Jeff returns to the living room where I’m sitting with a duffle bag over his shoulder. I look up at him with tear stricken eyes and all I want to do is throw myself at him and beg him to forgive me, but I don’t do that. I sit there, with my heart in my throat and let him do what he needs to do because I love him and I may have ruined the best thing in my life. He deserves so much more than me and I’m not sure why I ever thought there’d be a happy ending for us.
“I’m leaving now. I’m going to go stay with Lee and I’m not sure how long I’ll be there. You’ve pretty much destroyed me with this, Shelby.” I nod my head as tears continue to fall unchecked, down my cheeks.
“I’m sorry J. In time, I hope you can forgive me.” The words are difficult to get out in between sobs but they had to be said. He stares at me for a moment, with an expression on his face that I’ve never seen before and I never want to again.
When he walks out of our condo, I can’t help but feel as though he’s walking out of my life for good.
***
Somehow, I managed to catch a few hours of sleep. I called in to work this morning and said that I was sick. Heartsick, counts as an illness, right? I can’t believe what a disaster my life has turned into, in the last twelve hours. It’s crazy how things can turn on a dime. One minute you’re deliriously happy and the next, your entire future’s all up in the air.
I haven’t heard from Jeff, not that I expected to. I’ve never seen him like this before, and I know with complete certainty that I’ve broken his heart. I couldn’t feel worse than I do about it and I have to figure out what I’m going to do to help him move past this. Part of me thinks that the best thing for Jeff would be for me to disappear from his life, for good. He’d be sad at first, but there’s another girl out there, without all of my crazy, that he would find sooner or later. He wouldn’t have to deal with my baggage and my ex that I may never be completely over. The more I think about it, the better this idea sounds. I would have to quit my job with only a moment’s notice and that’s not exactly glowing reference material. No, as much as I’d like to run away from this situation, I know I need to stay put and deal with the fallout.
It’s mid-afternoon and I’m lying on our couch, still wearing the pajamas I slept in last night. My hair is a tangled rat’s nest and I’m weak with hunger. I’m too depressed to get up and go through the effort of making myself something to eat. I’ve been napping on and off as I try to watch some television. Nothing is really interesting me and I’m still so tired from the lack of solid sleep last night. As I’m drifting off to sleep, there’s a knock on our door. Jeff has a key so I’m assuming it’s not him and I can’t think of anyone else that would show up unexpectedly. Well, maybe Hailey, but even she usually calls me first. I force myself to get up and walk to the door. I glance down at my pajamas and grimace. I’m in a pair of boy short type bottoms and a Patriots tee shirt. I run my hand over my head and try to smooth out the frizzy hairs that I know are sticking out all over my head. Oh well, this is as good as it’s going to get, I think as I open the door.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I ask as I look over Garrett. He’s wearing jeans and running shoes, along with a Red Sox tee shirt. His body looks as hot as ever but right now, I’m mad enough at him to spit nails. As my eyes roam over his handsome face, they widen in surprise. His left eye is purple and swollen almost shut and there’s a cut on his bottom lip.
“What happened to you?” I ask, still not inviting him in.
“Can I please come in? I’d rather not have this discussion in the hallway.” I shrug my shoulders and step aside. I close the door and lock it before gesturing for him to have a seat on the couch. Once he’s settled in, I sit down, keeping a good amount of space between us. I’m not taking any chances after what happened on Friday night.
“So why are you here, exactly?” I ask, not mincing words.
“We need to talk and I’m sick of you avoiding me. I owe you an apology for everything on Friday night. I never should’ve kissed you. I take full responsibility for what happened. It was wrong of me, especially when I know you’re in love with someone else.”
“Apology accepted. You can go now.”
“Ouch. That hurts even more than your fiancé’s fist hitting my face, did.” My mouth drops open in surprise.
“Jeff, did this to you. Wow, I’m shocked, but I guess you did have it coming.” I smirk as I think about J punching him in the face. I’m a bit jealous and I wish I could’ve at least seen it. I bet Jeff looked hot going all alpha on his ass and I know my man actually enjoys throwing hands. He used to be quite the brawler in high school and he’s had to work really hard on quelling his natural urge to punch people in the face when they piss him off. I know it must have felt great for him to haul off and pop Garrett. Hell, I’d like to punch him in the face most of the time.
“So what’s the big talk we need to have? Let’s get this over with because frankly I’m done with you holding it over my head. Let’s resolve this issue and then you don’t need to seek me out at work anymore. I can be like every other employee at Bentley Academy.”
He leans forward with his hands clenched together in front of him. He looks nervous and unsure of himself and that’s certainly a change from what I’m used to seeing from him.
“When I left three years ago, I had a reason for it. I didn’t just take off because I didn’t want to be with you which is probably what you naturally assumed. That was the furthest thing from what happened, Shelby. When you went home for that week to see your family and grab some of your things, I got a letter in the mail. It was a large envelope and when I opened it there were pictures of you and me in various incriminating situations.”
“What do you mean?” I can’t help but interrupt.
“There were pictures of us passionately kissing and there were others of us walking along, holding hands. We looked happy and very much together. Anyone that saw them would be able to tell we were a couple and not a brand new one. There was a letter included in there that said if I didn’t leave Beacon immediately, they would report us to the dean and that you would be expelled.”
“And you believed them, just like that? Who sent the letter? You didn’t think that this was something we should’ve discussed and worked through together? That’s what you do when you’re in a relationship Garrett, you make decisions as a couple.” My voice raises with frustration.
“Shelby, the letter said that if I told you why I was leaving, that they would turn the pictures into the dean and it wasn’t signed. Anyone could’ve sent it to me. The postmark said, Boston. I couldn’t take the chance, that they weren’t serious about their threat. I knew how important your education was to you and I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. I wasn’t about to ruin your future. You had it all planned out and I didn’t see any other option for making sure that you could achieve your dreams. I had to leave.”
“Garrett, I loved you and you meant more to me than my education ever could have. God, how did you not know that?” I shake my head incredulously and my eyes sting with the burn of the tears I’m trying to suppress. “I could’ve transferred to another school and I would’ve gladly done that if you hadn’t made the choice for me. By keeping me in the dark, you denied us the past three years together and it was all for nothing. If you had really believed in our love, then you wouldn’t have left. You would have stayed and fought for our relationship.” I shake my head and wipe the tears from my cheeks. “Thank you for telling me all of this. I always wondered what I did wrong to make you leave without saying goodbye. I got the paper you left inside the box of my things, but all it said was, I’m sorry and that wasn’t really enough for me at the time.”
“Shelby, I’m so sorry. Seeing you like this makes me realize I made the wrong choice, but I was only trying to do right by you. I’ve thought about you every day for the past three years and there hasn’t been anyone else for me. I’ve been biding my time and waiting for you to be done with s
chool so we could be together again. I guess in my fantasies I forgot to think about the part where you might have moved on with someone else.” His face reflects the same sadness that I’m feeling from his heartfelt admissions. I can’t believe he left Boston because of some threatening letter. What an ass. If he had just spoken to me, we’d probably be married by now. My heart hurts from all that he’s told me and I can’t help but be remorseful for all that we lost.
“When you left, it was a really horrible time for me. I fell into a depression and if it weren't for Jeff and Hailey sticking by me, I wouldn’t have come out of it. I don’t want to make you feel worse than you do, but I attempted suicide, Garrett.” His gasp is loud and unexpected. He pulls me into his arms and holds me close. I rest my cheek on his chest and wrap my arms around his waist. “That’s how bad things were for me and if Jeff hadn’t come over that day when he did, you and I wouldn’t be able to have this conversation. He saved my life and he’s been there for me every minute of every day since. I owe him my life, but I also love him. What you’ve told me isn’t going to change things between you and I. That ship sailed a long time ago and the past can’t be undone. We can both find closure with this conversation and you can learn from the way this whole situation was handled. The next relationship you’re involved in; you might want to keep the lines of communication open better than you did with me.”
Chapter Twenty-two
Jeff
I can’t believe what a clusterfuck my life has turned into in the last twenty-four hours or maybe it already was prior to that and I just couldn’t see it. Perhaps, I’ve been living in denial and Shelby’s love for me is really an illusion that I’ve fooled myself into believing. My heart is literally aching from the pain she caused when she informed me that she kissed Garrett. It doesn’t really matter to me who initiated it because she reciprocated the kiss. If she didn’t still have feelings for him, she wouldn’t have done that. I’m torn between heartbreak and anger, right now. She broke my heart by kissing him but I’m so angry that he had the balls to go after my woman. It’s that anger that’s fueling my blood lust right now as I sit in my car and wait for him to get home from work.
Here he comes. I get out of my car and make my way over to where he’s parked.
“Garrett,” I call his name as he starts to walk toward the building. He turns and sees me standing there with my arms crossed over my chest.
‘Jeff,” he answers, his brow cocked. “What can I do for you?”
“Well, for starters you can stay away from Shelby. Don’t look at her, don’t talk to her, don’t even think about her and if you touch her again, I’ll make sure you never get another chance.” As I finish speaking, I clench my right fist, drawing it back slightly, before extending it fully into his left eye. I follow it with a left hook to his lip.
“Consider this a warning, Garrett. Next time I won’t go so easy on you.” As I turn to walk away, I notice the drop of blood slowly trickling down toward his chin. It fires me up and makes me feel a twisted sense of satisfaction. I want to continue to beat his ass and fuck him up bad, but I won’t, not this time. If he touches her again, all bets are off and he’s going to end up in the hospital with his jaw wired shut.
***
It’s now after midnight and I’m lying in the guest room bed at Lee’s apartment. The mattress is lumpy and smaller than I’m used to. I think about how I could be at home with Shelby right now, all snuggled up in our bed and it makes me sad. I’m still really hurt from what she did and I’m not sure how I’m going to get over this. If it were another guy, it would be bad enough, but the fact that it was him makes it so much worse. He’s the same person she left me for last time and I’m concerned that it might happen again. I don’t think I could survive losing her a second time and part of me thinks I should end things with her before she can decide she wants to be with him, instead of me. Who am I kidding? I can’t even fathom the thought of a life without her in it. I just need a few days to get my head back on straight.
I wonder how Shelby is doing. I’m extremely conflicted, I just up and left and didn’t even say goodbye to her. I couldn’t even think straight at the time. I was so overcome with hurt and I felt such a sense of betrayal. I’ve been there with her for the last three years, through thick and thin. Where has he been? I know she loves me, but when something like this happens, it makes me question whether I will ever be enough for her. I have barely glanced at another woman since I met her and the thought of kissing one, doesn’t even enter my mind. How could she kiss him if she loves me so much? It’s thoughts like this that cause my mind to be flooded with thoughts of the two of them locked together in a passionate embrace. I put the heels of both of palms over my eyes as if that’s going to help block out the painful images that keep running on a constant, torturous loop in my head.
I glance over to the nightstand next to the bed where my cell phone is and wonder if I should call Shelby. I don’t think I’m ready to hear her voice yet so I decide to send her a text.
I think about what I want to say and decide to just start out as if nothing is wrong and see what happens from there.
Hi. I decide to keep it as simple as possible and it doesn't get more basic than that. I only have to wait for a matter of seconds before my phone buzzes with a reply.
Hi back. I miss you. My heart clenches a little as I read her text saying she misses me. I feel the same, but I need this time to process what happened so I can move forward with her. I don’t want to resent her for the rest of our lives. My head knows that it’s not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, but my heart feels differently. I type out my next message for her.
I miss you too. How are you doing? I want her to know that I miss her. She’ll be worried about what the outcome of all of this will be and I don’t want her concerned that I’m not thinking about her. Being away from Shelby is difficult on a regular day when I’m only at work, but being away from her for an indefinite period of time is a huge struggle for me.
I’m ok. How are you? Should I tell her how fucking miserable I am without her? How I want nothing more than to be lying beside her in our bed with her head resting on my chest and her little exhales of breath, tickling my skin. No, I’m not going to let her off the hook that easily.
I’ve been better. It’s not the nicest thing I could’ve written and I’m probably being a bit of a dick trying to make her feel bad, but it is what it is. How does a person handle a situation like this? What’s the right way to get over someone hurting you so much?
I love you and only you. As I read her text, my eyes burn with the promise of tears. I want to believe that she means these words...so badly, I want to believe it. I think there’s a part of her that will always love Garrett because their relationship never got a chance to run its course. I’m okay with her loving him a little as long as she can keep some distance between them. I’d feel a lot better if she wasn’t seeing him at work all the time, but I’ll never make her leave her job over my own insecurities. I’ll have to learn to deal with them and as they say, time heals all wounds. I type out my last message to her for the night and in my own way I’m telling her that everything will be fine.
JRILY, baby.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Garrett
I never should’ve kissed Shelby the other night at the club. I shouldn’t have gone to the club at all, but when I overheard her and Max talking about their plans for the weekend it seemed like a great idea. At the time, I wasn’t thinking about what an epic fail it could be and that it might be detrimental to the rocky footing, our relationship is already balancing on. Hindsight is twenty-twenty, so it’s easy to look back and see what I should’ve handled differently. I got caught up in the heat of the moment, standing so close to her...smelling her vanilla scent...looking in her bottomless brown eyes and staring at her pink bee stung lips. How much temptation can a normal, red-blooded male resist? I’m only human and when you add in my feelings for her, you don’t h
ave to be Einstein to figure out what was going to happen. I know I apologized for kissing her when I went over to their apartment, but the only thing I’m sorry about is that she wishes it hadn’t happened. How can I be feel bad that I got to taste her lips again and feel her body moving passionately with mine?
I’m a little surprised that Jeff confronted me. I didn’t think he had it in him, although I guess I shouldn’t be. He was the star quarterback at Beacon University, so he’s no stranger to getting physical. I think I remember Shelby once telling me that Jeff was a bit of a fighter when he was younger. I’m glad he went easy on me and didn’t bust me up too bad. I took the shots without defending myself for two reasons. One, I deserved it and two, now he thinks I’m some bumbling fool that doesn’t know how to take care of himself. If it ever happens again, I’m not going to just lay down and take it. I love it when people underestimate me and they get to see the folly of their quick judgments.
I was worried about Shelby when she called in to work this morning. I wondered if she was trying to avoid me or if she was embarrassed about what happened. I felt better when I saw with my own eyes that she’s fine. I know she’s upset now and angry with me but she can’t deny that the passion between us is still very much there. Now that we’ve experienced the scorching hot passion that still exists between us it will make it that much more difficult for us to stay away from each other. Hopefully, this works in my favor. I’ve never before had to work for a woman’s attention and I’m not sure how to go about doing this now. I need to come up with a plan that will put us in contact with each other because if we don’t spend any time together, how can I win her over? I have to get her back...she belongs with me...not him.
Waiting for Love ((Waiting) Book 2) Page 21
