"What an ass."
"Funny part was, I was going to cash in my V-card the night of my coming-out. He just happened to end it before I could do it."
"Well I remember you coming back from Easter break and being this totally different girl. You were pissed."
I laughed and stretched out my legs, letting the sun warm them. "Yeah, Daniel pissed me off something fierce that night I slept with him."
I recalled lying there as he slipped his pants back up over himself. We hadn't even bothered to get fully undressed. Talk about a hussy moment. He stretched out beside me and ran his finger along my collar bone, staring deeply into my eyes. We hadn't said more than ten words since I’d gotten there, and most of the words we did say were throaty exclamations of passion. He hadn't confessed his love for me, or his regret. He just told me how beautiful I was and how much I turned him on.
As his finger dipped between my breasts he took a deep breath and finally spoke. "We need to keep this a secret, okay?"
I remember blinking. The vision of a cartoon character shaking its head and trying to pound out something lodged in their ear because they couldn't hear came to mind. Did I miss something?
"A secret?"
"Well yeah, baby. Mary Anne can't know about this, and if we're gonna see each other again we need to play it cool."
"Whhhaaattt?" I screeched, nearly knocking him over as I sat up. "Mary Anne? I just had sex with you, Daniel. I… I …oh my God," I gasped.
I jumped up, grabbed my shoes and keys and ran towards my car, dangerously close to tears. Daniel yelled my name but I didn't stop. I fumbled with the keys and jerked the door open right as he grabbed my arm.
"Savannah, what did you expect? That I would dump Mary Anne for you? Come on, I can't do that - I love her."
"Love her?" I hissed in disgust. "What a funny way of showing her your love."
"Baby, come on. Don't be that way. I love you too. I'm just confused. I didn't expect you to feel this good.” Daniel leveled his puppy dog eyes on me and whined, “I saw you today and I couldn't think straight. I needed to have you. We can work things out. See each other on the sly until I can figure out what’s best."
"What’s best for who, Daniel?"
"For all of us," he murmured, pulling me back against his chest. "We're all grownups here. Who says we can't still see each other?"
I yanked away from his grip and swung around to face him; tears glittering in my eyes. "How about Mary Anne for starters, and me? I'm not going to be your little sex toy."
"Oh, you know you enjoyed it. What was between us when we were in high school was great, baby, but this - this moment," he pointed towards the blanket. "That was incredible. I didn't expect it from you."
"Am I supposed to take that as a compliment?" I almost gagged on my humiliation. “What? Was I a horrible kisser when we were together?”
"Come on, Savannah. You've always been so reserved; so proper and perfect. Tonight you were like a hell cat. Someone has really taught you well."
And there it was. The moment when the horror at what I'd done became anger. Red hot, fire breathing anger. I stood there in front of the person who had just changed my whole life without even knowing it. The person who’d ripped out my heart, threw it on the ground and then stomped on it when he’d walked into my party with Mary Anne on his arm nine months earlier. Now he had the audacity to compliment the person he assumed taught me in bed.
I leaned forward and crooked my finger at Daniel to get him to come near me; a small smile playing on my lips. Placing my hands on his shoulders, I pulled him down to my mouth and whispered into his ear. "You will NEVER touch me again, or Mary Anne will hear every last, dirty detail of this day." I breathed sweetly into his ear. Then I raised my leg and gave him a swift knee to the balls. He went down with a wail and I climbed into my car, slamming the door behind me.
I hadn't been to a family event since.
Candace looked like she'd seen a ghost when I finished the horrid explanation of that fateful Easter break.
"I went home, showered and climbed into my bed; cold and numb. But I never cried. Instead I replayed over and over what he’d said, and noticed that there was one thing that kept sticking out in my mind. He’d complained about how proper I was, how much like my mother I behaved, and that was the one point I couldn't argue. I was tired of being the perfect little country club debutante belle that my mother raised me to be."
"I remember when you came back, and it was like you flipped a switch. You loosened up and started to hang out more," Candace remembered. Then she chuckled and pointed out, "That's when we met Sara and bless her, she pulled you the rest of the way from that cocoon you'd been in."
I laughed. "Yeah she did. I wanted to be my own person, Candace, and I've tried very hard to be. I still have a ways to go to finally get what I want, but I'm working on it."
"So why haven't you dated? I mean, girl - so many guys have asked you out over the past two years…why haven’t you ever said yes?"
"I think I’ve just been scared of getting screwed over again. It's not solely about Daniel." I stopped myself and tried to figure out how to explain the rest of my story. "There was another guy. It was the summer before our freshman year, while I was still nursing my freshly broken heart from Daniel's defection. It's a long story that I'd rather not get into right now, but trust me when I say that between the two of them I was done."
"Was this guy an ass too?"
Twirling a strand of hair from my ponytail, I sighed. "Hmmm, no. He was actually really amazing, but we just weren't meant to be. I promise to tell you about him sometime soon."
"That's one dreamy look in your eye, chica."
"Oh stop, it was a long time ago. Hey - enough about me. Don't you think we should rush back home and drill Sara about her all-nighter?"
With a resounding “Yes” Candace jumped up from the table and pulled me with her. As we rushed back to the car to head home, I felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest. Getting the truth out there was cathartic. Maybe now I would finally be ready to move forward and make some sort of an effort with these dates the girls were setting me up on. Perhaps Candace was right. It was high time I got back in the saddle and moved on. Moved on from Daniel, as well as from the guy who’d first started to pick up the shattered pieces of my heart. Even though he was also the same guy to knock them back down again.
Spencer Alexander.
Monday - April 29, 2013
Paint and Surprises
I hadn't thought about Spencer in a long time, but after sharing my painful past with Candace, I couldn't help but recall the summer we’d spent together before I started school. Now, as I got up for my first day of a summer art class, he was all I could think about.
I was worried about my mother meddling into his personal life, so I decided to give my dad a quick call to see if he'd diffused the situation. Placing the call while I grabbed a bagel to eat on my way out the door, I waited while the phone rang. When his voicemail sounded, I left a quick message.
"Hi daddy. It's Monday morning - almost eight, so you're probably on your way into the office and not answering the phone. I wanted to check up on your conversation with momma about Spencer Alexander. Call me back. Love you."
Slipping the phone in the bag slung over my shoulder, I jumped in the car and headed off to class. I’d decided to sign up for a drawing class at the local community college to keep myself busy over the summer. I was volunteering at the University's fine art gallery for the summer too, but it was sketching that truly made me happy.
Graduation was only a year away, and the thought lodged in my chest. Thinking about what I was going to do once school was over scared the hell out of me. My art history degree was something I’d chosen for my mother’s benefit. With our lucrative family history I was very lucky to not have to worry about finances, so of course she pushed me to do something that I could use as part of the family philanthropy when I was done. Problem was, I wasn't sure if that wa
s what I wanted. I really did love art, and my knowledge of the paintings and sculptures of the world had grown through the years. Now I was ready to go out and travel the world, sketch and see all of those beautiful things first-hand.
Unfortunately my mother was still stuck in her little southern belle mentality that dictated I should come home, bat my eyelashes and marry the first man with a roman numeral after his name I could find.
After class I was sitting at a Starbucks sipping on a Frappe when my phone rang. I checked out the screen and saw the incoming call was from Riley. I grimaced and gritted my teeth before I even answered.
"Hello?"
"Hey Savannah, it's Riley."
"Hey Riles, what's up?" I asked, deliberately trying to keep my voice light.
"I was thinking we could grab lunch one day this week. I feel like we need to talk."
"Um, sure. I've got to work at the gallery each morning this week, though. I'm not sure when I’ll get out of there yet, or if I’ll get a lunch or not."
"Okay," he drawled out. "How about today?"
The thought of talking with Riley about anything right now set off alarms in my head. He was a great friend, and I didn't want that to change. "Riley," I began, trying to be careful with my words, "is everything okay?"
There was a long pause on the line and a sigh before he spoke. "I was going to ask you the same thing, Savannah. I feel like I need to apologize for kissing you the other night."
I almost said it was okay before I realized that it might not be the right thing to say. It wasn't that I hated the idea of Riley, but I knew it didn't feel right, either.
"Listen, I'm free right now for an early lunch. I'd love to meet you if you don't mind meeting up around eleven," I said.
After we agreed on a space to meet, I hung up and glanced at my watch to see that it was almost ten. That gave me more than enough time to check out the nearest art store for some of the supplies I needed for my class.
Forty-five minutes later I walked into a local deli to find Riley already waiting for me. He rose to meet me as he pulled the ear buds from his head.
"Hey." I hugged him cheerfully and attempted to swallow down any awkwardness. "Did you order already?"
"Nah, I was waiting on you."
"Well I'm starving, so come on." I pulled him to the counter where we ordered our food and waited as they made it.
"You know we'd never work, right?" he spat out of nowhere the moment we sat in a booth to eat.
"Whoa…careful where you're shooting those words, Riles. Can you back up and explain yourself?"
"That's what I keep telling myself. That we'd never work." He bent his head away from me for a moment and rubbed his scratchy chin with his palm.
"Riley…where is this coming from? We're friends."
"I know, Savannah. But I'll be damned if I didn't see you walk into the bar Saturday night and suddenly it was like BAM. I just couldn't help myself."
"Sounds to me like you weren't thinking with the right brain."
"Baby, you've made that brain crazy for almost two years. This time it was the other one. I saw those guys at the bar looking at you and I let myself wonder why I hadn't taken a swing. We get along great, you're one of my best friends – so why haven't we ever tried for more?"
"Oh gosh, Riley, I don't know. Probably because you were with Sara when we met?"
"That was barely even a blip on the radar. You have to know that we were short, sweet and much better as friends."
"So are we," I said softly, looking down at my soup like a coward. "Riley, you mean so much to me as a friend. We’re good that way, and I wouldn't want to ruin things."
I timidly looked up to meet his eyes when his hand touched mine. He spoke in a matter of fact tone, "I know. Cheer up, sweetie. You're not breaking my heart here."
"I'm not? Well, I mean of course I'm not, but I thought you were trying to get me to go out with you?"
"If you said let's go out I wouldn't say no. But like I said in the beginning, we wouldn't work. I know that…or, usually I know that."
"You’re an amazing guy, Riley." I was dangerously close to tears when I added, "You know it's not you, it's me, right?"
"Wow, we're being cliché now?" he choked out.
Swallowing back the wave of tears that overwhelmed me for a moment, I tried to clarify my previous statement.
"What I mean is, it's ridiculous how smart, fun and good looking you are. You’re a catch, and I'm stupid, obviously."
"Aww shucks," he teased, pumping his fist playfully. Then more seriously he added, "Savannah, you are not stupid. You’re smarter than I am and if there was something here," he said, motioning between both of us with his hand, "you would’ve felt it. No worries, babe."
Thankful for his graciousness, I smiled. We ate in silence for a few minutes before he spoke again.
"You know, you could do me a favor and stop showing up at the bar looking so damn foxy. As your friend I have to say it's getting hard to watch all the guys drooling after you like you’re a piece of meat. It's disgusting."
"Oh, whatever Riles,” I said, throwing him a disgruntled look. “You’re usually one of those guys drooling after the girls."
"Well that's different."
"Oh really? How so?"
"Well it's me, for one." He laughed. Seeing that I wasn't buying into his flimsy explanation, he added, "And I don’t care about any of those girls."
"Well no can do, sir. I've got some more dates to go on, and I'm not sure they’d be real impressed with me in sweats and tees."
"Now that's some sexy shit right there, girl."
"Only on the morning after would you call that sexy, Riley." He waggled his eyebrows and laughed wickedly.
"I love you Riles," I reminded him, smiling at his antics and getting up to discard my food.
Coming up behind me, Riley dumped his food in the trash and gave me a bear hug. "I love you too babe, and that's why we would never work." He placed a quick kiss on the top of my head.
"Oh gosh, shut up already," I laughed, but let him squeeze me for a moment longer than necessary.
As we exited the building, Riley checked his watch. "I have some time to kill before I need to go in. What are you up to now?"
I needed to get some art supplies, but the store closest to the coffee shop didn't have what I wanted. Deciding it would be nice to have company I responded, "I need to go to The Painter's Palette to get some drawing supplies. You free?"
Twenty minutes and two drive-bys looking for a parking spot later, the little bell at The Painter's Palette rang to signal our entrance to the staff. This art store was my favorite in the Nashville area. Locally owned and operated, the staff was always friendly, helpful, and up to chat about techniques and tools.
"Hi Ms. Camille," I called out; waving to the friendly shop owner. Camille was in her early fifties, with salt and pepper hair with streaks of red in the front that she always wore in a long braid. Somewhat of a hippie soul, she made me smile with her tie dye tops and long gypsy skirts.
"Hi there." She nodded to me, and I saw that her hands were covered in paint from some project she was working on at the back table by the paint supplies.
"You know the employees here by name?" Riley questioned; running his hand over the brush tips as we walked by them. I slapped his hand away and dragged him to the charcoal pencils.
"Yep. I've been shopping here for three years now. They’re all sweet people."
"You finding everything okay?" uttered a low, almost bored voice.
Looking up from the shelves, I recognized the clerk standing over me. His little plastic name tag read Ryan. Ryan was probably in his mid-thirties with brown, thinning hair and beady little eyes. He always checked on me whenever I was in the store, and had even asked me out for coffee once. His worn jeans were full of specks of paint, much like Camille's hands.
His voice perked up a bit. "Oh, hi. You here for some charcoal? I haven't seen you in a while. Can I help you find a
nything?" His sentences rushed out all at once, and crimson stained his cheeks.
"Yeah, I'm taking a new sketching class. I see what I need." Seeing his shoulders droop, I added, "Thanks, though."
Rubbing his hands against his jeans and throwing a look at Riley, Ryan mumbled, "Um, okay then. Ring the bell when you're ready to check out if I'm not up front."
Riley watched as the salesclerk walked away before he snorted, "He was giving you the look."
I picked up some new pencils and ignored Riley, then moved to walk down the aisle that held sketching pads.
Riley called out behind me, "So tell me about this whole dating thing."
"Shhhh, Riley, not so loud," I warned him. Waving him to the other aisle with me, I filled him in on my foray into blind speed dating.
"Let me get this straight," he laughed. "You’re letting Barbie and her sister Skipper pick out your dates? From the campus dating site?" He spoke slowly, as if he needed to enunciate each word for me.
Rolling my eyes towards the sky, I tried to ignore his prodding. "Dude. Seriously - what were you thinking?"
"I wasn't," I admitted, somewhat embarrassed. "They hounded me about needing a date to my cousin’s wedding, and then they said I should start going on some dates. I’ll admit I thought it was a stupid idea at the time, but I was vulnerable enough to let them follow through with their ridiculous plan."
"How many dates are you going to go on?"
Finished picking up the pads, I turned the corner to check the end cap of the aisle that usually held clearance items. As I rounded the end I bumped smack dab into Ryan, who was standing there awkwardly. "Oh my gosh! Sorry," I said, as my sketch pads hit the floor with a loud slap.
Last Call Page 7
