by Cathy Sharp
She loved Andrew and she enjoyed being with him – and she did want to marry him one day – but it would be a wrench to leave the people and the places she knew so well. Living in the suburbs was all right, and she would probably find friends soon enough, but she wasn’t sure she was ready to make the break yet. She liked the independence of working at St Saviour’s, and if she ever managed to become a nurse she would like that even more. Sally had thought she might apply to work at the children’s home once she had her nursing certificate. It would be near her home and her family; her sister and her brother would both settle in the East End, not far from their parents – and if Sally went off to the suburbs she wouldn’t see much of them. She would probably have to work somewhere else … if Andrew even agreed that she could continue. He didn’t seem keen on her working after they were married. Sally wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Naturally, the children would need her while they were little, but why should she give it up completely? Things had changed over the course of the war and women wanted more choice now – wasn’t that part of what they’d fought for?
If Andrew loved her as much as he said, he would surely understand that Sally was a modern girl. It was a new world out there, and she didn’t want to be just a housewife for ever.
TWENTY-SEVEN
The auction was going well, hands shooting up all over the place, and the prices Angela was achieving were far in excess of what she’d hoped for when she’d decided to sell off the bequest St Saviour’s had received. Nick Hadden had brought a party of wealthy friends with him, and they had purchased all the silver pieces between them.
‘Well, here is my final item, ladies and gentlemen,’ Angela said, holding up a pretty brush, which was part of a silver dressing-table set. It had been as black as ink but she and Sally had cleaned it and it looked beautiful. ‘What will you bid me for this genuine silver set, please?’
‘Ten pounds,’ a voice said from the back of the room, and Angela saw that it was one of Nick’s friends.
‘Eleven pounds,’ a new voice chimed in and Angela saw that Mark Adderbury had joined in the contest.
‘Twelve.’
‘Fourteen.’
‘Twenty pounds,’ another new voice said, and Angela smiled as she saw that Mr Markham had taken up the fray.
‘Twenty-five,’ Mark offered, smiling broadly at his friend and colleague.
‘Thirty.’ Nick’s friend returned to the bidding, minus the friendly smile.
Mark bowed his head. ‘I leave the field to the victor,’ he said, and everyone laughed and then applauded.
‘Thank you so much, gentlemen,’ Angela said, flushed with triumph. ‘I would like to thank everyone who came this evening for their generosity. Every penny of the money from this auction will be going to St Saviour’s, because every one of my helpers has given their time free and I am grateful to all of them.’
Another round of applause greeted her announcement, and then there was a general movement as people paid for their goods and collected them. Sally had been in charge of the money and was sitting at a desk, keeping count of everything. She looked up with a smile as Angela approached.
‘The cash box is nearly full,’ she said. ‘I couldn’t believe how much that dressing-table set sold for – and it looked like rubbish until we cleaned it.’
‘I’d seen that old mark,’ Angela said. ‘The bowls were the best cut glass and not chipped at all, and the silver pieces were by a good maker. I know because they have the same hallmarks as on a mirror given me by John’s mother – she said it was by Hester Bateman.’
‘Is that why it fetched so much?’ Sally said, and turned aside to take the thirty pounds from the gentleman who had bought it. ‘I hope your wife will be pleased with the set, sir.’
‘It is for my daughter’s eighteenth birthday. I’ve been looking for something good for her for ages, but this was a bargain.’
‘I’m so glad you’re pleased,’ Angela said.
The hall was emptying of people, except for Mark, Nick and Andrew Markham. Ned and Jeff said goodnight; Angela thanked them again for all their help, and then it was just the five of them. Andrew Markham walked up to Sally, smiling at her in approval. Angela saw the way the girl’s eyes lit up and realised she was truly in love with the brilliant young surgeon. She noted the way Sally went to him and took his arm, her confident smile and the look in his eyes. Their happiness made Angela blink and she couldn’t help wishing she had someone who felt that way about her.
‘You’ve been busy,’ he said. ‘I think you deserve a nice meal before I drive you home, Sally.’
‘Thank you. Is it all right if I go now, Angela?’
‘Yes, of course. Thank you for all your help, Sally. I’ll see you tomorrow at St Saviour’s.’
‘Yes, I’ll be there bright and early.’
Sally went off with Andrew and Angela was left with Nick and Mark, who eyed each other warily for a moment.
‘I think that was an excellent idea of Markham’s,’ Mark said. ‘I suggest I take you for a meal, Angela.’
‘I have already laid my claim earlier this evening,’ Nick said smoothly. ‘My car awaits you outside, Angela darling.’ His eyes told her that he believed she was hers. Mark looked annoyed and for a moment the air seemed to crackle between them.
Angela was tempted to laugh, because they were like two terrier puppies about to fight over a bone. ‘Thank you both for a lovely idea, which I will take you up on another evening, Mark. However, all I need is a lift home, because I want to put this money away safely and have it ready to bank in the morning. I’m a little tired and would prefer to go back and have a nice cup of cocoa and then retire to bed.’
‘Your carriage awaits,’ Nick purred, with a look of triumph. ‘You’re out of luck this evening, Adderbury.’
‘So it would seem.’ Mark accepted his dismissal with grace. ‘I shall not intrude on your evening further, Angela,’ he said softly. ‘I only wished to congratulate you on yet another resounding success.’
‘You’re not intruding, Mark.’ She gave him a warm smile to soften the awkwardness. ‘Thank you for all your help – and I shall be happy to have dinner another evening.’
‘Would you like me to lock up for you and return the key to the vicar?’ Mark asked.
‘Would you? That would be kind.’ She picked up her warm coat, gave the locked cash box to Nick and nodded at him. ‘Shall we go, Nick? I know I can trust you to guard this with your life.’
‘Of course, my lady,’ he said, dark eyes alight with amusement. ‘I am always at your service. Goodnight, Adderbury.’
Angela walked from the hall, knowing that Mark’s gaze was following her. She was conscious of feeling that she was at some sort of crossroads, of having arrived at the stage where she might have to choose between her friends. It wasn’t something she wished to do, because she liked both men, and would have preferred to keep things on the friendship level all round, but Nick had clearly laid down a marker by calling her darling.
Oh, she couldn’t be bothered to think about it that evening. Everything had gone extremely well, but she’d found the auction hard work and wasn’t in the mood for heavy romance for the time being. Venturing out into the evening air, she shivered in the sudden chill. There was only the shadow of a moon and the sky was cloudy and dark. She would be glad to be home in the warm, because it looked as if it might snow yet again. She couldn’t wait for the warmer days of spring. Surely it couldn’t be much longer now.
Angela locked the money from the auction in her desk after counting it twice. Sally’s accounts tallied perfectly but she found it difficult to believe that they had raised over four hundred pounds in one evening. It was twice what Angela’s mother had raised from her charity dance for St Saviour’s and many times what she’d raised from her clothing sale. Had she employed people to help it would have reduced the takings by twenty or thirty per cent, but because everyone had given their services free she had a really useful sum to bank th
e next day.
Her smile lingered as she sipped her cocoa. Perhaps it was churlish not to invite Nick to come in for a while, but she was too tired for dinner though he’d tried hard to persuade her on their way home, but she’d been firm in refusing.
‘I’m sorry, but I really am tired, and I have a bit of a headache,’ she’d told him. ‘I’ll cook you dinner another evening. We can spend a little time together then, if that will do? I’m not that much of a cook, but I can manage a steak …’
‘Sounds just the job,’ he said, and reached out to draw her into his arms before she had a chance to resist. ‘I’m glad you can manage my favourite meal – but it’s not as a cook that I want you, Angela, but as a wife.’
Angela was taken aback. He was taking too much for granted. He was very skilled at manoeuvring her into going out with him when sometimes she would rather not – he was good company and at times she felt rather alone. But this talk of marriage was unexpected.
‘It’s you I care about, Angela, the woman you are – caring and strong. I shan’t mind you giving your spare time to St Saviour’s or whatever else you choose to support when we’re married – as long as you have time for me and the children.’
Nick leaned in to give her a lingering kiss on the lips. For a brief moment, the feel of his strong arms around her, the scent of his cologne and the warmth of a man’s body so close to her own was a heady mixture. Their lips met, and briefly she was transported, but then an image of Mark Adderbury pushed itself into Angela’s mind. She pulled away.
‘Oh, Nick.’ Angela struggled to find the right words. Marriage was something that she wasn’t ready for, and even if she was … Nick was perfect husband material, but why didn’t he feel right for her? ‘I’m can’t commit to marriage yet. I have told you …’
‘Shush, my darling,’ he said, and brushed his thumb over her full bottom lip. It was a sensual caress and she felt her insides jump with what could only be desire, but she fought it. Angela didn’t want to be rushed or pushed into anything. She liked Nick, but she liked Mark too. She wasn’t going to be swept along by Nick’s strong personality.
‘I know you need a little more time, but soon you will be ready … and I want you to know how much I adore you. I don’t need a slave, just a warm, loving woman – a woman who knows her own mind and her own heart.’
‘Nick, I like you very much and I’m flattered, but …’ Nick hadn’t allowed her to go on. He’d kissed her again. ‘Please, Nick.’ She pulled gently away. ‘I’m awfully tired.’
‘Yes, I can see that, darling.’ He kissed the top of her head, then collected his coat and hat from the hallway. ‘We’ll talk again.’ She could hear him whistling cheerfully as he headed out into the night.
Angela switched off the lights and wearily headed into her bedroom. She was too tired even to get into her silk nightie and instead slipped out of her clothes, climbing into bed in just her camisole and knickers. As her head sank into the pillow she thought about that evening. She knew Nick believed he was wearing her down, gradually defeating her resistance. Maybe she should be content to be married to him? He would be a caring husband, but also possessive and domineering. He would expect Angela to fall in with his plans, had already shown signs of riding roughshod over her wishes and imposing his own. His kisses stirred something inside that she’d thought dead, and Angela knew that she would enjoy the physical side of marriage. She’d discovered passion in John’s arms, and it had been a revelation and a joy to her, and although she wasn’t the kind of woman who gave herself easily she’d been tempted more than once when Nick kissed her. Yet she knew it would be wrong to give her body if she couldn’t also give her heart and her mind. Deep down, Angela knew that she was avoiding thinking about the real reason she couldn’t give herself fully to Nick and that reason was Mark Adderbury.
She sighed deeply, feeling confused. No, romance was too complicated. It was better to continue with her life the way it was, enjoying her work and helping the children at St Saviour’s. She’d had love once, perhaps it was too much to expect it again, but as she fell into a slumber it was Mark, not John or Nick, who crept into her jumbled dreams.
TWENTY-EIGHT
Nan popped in to Beatrice’s office around three in the afternoon for a cup of tea. The Warden had put her kettle on the little gas ring in readiness and greeted her with a sigh of relief.
‘I’m glad you’ve come, Nan. We’ve had such a day! Two children were brought in first thing this morning, and we’ve had three more since then. At least they were healthy and we managed to squeeze them into the dorms, but the two girls were difficult. It seems they have a father, but he’s been drunk ever since the mother died six months ago, and taken to beating them. They didn’t want to tell us their names because they were afraid they would be sent home.’
‘That won’t happen, will it?’
‘If I have my way the father will be prosecuted for maltreating his children,’ Beatrice said angrily.
‘And so he should be,’ Nan agreed. She sighed as she sat down by the fire. ‘I could do with a cuppa.’
‘We both deserve this, I think,’ Beatrice said. She took out a small tin of Scottish shortbread biscuits, which a grateful relation had brought in, and offered them to Nan. ‘Sometimes, I wonder if I’m getting too old for this job.’
‘You wouldn’t think of retiring?’
‘No, not at all.’ Beatrice shook her head. ‘Take no notice of me, Nan. It has been one of those days.’ She sipped her tea. ‘How are you getting on with your bring-and-buy sales?’
‘We raised five pounds at our first evening.’
‘That is excellent,’ Beatrice said. ‘Have you seen your soldier friend recently?’
‘Well …’ Nan’s cheeks were a little flushed. ‘I’ve asked him to lunch again this Saturday. I’ve saved my meat coupons and we’re going to have a beef and ale casserole with apple crumble and custard afterwards.’
‘It sounds delicious,’ Beatrice said, and for the first time in years she was aware of her own loneliness. ‘I’m glad you’ve found a new friend, Nan.’
‘I was wondering … I mean, there will be plenty for three,’ Nan said. ‘Would you come and meet Eddie, Bea? I’d love you to come … if you would?’
Beatrice hesitated. She was tempted but it wouldn’t be fair to her friend. Stretching her rations to include another was difficult enough, and Nan would have enough to do looking after her old soldier.
‘Perhaps another time,’ she said. ‘I’m on duty this Saturday, because both Mary and Carole are off – so I need to be here just in case.’ She hesitated, then, ‘I need to talk to you about Alice. We cannot keep her here for much longer, Nan. Father Joe thinks she should go to a Church home for unmarried mothers.’
‘But they will force her to give up the child. I don’t think Alice will do that, Beatrice. I think she might run away, go off somewhere and try to manage alone if we were to insist she have the child there. No, no, let me think about this a little more – I might have a solution. I’ll try and speak to her later, ask her how she’s getting on. I think she may have found lodgings but I’ll see what she has to say before you make up your mind.’
‘Very well, you must do as you think fit. You know her better than I do.’
Nan sipped her tea. ‘I’m going to tell Eddie about Maisie. I want to ask his advice. She never answers my letters, as you know – but perhaps if I were to go down to see her …’
‘Do you think that is wise? Why not ask the Mother Superior if she will talk to her? If you make that long journey alone and Maisie refuses to see you it will be so upsetting for you, Nan.’
‘Yes,’ Nan sighed. ‘But I can’t bear things the way they are, Bea. I need to see her just once, to talk to her again.’
‘Well, I can’t stop you, but I know how much it upset you the last time she refused to see you.’
‘I’m going to see Maisie somehow. She’s my daughter and I’ll never give up.’
Later, as Nan left the staff room carrying a tray of used mugs, she saw Alice coming towards her. She had her coat on and it was obvious she was about to leave for the evening.
‘Ah, Alice dear,’ said Nan. ‘I’m glad I’ve caught you. I wanted to talk to you for a few minutes.’
‘Have I done something wrong, Nan?’ Alice looked apprehensive and Nan felt sad, because she knew what she had to say would upset the girl.
‘Your work is faultless, Alice,’ she said gently, ‘but you know that you will have to leave soon, don’t you?’
‘Yes – but need it be just yet?’
‘I’m afraid that is up to others,’ Nan said, still in that soft, caring tone. ‘I’ve been asked to enquire if you’ve decided what to do when the time comes – are you planning to have the baby at your home?’
‘Ma won’t have me,’ Alice said. ‘Mavis says she won’t even discuss it. As far as she’s concerned she doesn’t have a daughter called Alice.’
‘Ah, I see.’ Nan sighed. ‘That means you will either be entirely on your own – or you might consider entering a mother and baby home.’
‘You mean a home for fallen girls where they take your baby away even if you want it,’ Alice said, and her head went up. ‘I’m not going to get rid of my baby and I’m not going to let a stranger have it either. I loved Jack and I want my child.’
‘But he’s gone, dear.’
‘I know,’ Alice admitted. ‘But it doesn’t matter. I shan’t give my baby up. I’ll manage somehow, even if I have to scrub floors or work in a factory.’
‘You haven’t thought what will happen once the child is born. Not many landladies will let a room to an unmarried mother, Alice – and you’ll have to pay someone to look after the child while you work. It will be so hard for you.’
‘I know.’ Tears trickled from the corners of her eyes. ‘I’m frightened, Nan. I know that I’ll have difficulty once it shows – but I’ll get through somehow. I can’t give my baby up. I won’t.’
