by N. Saraven
He started to focus on his work with all his energies.
Time flew by.
The Sun had reached its zenith when Rita finally woke up. She gazed around dull, at first not really knowing where she was or why. She yawned and stretched, then yawned some more. In a few moments, Starlight stormed in, jumping up on her. The cat purred loudly as she fawned over Rita. Rita caressed her absently as she lay on her back and gazed at the ceiling. She was thinking about her visit in Varomor, trying to make something of it.
At first, Rita did not even want to believe that it had happened. Her memories seemed foggy, not unlike a dream, so maybe in reality it did not happen. On the other hand, she could recall the common tongue in her mind as proof.
“What do you think, my dear, shall I visit Neila again or rather stay at home?” Rita asked the cat, who just looked at her with that typical condescending cat look. “Of course, I’ll visit. Although I probably shouldn’t appear again in blue pyjamas with yellow fish on it … You know, honey, THAT was lame and sooo humiliating! So we’ll put on something comfy,” she said more to herself than to the cat, as she sat up, holding Starlight with both hands. The cat soon jumped down, looking around with half-closed eyes.
Rita also got up, stepped to the cabinet, and started to look for something comfortable. As she walked around, she tried not to step on the cat in the middle of the room. She managed to pull out a pair of black training trousers with a black T-shirt. Then she combed her hair and made a ponytail. Finally, she made her bed.
When she had finished with everything, she went down to the kitchen and made herself a big, yet cold lunch. With the plate in one hand and a glass of juice in the other, she wobbled around the dogs to the living room, then almost fell down in the couch before the TV. She put the glass down on the coffee table on her right and turned on the TV.
She needed a little relaxation; her mind was buzzing from the many things that had happened to her lately. As she ate, she switched the channels without truly seeing what was on the air. Although once she found some kind of documentary channel, currently presenting a forest, Rita’s heart immediately started to pound heavily, while another picture of a forest appeared faintly before her eyes. She hurriedly switched the channel, making the phantom-forest disappear as well.
Rita felt uneasy; the Feeling was bubbling up again. She wolfed down her lunch, turned off the TV, then put the empty plates in the kitchen. She quickly looked up her father, ensuring that he had lost himself in work. Then she almost ran up to her room, where she could be alone. Rita sat down comfortably in her armchair, relaxed, and let her feelings guide her to where she longed to be.
For the next few days, Rita spent her time in the world where she believed she belonged—beyond the Rim. She literally shook in excitement whenever she had time to visit. She seemed to have an endless number of questions that she tried to ask Neila whenever she got the chance. She was tremendously curious about everything. She could picture things based on the trilogy, but as it turned out, there lay a huge difference between imagining and seeing with her own eyes.
Rita admitted to herself that she was afraid at first that maybe Neila would turn out to be mean, or just simply antipathetic. She knew some people who proved to be such. Luckily the mage was nothing of the sort. She was easy to talk to even for Rita, and she managed to make her forget about her school troubles.
They could easily speak about anything. Once the Master asked how Rita knew about them, and when she told the truth—that she had read about the three worlds in a book—Neila just chuckled. She thought she played a joke on her. But then, when Rita could not swear on anything more, the mage’s mirth turned to amazement; she became wary and … scared. After all, who had heard of anybody who wrote about another, ‘imaginary’ world’s story point by point …?
Neila could only scoff when she finally accepted it.
Of course, during her visits, Rita perfected her technique regarding the Rim. She managed to get to Nimron with a thought, or project its ‘picture’ on to her own reality. This way she could literally exist in two worlds at once. She only controlled in which one she wanted to be ‘present’ more, so that one’s phantom picture made the other’s fade. She particularly liked this ability when she had only half an hour before Anna came by after school, or when her father paid too many unannounced visits to her room.
On the other hand, Rita knew that one day she must choose between the worlds for good.
11. The last day
The bell gave a brisk ring, signalling that only five minutes remained of the classes.
The loud noise proved to be mood ruining, as Rita walked on a path in Varomor’s garden.
Until that moment, she had gazed around with huge eyes, amazed by the gorgeous scenery. Some trees were in bloom, others had already put out new leaves first. They shaded the path just right and sang softly in the faint breeze. Birds, alongside other small animals, jumped around amongst the branches, bugs buzzed everywhere. Apprentices’ whispers made all the sounds merge smoothly together.
It was perfect. However, Rita had to split her attention between Neila and the phantom picture of the school. While she sat in class, she could fully concentrate on the mage, nonetheless. They could have a perfectly fine conversation as they strolled in the garden. It did not take much effort for Rita, seeing two worlds at the same time.
The trouble started when she had to change classrooms. When she stood up and headed to the other place, she needed to fade the phantom of Varomor a little more. Just to see something of the school, as her body managed everything in ‘robot-mode’.
“It is sooooo beautiful!” Rita sighed in awe, although her smile faded when she saw the popular girls’ group in the middle of the corridor in the school. Beside her, Neila just gave a questioning look.
“How come? You don’t have forests in your world?” asked the mage, a little startled. She had to step behind Rita for a moment to give space for students.
“Of course we do. It’s just … humans can ruin everything, if you know what I mean …” murmured Rita, eyeing the talking ‘Barbie girls’ with their make-up and fancy manicures. She had had enough of them, thus she made their phantom-pictures fade almost completely.
Neila seemed confused, but she stayed silent.
They wandered along the path in the garden, when suddenly Rita bumped into something terribly hard and fell on the ground. Neila looked at her, startled; she obviously could not even guess what had happened. There were no obstacles whatever that she could comprehend. Baffled, she watched the girl’s fading shape accepting someone’s hand. When she stood up, she disappeared with the next step.
Neila just sighed and shook her head slightly. This was not the first time.
The Master continued on the path alone. She too started to think that Rita was more like one of them, that she belonged more to the three worlds than that Earth she was talking about. She had found out enough of that strange world of hers to know this to be true.
The mage understood perfectly how being an outcast felt—when one could not find their place amidst ‘their people’, when one was being treated differently and tortured only because they were who they were. And children could be way more mean than any adult Neila had ever met. Being a slave in a very poor environment showed her what sad people could be capable of when their only joy was to hit and spit on whomever they found to be even poorer than them. Just because they could …
Neila could get out of there only because of her father, who had finally found her. Pure luck, nothing more, in her eyes.
The Master sighed deeply, trying to get these thoughts out of her head. She really did not want to recall any memory of her childhood, nor of her dead father. It was no use musing on the past. It could not be undone; it just tore up old wounds. So Neila put back every memory regarding her past in their ‘chest’, then placed it on a shelf in the back of her mind. There stood many such chests in neat order. She usually did not open them, but sometimes they let their contents sli
p out. In these times, she tried to lock them back as soon as possible.
As Neila stepped to the waiting Cameron, one thought still ran through her mind. What if they in Varomor represented the ‘saviours’ for Rita, just as her father was to her?
Only time would tell, and at the moment she did not have any to think about this. One of their servants, who were also used as spies, gathered bad news.
Something was happening in Nar. Indrek thought of, then did more and more crazy things as time passed by, so Neila wanted to get to the bottom of it. She needed to know where truth lay.
She got on Cameron’s back, who then took off.
Rita sat on the ground, dizzy and aching. For a few seconds, she did not recognise what had happened. Then it struck her—she had faded the picture of her reality so much that she did not see the huge glass double-door at the end of the corridor. As a result, she walked into it as if it was never there. Her ‘performance’ created a lot of chuckles all around, which made the situation worse in her head. Only Anna stood above her silently, without even a faint smile. She gave Rita a helping hand, then eyed her worriedly the whole remaining time as they walked to the classroom. But as the phantom of the Tower disappeared before Rita’s eyes, she could hardly wait to return. Every little delay annoyed her more and more; she almost trembled in impatience.
Rita really did not want to spend more time on Earth than she had to. Her mind longed to be in Varomor. Even Anna irritated her these days; she could barely stand her presence. She also completely grew cold towards her father.
Not that she did not love them anymore. Whenever she thought about them, her heart ached. She had a great relationship with her father; she would never really want to hurt him. But because she was so different from the rest, she had learned to live a lonely, isolated life. She had some friends, close ones too, but she had never really anchored herself to anybody.
It was a strange, unusual feeling—knowing that even though one loved somebody, they could leave them forever in a snap. Rita had never, ever spoken about this to anybody because she knew nobody would understand. Ordinary people, especially parents, could not comprehend such feelings. Rita’s guess was that they were ‘programmed’ that way. Otherwise, nobody could blackmail somebody to stay or to do something in the name of biological connections …
Regardless, at the moment Rita really avoided thinking of the upcoming day when she had to make a decision. It was inevitable, she knew that much. Yet nothing else could change her mind. She wanted something else much, much more than what she got on Earth.
Rita strolled silently into the classroom, then thudded down to a seat. She did not pay any attention to Anna’s searching look on her, nor did she really hear the bell that meant that the class was about to start. She stood up for the teacher like a puppet that was moved by its master. After the class was allowed to sit again, she opened the book, held a pencil, then gazed off into the distance.
The phantom of the Masters’ workroom instantly appeared around Rita, which she made as ‘solid’ as possible at that moment.
Rita got to know the Tower somewhat since she first visited. The mages told her that where she arrived then really was a library, but not an open one. It contained powerful spell-books and scrolls, not to mention other items. Thus the Masters suggested their workroom instead for the meetings, which Rita completely understood and accepted without further questioning.
She could guide the Rim anywhere she wanted, although what she did was more like some kind of a teleportation spell. Somehow she screened or duplicated her consciousness where she wanted it, at least that is how the mages tried to explain what she could do … It made no sense to her whatever, but she nodded as if she had a clue.
Anyhow, Rita now stood in the middle of the room, waiting for someone to show up. This was a bit strange; any other time the Masters got there before her. She looked around, puzzled, but she had not even decided what she should do when Halgor entered. The elven nodded to welcome her.
“Neila is in Nar,” said the dark mage coldly. “But maybe I can meet your needs too,” he continued with a softer voice, which made Rita blush. Although this was not the first time they had met, she always felt really uncomfortable around the other.
It was no mystery to her why. Even though she always loved to read about other intelligent species, meeting them for real made her more than uncomfortable. For some reason, the thought that they were truly real creatures made her uneasy, especially the wraiths. But even the dark elven, who appeared really similar to a human, turned Rita skittish. She had the same problem with the kobolds, who looked similar to the elvens, yet she could never mix them up.
The most annoying thing for Rita proved to be that these species were too similar to a human in her eyes. At the same time, they looked as different as an Asian from a European. Anyhow, Rita now actually stood in the presence of an alien race, which became a frightening thought. She could not help it; it was in her blood as an earthling—they had no real chance to meet another intelligent humanoid species, no matter how hard they tried. So Rita could not prepare in any way for the day when she did.
On the other hand, she had no problem with the unique creatures of Nimron, like the dragons, who looked nothing like humans.
Rita could only nod to Halgor, who obviously saw her unease and tried to break her tension. He offered her a chair, then wine. She did not take the latter, although the replacement water she accepted with a smile.
They chit-chatted first, mostly initiated by Halgor. He seemed calm; however, Rita could see his uneasiness. She had learned to read people’s expressions, so she could form a picture of their true feelings and thoughts. It was essential for an outcast like her, who was often verbally abused.
As she discovered, it made no difference that Halgor was an elven; his micro-expressions proved to be the same. So Rita could see perfectly his frustration about the situation—how deeply he was bothered about the fact that his pure existence was appalling for somebody else. Nobody on the three worlds could understand this because, for them, it was natural to know other intelligent species. This meant that Halgor most probably could comprehend and understand the problem, but he could never experience it himself. And the fact that he had no chance to gather such knowledge must have irritated him a lot, as far as Rita knew him.
Rita could only hope that her feelings towards these ‘aliens’ would disappear in time.
The elven guided the conversation, which started rocky, albeit soon became smooth. The mage’s soothing voice and his kindness made Rita forget all of her discomfort. They talked about a lot of things, mostly of the life on Nimron. She could not run out of questions, and the mage answered all of them with a smile. On the other hand, Rita did everything to avoid the sensitive subjects, like the elvens themselves. She knew from her books that the elvens symbolised purity and good, so in their eyes one who used their abilities to harm others committed the Ultimate Sin. It was no mystery why Halgor had never actually tried to return Home.
Rita could not resist asking to see Halgor’s magical weapons. The bow and the sword were normally invisible to the naked eye, and she wanted to know more from the moment she had first read of them. She would like to know how differently she imagined them from reality.
But every good thing must come to an end.
In the next moment, an incredibly loud noise startled Rita back to her reality. She cried out in the common tongue in her surprise, as she tried to puzzle out what had just happened.
The teacher, that was what.
In Rita’s original reality, the teacher must have discovered the absentminded student. He then most probably decided to give her a lesson she would never forget.
Knowing him, and how he hated her, Rita could imagine how he waited patiently for the right moment—in the biggest silence, he frantically whacked his book on her table with a huge bang.
So now Rita could hear the class’ soft chuckle, hearing the meaningless word she shouted in surprise
. The situation became more than intolerable, not to mention utterly humiliating. And it was not over …
“I can understand if you don’t want to look at my face, or simply don’t care about the curriculum. But being so bored that you don’t even react to your friend’s warnings is too much!” bellowed the teacher, which made the class calm down. They would not miss a word for anything. Rita’s face turned deep red, and even Anna blushed beside her.
“I hope you are awake now, young lady. You are all going to write an essay for the next class,” sentenced the teacher, making the other students whisper disapprovingly. “Don’t make any fuss. Thank Ms Bowman,” said the teacher, still annoyed. A moment later the class fell into accepted stillness. Only the teacher’s voice broke the silence, as he continued.
Rita just stared at the table long after the others forgot about the happenings. She did not hear the teacher’s voice, nor the other students’ noises. She felt furious, angrier than ever, and filled with loathing. In that moment, Rita wished for the ability to destroy the whole school altogether. To tear down her prison.
She clenched her fist so strongly that her nails dug deeply into her palm, making it bleed. She could not feel any pain, however. She only saw in her mind how she would destroy the school. She, alone, only with her willpower. In that moment, she wanted this to become real more than anything. And why not? If I could open a Rim to Nimron … she thought in pure wrath, which made her blood boil.
Then somebody poked her in the ribs.
“Listen, don’t get into any more trouble!” whispered Anna beside her as she handed a napkin to her.
Suddenly exhaustion struck Rita. She took the napkin with a faint smile. Putting it on her palm, she started to realise her situation. The pain now dug into her brain, like a knife edge. Pain and exhaustion. Her latest outrage took all of her strength, although her mind became fresh as ever.
A little voice in her head whispered the truth clearly as a diamond—she had no place there anymore.
