NO LONGER MINE

by Shiloh Walker

  “Dizzy.” Sirens were moving closer and it made the roaring in her ears louder. Her dad was going to throw a fit. Maybe she could get these guys to leave and just tell them ambulance she didn’t need them…

  But they didn’t leave. Soon, she was lifted into the ambulance, and he ended up in the back with her. How he managed that, she didn’t know. A loud buzzing echoed in her ears and although she was hearing words, they didn’t quite make sense. And she was cold.

  “…kind of shocky…”

  “…that flight she took…be shocky, too…flew twenty feet…”

  “…name…parents…”

  She couldn’t make heads or tails of the conversation, not with her head pounding the way it was. Man, I’m gonna be sick…

  Black dots loomed in front of her eyes. Her belly churned.

  She tried to focus on the hand somebody held up in front of her, but it just wavered in and out of focus.

  “…many fingers…?” a decidedly female voice asked. Her glasses. She couldn’t see without her glasses.

  She turned her head aside, or tried to, considering they had it secured in a brace. “I don’t wanna go to no hospital,” she muttered, her voice slurred. She tried to sit up without success. They had strapped down and trussed up, like a Christmas turkey, her dad would say. “My dad’s gonna freak.”

  A deeper more masculine voice said, “Chances are he will be madder if you wake up in the morning and can’t move from the neck down.” She rolled her eyes in that direction. Jeez, it really was him. His hand slid into hers and squeezed reassuringly. “Lori here needs to know how to get a hold of your parents.”

  “Just m’dad. Mom’s dead.” Her eyes filled with tears.

  “How do we get in contact with him?”

  “At work,” she mumbled, her tongue feeling thick, clumsy. “Number in my bag. Head hurts.” The fog was clearing from her brain – but that only made her more aware of the sickening pounding within her head.

  “Close your eyes, kid, that might help,” he told her.

  In the background, she heard a woman…

  “Concussion... bones… lacerations…pretty… bruising…”

  A tinny sounding voice in the distance replied, but she could barely understand it.

  “Yeah, lucky, all right.”

  Lucky wasn’t exactly how she felt when the doctors insisted she stay overnight. Her father, eyes red rimmed from another marathon drinking session, surprisingly agreed without any argument.

  “You’re sure she’s okay?” Jack Kline asked, his voice rough from years of whiskey and smoke.

  “Fairly certain, but we need to watch her. Sometimes injuries don’t make themselves known until later. It sounds like she took a pretty bad fall. She’s got a moderate concussion, and she’s going to feel like hell…”

  Already do, she thought petulantly.

  “Damn good thing that kid got the license plate number,” her father grunted, turning away to stare out the window.

  Nikki rested her on the pillow, keeping her eyes closed. The bright evening sunlight made her nauseated. Her head was throbbing. Her bike would need new rims, at the least.

  Damn it, she didn’t have money for that.

  And what had happened to her glasses? Hell of a way to end the day. Things couldn’t get worse.

  * * *

  “How’s the head?”

  Cautiously, Nikki turned her head, her eyes squinting to accommodate for the old glasses Dylan had brought up, handed to her, and left, all without saying a word.

  The stupid things were three years old easy, and she couldn’t see too clearly. Fortunately, she was getting new ones within a week, courtesy of Dion and his insurance.

  Wade stood in the doorway, a sympathetic smile on his face.

  “A little better,” she said, straightening in her chair, laying her book on the side table “I think there are going to let me go home today, after all.”

  They had ended up keeping her two days, unsure if her blurred vision was the result of the crash, or something worse. All the tests were normal, so finally, they were letting her leave.

  Two days in the hospital…because of a damned bike wreck.

  “Mind if I sit down?”

  “Go ahead,” she offered, shrugging. Within her chest, her heart was dancing a nervous jig. “Thanks for your help the other day. I doubt I was in any shape to say so then, but I appreciated it.”

  “Not a problem,” he said, flashing an easy smile. “Know what’s going to happen with those guys who ran you off the road? Is your dad pressing charges?”

  “Their insurance has already offered to settle. I get a new bike, new glasses, and my hospital stay is covered,” she said dryly.

  “That’s it?” he asked, his voice disbelieving.

  “Dad is pretty easy to please,” she said blandly. “I’d rather the jackass go to jail for a few days, but nobody asked me.”

  He opened his mouth to speak, but shut it without saying anything.

  He stayed a few minutes, surprised her with a single rose in vase from the gift shop, then he left.

  * * *

  “I see you got some new glasses.”

  Startled, Nicole looked up from her book. “Hi,” she said, her heart pounding in her throat.

  “Some colorful bumps and bruises you got there,” he noted, squatting in front of her. His hair was damp, sweaty, pulled back in a loose ponytail. The neck of his tank top was dark with sweat.

  She eyed the purplish blue bruise on her right shoulder with dislike before glancing at the various bruises and scratches that marred her right leg. The worst was a large blackish bruise on the back part of her right hip. Nearly a week, and it hurt so bad at night she had a hard time sleeping without the pain pills.

  “Yeah. I figure these are battle scars,” she said, one corner of her mouth quirking up in a grin. She’d attempted the day before to return to work, bumming a ride from a neighbor – less than two hours later, she was driven back home by her boss, who scolded her for even trying.

  He chuckled, moving to sit on the step next to her. His face sobered and he ducked his head. “A friend of mine lives across the street… and well, he says the guy who almost hit you lives around here.”

  “I know,” she said quietly. “He also happens to be a friend of my brother’s. He’s not very happy about being caught. His insurance canceled his coverage and his license was suspended. He’s had more than his share of ‘minor’ violations. Not too mention he’s in big trouble with his parole officer. He’s running his mouth a lot.”

  “What if it’s more than talk?” Wade asked, turning to face her. “This uh, well, this isn’t exactly the nicest part of town…”

  Oh, man, wasn’t this cute…he was blushing. Gone and embarrassed himself, had he? But doggedly he continued, “And I know there’s some pretty rough kids around here.”

  She smiled slightly, tucking her book under her hip and leaning forward carefully, trying not to aggravate her bruised body. “I know. I would probably be considered one of those rough kids,” she said, grinning slightly at the disbelieving look in his eyes. “I’ve lived here for eight years, you know.”

  “You don’t look like you belong here,” he replied.

  With a sad smile, she said, “That’s weird…because this is the only place I’ve ever been.”

  But I’ll be damned if I stay…

  She wanted to be normal, walk to the library instead of working her ass off for money under the table. Wanted to go to football games and know if she walked home at night, she wouldn’t have to worry about trouble.

  Trouble was a permanent resident here. She’d learned how to fight at an early age, learned how to avoid the cops if she had to leave home late at night. Knew how to pacify those same cops who showed up at the door when her father went a little wild after a few too many drinks.

  No, she wasn’t the shy naive little girl she suspected he saw in his mind. She doubted she had ever been naive.

 
; He didn’t respond to that directly, but she could see the disbelief linger­ing in his eyes. “About that kid…”

  “I’m not worried. Dion isn’t much more than talk. That’s all he ever really has been. Besides, he can’t do anything more than talk unless he wants to end up in back in juvie. He’s on probation and his P.O. is pretty strict”

  “That’s no guarantee.”

  Nikki grinned now and said, “There are no guarantees, especially not in this part of town.”

  Her eyes skimmed over familiar sights, broken down cars, fans whirring in open windows, women walking around in their nightgowns, hair still in rollers, overweight men with their beer bellies hanging over their jeans. Cigarette butts, broken bottles, and God only knew what else littered the sidewalk.

  The sounds were just as pleasant, squalling children, parents who screamed and shouted at the least offense, loud music blaring from cars, stereos and TVs. Under the brutal summer sun, the trash dumpsters were baking, leaving the air clouded with the underlying stink of garbage.

  I’m getting out of here, she thought to herself. For easily the thousandth time.

  * * *

  Neither of them would have admitted, or even thought, that what was happening with them was a romance. Both were two lonely souls who had befriended each other. While Nikki might have dreamed for more, friends were too far and few between, therefore, more precious than anything else.

  It started with Wade just dropping by for a few minutes when he visited his friend Mike across the street. Then he started asking her if she wanted to go with them out to get a bite to eat. A friend was having a barbe­cue and she was welcome to come. Before much time had passed, rarely more than day went by without them seeing each other, even if just for a few minutes.

  For the first time in her life, she had somebody she could talk to, about anything. The hot humid days of summer passed quickly, her morning spent working, and her afternoons spent studying. She spent evenings with Wade and his friends, either at Wade’s house or at other friends, usually the EMT Lori who had taken Nikki to the hospital. She was much younger than a lot of them, but they seemed to kind of adopt her, especially after learning of her plans to go to nursing school in less than a year.

  Before she knew it, those lazy days of barbecuing in the backyard of Wade’s or swimming in Lori’s pool were over. And it was time for school. Her senior year. She had crammed enough during the past three years that she would graduate midterm this year. She had started high school early, when she was only twelve, having skipped a grade in elementary school.

  Come next fall, she would be starting college at U of L on a full scholarship, and she’d get her Bachelor’s Degree in nursing

  For the first time, she had somebody there to encourage her, to help with the study ses­sions and quiz her on Spanish. Granted, his accent was worse than hers, but he tried. Besides helping her study, he helped her keep her unruly brothers under control as best as could be managed.

  Nikki had no idea why was he always there, but he was. And she was afraid if she asked, he’d get offended and not come around so much.

  Early one morning, she locked the door behind her, resolving herself to one more hellish bus ride. Dion was in the front seat of the low riding Monte Carlo, riding shotgun with one of his friends, Dylan slouching in the backseat as they pulled away.

  There was a cruel glint in Dion’s eyes as he looked at her, but Dylan’s presence in the back kept him quiet. Dion had learned how very little Dylan cared to hear his sister getting bullshit—so he saved it until he was away from Dylan before mouthing off.

  She supposed she could fill her twin brother in on it, but what was the point? Dylan would still hang around with that bastard, after he beat the shit out of him again. All that would come of it was possibly Dylan getting in trouble with the cops again.

  So she just ignored the bastard.

  As she headed down the steps, a low hum caught her ears and Nikki looked up as a familiar Thunderbird came around the corner.

  Wade didn’t even glance at the souped up lowrider Monte Carlo that drove past him as he parked. Climbing from the car, he smiled at her, but it didn’t really show in his exhausted eyes.

  Even after three weeks of working the graveyard shift, it looked like he still hadn’t adjusted.

  A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth as he met her on the sidewalk. “You two want a ride?”

  Shawn had already headed for the car, but Nikki hesitated. “Wade, you just got done working a twelve hour shift.” From the looks of his uniform, it had been a rough one. Wrinkled, bloodied. Eyes were shadowed and grim. She wondered what had put that look there. Then she remembered what part of town he worked and decided she didn’t want to know. He had been transferred to one of the few areas that made Portland look like a nice middle class suburban neighborhood. “You live on the other side of the bridge.”

  “Yeah, but I work less than twenty minutes away from here. If I go home, I’ll just sit around. I have to be too tired to see before I can sleep.”

  Nikki slid into the seat, eyes closing with bliss. Better than riding that damn bus any day. Better than riding in a Ferrari, in her opinion. The car smelled of him, of soap, of the slight musk scent that came from only him.

  She had drifted back to sleep before she even knew it, worn out from studying for a calculus test.

  They were officially dating by Christmas.

  And Nikki was head over heels in love.

  Now…

  Nikki’s eyes flew open, and she lay alone in her huge king size bed, facing the floor to ceiling windows. And that had been it. At one time, Wade Lightfoot had meant everything to her, more than her books, her writing, her dreams to leave her poor childhood behind her. He had been her entire life.

  And then, he had gotten another woman pregnant.

  New Albany, Indiana

  The hot summer sun shone brightly down on the little house. A ‘For Sale’ was in the yard, topped by a bright red sign announcing to the world that this house was sold. Toys dotted the closely cropped lawn, and a crop of wildflowers bloomed under each window. Freshly painted shutters gleamed under the noonday sun.

  He had taken care of the house, even though it hadn’t ever become the home he had wished for.

  Shoving the door open with a booted foot, Wade Lightfoot walked out of the house, three boxes precariously stacked in his arms.

  A gleefully laughing child darted in front of him, a yapping puppy at her heels. Wade stumbled and the box on top, one covered with dust, fell to the ground, falling open as it hit the concrete.

  A familiar picture fell out – one he hadn’t looked at in years. But he hadn’t ever forgotten it, either.

  Automatically, he diverted his eyes and started to reach for it without looking, intending to pack it away with the rest of his memories. But then his hand slowed, stopped, and he turned his eyes back to the smiling faces looking up at him.

  Damn, we look so innocent…

  It was Nikki and him, at her senior prom. He had worn a monkey suit, had even gotten his hair cut. Her shy grin, tousled hair at odds with the flirty black dress she had worn. He smiled, remembering how she had dieted for two months, exercising like some aerobics instructor from hell, losing fifteen pounds, to fit into that dress.

  He looked up to check on Abby as she shrieked. Her uncle Joe had caught her up in a bear hug. Slowly, knowing he shouldn’t, he righted the box. Photographs, notes, souvenirs from some local amusement parks jumbled inside as he reached in, pulled out a picture at random.

  Their first real date. Lori’s Christmas party.

  The day he realized just how right it felt to be with Nikki It was more than friendship, and that was a little scary This girl was from the wrong side of town, but worse, she was only fifteen and had more problems than he had ever imagined any­body having.

  She was five years younger, but in her mind, she was far older than he would ever be, after growing up around some of the ugliest thing
s a girl could see. He saw pieces of the ugly side of life, drive by shootings, victims of gang violence, domestic abuse. But he only saw it in his work. It touched his life, but it hadn’t shaped him.

  She had lived in that. Had lost friends to sick random violence. Lived in a home where some sort of domestic abuse was the norm. At the age of thirteen, she had come home from school to find her mother lying dead on the living room sofa, dead from an overdose of sedatives a doctor from a local clinic had prescribed.

  She had that grim look around her eyes that was familiar in such a rough part of town. The look that came from seeing too much of the dirty side of life, and not enough of the good side. But she hadn’t had any of the callous­ness, the desperation, or the wildness.

  He stared at the picture, at Nikki in her red dress, her eyes laughing, as she stared at the camera. If he closed his eyes, he could still remember the smell of her flesh, how she felt in his arms…

  Then…

  He found her out in the backyard, head tipped back, arms wrapped around her body against the cold night air. He wrapped his owns arms around her and told her, “If you’d go inside, you wouldn’t be cold.”

  “No. I’d be hot. Too many people in there,” she said, slowly relaxing against him. “Besides, it’s pretty out here. Are you spending tomorrow with your parents?”

  “Yeah,” he said, distantly. The friendly hug he had offered didn’t feel as friendly as it used to. Good, maybe too good. Tension spread through him until he was standing stiff as a board.

  “—okay?”

  “Huh?” He looked down, realizing that she had been talking to him.

  “I asked if you were okay,” she repeated.

  He didn’t answer then, either. Instead, he studied her upturned face as if he had never seen it. Before Wade had even thought about it, he dipped his head, pressed his mouth to hers. He had to know if she tasted as good as she felt. She couldn’t. No woman could. But she did. He traced her full lower lip with his tongue, using his hand to arch her neck, angle her face to his. Then he deepened the kiss. Her breath caught, drawing him deeper as he shifted her body, turning her to face him fully. Burying one hand in her hair, he used the other to mold her against him.