But I am. What he just said is a hundred percent true.
Cam’s eyes fill with compassion. “He’s draining you.”
“Maybe,” I say, my cheeks flushing with irritation. “But the way you’ve always been wrapped up with your father? That’s really no different.”
Cam’s jaw clenches, and his eyes turn to dark chips of ice, but he doesn’t say anything.
“Let’s talk after,” I tell him. “I just need time to think.”
Cameron
I walk away from Savannah, and as soon as I’m out of her line of sight, I punch the wall.
I want to drag her away from here and make love to her for hours, and I’m frustrated with myself for not sensing this might happen if we won. I knew she might feel conflicted, but I didn’t realize I lost her as soon as her father caught her eye from the back of the rink. Of course, I saw him. I just pretended not to.
It’s not until I’m in the shower that my pulse calms down and I start to breathe normally. And that’s when it hits me.
“Fuck,” I say out loud. “She’s right.”
Savannah and I do need a little time apart to process what this win means to each of us.
I need to let go just as much as she does; I just didn’t know it.
Hockey has been my entire life. Battling my father is such a part of my identity that I can hardly imagine what things will be like without that endless war going on.
Savannah is the only woman for me. She’s who I want—to be my wife, my partner, my everything. But I have to fix my shit with my own dad, say goodbye to my team, and get my future plans in order before I can give her all of me.
Savannah
When I return to the table, Flora and Tara are gone.
I glance around the nearly-empty café, but they’re nowhere in sight.
“Where’d they go?” I ask, a sinking feeling in my gut.
“I sent them home.” My father scowls.
I take the seat across from him, and his angry gaze levels me.
“I can’t believe you beat your own father. I never thought you’d do something like that. Not you, Vannah.”
Like always, I don’t know what triggered his abrupt change in mood.
But I’m tired of taking the blame. This time, I can’t tear myself in half for years trying to figure him out.
I’m still the only one around to deal with him. My sisters called it my strength when we were growing up. I’m starting to think he’s just my weakness.
“You’re not going to come work for me, are you?” he grumbles.
“No.” I shake my head. “But your request isn’t about me. Not really.”
“Of course it is. I want us to work together again.”
“That’s not your real reason,” I say. “It’s because of Cam. Isn’t it?”
His face turns red, and he mutters something under his breath.
“What did you say?” I ask.
“Of course, I want Cam,” he says in a biting tone. “What coach wouldn’t? The guy’s a winner.”
“So you used the fact that I have a personal relationship with him to try to get a two for one. Me and him.”
“I didn’t know you two were dating until after the Climax game,” he says, and from the look in his eyes, I know he’s telling the truth. “I just thought you could convince him, especially once I found out he was with the Cannons on a one-year deal.”
“But then you blabbed on us to Craig. Did you really think that would be successful?”
Daddy stares down at his hot chocolate. “Craig’s an idiot. I had to try it.”
“You never think of anyone but yourself,” I say softly.
“Bullshit,” he says. “You and Wild moving to Colorado would benefit all of us.”
“Did it benefit all of us when you bailed on our family?” I ask him.
Daddy slowly turns his gaze to meet mine. Ten seconds pass as we study each other in silence.
“I’m flying home tomorrow morning, Daddy. Working for you isn’t an option for me. Not anymore.”
“I’m assuming it’s because Wild won’t come and you can’t leave your boyfriend?” His eyes turn cold and empty. “I guess you let him control you, huh?”
I look back at him calmly. “No, Daddy. That was you I let do that.”
His eyes focus on me more intensely. “You’re different, Vannah. More grown up. Not just because it’s been six years, but something else.”
I take a deep breath. “Yes. I am. And I have something I want to read to you. Since you never answered any of my letters, maybe if I read this one to your face, you’ll choose to respond.” I open up my phone and tap on the letter I’ve been working on since I arrived here, the one I stayed up late last night to write and rewrite until I was sure I had it right. I didn’t show it to Cam; I didn’t tell anyone else what I was doing because I never knew if I’d have the guts to read it aloud.
I clear my throat.
My voice shakes and my hand holding the phone trembles, but I keep my eyes on the screen and start reading.
“It wasn’t my fault what happened with Watts. It wasn’t my fault the Cannons lost the game that night. You made me think it was, and I paid a price for your betrayal for a long time. I paid while you went off to Colorado and started a new family. Eventually, I learned that you aren’t my hero. You’re just a man with flaws like everyone else. It’s taken me a long time to accept this. And the ‘go fuck yourself’ that you liked to throw around? That hurt. So much. But despite how terribly cruel and unforgivable that is to say to anyone, let alone a child, I had to figure out a way to heal.” I pause. “So I’ll say this to you, Daddy, because you’re my father and I love you—‘Go love yourself.’ It’s the best thing you could ever do for me.”
When I finish, the café is so quiet I could hear a pin drop. It’s almost like a moment of silence for the dead. I lower my phone and put it away in my purse.
“I only wanted the best for you.” My father’s voice is gruff. “I never meant to hurt anybody.”
“Words hurt,” I say simply. “They may not be a fist to the face like your father did to you, but they hurt all the same. And they last. Try to remember that with your new baby, okay?”
“I still have all your letters. I still read them from time to time.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Vannah. Watts wasn’t your fault. Neither was the loss.” He shakes his head. “I want to be a better man—and husband and father.”
“Go see the therapist I told Flora about,” I say as I stand up to go. “Don’t lose this family the way you lost us.”
And when we say good-bye this time?
Everything’s different.
“I’ll be going then.”
I give him a quick kiss, and then I grab my bag and walk out of the café.
Chapter Thirty
I climb onto the team bus and head straight for Cam. He pats the empty seat next to him.
I can’t believe how good it is to see him. His facial scruff is thicker than usual, which just turns me on more. His hair’s messy in the best way, and his dark eyes fix on me like lasers as I sit down.
We don’t talk much on the ride, but he holds my hand and I lean my head on his shoulder. When we reach the hotel where we’ll stay for a few hours until our flight is ready, Cam takes me up to his room without a word.
“I’m leaving the rink,” he says to me. “All the fights on the ice, and with my dad. And I don’t want to argue with you as a substitute.”
I reach for him as we sit down on the bed. “Me neither. I’m sorry.”
But he’s already kissing me. “Shh. I’m sorry too. Just let me love you. Let me help you forget. About all of it. Please.”
He unzips my jacket and unbuttons my top. He slips my pants off my hips and they hit the floor.
When I’m naked and vulnerable before him, Cam doesn’t let up. He backs me up until I’m lying on the mattress, and then he takes off his clothes and joins me in the bed.
“I love you, Savannah.” His lips insistently make love to my mouth.
“I don’t deserve you,” I say as fresh tears hit my eyelashes.
Cam’s hands gently grip my cheeks as his dark eyes look at me like lasers. “You. Deserve. Everything. Good. Don’t ever forget that.”
I bring his body flush with mine. “Cam, you’re right. We both deserve to be happy. And I’m done with the guilt. For good. I’m so happy we won, and I thought it would be all I needed. But it turned out I needed to get a few things off my chest as well. A part of me had to tell him goodbye. And I’m here with you now, and I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’m glad. And I want to move to Montana with you. Just so you know.” Cam puts his hand on my cheek. “I needed the time after the game too, to be honest. I just didn’t know I did. I had to clear the air with my dad so we’re not living in a constant stand-off. And I did that. We sat in the stands and talked for quite a while. He’s not thrilled with my decision to leave hockey, but I told him my business plan and explained what I’m planning to do, and he didn’t explode. So that’s a step. I don’t know if he’ll ever be super supportive, but I’m okay with that.”
I put my hand over his. “I’m proud of you.”
“I may not have faced all of that if you hadn’t needed to talk to your dad. So thanks for knowing you needed it.” He kisses me lightly. “We needed the space to figure some shit out. Sometimes those hard moments don’t all go smoothly. But we had to step through them.”
“I agree.” I kiss him. “Now please make love to me.”
And he does.
When we return to Climax, I take a few big steps. I look for jobs in the Missoula, Montana area, and I do what would have been unthinkable to me a few months ago—I give my notice at the ice rink.
Craig doesn’t answer me at first. He’s never worked here without me, and I don’t think he knows quite how to respond.
“It will be okay,” I assure him. “You’re a great coach. The Cannons are champions, and they’ll do well. You’ll keep winning like gangbusters once I’m gone.”
I leave him to his shock and go to my office to begin packing. I’ve been here so long I figure it may take me weeks to get everything out of here.
As I start packing up, I feel a twinge of pain. I’ve spent more time in this office than I have at home.
But it’s time to leave.
And I’m more than ready.
Knock, knock, knock.
I go open the door.
“Just wanted to thank you for all your hard work,” Craig says. “And we’d like to take you out, have a good-bye party for you and Cam next week sometime.”
“That would be nice. Thank you.”
We look at each other in awkward silence.
Craig clears his throat. “I also wanted to tell you your father was wrong about a lot of things. But he was most wrong about walking away from you, and the way he blamed you. You didn’t deserve that. You never deserved that, Savannah. And I’m happy, and proud, I can be here to see you spread your wings and finally fly the fuck out of here.”
Emotion clogs my throat. For a full ten seconds, I say nothing. Finally, I step around my desk, walk up to Craig, and put my arms around him.
He pats my back silently as I hug him tightly.
As I walk out of my office at the end of the day, I take down the two hockey sticks from the wall. My father’s and mine, the ones we used to practice with together. But they’re no longer intertwined. I put them under my arm to bring to the equipment room.
I also finally turn off all the lights. A chapter in my life is closed, and I’m ready to start brand new.
When I tell my mother and sisters I’ll be moving to Montana, Molly and Celie grab me in a hug. Mama cries but says she’ll happily visit.
“I think you’ll love it out west,” she says to me. “This is the right decision for you, Vannah.”
“And you’ll be leaving the Cannons on top,” Celie says. “Good for you.”
We sit down at the kitchen table so I can fully fill my mother and sisters in on the game in Colorado. Celie’s so excited she’s bouncing up and down in her seat.
“Was Daddy furious afterward?” she asks me.
I nod. “He was upset. But we talked. I feel at peace.”
I excuse myself and go to my bedroom where I pull out the only photograph I have left in my shoebox. I’m in Daddy’s lap, and Mama’s kneeling next to us. They both seem happy. I’m an infant—I can’t be much more than a few months old.
I’m sure Mama had so many dreams for her marriage at the beginning and so many hopes with each new baby. Not every relationship is meant to last, I guess. I tear the photograph cleanly in half so that Mama and Daddy are separate. I rip myself out of Daddy’s lap, and throw all three pieces in the garbage.
When I look back into the shoebox, it’s hard to believe it’s empty.
I finally took back the pieces of my broken heart and made it whole.
The knock comes just as I’m finishing.
I open the door to a dark-haired, dark-eyed man who, in the course of a few months, has completely changed my world.
“I applied for a job at the dance studio in Missoula,” I say to Cam as he steps inside my room and I close the door. “I want to teach.”
“That sounds perfect for you,” he says. “I’m ready too.”
“You’re going to do great with your business.”
“I’ll keep my sales job also for a little longer,” he says. “Don’t worry—we’ll be okay. I’ll make sure of it.”
“I’ll get a second job also.”
His dimple flashes. “Are we seriously going to do this?”
“Yes. I think we are.”
I wrap my arms around Cam and kiss him. He responds to my lips, and we make out like we haven’t seen each other in years.
We end up on the floor in a tangled mess of clothes pulled off in a hurry and underneath the quilt Cam grabbed from my bed at the last moment. He pulls a condom from his pocket and I take it from him and tear open the package. After rolling it on, he slides into me in one motion.
I gasp, so turned on I’m having a hard time muffling my moans. Cam’s hand covers my mouth as I come, and he buries his face into my neck as he murmurs my name.
“Was that what they call a celebratory fuck?” I ask him as we finally come up for air.
His body shakes with laughter.
“I’m not sure,” he says. “I’d call it the best kind of lovemaking.”
I love Cam. I love him so much, and when I look at him lying next to me, I know this is it for me. He’s the only man I ever want to be with. I want to wake up with him every morning and go to sleep with him every night.
“Do you want to get married?” I say abruptly, not able to keep the thoughts inside my head any longer. The words spill out of my mouth, and with them goes any last vestige of protection I’d been holding onto.
Cam takes my face in his hands and looks at me intently. “Yes. I’ve…it’s funny you’re asking me this because you have no idea how much I want that. But do you?”
“You really do?” I rest my chin on his shoulder. “You like me that much?”
“Yes, I love you that much.” Cam’s warm hand rubs my bare back. “You challenge me in all the good ways, and you make me think about things I never realized were important. You’re brilliant, and gorgeous, and the kindest person I’ve ever known. I admire the hell out of you. From the moment I met you, you’ve calmed this place inside of me that could never be at peace. I was always running until I locked eyes with you.”
Tears fill my eyes. “I love you, Cam. I love the kind of man you are and the strength and joy you bring to my life.”
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Savannah. That I can promise you.” Cam’s eyes fill with an emotion I’ve never seen before. “I almost asked you to marry me in Denver. But I was worried I was rushing things. The truth is, I dated someone for years, and all I ever w
anted to do was run when I thought about the future. With you, the only thing I think about is—‘how soon can I make her mine?’ Because I’m already yours, Savannah. I want you. I need you. In fact…”
He reaches for his pants and pulls something small from the pocket. He places it on my chest.
“What is it?” I say as I look at the jewelry box.
Suddenly, a very naked Cam is next to me on one knee. He opens the box, revealing the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen. It’s old-fashioned with an ornate band and a simple Princess cut diamond.
“It’s a symbol,” Cam says, emotion clogging his words. He clears his throat. “Of how much I love you and will always love you. Savannah Virginia, will you marry me?”
My arms are around him so fast he falls backward. And then we’re all tangled up in the quilt, still naked but this time with a precious ring lying between us.
Cam pulls it out of the box and slides it onto my finger.
“Savannah Wild,” I say. “I can’t wait.”
“Neither can I.”
Epilogue
Savannah
“With this ring, I thee wed.”
I smile up at Cam on the chapel altar as he slips a simple white gold band onto my ring finger. “I love you, Savannah.” His voice chokes up. “Forever.”
His tuxedo and my fancy white dress don’t quite match the rustic ambience of the little Climax chapel, but we wanted to wear something special, something we normally never wear, to commemorate our marriage. All his cousins and Jenson are in tuxes, and my sisters are wearing pretty dresses they bought for today.
“With this ring, I thee wed.” I put a matching ring onto Cam’s finger, and then I whisper to him, “Thank you for showing me what real love is.”
Cam’s dark eyes don’t leave mine as he answers me. “You did the same for me. You do every day.”
Our private little bubble is broken when Jenson’s twin sons shout, “Congratulations, Uncle Cam,” and the whole chapel laughs. Colton and Brayden start cheering, and Celie lets out a loud whistle.
Cameron (Wild Men Book 7) Page 21
