by D. B. James
I’m still staring at the atrocious thing when Averill exits the bathroom, wearing the simple white cotton pajamas I got for her.
“Thank you. If I had been thinking, I would have bought something similar while shopping today.” Taking a moment, she looks up at the hot tub. “Seriously? Who would think of something this weird? A nice regular hot tub would suffice. This one, you have to take stairs to actually get in. At least the bathroom is semi-normal.”
“I was thinking along those lines. How about the wall color?”
“You look like a pink nightmare,” she exclaims while giggling. “I love that movie.”
“Until you said the last bit, I had no idea what you were talking about. Now I get it though. Could you imagine getting a pink bunny suit for Christmas?”
We both laugh at the thought. I haven’t watched A Christmas Story in years, and until she quoted it, it had slipped my mind. These days my tastes run more toward action instead of comedy.
“Well, I’m going to go change. Why don’t you get comfortable, and I’ll be right out.”
Might as well get this talk over with then we can both crash for a few hours. If she doesn’t want to share a bed with me afterward, unfortunately I can’t offer her another room, but I’ll sleep on the couch if worse comes to worst.
Tossing my suit coat on the said couch, I grab my overnight bag and head into the bathroom. Hopping in the shower, I quickly rinse off and am out within a couple of minutes. Walking back out into the room, I see her lying in the middle of the bed, her deep red hair spread out on the pillows behind her. She’s a dream.
“I’m sorry I didn’t think to grab you a toothbrush. You can use mine if you like. It’s resting on the counter near the sink,” I offer.
Normally I’d balk at offering my toothbrush to anyone to use, but not her, further proving she’s it for me.
“I’ve never used another person’s toothbrush, but if it doesn’t bother you, I’d like to get the taste of garlic and coffee out of my mouth.”
“It’s all yours.”
She crawls off the bed and swats my ass as she passes by. There’s my Tiger Lily. The woman who isn’t afraid of her actions. The one who is free to speak her mind, who smacks my ass if she feels like it.
Propping up a couple pillows on the bed, I make myself comfy while waiting for her to brush her teeth. My phone dings, alerting me of an incoming text. Whoever it is can wait. I’m ignoring everyone for the rest of the night. Martinelli never would text, and besides, it wasn’t my work phone. He vowed to never use me for another job this morning; I just have to train Mikey in the art of breaking bones, and he’s going to find another lawyer to take over his legal matters—all positive details in my book. Once I’m done with him, I’m done. No more looking into Vinny’s death. The answers I once thought I needed will go unanswered. I’ve gotten myself into more trouble than I ever intended.
Smith may end up killing me or someone I love.
“Ahh, I’m all minty fresh. Thank you, again.” She doesn’t crawl into bed—no, she jumps into bed, landing smack dab in the middle, right next to me. “Don’t you love this bed? It’s super comfy and fun to jump on, which I did while you were in the shower, by the way.”
Placing the arm closest to her around her shoulders, I pull her firmly into my side.
“I didn’t jump on it, but I do think it’s comfy.”
She peers up at me, her whiskey eyes meeting my ocher ones. I know in that moment, I’d kill for her. If it comes down to it, I’ll kill Smith to keep her safe. This woman right here in my arms is one hundred percent mine. Our fates were entwined when we were kids and we never knew it. Our paths were meant to cross again. She was destined to be in that Starbucks and my coffee maker was destined to break.
“I could love you,” she whispers while gazing into my eyes.
Swallowing is hard, as is taking my next breath. Her words ring over and over again in my head. I could love you, I could love you, I could love you, I could love you.
Taking another hard-to-come-by breath, I continue to stare into her eyes as I reply, “I’m connected to the mob, and you may be in danger.”
Way to ease into it, jackass. She tells you she could love you and you blurt out you’re a connected man—not the best way to reveal your secrets.
She turns her head away, pushes against my chest, and rushes off the bed as fast as she can.
“Um, what? You’re associated with the mob? Like the legit mafia? Tony Soprano type of shit? Wait, do you kill people?” She’s flinging questions at me left and right while pacing in front of the bed. I’m taking it as a good sign she’s still in the same room as me. With the way I blurted that out, I’m surprised she didn’t flee the room.
“I meant to ease into things but your words threw me off. My thoughts are all discombobulated. I’ll answer every question you have and will explain as best as I can, but first, let me clarify: I was connected. I quit my job with them today.”
“You know, you’re lucky I’m in pajamas and not currently wearing a bra because I’m this close to running down to valet and actually stealing Mystique.”
Shit, she’s serious. Not wanting her to leave, I answer her questions as fast as I can.
“I’m not a murderer. I’ve never killed a man, except for the years I was in the army, and those deaths were in combat. If you consider Tony Soprano the real mafia, then yes, but Martinelli would scoff at the idea of being compared to him. The reason I’m telling you is because I fucked up and I need to protect you.”
She stops pacing, turns around, and glares at me. It’s all she does. No questions, no more pacing. She’s waiting for me to continue.
And I do.
Over the next couple hours, I tell her every single gory detail. The only thing left to tell her about is Smith. She’s still standing at the end of the bed, staring at me blankly. Her mouth is slightly ajar, open in shock, as if she’s still not believing the words flowing from my mouth.
“I know there’s more but I need to say something,” she interrupts, right as I am getting into what happened the night of the concert, the night I left her to sleep alone in my bed.
“Please, ask me anything and I’ll answer it.”
You’d think at this point she’d know I’ll answer any questions she throws my way. I’ve never truly lied to her. A tiny omission of the truth yes, but it was always a truth hidden in a lie. I’m praying to every deity I can think of that she forgives me for all of it. If she can’t, we’ll never be able to build the future we both want, badly—and yes, I know she wants it too. Her eyes tell me she does.
“At the beginning of this conversation, you said I needed protection. How are you going to offer me actual full-time protection? Especially right now with getting your new business up and running?”
They’re the first words she’s spoken in nearly three hours. I gotta admit, she’s taking this better than I expected. After her little huff of anger about wanting to leave, she calmed down and actually listened to what I had to say. To be honest, it’s more than I gave her credit for.
“I was getting there.” Taking a page out of her book, I move from the bed and begin to pace, my nerves getting the better of me. “I was thinking you could move in with me—on a temporary basis, of course. You’d have your own room, unless you didn’t want one. I have plenty of room. I want you close until the threat of Smith has passed. Afterward, you can move back into your place.”
“Move in with you? Seriously? The threat is bad enough to warrant me uprooting my life—a life I uprooted no less than two months ago, mind you—and moving in with you? Are you out of your ever-lovin’ mind?”
Yeah, I probably am, but to protect those I love, I’ll do whatever it takes.
“Babe, I mobbed up to find out why a friend was murdered. Do you actually need me to answer why I need you to move in with me?”
As I continue to pace, she continues to stare at me—well, glare would be a better word for what she’s doing. She’s looking at
me as if I’ve grown another head, but I’ll do anything to keep her safe.
“You asked me earlier if I’d killed, and I vowed to myself to always tell you the truth from here on out: you’re important enough to me for me to kill for. I’d kill Smith if it meant you were safe. Yes, I may be out of my mind, but I’d feel more at peace if I knew you were safe living in my home. Please, Averill. I’ll beg if I have to, but please move into my house until the threat of Smith has passed.”
A few minutes pass before either of us speaks again. She needs time to process my words, and I need to give her the time. It’s not an easy decision to make. If she doesn’t want to move in with me, I’ll come up with another solution. I don’t know what, but…something.
“In order for me to move in with you, I need to let you pull more than a few strings. You’ve started to pull them without knowing, but now I’m going to let you give them a fierce tug.”
She’s stopped staring at me and has crawled back onto the bed. Deciding I’d rather be closer to her, I stop my pacing and join her.
“I’ve made a silent vow to you tonight, to never lie to you again. I’ve opened a vein and let you in completely. You’ve now been introduced to the man I’ve become since you last knew me. If you don’t run from me, I won’t run from you. Trust me with all of your strings, Averill. I promise to keep them safe.”
If I make one promise tonight, it’s one of keeping her safe. Always.
“When we moved away, we didn’t leave California. We left Fort Irwin and the army behind, bound for the northern shores. Dad was dishonorably discharged for nearly killing a fellow soldier. I’m surprised word never leaked out before we left, but I’m sure you heard all about it afterward.” She turns to glance at me, and I shake my head in a simple no. I honestly heard nothing about it. “Wow, I’m surprised. Your father was higher up, so I was sure you’d hear about it. Anyway, Mom thought we should start over in another town. She found a new job, and off we moved to Santa Rosa. It all happened in an instant. One day I was hanging out with you and Brant, and the next I was in a new town, making new friends.
“That’s when I met Alix. He was everything I wanted at the time, a bad boy to the extreme. I may have only been fourteen, but I thought I was old enough for a boyfriend. The attention he gave me…I ate it up like a starving person. He provided me with an escape, one I desperately needed. He was seventeen, a smoker, a stoner, carried a switchblade, and skipped class. If my parents noticed my pulling away from them and spending whatever free moments I had with Alix, they never voiced it.
“After a few weeks of dating, he started to pressure me about having sex. I was fourteen, Rhys. There’s no way I was ready to have sex, but stupidly I gave in, because I didn’t want to lose him. He was my life. He consumed me. I started hanging out more and more with his crowd of friends, and I don’t think I have to tell you they were the wrong crowd to be associated with. Alix and his buddies didn’t only smoke weed, they dealt it to the druggies at school. Before long, I was helping out, bringing in new customers for him, ones he couldn’t reach before. My grades took a complete nosedive. Teachers started to question me about the decline in my schoolwork…at least someone noticed. This went on for the next two years. I lost every shred of the girl I was before and became this…shadow of my former self.
“When I was arrested for selling marijuana, my parents finally noticed what was happening to me, noticed the difference in my weight, my appearance, my grades. Dad was furious. He forbade me from seeing Alix. He knew he was mainly to blame for all the changes in his daughter, and mostly, he was right, but for me to have changed so drastically, I had to have wanted to make the changes, at least deep down. There had to be something there for me to have made the deviation from myself as easily as I did, without question.
“I may have been selling the drugs, but I wasn’t using them. It was the one thing about myself I was adamant on.” Again, she glances up and catches my gaze, making sure her words are hitting home. No worries there, babe.
“The day my dad forbade me to see Alix, I ran away. I wasn’t going to let anyone keep me away from the man I desperately loved. Dad had ruined enough already, and he wasn’t taking away this new life I’d found for myself. No way in hell. When I reached Alix’s, no one answered the door, which wasn’t uncommon. I walked right in like I did most days, knowing he’d be happy to see me, happy to know I’d chosen him above all else. He was my life now.”
She stops for a few seconds and takes a deep breath. I can guess what’s coming next. It’s hard for her to admit, but I’m guessing her perfect bad boy wasn’t perfect after all, and she wasn’t his one and only. Knowing she needs strength to continue on and knowing she also needs comfort, I open my arms and pull her gently into them. She comes willingly.
“I’d never change you, never force you to become someone you’re not. I’ve always loved the spunky, outspoken, vibrant person you are. If you don’t want to continue tonight, you don’t have to. We can talk more in the morning.”
Snuggling in closer, she takes one more deep breath, seems to count to five, and then continues on.
“As I’m sure you’ve guessed, he wasn’t alone, only he wasn’t with another girl. He was getting a blowjob from one of his best friends. A guy. It threw me off a bit at first. I’m open to whatever, and no lifestyle choice is going to bother me. If someone is gay, they’re gay. Bisexual, it’s all good. But up until then, I had thought Alix was straight, and I’d assumed it was only us having sex. For two years he was having sex with Rob behind my back, almost as much as he was with me. He claims he didn’t think I’d be open to having a three-way relationship—which, clearly, I wasn’t.”
She starts moving her hand back and forth across my stomach, her fingers clenching and unclenching the fabric of my t-shirt. “I loved Alix, and I eventually agreed to try…and, well, since I’d run away, I didn’t have another choice. My options were limited: go back home, or try a weird new relationship. I did set my own rules—I’d only have sex with Alix; I didn’t know Rob much, after all. I was somewhat okay with him being there and touching Alix, but he was never allowed to touch me.”
“Did he hurt you?” If she tells me he did, I’ll hunt this guy down. He will pay for hurting what’s mine. She was sixteen. Holy shit, she was sixteen and in a somewhat polyamorous relationship. My mind is reeling, but on the other hand, all I’m concerned with is her now.
“Years later…yes.”
Her whispered yes tilts my whole world on its axis. She must feel the change in me because her hand stops its exploration.
“Please let me explain everything. I’m here now, and it’s all in the past. I’m moving forward, the same as you’re moving forward in your life. I’ll give you these strings and trust you to protect them, but you have to promise me, Rhys, promise me you won’t go hunt Rob down and bring more trouble to my door.”
Concentrating on my next few breaths, I work to stifle my anger. She hasn’t told me exactly what this Rob guy did to hurt her. Maybe it’s not as bad as I’m imagining. Grabbing her hand from my chest, I place a kiss to her palm.
“I promise.” To my surprise, those words come out easier than I thought they would.
“Thank you. Besides, I have no idea where he is now. It doesn’t matter. I’m here, you’re here. I’m mostly safe, and I suppose you’re my new roommate.”
“Hey, roommate? You’re not going to be mostly safe with me. You’ll be one hundred percent, unquestionably, irrefutably, indisputably, whatever other words you can think of, safe.”
“We’ll get back to how you plan to keep me safe at all times in a bit. If you want I can continue on, but I could think of a few things I’d rather be doing. Sleeping. Making out. Cuddling.” She turns her head away, making her next words slightly harder to hear. “Having wild monkey sex.”
Oh, I heard her loud and clear. I’m on board with us having sex, but I want to make it clear to her again that I want more from her than one night. If this is
just her one night bullshit again, I wouldn’t be able to take her moving in. I’d have to think of another way to keep her safe, because there’s no way in hell I can turn her down. I need her.
“Say it again.”
“Cuddling.”
“Nope, I heard another thing. Say it.”
Before I make her mine, I need to hear her say the words, not whisper them, no turning her head and mumbling them.
“Well, I suppose we could go to sleep. You’ve had such a long day and all.”
“Say the words again, Tiger Lily. Say them and I’ll make them come true, not only for tonight, but for as many nights as you’ll allow me to.”
“I said we could have sex.”
There. She said the words. No mumbling, no turning away.
“Not for one night?”
“No, Rhys. It’s inevitable. I admit defeat. It feels like we’ve been on this path since the fourth grade. It’s about damn time I listened to my heart.”
Suddenly, she’s gripping my t-shirt again, but this time she’s pulling it over my head. As soon as the fabric is gone, her mouth is on me, kissing me with a fervor so strong you’d think I’d been gone for a month. Her tongue tangles with mine, and I can taste the earlier coffee as well as minty toothpaste. Perfect. Flipping us over while never removing her lips from their exploration, I slide a hand up toward the waistline of her pajama shorts. Lifting her hips, she gives me all the access I need to remove them. I pause, meeting the waist of her panties, and she pulls her mouth away from mine. “Take ’em off.”
As far as I’m concerned, it can all disappear. Every inch of fabric between us needs to go, as quickly as possible.
In the past, sex has always been only that—sex, nothing more. I’m not a complete asshole, but I don’t normally stick around for much of anything afterward. I have a few ladies I can call when I need a release, but they certainly don’t mean anything to me, and you can bet your ass none of them have ever stayed overnight in my bed.
Only her.
Yanking down her shorts and panties, I hear a definitive tear. I’m praying it was her new pajamas I purchased and not her delicate lacy underwear. If it was, I’ll replace them, and I’m not too worried about it—I have more pressing issues on my mind, like getting her naked.
