounds.
“Em,” he said in a tone of voice that immediately told her he was not totally impressed with her reasoning. “Do you really realize how serious this situation is?” His worried gaze met hers. Those eyes, Em thought with a sigh, always had the ability to make her feel as if he could see right through her.
She glanced away, afraid he might see the fear that she held deep in her heart, a fear she couldn’t and wouldn’t admit to him or anyone else. Pride alone prevented it.
“Em?”
She whirled back to face him, her temper simmering, her eyes blazing. “You don’t think I’m taking this seriously?” She slammed the tray holding the heads of lettuce onto the metal prep table, sending the lettuce bouncing in the air like yo-yos before storming up to Josh, poking a finger in his broad chest.
A Family to Be (Saddle Falls) Page 4
