Kira and Violet White arrived silently. They were a rarity among vampires because they’d been turned at an older age. Both women had stark white hair and wrinkled skin. They still carried themselves upright and proud, reminding any who might get ideas that they were just as powerful as any other vampire their age would be.
Kira was the shorter of the two with the shrewd eyes and expression of a businesswoman. She was always angling for a better deal or a way to put her own twist on any arrangement.
Violet was permanently frowning and suspicious. She was also known to lose her temper and start wars for the Whites. The fact that their family was still standing despite Violet’s warlike nature was a testament to their strength—and to why I needed their support to help keep Bennigan at bay.
“Who is that?” Violet asked. She wasn’t making any direct threat to Cara, but I found myself holding the small woman closer all the same.
“She’s—” I cut myself off. Mine. I was about to say mine. “She’s a human who had the misfortune of crossing paths with me. Don’t worry about her.”
Kira tapped her lips thoughtfully. “You said you were coming alone.”
“I came as alone as I could.”
“Ah,” Kira said. “So you’ve bonded yourself to this one?”
Idiot. There were a dozen ways I could’ve chosen my words and I’d stumbled into the combination that told Kira exactly what I’d meant to hide. The fewer who knew about the bond, the safer Cara would be. I certainly hadn’t wanted the Whites to know about it before we struck some sort of arrangement. “Yes. For now.”
I could see her calculating the possibilities. But if she tried to blackmail me, I’d tell her that Bennigan almost certainly knew about the bond. They’d used her as bait to draw me out in the first place. I’d expected them to make some sort of move by now, but there had been nothing.
I wished he would show himself so we could sort this out like men. All the hiding and games were grating on my nerves. But that was how Bennigan operated. He hadn’t lived as long as he had by being reckless or taking risks. He’d wait until he thought he saw an opening and then strike. And when he did strike, he’d make sure he had an army of support so he wouldn’t have to put his own neck on the line.
“Am I correct in assuming you want my family’s protection?” Kira asked.
“No. We don’t need protection, but you can ally yourselves with us. With the order.”
Her smile was crooked, but Violet’s was sinister.
“There are three remaining Undergroves. Much has changed since you were last roaming freely. The order and its support are growing as thin as your family tree.” she said flatly. “I don’t particularly care how old or hard to kill you supposedly are, Lucian. You need us. We don’t need you. It’s that plain. Why should we ally with you and risk war with Bennigan?”
“Because we’ve already gathered allies,” I said. It wasn’t precisely true, but it was the line we’d been going with. The full truth was that I hadn’t even gotten in contact with leadership yet, and Kira’s warning that support of the order was growing thin came as news to me. “Bennigan may not be on the winning side of this war he insists on pursuing.”
Kira considered, then waved her hand in dismissal. “We will think on it.”
“You mean you’ll wait to see which side will come out on top and join at the last minute like a coward?”
Violet bared her canines, which had already elongated. I ignored her. She was half my age, and she should’ve known her attempts at intimidation were wasted.
Kira’s smile was self-satisfied. “I mean we will think on it. And if you do find yourself tipping the scales in your favor, we’ll be happy to press our thumb down in your aid. But I would suggest you avoid losing ground, Lucian. Our history isn’t a spotless one, and the Whites have a long memory.”
I watched the two women go, feeling like that had gone about as well as I’d expected.
But the conversation was a reminder of the kind of danger I’d already put Cara in. She was a target for Bennigan. A chink in my armor.
I didn’t know why he hadn’t tried to exploit it yet, but I thought it was only a matter of time.
And if what Kira said was true, the order had already been on shaky ground before I’d been gone. If the vampires who opposed it had gained momentum, it meant we were all in far more danger than I’d even known.
17
Cara
I covered a yawn while I sat with Lucian in his dilapidated manor house. The fire was going beside the couch I sat on, which I suspected was for my benefit. By every indication I could gather, Lucian didn’t feel the heat or the cold.
I had to admit I found him to be incredibly considerate and sweet when he wasn’t focused on being a sarcastic, surly grump of an immortal.
Lucian sat across from me with one ankle resting on his knee. He was sitting perfectly straight with a focused look in his eyes, watching the fire. I’d helped him shop for more “casual” wear, but the most casual I’d convinced him to dress was what he had on now—a blood-red button down and dark gray slacks that hugged every line of his long legs.
It was dark outside, which meant Lucian was recovering from the long day of being dragged around in the daylight with me. It seemed to take him a couple hours after dark to get back to normal. Those were also the periods of time where he was most likely to do and say sweet things. My guess was that he made a conscious effort to keep me at arm’s length when he was at full strength, but when he felt sun-fried, he lacked the willpower to pretend to be as much of an ass.
“Did they say when they would be here?” I asked. Seraphina and Alaric were supposed to be arriving any moment for a ‘technology briefing’ I’d arranged. The three vampires were absolutely hopeless, and I’d begun to worry about their complete lack of understanding when it came to all things modern.
Lucian shook his head. “They’ll be here.”
Alaric kept buying new cars and crashing them because he insisted he knew how to drive horse drawn carriages and shouldn’t need to “suffer the indignity of some pimply teenager judging his worthiness to receive a driver’s license.” Seraphina apparently was quickly gaining a reputation with the police for her tendency to steal anything she wanted. She hadn’t quite grasped the concept of security cameras or the idea that she couldn’t use her powers of suggestion to convince them to pretend they hadn’t seen a thing.
Then there was Lucian. I’d caught him composing a dorky hand-written letter with a fountain pen to some vampire in New York who was a higher up in his “order” the other night. He had a stack of supplies and was planning to “work through the night if need be.” He looked completely baffled when I explained the concept of cell phones to him.
So I’d set up a sort of intervention. The plan was to familiarize my ancient, temporary friends with the world they’d woken up to. I’d considered including Lucian’s wild, strange roommate, Vlad, in the intervention, but he had been awake this whole time. There was no reason the man should’ve needed my help navigating technology.
Both vampires were late, but I eventually had all three of them sitting in the living room. With the help of Lucian’s bank account, I’d dragged him sunglasses, hoodie, gloves and all to a phone store and set up three phones for them. I handed one to each vampire and watched them turn the devices over with curiosity.
“I’ve seen the humans staring at these,” Seraphina said. “Vampires as well.”
Alaric nodded. “Yep. I was too embarrassed to ask anyone what they were, but the one time I got a look at someone’s screen there was a moving picture of two turtles. It looked like they were having intercourse. The turtle in the back appeared to be enjoying it quite a bit.”
Lucian and Seraphina looked disgusted, but I was grinning.
I spent the next half hour giving them all a crash course on everything from the internet to texting.
Seraphina was typing something on hers with an intense look of concentration once I fi
nished. A moment later, an excited voice started talking from a video she’d apparently pulled up. “So you want to see some virgins? Let’s bring ‘em out!”
Seraphina smiled to herself, then walked off to another room.
“Okay,” I said quietly. “I guess that shouldn’t shock me.”
Lucian frowned. “It’s shaking itself in my pocket.”
“Check it,” I said.
Alaric was at the other end of the room with a shit-eating smile on his face.
Lucian picked up the phone, then looked away, half-shielding his eyes. “God. What is that?”
“It’s my penis,” Alaric said, laughing.
I shook my head. What was it with men? Give three ancient immortal beings phones, and within an hour one of them literally discovers the art of the dick pic? I guessed there really was no hope.
“How do I get it off my electronic device?” Lucian said, holding the phone at arm’s length like it was poisoned.
“Press the home button,” I said. “And Alaric, you should not send people pictures of your penis. Also, you’ve been standing here this entire time. When did you even have time to—”
He looked smug. “I’m very fast.”
Doesn’t really answer the question, but okay. “Alaric. There are instructional videos on driving cars with no horses on the internet. If you’re not going to take the test, you should at least watch them.”
He gave me a suspicious look, then nodded to Lucian. “When did we start taking orders from a human, exactly?”
“The human has a good point. You’ve already ruined several vehicles. It’s only a matter of time before you destroy a human and bring the attention of the police on us.”
I stared at Lucian. “Really?”
“Tragically destroy a human?” he tried.
Vlad wandered into the room wearing what looked like a medieval king’s robe and only a pair of questionably yellow boxers beneath it. His hairy belly and chest were on full, horrifying display. It appeared he was growing out a pointy mustache on top of his five-o-clock shadow, too.
“Oh, quite nice,” he said. “A little tech demo?” he threw an arm around Alaric’s shoulder and spread his palm in the air in front of both of them, eyes going distant. “Sex, my friend. You must try it. That little thing in your hand can bring you all the sexual excitement you could ever wish for.”
Alaric looked at the phone in his hand, turning it over with pure concentration. “Vlad, I don’t know how small your dick is, but there’s no way mine is fitting in here.”
“Your tiny dick fit on my device,” Lucian said.
Vlad cackled with laughter, slapped Alaric on the back, and wandered out of the room.
Alaric lifted his phone toward me. “Do people really fuck these things?”
18
Cara
Of all the things I expected to be doing with my night, watching three vampires unpack a suitcase full of expensive looking pistols was not one of them.
We were out in the fields beyond the city by a line of trees. Lucian had driven me, and we’d met up with Alaric, who was carrying the case. It was my first time riding in a car with Lucian. He thankfully was a faster learner than Alaric and already seemed to be a completely competent driver, even if he had a little bit of a lead foot.
Alaric, on the other hand, had arrived in a dented, formerly nice-looking luxury car that was making a sad clunking noise and spewing smoke from beneath the hood. Alaric had sworn he hadn’t “tragically destroyed” any humans on the way, but I’d made sure there was no blood or hair on the car all the same.
“What’s this?” I asked, pointing to the growing arsenal of weapons in front of us.
“Guns,” Alaric said. “You point them in the direction of a thing you don’t like and pull the trigger.” He hefted one, then started clumsily handling it and pressing random buttons.
I flinched back. “Do you know how to use that?” I threw my hand over my face when he swung the pistol in my direction briefly as he turned it around and started banging it on a rock.
“Of course I do,” Alaric said.
Lucian pulled one out of the box and inspected it by looking straight down the barrel. I slapped it out of his hands and gave him a look of utter disbelief. “What the hell is wrong with you two? Those are guns. You aren’t supposed to point them at anything you don’t want to kill. Even if they aren’t loaded.”
Alaric’s rock banging technique managed to knock the clip free of his pistol. He pursed his lips, as if impressed with himself. Then he aimed it in Lucian’s direction, squinting one eye shut.
“Hey! What did—” I started, but was cut off by a deafening crack.
I blinked a few times, stumbling backward and then realizing what had happened after a short delay. Lucian and Alaric were both staring in fascination at Lucian’s arm.
A high-pitched ringing was blaring in my ears, making everything else sound muffled and unnaturally quiet.
“You shot me,” Lucian said, voice deadpan.
Alaric frowned, like he was trying to think of an argument to state otherwise. “In a sense, the gun shot you.”
“No,” Lucian said, anger rising in his voice. “There’s no in a sense about it. You fucking shot me, you idiot.”
Lucian had been standing by a tree, which he was now resting his elbow on and leaning forward, clearly in a bit of discomfort.
Alaric walked behind him and let out a low, impressed whistle. “Went straight through.”
“Of course it did,” Lucian snapped. “Don’t touch it,” he said, slapping Alaric’s prodding finger away.
I could barely breathe. The gun was still in Alaric’s hand and smoking. He lifted it to look down the barrel in confusion, giving me my third heart attack of the last ten seconds. “I don’t get it. I saw the bullets all come out in that little package. What did I even shoot you with?”
“There was a bullet in the chamber,” I said. My voice sounded a little muffled. I put a finger in my ear and wiggled it around, trying to silence the ringing. “Last time I used a pistol, it didn’t work like that. Or maybe it did… It has been a while, I suppose.”
Lucian looked up. “You’re familiar with these weapons? Can you show us?”
I pointed to his arm. “You have a freaking bullet wound, Lucian. We need to take you to a doctor or something. Are there vampire doctors?”
He smiled, flashing that gorgeous dimple of his. “Do I detect concern?”
“Are you seriously going to fish for a complement when there’s a bullet hole in your arm?”
Lucian fell to one knee, groaning. “It hurts.”
I got down beside him and tried to help him up, but he weighed as much as a granite statue. “God,” I said, groaning with effort. “What are you made out of?”
“Bullshit,” Alaric said, kicking Lucian in the side lightly. “He’s fine. I once watched him regrow an entire arm in a couple hours.”
I looked at Lucian, who was grinning like a rogue.
I made an annoyed noise, then pushed off and planted my hands on my hips. “Are you serious?”
He got up, dusting off his knees. “Sorry. You’re cute when you worry. But yes, I’ll be fine.” He rolled his shoulders back and looked focused. The wound in his arm started to hiss faintly and smoke rose from it.
I watched in fascinated horror as the wound bubbled and sealed up, leaving nothing but dried blood and smooth, flawless skin beneath a torn hole in his suit.
“Wow,” I said, walking closer and touching it. “Does it hurt?”
“Yes. Being shot hurts,” he said. “And fixing it burns.”
“Oh, get over it,” Alaric said. He was already banging another weapon against a rock. “Can’t get these damn bullets out.”
“What do vampires want with guns?”
“What do you think?” Alaric said.
“Don’t you guys have powers or something?”
“I don’t know what your movies imply,” Lucian said. “But it�
��s more effective to shoot people than it is to try to punch them very hard. And it’s not as if we can fire lasers from our eyes.”
I shrugged. “I guess that makes some sense. So why do you two look so clueless with those things, then?”
“Because the last time we were free, there were fewer buttons.” Alaric brought the gun up high and slammed it down on a rock, shattering it in a very expensive sounding way. He glared at the pieces. “Impossible,” he groaned. “This stuff isn’t all that effective against us, anyway. It’s mostly an annoyance. But if you put enough holes in a vampire, he’ll at least need to go rest. If you really want to kill one, though, you have to—”
“Alaric,” Lucian hissed. “Haven’t you learned your lesson about explaining our weaknesses to humans?”
I wasn’t sure why I felt a little emotional blow from the way he lumped me in as just another human. I guessed it was a sign of how desperately detached I was from any romantic attention from the opposite sex. A few nights of talking and getting to know Lucian and I already thought he should trust me with the secret to ending his immortality.
Stupid.
“Okay, so you have guns so you can put holes in the bad guys if they come after us? Basically, just to slow them down… Am I keeping up?”
“Pretty much,” Alaric said.
“Alaric was also the worst shot I’d ever seen in my life the last time I saw him handle a weapon,” Lucian added. “And I’ve lived a long life.”
“He’s exaggerating,” Alaric said. “I’m perfectly capable of—” The gun in his hand went off, jolting it out of his grasp and sending it in a crazy spiral toward the ground. He whistled, then picked it back up and started banging on the rock like nothing had happened. “I can handle myself just fine.”
Lucian sighed. “What will we do?”
“Did either of you consider looking at the directions?”
The men were still poking and prodding the weapons when a truck pulled off the road in the distance and started coming our way.
Kiss Kiss Fang Fang: A Sucky Vampire Romantic Comedy Page 9
