It's almost the end of the first half and our team is winning by ten points. Jeff is having a great game so far, successfully throwing three touchdown passes to Lee. Hailey's voice is hoarse from all the screaming she's been doing. We’re both wearing the guy’s jerseys for luck and apparently it's working. I felt a little torn about wearing Jeff's but he's a good friend of mine and I'm wearing it in support of him.
Now that I've committed to being in a relationship with Garrett, I need to have a talk with Jeff. I want to be upfront with him about why we can't continue on with our arrangement. I'm not going to tell him it's Garrett I'm dating, but I’ll tell him I've met someone and I want to see where it's going to go. While I don't think he's going to be happy about it, I'm not expecting him to react badly to the news.
The game is over and we’re waiting for the guys just inside one of the exits that's closest to the locker rooms. We've been standing here for about forty-five minutes and Hailey has been filling me in on the status of Lee and her. He agreed to give her some more time to date him and said he won't pressure her for now. I'm glad that she and I got a chance to catch up. Even though it's only been a few days since we’ve seen each other, a lot has happened. We ran out of time before I could fill her in on what happened with Garrett and me this morning. She’s going to flip when she finds out.
We hear the rumble of the football team heading our way before we see them round the corner. The two of us step aside to make room for the group of large, muscular young men and high five them as they walk past. Jeff sneaks up behind me when I'm not paying attention and clasps his hands around my waist. I spin toward him with a squeal and throw my arms around his neck.
"Congratulations! You were awesome!" He picks me up and spins me around until I'm dizzy, before setting me down; holding me in his arms. He leans down to kiss me and I quickly turn my head, so he only makes contact with my cheek. Shit. Our talk can't happen soon enough.
Once we're alone in his truck, on the way to the party, I know it's time to fill Jeff in on what's been going on.
"Hey, I need to talk to you about something." I gnaw on my bottom lip, feeling anxious. In my periphery, I can see him glance over at me.
"Okay." He acknowledges as he parks along the curb, across from the frat house. He turns toward me and waits for me to continue.
"I met someone...someone that wants a relationship with me. We can't sleep together anymore." Jeff's face reflects surprise at first but then it leans more toward anger.
"What the fuck, Shelby? You told me you didn't want a relationship and now all of a sudden you do." He rubs his hands over his face, his displeasure apparent.
"I wasn't interested in anything serious before now."
"Have you been sleeping with both of us?" He asks, angrily, his fists clenched tightly.
"No! I haven't been with anyone but you since we started sleeping together. I've only gone out on dates with him a couple of times. That's why we're having this talk now. I care about you, Jeff and I value our friendship. I would never disrespect you by carrying on with someone behind your back."
"So why this guy, Shelby? What's so great about him?" He runs his fingers through his thick hair in frustration. "Why aren't I good enough for a relationship? Don't you know how I feel about you? I've always wanted more from you, but I've only taken what you were willing to give me." My mouth is hanging open in shock at what he's just revealed. It never occurred to me that he wasn’t satisfied with our arrangement.
“Jeff, I’m sorry. I had no idea that you wanted more from me. I wish you would have said something to clue me in.” I place my hand on top of his, giving it a sympathetic squeeze.
“Shelby if I had said anything to you, you would’ve ended things with me. I didn’t want that to happen so I took what I could get and didn’t pressure you for more. I hoped that one day you’d realize how great we are together and you’d want to give us a chance.” He shakes his head as he looks at me.
“I think I’d better take you home now.” He starts his truck before I even have a chance to agree with him.
The five-minute ride to my place is filled with awkward silence. Thankfully, it’s a short amount of time because I don’t think I could handle much more of his silent treatment. He pulls over in front of my building and shifts into park, leaving the truck running. I guess this means he’s not walking me in.
“Jeff, I’m sorry and I hope we can still be friends. I really do care about you and you’re a truly special guy.” I lean over to kiss him on the cheek and he turns his head, taking my mouth in a punishing kiss. I let him kiss me for a few seconds before I push him away. I’m going to chalk that up as us saying goodbye. There’s a small part of me that’s sad that our time together is over, but I know that Garrett is my future. I can now move on knowing that I’m only his now. As I reach for the door handle, Jeff rests his hand on my shoulder.
“Shelby,” He whispers. I turn to look at him over my shoulder. “I’m really going to miss you,” He says, sadly. I nod my head as tears fill my eyes. I know that’s his way of telling me that he’s not going to be spending time with me anymore. I’ve just lost someone’s friendship that meant a lot to me and it doesn’t feel very good. I get out of his truck and close the door, turning to walk toward the main entrance to my building. I manage to hold the tears at bay until I’m inside the entryway and then it’s like a dam has broken and I can’t stop the continuous flow of them, as they fall unchecked down my cheeks.
Once I’m in my apartment, I continue to cry and at this point I’m not sure what these tears are for, but it’s cathartic to release them. I’m heartbroken over what just took place with Jeff. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine he had serious feelings for me. It makes me wonder how I never picked up on it. Am I really that clueless or did I only see what I wanted to? Crying about it isn’t going to change anything. I’m still going to have to see him at school and he’s no longer going to be my study partner. I’m really going to miss him and I know that I’ll feel the loss of our friendship for a long time to come.
I get ready for bed immediately. I have to get some sleep and try to forget that this night ever happened. Once I’m under the covers my phone beeps with a text alert from Garrett.
How’s the party?
I’m already home.
Want some company?
Already in bed.
You ok?
Yep G’night.
Night doll.
I know I was short with him just now but I can’t deal with being around anyone. I just want to lay here and wallow in my sadness without any interruptions. I don’t want to have to explain why I’m upset; I just want to go to sleep. My phone beeps with another text alert. What the hell? When I look at the screen, I notice it’s from Hailey.
Where are you?
Already in bed.
Alone?
Yes
Where’s Jeff? Lee wants to know.
I broke it off with him. He was upset.
Why was he upset?
He wanted more from me. Let’s talk tomorrow. G’night.
G’night. Call me if you need me. Staying over Lee’s.
Well, at least, there’s something to be happy about tonight. Hailey and Lee seem to be making progress and focusing on that, takes my mind off of my horrible night and makes me feel somewhat better.
Chapter Nine
I wake up with a stuffy nose and puffy eyes...compliments of sobbing hysterically for an hour straight last night. It’s already after ten, so I take a long, hot shower and stay under the water until my skin is wrinkled like a prune. Thankfully, my head isn’t as congested when I’m finished and I’m starting to feel like my normal self. I throw on yoga pants and a gray Beacon long sleeve tee. It’s all about being comfortable today, so I add my fuzzy pink princess socks that Hailey bought for me. I know I’m supposed to spend the day with Garrett, but I think I may ask him for a raincheck. I’m not really feeling up to being around anyone else and I have some studyin
g to do. I let my hair air dry and skip makeup altogether. I’m in a shit mood and the last thing I’m worried about is my appearance.
I’m just getting comfortable on the couch with my textbooks spread all around me when I get a text alert.
What time can I see you?
Fuck. I’m not ready to do this right now. I was hoping he would, at least, give me until the afternoon before contacting me.
Can we do it another time?
Why?
God, why can’t he just accept things at face value? He always has to push for more from me. I don’t text him back immediately. I’m trying to think of what I can say that won’t prompt more questions and will get him to agree to reschedule.
I have too much studying to do.
I do have studying to do, so at least, I’m not being untruthful.
I can come help you.
Fuck! Why does he have to be so sweet? I’m not used to this. I like my alone time and I think he’s going to have an issue with exactly how much solitary time, I might want.
No thx I know he won’t be happy with my reply.
What’s really going on Shelby? Here we go again.
Shit. Shit. Shit. I can see how he would assume I’m trying to push him away, but I’m not. I’m just messed up from last night and I want some time to myself to process it before I have to see Jeff in class tomorrow. Is that too much to ask?
It’s not that. I promise.
I try to reassure him.
I miss you.
How am I supposed to resist him? He’s tearing down every one of my walls with his sweet, caring nature and it scares the bejesus out of me.
I miss you more.
It surprises me, how much I actually do miss him.
Can I see you tomorrow night?
I may be upset after I see Jeff in the morning, but I guess if Garrett and I are a couple then he needs to know what happened. I can fill him in tomorrow night and maybe he can make me feel less torn up about it. I’m not used to having anyone else to lean on. It feels kind of nice knowing that he’ll be there for me.
Yes, I need to see you. Need to kiss you.
Mmm, I like the way you think.
You’d be shocked at my thoughts. ;)
If he only knew the dirty nature of my thoughts, he'd have me naked in no time flat.
Don’t tease me. Tomorrow night seems like an eternity from now.
If he only knew what’s in store for him, it would really seem like forever. Now that Jeff and I are no longer involved in any way, I want to take the next step with Garrett. I’m not going to tell him, though; I’m just going to show him. I smirk at the thought of what his reaction will be. I can’t wait.
Dinner, my house at 6. Bring clothes. You’re staying.
I love that he enjoys cooking so much. It works out well for me since I love eating good food.
Gotcha. See you in class professor. xoxo
G’night doll. xx
***
When I arrive in class the next morning, Jeff’s already seated at another table, with Luke, one of his football teammates. I send him a small, uncomfortable smile as I walk to the seat I normally sit in. He smiles back at me but it’s tight and forced, not like the genuine smiles that he usually graces me with. A pang of disappointment washes over me knowing that he’s really going to keep his distance from me. I sit down in my seat and set my laptop on the table so I can take notes. I reach in my front pocket on my hoodie and pull out my cellphone. As I check to make sure I’ve shut the ringer off, someone sits down in the empty seat next to me.
“Hey, Shelby.” I look over to see who the deep voice belongs to and I notice it’s Andy, another one of Jeff’s football buddies. He’s always been nice to me and I’ve never heard anyone say anything derogatory about him.
“Hi, Andy.” I take in his neatly buzzed blonde hair and chocolate brown eyes, before briefly looking away from him. He taps his pen on his notebook in a steady rhythm and smiles at me when I once again glance over at him. His teeth are white and straight and it occurs to me for the very first time, that Andy is hot. In spite of his attractiveness, I have nothing but friendship to offer him. The old me would’ve been all over it, but the new and improved version of me only wants Garrett. Sometimes I wonder how my views about relationships changed so quickly? It’s like having a split personality and one of them is making romantic decisions for me…decisions I would never normally make. I guess love really changes people. Wait a minute…I can’t actually be in love with him, can I? I don’t do love...besides, it’s way too soon to be feeling anything other than lust. I think I may be incapable of giving and receiving love. That would logically explain how I was so clueless about Jeff’s feelings for me. I’m not going to fall in love with Garrett. I’m just going to enjoy being with him for as long as we last. When this attraction or chemistry we have for each other, runs its course then I’ll move on as I’m sure he will.
Garrett, or should I say, Professor Hanlon, walks in the door, with five minutes to spare. I try to avoid looking at him until he’s already at the front of the room, seated at his desk. I don’t want anyone to notice me lusting after him, although, I’d be no different than the rest of the girls in here. They can’t seem to take their eyes off of him, watching his every move, but I’m the only one that knows what he looks like naked. I smile as I think of all the things I’m going to do to him tonight. My phone suddenly vibrates in my pocket and when I take it out, I notice it’s a text from Garrett.
What is that naughty look for?
I bite my lip to keep the snort of amusement from escaping my mouth.
Just thinking about you naked…
Thx - I can’t stand up now.
A small giggle escapes as I read his reply. I put my phone back in my pocket hoping he’ll get the message. It wouldn’t be difficult for people to notice both of us texting and assume the worst. We can’t afford for anyone to figure out we’re together.
Garrett’s lecture is enthralling as always. He has a great presence about him and when he speaks about literature, his love for it shines through. It’s wonderful to see someone who’s so passionate about teaching and as a result, it makes his class so much more enjoyable. I’m looking forward to being done with college and graduate school so I can get my first teaching job. I want to teach high school students and help them have an appreciation for reading and writing.
Andy walks out of class with me and I notice Jeff scowling as he watches us walk by. What the hell was that for? Does he hate me that much now or is he mad that Andy is with me? I wonder if he thinks that Andy’s the guy I’m in a relationship with? I hope not. I don’t want him and Jeff to come to blows over something that’s not even happening.
“Shelby, do you have class now?” I shake my head no.
“Do you want to grab a coffee with me?” As much as I’d like to have a cup of coffee right now, I decide to say no. I know I’d enjoy his company, but I don’t want to give him the wrong impression. I also don’t want to upset Jeff any more than he already is and I’m pretty sure Garrett wouldn’t be thrilled about me going out for coffee with another hot guy. I have to treat him like I want to be treated and I certainly don’t want him going out for coffee or anything else with another woman. This relationship stuff is complicated. I’m still not convinced I’m cut out for this, but I guess I had to take a leap of faith sooner or later.
***
I manage to find a curbside parking space in front of the brownstone that Garrett lives in. This is no small feat and I hope it bodes well for the rest of my night. I packed an overnight bag like he wanted and I smile at the thought of what his reaction will be when he sees what I’ve got on under my yoga pants and sweatshirt. I purposely dressed down so he won’t be expecting the sheer black bra and matching thong that I’m wearing. It’s a brand new set I’ve never worn before. I wanted to wear something for him that no one else has ever seen me in. I want our first time to be as special as possible.
I
knock on his door, my Louis Vuitton travel bag with all my necessities, slung over my shoulder. This bag is older than I am. It was my mother’s and since I never had a chance to know her, it helps me feel a small sense of connection to her. His door opens as I’m about to rap on it again and he pulls me inside, kicking the door closed behind us. He has me in his arms and his lips on mine before I can say hello. I drop my carryall to the floor and wrap my arms around his neck, letting my fingers play with the slight curls at the bottom of his hair. Our tongues are pressing against each other as they tangle together. His large warm hands begin to roam over my hips and lower to clench both of my cheeks. Never once do we lose the momentum of our kiss. My knees quiver as his hard cock presses tightly against my body. As he ends the kiss, I moan with displeasure. I want to keep kissing him forever. He places his forehead on mine, breathing heavily.
“Hi,” He whispers.
“Hi,” I answer, nuzzling my nose against his. “Wow, that was a nice welcome. I’ll come over more often if that’s how you say hello.” He smiles as he slides his hands in the sides of my hair, before tipping my head back, locking his gaze intently with mine.
“I’ve missed you. It’s been way too long since you slept in my arms.”
“Pfft, I just stayed over on Friday night Garrett. It’s only Monday now.” He grips the sides of my hair harder, getting my attention and I experience a small bit of pain.
“It’s been too long Shelby. I’d have you in my bed every night if you’d agree to it.” His tone is forceful like his hold on me and it has a strange effect on my body. I’ve never been with someone so commanding before. I wonder if he’s as dominant in bed?
Waiting for Love ((Waiting) Book 2) Page 9
