I notice a few people walking in the room, so our meeting must be about to start. I quickly type out a reply to Jeff and make sure my phone is set to silent. It’s awkward enough to be the new girl, but I for damn sure, won’t be that person whose phone goes off at an inopportune moment.
I’ve missed you more. See you later. xo
I place my phone in my purse and zip it closed, before placing it on the floor at my feet. There’s a group of about five people standing in front of the stage, setting up a laptop presentation that we’ll be watching on the large overhead screen. I stop paying attention to what they’re doing, losing myself in my own thoughts of how much it devastated me when Garrett disappeared. God, I was so in love with him. He had me imagining a happily ever after for us, but it was all a facade...a well-played role by him. Maybe someday I’ll get some closure. It’s infuriating that part of me still loves him and most likely always will.
What Jeff and I share is fantastic, but sometimes it seems as though there’s that indefinable something missing in our relationship. I try not to let my mind go there because it feels like I’m being disloyal to him, but there was that indefinable something between Garrett and I and I don’t think I’ll ever have that again. I’m okay with that, though because Jeff makes up for it in so many other ways.
I’m still lost in my musings when I hear a voice over the loudspeaker...a voice that I never thought I would hear again. Holy shit. It can’t be. I close my eyes and take a deep breath as I try to find the strength to open my eyes and see if it’s really Garrett or just someone that sounds exactly like him. I already know without even glancing, that it’s him.
“Hello everyone. For those of you, who are new to our staff here at Bentley, I’m Dr. Garrett Hanlon and I’m the headmaster here.” I’m unable to hold in the gasp that slips out from between my lips…my heart literally hurts right now. I’m not sure why they call it heartache, it’s more of a stabbing pain than a dull throbbing one. It feels as though someone has reached inside my chest cavity and is trying to physically tear my heart out. Max leans over toward me.
“Are you okay?” He asks. I nod my head and smile weakly at him. I don’t think I could speak right now, even if my life depended on it. Doctor? I wonder how that came about? While I was busy slipping into an abysmal sea of depression, he was busy becoming a fucking doctor! For some reason, this pisses me off, even more. Knowing that when he left, his life didn’t come crashing down all around him like a blown over house of cards makes me furious.
“Let me tell you a little bit of my background before we get started. I got my master’s degree at Brown University and I taught at a couple of universities locally. Three years ago I moved to England when I had an unexpected opportunity to finish up my doctorate. This job presented itself when I was ready to move back to the states last year and I haven’t regretted taking it. At least not yet.” Everyone but me laughs at what he says. I’m too busy visualizing my fist meeting his face to think about anything else. I’m trying to slow my breathing and stave off the impending anxiety attack I’m sure to have. It’s not working...I feel it escalating. My heart is pounding, my chest is tight and the ringing in my ears has begun. I need to get out of here.
I grab my purse from the floor, standing up as Garrett finishes speaking and everyone is clapping. I lean over to Max and ask him to let me past. As I hurry down the aisle toward the back of the room, where the exits are located, my chest tightens and I can’t take in enough air. Once I’m in the hallway outside of the auditorium, I lean over and brace my hands on my knees trying to slow my breathing. I remain in this position for about a minute, until I start to feel slightly better. As I’m straightening up, I notice Garrett standing beside me, about three feet away. My ability to speak seems to have fled, not that I want to speak to him anyway. I turn in the other direction and begin moving toward my classroom. I left my new tote there and I need to bring it home. I walk as quickly as my heels and tight skirt will let me, praying that he won’t follow. It’s no use, though, I sense him behind me every step of the way.
When I get to my room, I close the door behind me, hoping he’ll get the picture that I want nothing to do with him. I scurry across the room to my desk and place my purse inside my tote, before slinging the much larger bag over my shoulder. As I turn toward the doorway, Garrett walks into my classroom and closes the door behind him. We stand there in silence for a moment, staring at each other. He breaks the quiet first.
“Hello, Shelby.” Two words is all you have to say to me after three years away. At least, he didn’t call me doll.
I’m cognizant of my breaths moving in and out of my body at an accelerated pace, my heart is racing and my fingers are tingling right now. God, I need a Xanax. Why didn’t I put one in my purse? I know I wasn’t expecting to need one at work, but that’s why I have a prescription for them, in the first place. They’re for emergency situations when I can’t seem to get my anxiety under control and this definitely constitutes as one. I’m not capable of speaking any words, I’m fighting against my own body right now, trying to stem the ever worsening symptoms of my impending panic attack.
He notices the alarmed expression on my face and he must realize that there’s more going on here than me being surprised to see him. He crosses the floor, quickly eating up the distance between us and rests his hand on my arm.
“Shelby, what’s wrong?” He asks me, concern evident in his expression. I shake my head and continue to focus on the breathing exercises Dr. Waters taught me. I’m feeling slightly light headed and shaky so I step back away from Garrett and drop down into my desk chair. I lean forward and put my head on my knees, ready to drop it down between them, if necessary. I conjure up a vision of Jeff smiling his perfect smile at me and use that to help calm me down. Right now, there’s nothing I want more than for him to be here in the flesh, holding me in his arms and making all my worries go away. That’s what being with him is like. He’s my rock solid foundation that unfailingly supports my shaky walls. Without him holding me up, I would crumble and fall. I lean on him and he’s always there just when I need him most. I’ll never have to worry about him disappearing from my life. He loves me more than anything and he proves it to me time and time again, each and every day.
When I finally regain control of my body, I notice that Garrett is soothingly rubbing my back. I’m aggravated to realize his touch still has the ability to make me tingle all over so I push his hand off me and stand up.
“What was that?” He questions, his arms crossed over his chest.
“It was nothing you need to concern yourself with.” I answer him, my tone sharp. I’m annoyed and I just want him to go away and leave me alone. “Garrett, what do you want?” I finally ask.
“I just want to talk with you. I’ve missed you, Shelby.”
“Pfft,” I scoff. “Yeah, you must have missed me. It only took you three years to see me.” As I say this, it’s like one of those lightbulb moments in my life. You know the ones where you suddenly realize something, that you’ve never thought of before and it sends your whole world askew.
“I got this job because of you...you only hired me because of our past. Oh my God...I’m so dumb. Of course, someone was pulling strings for me to work here. No one would hire me at a school like this, fresh out of college. Wow, I’m a naive fool.” I shake my head as I hollowly laugh, but I’m anything but amused.
“Yes, I was instrumental in hiring you, but you’re wrong Shelby. With your grade point average and all the accolades from your professors, you wouldn’t have any trouble getting a job at any school. I just made sure we snatched you up before another place did.”
“Well, I really wish you hadn’t because I was content with never setting my eyes on you ever again.” He winces before settling his face into a more neutral expression. “I certainly don’t want to have to be around you on a daily basis.” I pick up my leather bag and slide it up to my shoulder as I walk toward the door. I need to get out of here and
away from him.
“Shelby…wait!” He calls out but I ignore him and speed walk in the direction of the front door. Thankfully, there are other teachers milling about in this part of the hallway so he doesn’t call my name out again. I make it out the door without incident and purposefully make my way to my car. Hang on...hang on…hang on.
Once I’m in my car and pulling out of the parking lot I get some immediate relief from the shock of being around him, but the pain in my heart is unbearable. It’s crippling and I know that I can’t drive the rest of the way home, feeling like this. I pull into the first plaza I see and park my car as far away from the other vehicles as I possible before I allow myself to sink into the meltdown that I knew was imminent. I drop my head into my hands as I start to sob uncontrollably. Why did he have to come back into my life now, when things are finally going so well for me? Is there some bad karma shit list that has my name written at the top of it? How am I supposed to cope with seeing him all the time? I can’t. There’s no way I can conceivably deal with working at Bentley alongside Garrett. I’m going to have to hand in my notice and find a job somewhere else. It’s not enough that he threw my life into a tailspin three years ago, now he’s manipulated me into working for him. Fuck my life.
***
Soft kisses being placed on my lips, wake me from my nap. I slowly allow my eyes to open and see Jeff stretched out next to me on our bed. He’s leaning on his elbow and smiling down at me. I force a small smile his way and snuggle into my pillow again, wishing he hadn’t woken me up. When I came home a couple hours ago, I stripped my clothes off and threw myself in bed; hoping to fall asleep and escape the horrible reality of my afternoon.
“Are you okay baby?” Jeff asks, as he rubs his fingers up and down my cheek. I nod my head and keep my eyes closed, trying to hold off any conversation about how my day went.
“Baby.”
“Mhmm,” I answer, still not looking at him.
“Shelby, look at me.” I shake my head at him.
“What?” I ask, sounding annoyed. He cups my face in his palm and rubs his thumb along my cheekbone.
“What’s going on baby? Why won’t you look at me?” He sounds concerned. I don’t want him to think that he’s done something to upset me so I open my eyes and meet his penetrating gaze. His irises are a darker blue than they normally are. They look like the stormy seas at night and I know it’s because of the uncertainty I’m making him feel.
“I had a horrible day. Will you hold me while I tell you about it?” He lays on his back and pulls me to his chest and I settle in, resting my head there. He patiently waits for me to begin talking and I’m grateful for this because I need a few moments to gather my thoughts. I listen to the thumping of his heart beating as I try to figure out where to begin my explanation.
“My school day itself was fine. The kids behaved, they seemed interested in our discussions, yadda, yadda. I won’t bore you with the details. It was in the meeting that everything went to shit.” I pause here and take a deep breath before blurting it all out. “Garrett is the headmaster at Bentley and I didn’t know that until I saw him in the meeting.” I rest my chin on his chest and pause trying to gauge his reaction.
“Garrett, your ex is the headmaster?” His eyebrows are pressed together in a deep scowl. I nod my head.
“Yep. The one and only.” I’m trying to stay calm as I relay what happened.
“Did you guys talk?” He asks, his brow still furrowed. His fingers begin to gently stroke through my hair and the motion is very soothing to my overly fraught nerves.
“Not really. He followed me to my classroom and I basically had a huge panic attack before he could say much. It took me a few minutes to calm down and he looked at me like I had two heads. I don’t think he had any idea what was going on. Once I was settled down, I realized that I only got the job at Bentley because of him and I told him I wished he hadn’t hired me because I was content knowing I’d never see him again. That’s about as far as we got because I stormed out after that.” He continues stroking my hair as if he’s unaffected by what I’ve just told him but I know better. I see the muscles in his jaw flexing and I know he’s trying to control his emotions.
“So what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to give my notice tomorrow morning. I don’t want to work with him and see him all the time.”
“Do you still have feelings for him?” Jeff asks me. I’m not sure how to answer this except honestly and J may not like my answer.
“There’s a part of me that will always care about him, no matter how much I hate what he did to me.” Jeff’s hand stops stroking my hair. I know he’s upset. I rest my chin on his chest and look up at him. I don’t want him to worry that this will affect our relationship in any way.
“Jeff, I love you. Seeing him today isn’t going to change what we have. You’re the one for me, not him.”
“I know baby; I don’t like that you had to see him at all. I hate what it did to you when he left before and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried that seeing him could trigger something and send you right back to that horrible dark place. I won’t let him hurt you again, Shelby.”
“I know you won’t, J. I’m not planning on spending enough time in his company to get hurt by him.”
“If you like your job, don’t let him drive you away. He’s the headmaster there and I’m sure he has lots of duties that’ll keep him busy. You guys will probably have minimal interaction with each other. Why don’t you see how the next couple of weeks go before you make a decision? You said this is your dream job, so why should you let him take that away from you?” What J just said definitely has some merit to it. This is my dream school to teach at. Opportunities like this don’t come very often and I don’t want to discard it just because it may be difficult or emotionally painful to see Garrett.
Chapter - Seventeen
Jeff
It’s after one in the morning and I’m still awake. I’m curled up against Shelby’s back with my nose buried in her soft, vanilla-scented hair. God, I love this girl...she’s my whole world. I think I fell in love with her the first time I saw her and I’ll never forget that moment for as long as I live and breathe. It was the first day of my sophomore year at Beacon University and when I caught a glimpse of her as she walked into my psychology class, it sent a pang of longing straight to my heart…and to my dick. She looked so stunning as she paused in the doorway, her eyes searching the room for a familiar or friendly face. I flashed her my biggest smile, the one that makes the dimple in my right cheek show. At that moment, the fates must have smiled down on me because Shelby soon began walking in my direction with a curious look on her face. She took the vacant seat at the table next to me, before introducing herself. I still remember what it felt like when she placed her tiny hand in mine for a handshake. It seemed as though my much larger hand was swallowing hers whole. The sensation of her palm against mine sent a shiver down my spine and I knew at that moment that this girl would change my life. It was a very prophetic thought, especially for a twenty-year-old guy whose only care up to that point was scoring the next touchdown for his football team.
I could tell she was as attracted to me as I was to her. We became friends instantly and it was only a few months later that we began a friends with benefits arrangement. For the first time in my life, I wanted so much more than sex from a girl. I wanted to experience everything with Shelby, but I knew she didn’t want the same; so I reluctantly settled for what she was willing to give me. I was completely taken by surprise and beyond devastated when she ended things with me and began a relationship with Garrett. Of course, at the time, I didn’t know who she was involved with. I didn’t find that out until later. She seemed happy when she and Garrett were together. As much as it pains me to admit, I can’t deny the fact that he was good to her. As horrible as it was for me to know she loved someone else, I took some comfort in the fact that she was involved in a healthy relationship. Once I came to gr
ips with the situation and got over the initial sting of what happened, our friendship remained as solid as ever.
When Garrett disappeared, Shelby went off the grid and none of us knew where to find her or why she was missing. I guess Hailey finally called Greyson to see if he knew where she could be and he mentioned that she came back to Boston a couple days earlier than she had originally planned to. Hailey put two and two together and ended up at Garrett’s place. Shelby wouldn’t answer the door, but thankfully, it was unlocked and when she went in she found her lying listlessly on the floor still in the same clothes she had been wearing since the day she came back. Hailey called me in a panic and told me that Shelby was a mess and she needed help with her. She gave me the address and I rushed right over there. It took both of us to get her up and I carried her to Hailey’s car. I followed them back to their apartment and carried Shelby inside, immediately placing her in the shower because she was so weak from not eating for more than two days. I kicked off my shoes and got into the shower with her, clothes and all and held her while she raggedly sobbed into my chest. It was heartbreaking and I never want to see her that emotionally broken again.
The next few weeks were filled with tears and there were many nights I spent at Shelby’s apartment, holding her in my arms until she woke in the morning. She suffered through many sleepless nights and there were times when the nightmares would sneak in and she would call out his name in her dreams. It was horrible for me to see how broken she was, even when she was sleeping she still couldn’t escape her sadness. Her appetite was diminished from the stress and she dropped some weight off of her already slight frame leaving her looking unhealthy and gaunt. I tried to spend as much time with her as I could while still attending Beacon for summer classes. Hailey did her best to be with her whenever I couldn’t and between the two of us we found a system that worked...or, at least, we thought we did.
Waiting for Love ((Waiting) Book 2) Page 16
