“Pardon—”
Grace squeezed again. “It’s been a long day. Would you walk me?”
She stood, took hold of her purse and her briefcase. Roger remained on the love seat, staring up at her, his face a pitiable mask of disappointment.
Crushed and adolescently charming. Grace almost felt sorry for him.
“If it’s too much of a hassle, Roger—”
“No, no, sure, no problem.” But he continued to sit there.
“I’m not talking a hike, Roger. Just half a block, a girl can’t be too careful.”
He shot to his feet. Teetered for an instant, threw back his shoulders and drew himself up. “Absolutely. My pleasure. Let’s do it.”
Grace took his arm. A shiver ran up his biceps. Nice muscles, stronger than he looked.
They left the lounge together.
No one noticed.
—
The brief stroll was spent without talking. Roger was baffled, worked at hiding it, sneaking quick looks at Grace, trying to understand her behavior. But he took care to match Grace’s stride. She tested that, slowing down, speeding up, slowing again.
He might hesitate for a sec but he always got back on track. A good one.
Roger, if you don’t know how to dance you can be taught quickly.
As they approached the city lot, Grace firmed up her grip on his arm. He flinched, stumbled half a step, recovered fairly gracefully but his balance remained a mite off as they entered the structure.
A quick downward glance and an even quicker upturn of his eyes suggested the reason.
Khakis, as it turned out, were an inadequate shield for that lovely bulge. Grace slowed down further, savoring.
Once inside the lot, she continued toward the elevator. “I’m at the top. Would you mind walking me up, Roger?”
“Sure, no problem.”
Bypassing the elevator, she led him to the stairwell, clung to his arm as they climbed. “Here’s my stop.” One level short of where the Aston waited.
Guiding him across the tier to the farthest, darkest unoccupied corner, she pulled him into the empty space, pressed her back against the wall, shook her hair so that it fanned beautifully across her face before parting to reveal the heat in her eyes.
She knew the parking lot well. Every space came equipped with a cement stop. Perfect perch for her right foot. She hoisted it, bending her leg nearly perpendicular to its mate.
Geometrical Woman. On the face of it, a strange stance.
Roger’s nice blue eyes darted around. Absolutely addled.
Grace said, “Thank you so much for being a gentleman.”
“There’s no car here—”
Taking his face in both of her hands she kissed him softly, then harder. He resisted for an instant, then surrendered. Insinuating her tongue between his lips, she worked her way in easily.
He yielded like meringue. Placed a tentative hand on her shoulder then moved it to her breast. She pressed down gently, letting him know he was on the right track.
He kneaded gently.
Nice subtle touch, Roger. You really are turning out to be a winner.
Unzipping his fly, she freed his cock, stroked slowly. His breath caught. His eyes clamped shut as he groped for the front of the gray dress. But she’d gotten there before him, hiking cashmere above her hips, keeping the right leg bent and the left leg straight and thrusting her pelvis forward as his fingers made contact.
She offered herself to his touch, guided him into her. His eyes shot open, rounded and bright as those of a frightened child.
True blue; no lenses for Roger.
Grace set the rhythm, starting slowly, quickening gradually, one hand around his neck.
He said, “Oh, God,” and shut his eyes. Grace held him fast and sped up.
“Oh…God.” Weak, panting voice, baffled, frightened, ecstatic.
He seemed to teeter again.
She braced him with a hand on his ass.
“Go for it, Roger,” she whispered into his ear.
He obeyed. They always did.
Lovely Leap into molten gold as he trembled and let out a sound that was part gratitude, part triumphant war whoop, and Grace kissed him hungrily, maintained capture with both sets of lips and gave him time to finish completely.
Basic etiquette. She had no further need for him, had finished earlier, within seconds.
When Roger’s breathing eased and Grace felt him grow soft, she moved away from their embrace, kissed his cheek, and zipped him up. His eyes remained shut. Tugging the gray dress back into place, she took his hand and held it until his pulse had slowed sufficiently.
“Roger?”
His eyes fluttered, struggled to stay open. A faint, loopy smile took hold of his mouth. He exhaled and Grace smelled herself streaming out of him.
“Thank you, Roger. Now I really do need to go.”
“Your car—”
A finger on his lips silenced him. Kissing the tip of his nose lightly, she took hold of his shoulders and pointed him toward the stairwell, a window dresser positioning a mannequin.
He said, “Helen?” Hoarse voice. Plaintive.
“It was really nice meeting you, Roger. Good luck with your project.”
He flinched again. Dreading whatever business had brought him to L.A.? Nudging him forward gently, she watched as he took a few rocky steps.
He stopped. Looked back at Grace.
“Good night, Roger.”
Salvaging pride, he strode across the parking tier, taking extra-long strides, flung the stairwell door open and was gone.
Concealed in the shadows, Grace waited a few moments before making her way up the ramp to the Aston. As she got into the car, her head filled with power and joy, the most delicious variety of déjà vu: triumph revisited.
Her days were spent nurturing others, she deserved to feel this good. To feel herself—a discrete person, separated from the universe by her skin, her mental boundaries, delectable spikes of sensation and pleasure.
Random Leaps into bottomless pits of possibility.
—
She drove out of the lot, listening to Bach and smiling.
Chalk another one up to intuition. In all the time she’d been Leaping she’d only felt threatened twice.
The first time, the target had turned out to be a heavy-handed oaf, a banker in a three-thousand-dollar suit who’d played football in college and believed he was still an irresistible wall of meat. He started off easygoing but got overly enthusiastic, eyes turning piggy, thick hands approaching Grace’s neck.
The bigger they are, the harder…
Grace had left him writhing on the ground.
The second one, the really bad one that had shaken her confidence, was a Hungarian diplomatic attaché, a slender, long-haired, bruised-poet type she’d met at the Warwick Hotel in New York who’d managed to eye-signal an unseen pal without Grace noticing. When said friend had materialized in the back alley and tried to turn the one-on-one into a team effort and wouldn’t take no for an answer, Grace found herself uncharacteristically frightened.
A not totally unpleasant sensation. But…
Close call, that one, but it had worked out okay and Grace integrated the experience as a learning opportunity. Neither of the Hungarians would walk normally for a while and she relished the damage she’d wrought.
She found another target soon after. Get right back on the horse.
So only two negatives among all those pluses and when you got down to it uncertainty was the thing that fueled her excitement. Psychosexual question marks squelched by the afterglow of certainty, a state not unlike nirvana that left Grace feeling controlled and controlling.
As she watched men leave, she felt smug as a religious fanatic, secure in her faith that the earth rotated and revolved and swiveled precisely the way she desired.
Now, cruising west on Wilshire, she appeared to be just another pretty, spoiled young woman, glimpsed briefly through the tinted window of
an impractical, frightfully expensive black car.
Heading to a house on the sand and the most wonderful night of sleep anyone could imagine.
—
Twenty-eight minutes after passing through Beverly Hills, the Aston was gliding along Pacific Coast Highway, the ocean to the west a series of gray-cresting waves on black satin, the mountains to the east an endless chocolate bar.
Grace kept her eyes open, and didn’t push much above the speed limit. At this hour, the highway was thinly traveled and the DB7 had no problem drawing a straight line to Grace’s wood-and-glass box on La Costa Beach.
For all its good-life notoriety, Malibu was a hick town that retired early and the only vehicles Grace encountered were the occasional semi hauling produce down from Oxnard, a car here and there, a highway patrol hotshot who tailgated Grace for half a mile before swerving in front of her and speeding away.
Fool in a uniform showing off. Once he was out of sight, Grace maroon-pumped more speed, letting the car do its natural thing. Her iPod had been running on shuffle since she’d eased out of the parking lot and she continued to be entertained by a random mix of sound: Stevie Ray Vaughan’s “Crossroads” followed by Debussy’s “Clair de Lune” followed by the Staple Singers’ “I’ll Take You There.” As she neared home, a blast from the fifties came on, the Diamonds riffing on “Little Darlin’.”
One of Malcolm’s favorites. Like Grace, his musical tastes had been eclectic.
Malcolm…her eyes grew tight as her house came into view and she hooked across PCH, remote-clicked her garage door open, and headed in.
Switching off the Aston’s engine, she shut the door and sat out the rest of the ditty.
Half-century-old doo-wop spoof by a bunch of clean-cut Canadians that had turned into their only monster hit. Way before her time, she knew all that because Malcolm had told her. A lesson, Grace realized, years later.
Life could only be predicted to a point.
“Plus,” he’d told her, “when the basso does that talking bit, it’s funny as hell.”
The song ended with cha-cha-cha finality and Grace got out of the car humming off-key. Even to her own ears her singing was annoying!
Chuckling, she retrieved her bag and her briefcase from the trunk, exited the garage dancing along the five feet of walkway that led to her front door.
Key-turn, disable the alarm, home sweet home.
As always, she’d left the house dark except for the single weak bulb that yellowed the deck girding the house’s ocean side. Sagging planks of redwood hovered ten feet above sand, supported by creosote-swabbed pilings. The feeble glow highlighted the water beyond, showcasing the wondrous fact that Grace was living at the edge of a continent. Just enough light for her to wind her way toward the space she’d designated as her sleeping area.
Along the way, she disrobed, reached her bed naked, chilled, cheered by a day lived to the fullest.
Instant sleep would’ve been easy but she followed routine and called her service for messages. They always mattered.
Nothing. Terrific. She reminded the operator that next week, the office would be closed.
“Got that right here, Dr. Blades. You have a nice time.”
“You, as well.”
“Thanks for saying that, Dr. Blades,” said the operator. “You’re always thoughtful.”
—
Slipping on her yellow silk kimono, Grace managed something approaching a short ponytail from her new hairdo, stretched for a few minutes, and did forty girl push-ups. Brushing her teeth she made a circuit of her house. Quick trip, the place was a six-hundred-twenty-square-foot box on a thirty-foot lot, dwarfed by every other home on La Costa. But Grace was one of the few full-time residents; for the most part the trophies all around her remained empty.
In a past life, the house had served as servants’ quarters for a vast estate. A minimal assemblage of wood and glass, it sat on now-precious Malibu silica, arbitrarily divided into sitting area, kitchenette, a slot for her narrow bed. Only one walled-off area: a fiberglass booth that contained Grace’s bathroom, barely large enough for the clawfoot-tub/hand-shower combo she’d installed soon after taking ownership.
Beyond that, she’d done little to the place, opting for white on white on white because choosing a color scheme was a needless hassle and any other hues seemed intrusive when a blue ocean filled your windows. Even the floor was white, covered with remnant carpeting she’d installed herself, way too plush to be fashionable but she liked the way it kissed her ankles.
Not much detail to the structure but an asymmetrical beamed ceiling, twelve feet at its apex, tossed in a little visual interest and created the illusion of more space. Even without that, Grace wouldn’t have minded the meager area; she was comfortable doing the mouse-hole thing.
Nurtured by memories of hiding in plain sight.
The house’s current market value neared three million bucks but that was a useless statistic; Grace had no intention of ever leaving. Nor did she intend to entertain visitors. Another reason not to waste time and money on interior decoration.
During the four years Grace had lived here, no one had intruded save for the occasional plumber, electrician, or cable installer. After initial friendliness, Grace avoided them by retreating to the deck and reading.
That hadn’t stopped one of the cable dudes who’d showed up last year—a surfer-type with a nasal voice—from flirting with her with what he thought was smoothness. She’d handed him a beer then propelled him straight out.
Tough luck, Hotdog.
Home was where the heart was and Grace’s heart was a hunk of muscle that worked just fine on its own.
—
Running a bath, she soaked in the clawfoot for a count of one thousand, toweled off, retrieved her briefcase, and checked her appointment book for tomorrow’s schedule.
Light day prior to vacation: six patients, three before noon, three after, all but one of them a follow-up. One newcomer who’d been apprised by her service that she was leaving soon but had made the appointment anyway. So maybe one of those ambivalent “consultations.”
Lying in bed, she planned tomorrow: Her morning would begin by peering into the soft eyes of a twenty-eight-year-old woman named Bev whose husband had died of a rare connective tissue cancer, the illness occupying most of their time together. He’d finally given up fourteen months after their honeymoon. Now newly engaged, her second wedding approaching, she’d be flying in from Oregon.
More than matrimonial jitters. Grace was ready for whatever came up. Check.
Patient number two was a sixty-four-year-old man named Roosevelt whose wife had been murdered by an armed robber while tending the couple’s South L.A. liquor store. Guilt was a big issue there, because the night shift had always been Roosevelt’s domain and Lucretia had taken over so he could attend a reunion with his high school football buddies.
The unfortunate woman had been shot in the head within minutes of arriving at the store. Six years ago. Roosevelt’s therapy had lasted three years. Grace knew the date of the murder by heart. Another anniversary.
Lovely man, Roosevelt, quiet, genteel, hardworking, Grace liked him. Not that liking mattered. She could comfort a wolverine if that’s what the job called for.
Session number three was for a married couple, Stan and Barb, whose only son had fatally slashed his own wrists. No tentative cry-for-help by Ian; this was a deep, artery-demolishing excursion that led him to bleed out quickly. Toward the end of the process, he’d staggered into the bedroom where his parents slept, managed to switch on the light, and gurgled himself to nothingness in front of the people who’d given him life.
Grace had obtained the poor kid’s psych records, found clear evidence of blossoming schizophrenia. So no clinical surprise, but that didn’t squelch the horror for Stan and Barb. Memories of what Stan called “sadistic etching.” That always made Barb wince and grow nauseous. Several times she’d rushed to the patient bathroom and vomited.
&n
bsp; Of course there was nothing much Stan and Barb could’ve done to help the boy, his brain was deteriorating. But that didn’t stop them from tormenting themselves. It took just over two years for Grace to guide them past that and their sessions had thinned to twice a month. So far so good.
Patient four was Dexter, a young man who’d lost both parents in a plane crash. The usual small-craft disaster, amateur-pilot Dad at the helm of a single-engine, probable heart attack. Lots of anger to work through, there.
Five was a woman whose in-vitro-conceived only child had perished from a rare liver disorder in infancy. Grace didn’t want to think much about that one because kids got to her and she needed to preserve herself so she could be useful. If she felt she lacked expertise, she could call Delaware.
Last, and possibly least, was the new one, a man named Andrew Toner from San Antonio, Texas, who’d waited seven weeks for a slot to open up. Now that Grace thought about it, that was at odds with ambivalence, but who knew, she’d learn the details tomorrow.
What she did know was that it was a self-referral spurred, according to the info recorded by her service, by Mr. Toner’s coming across some research she’d published. Not the typical treatises on stress and coping Malcolm and she had churned out for years.
The piece Malcolm insisted Grace write alone.
Grace regarded that article—all of her publications—as ancient history, but a patient citing it told her something about Mr. Toner: good chance he came from a frighteningly rotten family.
Maybe all he needed was permission to cut off some toxic relatives. If so, not nearly as complex an issue as Bev’s or Helen’s or the arm gouger’s poor parents.
Grace could say that with authority.
Placing the appointment book back in her bag and still warmed by her bath, she shrugged out of the kimono and walked to the French doors opening to the deck. Turning off the weak bulb, she stepped out on weathered wood, stood bare and vulnerable as a newborn.
Taking in the murmured comfort of the tides as they rolled in, the swoosh of farewell as they embarked on the return trip to Asia.
A gust kicked up from the water. Sudden burst of energy from—Hawaii? Japan?
Grace remained on the deck as something other than time passed. Finally, she felt herself growing drowsy and made her way back into the house. She should’ve been hungry but wasn’t. Going to bed on an empty stomach was fine. She’d had plenty of practice.
The Murderer's Daughter Page 4
