“You could give me a gun.” I smiled, firing off a shot or two with my finger gun in his direction.
Lucian’s smile was sad. He lifted his hand and pushed my hair behind my ear softly. He appeared to realize what he was doing and jerked his hand back like he’d been petting a snake. He took another steadying breath. “We’re dangerous for each other, Cara Skies. The sooner we can part ways, the better.”
I chewed the inside of my cheek as we walked, searching for some argument. It wasn’t that I wanted to convince him to be my boyfriend or something. I just… I didn’t like the idea of an external force telling me who I could and couldn’t care about. I guess it ignited a stubborn part of me that wanted to chase after exactly who I supposedly couldn’t.
I also was dying to get that magic blood of his under a microscope to see if I could do any good with it.
“Can I ask you something?” I said when we had nearly reached my school.
Lucian looked tired and irritated from our walk in the sun, and he regarded me from under his shades. “I thought I said no more questions.”
“This isn’t about that. Not exactly, at least. I was wondering if you’d let me look at your blood under a microscope.”
“Out of the question.”
I sighed. “Nobody would have to know where it came from. It’s not like they’d believe me if I told them. I was just thinking there might be a way to kind of reverse engineer it. I mean, do vampires get diseases? Do they get sick? Because your blood could be the answer to all kinds of suffering out there. We could help people. I’ve been looking at my own blood with the bond, but those little black things in my samples keep dying. I’m guessing they don’t in your blood, or maybe there’s something else entirely.”
Lucian hesitated, then shoved the door to the science building open. “I’m not here to help people.”
I followed after him, noting how that wasn’t exactly true. He may want to see himself as a knight of the darkness. But I saw him as the man who put himself at considerable risk to save me. The man who subjected himself to a bond he knew was going to put him in danger. He was the man who promised to protect me, no matter the cost.
Lucian Undergrove may not want to be honest with himself about it, but I had a sneaking suspicion he was a good person. He was a funny person, when he wasn’t trying to play the role of the dangerous vampire.
And day by day, I was starting to fear the point when our bond loosened enough that he wouldn’t be stuck by my side.
20
Lucian
I’d been away from my duties for far too long, but I needed to wait until my bond with Cara had faded enough for me to meet with my former employers in private. I was putting her in enough danger as it was without reaching out to the order again. So there wasn’t much to do but wait out the bond—to pass the days with two critical objectives: do not let Bennigan harm Cara Skies, and do not sleep with Cara Skies.
I was under the sink in her smelly apartment kitchen, cranking a wrench to fit the new pipes I’d cut.
Cara sat on the counter eating little brown crunchy sticks she called pretzels. “A vampire plumber. I like it.”
“You need more than a plumber. This apartment is a hazard to any mortal who lives here.”
“Yeah,” she said. “But it’s the best we can afford. And plumbers cost a lot of money.”
I got up from the sink and tested it. “No more leak. But this cabinet is ruined. It’ll mold soon.”
Cara shrugged. She was wearing a particularly rebellious outfit today. Her short hair was braided and tucked behind one ear, where she’d tied it in place with a rainbow-colored ribbon. She had on a leather jacket and a short skirt, which I could nearly see up if I caught her at the right angle.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone fix a sink while wearing a suit and tie. It’s kind of hot.” She popped another pretzel in her mouth, smirking.
“I’m glad you enjoy it. Now you’re about to see someone fix your cabinet in a suit and tie.”
She raised her eyebrows. “You know how to do that?”
“Yes. Where can I purchase tools?”
A few hours later, I was in the parking lot outside Cara’s apartment with a stack of wooden sheets, saws, screwdrivers, glue, and cabinet hinges.
The sun had set while we shopped, which mercifully meant I could work outside and feel my strength recover in the moonlight. Cara sat cross-legged and closed one of her academic books on her lap. She glanced up as I was arranging my materials. “You’re sure you know how to do this?”
“Yes,” I said.
I started setting up the wood and making my cuts.
“Don’t you need to make measurements of the spot below the sink?”
“I used my vampire powers to estimate the size of the cabinet.”
“Wait, seriously?”
“Yes,” I said, turning my back so she couldn’t see me grin. I’d already measured it before we left, but she hadn’t been paying attention.
It felt good to do work with my hands again. I couldn’t say how long it had been since I’d worked with wood, but I was glad to find the techniques were still fresh in my mind.
Cara eventually curled up in the grass and fell asleep while I worked. I drew looks from the young college students who came and went from the building while I worked, and I gave my best glare to any who decided to look too long at Cara’s sleeping form.
Seraphina appeared a few hours into my work. She leaned against the building, watching me work for a short while before she spoke. “Have you contacted the order, yet?”
“After the bond passes.”
“We could use their protection,” she said. “Assuming they still have the strength to offer it.” Seraphina held up her phone limply. “This device is useless for things about our kind. That, or I have no idea where to begin my search.”
“We will have to make our own way for now. Did you make any progress securing alliances?”
“No,” she said. “Nobody wants to get on Bennigan’s bad side. It also seems more and more vampires are leaning into the old ways. They think the pact should be abolished, and any who support it should be left in the sun to fry.”
“We’ve been gone too long.” I hammered a few nails, then stepped back to admire my work. “What do you think?”
“I think the three of us may have had some power before we were detained, but Alaric’s ill-advised romance with a human robbed us of that power.”
“No,” I said. “I mean the cabinet.”
Seraphina sighed. “It’s great, Lucian. But I fear you’re walking in the same footsteps Alaric walked. You’re losing sight of the bigger picture because of a human.” She motioned to Cara, who had rolled to her back so her mouth was hanging open and she was snoring in a very un-ladylike, but adorable way.
“I don’t only enforce the pact because it pays well,” I said. “I believe in what it stands for.”
Seraphina cocked her head, looking annoyed. “And you think I don’t?”
“I think you enjoy having The Order’s authority behind you when you enforce the pact.”
She grinned. “You do know me well. But believe it or not, I don’t look down on them.” Her gaze slid to Cara again. “But if I have to choose between us and them, I’ll choose us. I’ll choose family.”
“And I’ll make the choices I can live with,” I said, picking up the cabinet. “Cara,” I said softly. “It’s finished.
She sat up suddenly, slurping in some drool, then wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. As I expected, Seraphina had already left before Cara was done blinking the grogginess from her eyes. “What time is it?”
“Time to get you inside and get this cabinet installed.”
I was relieved that none of her roommates were in the kitchen to bother us while I removed the previous, water-logged cabinet and installed the new one.
Cara appeared to gradually be waking up. She rubbed her eyes, yawning. “So do I get to have your number
and call you for household repairs when this is all over?”
“When this is all over,” I said, getting on my back to reach up and screw in the fasteners. “We will never see each other again.”
I couldn’t see Cara’s reaction, but there was a long pause. “You keep saying that. You’re really just going to disappear?”
“I have to.”
“What if I don’t want you to?”
I set the screwdriver down and sat up, looking at her. She was watching me intently, eyes focused. She kept pushing her lips over to one side, an expression I’d come to learn was her way of showing she was nervous—maybe even a little embarrassed.
“I don’t want to leave. I must, though.”
“You could protect me from the others, couldn’t you?”
“Not if things are as bad as they are starting to appear. Before we were locked away, my… employer was very powerful. My position enforcing the pact made me powerful. It meant Bennigan and anyone else with a grudge couldn’t move openly against me.”
“What is this pact thing you keep talking about?”
“A dangerous topic you don’t need to know about.”
“Spare me, Lucian,” she snapped. “I’m tired of you telling me what I should and shouldn’t know.”
I bit back a smile. I really did like this woman. “A very long time ago, some of the most powerful vampires decided we shouldn’t have to hide. They wanted to reveal themselves openly and take their ‘proper’ place as the masters of this world. But there were others who saw what their idea would truly look like. It would be master and slave. Humans subjugated and treated like cattle. It would be hell on earth, and there was a large group of us who formed The Order and helped resist any efforts of an uprising. Over time, The Pact was formed. It was our commitment to co-existence. We live our lives in the shadows, you live yours in the light. It also means we don’t harm humans beyond what’s necessary to feed.”
“And now this pact thing isn’t as widely supported?”
“That’s what we’re gradually coming to realize. Yes. It doesn’t seem as though my kind have embraced the technology available, so our ability to learn more is limited at the moment. So far, we’re only encountering vampires who are too afraid to openly support the pact, and I have no way to contact The Order.”
“So where does that leave us?”
“Outnumbered and on the wrong side of a centuries old debate.”
“How did you used to contact this order place?”
“Through agents who have either fled, changed sides, or been killed while I was away.”
“No wonder you have such a grumpy streak. But what are you going to do? I mean, after the bond is gone and you’re free to do your own thing?”
“I’m going to do what I’ve always done. Enforce The Pact, whether or not I have The Order behind me. I’ll make sure I do what I can.”
“That sounds like suicide.”
“I’m not easy to kill.”
Cara crossed her arms. “I don’t want to think about people trying to kill you.”
I got up and moved to stand in front of her. I took her hands in mine, watching as she raised her eyes to meet mine. “That’s because you’re kinder to me than you should be.”
“You’re a good person, Lucian. I don’t know why you don’t see that.”
“Because nobody who lives as long as I have can still be a good person.”
“You’re good enough for me,” she said, chewing her lip. Cara’s small hand took my tie and tugged me toward her.
I could have resisted the pull. I could’ve fought it easily, but I let myself be brought down toward those waiting lips—toward her closed eyes and upturned face.
And I kissed her.
Warmth exploded through me. It woke a vivid memory of the sun on my skin as a youth before I’d been turned, of closing my eyes and looking up toward a beaming ball of light until I felt the heat sinking through every pore.
My body was on fire.
Alive.
Her lips were soft pillows of heat, sharing their wetness with mine as I cupped her cheek and let my fingers circle around the back of her head and in her hair.
My other hand took the side of her thigh and tugged her closer, pressing our lower bodies together in a delicious collision of sensitive flesh against sensitive flesh.
I wanted to devour her. To take her now and never let her go.
I could feel my fangs elongating, but she showed no sign of breaking away from the kiss, even though she surely must’ve felt them. I could feel the temptation to be carried away with passion. Letting the moment proceed from inevitability to inevitability would’ve been as easy as breathing. But I knew what would happen.
We were still bonded.
If I slept with her, I’d turn her.
I’d be dooming her.
So I started to pry myself away from her, even as her hands cupped my face and her thighs wrapped around my waist, tugging me into the heat of her panties and her pushed-up skirt.
I put a hand on her shoulder, removing myself from the embrace with the wet release of our lips. She leaned forward toward me, eyes beseeching, and hand still outstretched.
“We can’t,” I breathed.
“Why? Let me be like you. It doesn’t have to be over when the bond ends. We could be together. You wouldn’t have to be so alone all the time, I could—”
“No,” I said. “You don’t understand what you’re volunteering for. You could never understand. Come. We need to rest for tomorrow.”
I rushed upstairs, ignoring the maddening tug of the bond urging me to stay closer to her. I only had to endure it for a few moments, because Cara quickly followed after me.
I took my place on the floor and crossed my arms over my chest, lying down in my place as I always did. I heard her slip into the blankets of her bed, still breathing heavily. I could smell her arousal, and it was intoxicating enough that I was almost compelled to get back up and forsake everything I believed in just to feel the relief of plunging myself into her. Of having her. Fucking her.
But I closed my hands into fists and clenched my jaw until mortal teeth would’ve cracked. I was going to stay here, and I was not going to drag her down to my hell because I was selfish and lacked the self-control to do what was necessary.
“Lucian, I—”
“Sleep, Cara,” I said. “We both need to sleep.”
21
Lucian
Cara had on a simple outfit of a white shirt and tight-fitting, stretchy black pants. She was sitting in one of the antique chairs in my home in front of a mirror. It was nightfall, and Seraphine was prowling behind the chair, her bare feet padding on the thick red rugs splayed across the living room.
Cara let out a huge yawn, then shook her head, blinking and opening her eyes a little wider as if trying to wake herself up. “Okay. So the goal here is to make me look more like a vampire, right?”
“Somehow,” Seraphina said. She was studying Cara like an artist might look at a solid block of stone.
I was as tired as Cara looked. My healing capabilities served the double benefit of always keeping me feeling completely fresh and energized. Usually. It seemed walking around in the sunlight every day was tapping my reserves of power to their limits, and certain discomforts and annoyances I thought I left behind centuries ago were coming back.
I stretched my lower back, trying to relieve some tension there.
I covered my own yawn as I watched Cara from the far wall. She looked perfect as she sat there straight backed and amused.
She stole a look my way, then smiled. I found myself smiling back before I wiped the look from my face.
Be strong. Don’t make this harder than it already is.
I’d felt the gradual slip of resistance melting away between us. My willpower could only withstand so much temptation, and day after day of being by her side and enduring her charmingly innocent personality was taking its toll. It was also causing me to be lo
ose lipped with information I was supposed to protect. I knew I’d told her far more than I should have about our kind already. I thought Seraphina and Alaric were only acting like they didn’t care was because they assumed I’d wipe her memories when this was through.
Others wouldn’t care what my intentions were. They’d want to make an example out of her to show anyone else who wanted to reveal our secrets to mortals.
I focused instead on my desire to keep her safe, because I needed to funnel all the built-up energy inside me into some action. Otherwise I would burst.
At least obsessing about keeping her safe would keep me out of her pants. I knew if I let my mind wander, it would go back to the kiss, to that tantalizing taste of life. Kissing Cara was like being alive again. Being mortal. I could close my eyes and forget what my existence had become. I could embrace the warm explosion that had spread into every fiber of my body at her touch.
And yet I couldn’t let myself hope to feel that again. The same taste of life for me was a taste of death for her. A taste of the endless void that was immortality. I’d be true to my namesake if I let our desires come to fruition. I’d feed on her very lifeforce and leave her empty—sucked dry.
Seraphina walked a slow circle around Cara, tapping her chin in thought. “You’re sure I can’t just snack on her?”
“Seraphina,” I warned.
Cara gave me an uncertain look. “Is she joking?”
“No,” Seraphina said.
“Yes. You swore you would be helpful,” I growled.
Seraphina sighed. “Well, it’s not as if there’s a dress code for our kind. What this little human needs is more confidence.” She tucked a finger under Cara’s chin and pulled her head up straighter. She put her finger tips behind Cara’s shoulder blades and urged her to puff her chest and pull her shoulders back. “You need to look like you’ve had decades to cement your own superiority over the human race. And you need to not appear intimidated in front of our kind.”
“Okay,” Cara said.
“Also, eyeliner. I will admit we have a little bit of an unhealthy obsession with it.” She plucked a tube from a bag on the counter and bent down to apply it to Cara’s eyes. “And you may borrow some of my wardrobe, but if you ruin my clothes, I will bite you.”
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