by Cathy Sharp
‘That’s a bit unfair, isn’t it?’ Sally asked, totally bewildered by a side of Sister Beatrice that she hadn’t known existed.
‘Completely,’ Sister agreed heartily as she sat down on the hard wooden chair. ‘But have you noticed that men can’t manage without us? We have broad shoulders, Sally, most of us, and we can bear more than our fair share of grief, pain and work. Of course there are a few weak sisters amongst us, but we aren’t a part of their brigade, are we, Sally? I think you’re like me and you’ll come through this and go on to become the woman Andrew knew you would be one day. He saw something in you that perhaps your mother cannot see. It won’t happen at once, and the pain goes slowly at first – but I promise you that in the end you’ll be able to laugh again.’
‘You’ve made me feel better tonight,’ Sally said. ‘Thank you for coming, Sister. Everyone is so sorry for me, so apologetic. I think I needed a kick up the backside.’
‘Any time,’ Sister said, and smiled at her in a way that could only be described as wicked. ‘Now, do you know what I quite fancy?’ Sally shook her head. ‘Do you think there’s a chance they might be able to serve us fried egg and chips?’
‘Well, what did she have to say?’ Sally’s mother asked when she returned to the kitchen. Brenda and her father had finished eating and were drinking tea. ‘I suppose it was good of her to come – but hardly her business.’
‘It was very good of her to come,’ Sally said. ‘She wants me to return to work on Monday and then to go on with my nursing career as planned.’
‘Are you going to?’
‘Yes, I think I shall. Sister Beatrice made me see that I owe it to myself to make what I can of my life.’
‘You can listen to her …’ Mrs Rush sniffed and looked upset. ‘Haven’t I been saying the same thing – but you won’t listen to me …’
‘Leave Sally alone, Mum,’ Brenda said. ‘I’m glad you’re going to be a nurse, Sally, love, but it must be your choice – not Mum’s and not Sister Beatrice’s.’
‘It is my choice,’ Sally said, and heard her mother sniff louder.
‘Now, Mother.’ Sally’s father intervened before she could speak. ‘You can just stop that nonsense. If Sally is upset about what you said before the accident you’ve only yourself to blame. Personally, I liked Andrew. I spoke to him just the once or twice, but he loved my girl – and as far as I’m concerned that’s all that matters. I wouldn’t have minded them getting married, if it was what Sally wanted.’
‘I know and I’m sorry I said anything,’ Mrs Rush mumbled, and then burst into tears. ‘I wish I could take it all back, Sally … I wish I could turn the clock back …’
‘It’s all right, Mum.’ Sally struggled to get the words out, because it hurt too much. She hadn’t forgiven her mother for all the things she’d said against Andrew, but she knew she had to take the first step or the divide would become too wide and too bitter. ‘I understand. You felt uncomfortable with the idea, but if you’d really known him … Sister Beatrice told me how his parents were doctors and missionaries, and how he was brought up by his aunt after they died in Africa. I didn’t know any of that … yes, he had some money left to him, and he went to university and was clever, but underneath he was very like Dad.’ She turned her tear-filled eyes on her father. ‘He liked you too, Dad. I think he hoped you would be friends when we married.’
‘I should have enjoyed that. He was a clever chap and I respect people with brains. He didn’t live his life for the sake of money or position, he gave his time for free often and he cared for others – you can’t say fairer than that …’
‘No.’ Sally felt the tears of release trickle down her cheeks. The pain wasn’t going to go away for a long time, but perhaps Sister was right – working for others, dedicating her life to easing pain, particularly in children, yes, that was worth trying for. She’d been foolish to think she had to give it up to punish herself, because that’s what she’d been doing – punishing herself for being alive when Andrew was dead. It wasn’t her fault he’d died, and in her heart she knew that although he might have been disappointed, he would have accepted her decision and gone on loving her, helping her – because that was how he was. ‘You can’t say fairer than that, Dad.’
FIFTY-SEVEN
Angela’s phone rang and she answered it automatically. ‘Angela Morton – can I help you?’
‘Angela, I hope you’re not busy for a minute? I need to talk to you, my love.’
‘You know I always have time for you, Dad,’ she said. ‘I was thinking I might try to get down again soon.’
‘No, not just for the moment.’ He sounded hesitant. ‘It’s the reason I rang you. Mark has been down here for a few days and your mother has been seeing him as a patient. He’s persuaded her to go to a special clinic in Switzerland – and we’re both flying out this weekend.’
‘You’re going with Mum?’ Angela asked anxiously. ‘Are you feeling well enough? I could come if you wish?’
‘Your mother doesn’t want you to come. She can’t face you, Angela …’
‘That’s foolish, I only want to help her – and you.’
‘She feels ashamed, I think,’ he said. ‘She hardly speaks to me, but of course I must take her – don’t worry, I’m feeling better since my doctor gave me some new pills.’
‘You know I’ll help with the expenses.’
‘Of course, my love. I’ll come up to town and we’ll talk about the future when I get back.’
‘Yes – how long has Mark been treating her?’
‘The first time was a few weeks ago. He came to the house while I was out and she must have asked him to take her on then. She doesn’t tell me much, and they kept it a secret even from me, but once she’d agreed to go away, Mark asked me if I would consent to her having treatment in the clinic and of course I agreed.’
‘Well, we must hope it helps her,’ Angela said. ‘Take care of yourself and let me know when you’re back.’
‘Of course …’ He hesitated, then, ‘Are you all right, Angela? You sound a bit subdued.’
‘I’m fine,’ Angela lied. ‘Thank you for letting me know. I love you – and give my love to Mum too.’
‘Yes, I shall. I’ll see you very soon, love.’
Replacing the receiver Angela frowned. Once again Mark had kept her in the dark and she felt shut out. Naturally, he couldn’t tell her whatever his mother had confided in her, but he could have told her that he was seeing her as a patient. Did that mean he still felt she was fragile?
She’d been regretting her off-hand manner that day in the sick room, but now she wasn’t sure of anything. If Mark cared for her, why hadn’t he at least phoned her – and why couldn’t he have told her that her mother had become his patient?
Shrugging off her annoyance, Angela checked the list she’d prepared for Sister. She would take it to her and then visit Nancy. So far the girl seemed to be taking her brother’s removal to the clinic quite well, but underneath she must be grieving.
Angela returned to her office that evening after having a long talk with Nancy. The girl was returning to school for another year so that she could get her leaving certificate, but once she left she would take up a full-time position at St Saviour’s.
‘It’s what I want to do for now, miss,’ she’d told Angela. ‘If I can have Terry back one day I’ll make a home for him, but for now I want to work here as a carer. I think I understand how some of the children feel – and perhaps I can help them.’
‘You wouldn’t rather try to be a teacher or a nurse?’
‘I don’t think I’m clever enough for that,’ Nancy said truthfully. ‘I’d rather not go back to school at all, but Sister told me she would be in trouble if she let me stay off indefinitely so I’ve decided I’ll go.’
‘Yes, I do understand how you feel,’ Angela said. ‘This has become your home, hasn’t it?’
‘I feel safe here, miss. I never had a real home – not for years anyway. It was all r
ight until Ma turned funny, but after Aunt Molly died … well, everything went bad. Perhaps one day I’ll have a home of me own, but I shan’t get married.’
‘You might change your mind one day, Nancy. Men are not all like your father …’
‘What he did to me, miss … it’s there in my head and it won’t ever go. I couldn’t bear anyone to touch me the way he did.’
‘It wouldn’t be like that, Nancy. I know how you feel now, but one day things may look different.’
‘Sister said I could talk to Mr Adderbury about what happened, but I can’t, miss – I can’t ever tell anyone what he did … it shames me. I should have killed him rather than put up with it for years, but Terry did that for me – and now he’s paying the price.’
‘Perhaps they will let him come to you one day, Nancy.’
‘No, I don’t think so. He was always a bit strange, but as a little boy he was loving – it was after Pa started to beat him and mock him that he became violent …’ Tears trickled down Nancy’s cheeks. ‘Pa ruined all our lives, miss. I’m glad he’s dead but I wish it hadn’t been Terry that killed him … I think what happened that night drove him over the edge.’
‘Yes, I know – but you can’t be sure. Perhaps it really was an accident,’ Angela said, but she knew that Nancy would always believe it had been her brother, and because of that her pain would remain locked inside her until something happened to make it go away.
Angela had just sat down that evening with a tray of coffee and some delicious biscuits Nancy had baked for her. The girl was getting very good at her cooking. Slipping off her shoes, Angela lifted her cup to her lips as the phone rang.
‘Angela, you’re in,’ Mark said. ‘I wanted to tell you first …’
‘Where are you?’ she asked. ‘You sound pleased?’
‘Yes, it’s good news about Terry. I’m at the clinic. We gave him some radical new therapy in the hope of bringing him out of the catatonic state he was in; it’s all a bit experimental at present, but it seems to have worked. Afterwards, he was subdued, but aware of us talking to him and he seems to be taking things calmly.’
‘That’s good, isn’t it?’
‘Yes, we think so. It is very early days, of course, but my colleagues think that after a course of treatments we may be able to reach the tortured side of him and perhaps help him to come to terms with whatever happened.’
‘Does this mean he will be able to come home one day?’
‘That is something I am unable to answer,’ Mark said. ‘I wanted you to know that there is an improvement – and perhaps you can tell Nancy?’
‘Yes, of course,’ Angela said. She hesitated, then, ‘You didn’t tell me that you’d been treating my mother and she’d agreed to go to a clinic in Switzerland.’
‘She particularly asked me not to,’ he said apologetically. ‘I know you would have preferred to be told – but I could not break my trust as her consultant. Please don’t be angry with me, Angela.’
‘I was just a little hurt. I know I was fragile after John died, but I’m so much stronger now.’
‘Of course I know that,’ he said. ‘I’m so proud of you, Angela. You’re doing a wonderful job at St Saviour’s. You must know how much I think of you?’
‘I wasn’t sure …’
‘All this business with Carole …’ He sounded strange. ‘I know what you must think of me – but I can’t explain. I suppose I was low and I fell for a very obvious temptation. It makes me look a fool, I know, but we all make mistakes.’
‘Was it a mistake?’
‘Yes, and I’m grateful to you for exposing her lies. She was quite a schemer, it seems.’
‘Yes – but she’s gone now.’
‘Yes …’ He hesitated. ‘I should like to have dinner soon, but it can’t be just yet. I’ve been asked to do a series of lectures and I’ll be out of town for some weeks. It’s to help with the effects of war on men damaged by their experiences. I accepted before …’
‘It’s all right, Mark. I think we should give ourselves a little more time.’
‘Yes, perhaps you’re right.’ There was a charged pause, then, ‘I do care for you a great deal, Angela. I’ll be in touch when I get back.’
Angela sat staring into space after he hung up. She had a curious ache in her heart, because surely if Mark truly loved her he could have made time to take her out before he went off on this lecture tour. Perhaps he was too embarrassed to admit he’d fallen for a girl who had obviously used him. At any rate, he wasn’t ready to commit to Angela.
She sighed and stood up. She would go to tell Nancy the news and then …
Her door opened and Nan entered with a bright smile on her face. ‘I’ve got some wonderful news for you,’ she said. ‘Alice has just told me – she is going to marry a soldier. His name is Bob and he knows all about the child and that rotter Jack Shaw. I’ve told her I’ll help with the reception and the other things she’ll need, though he’s giving her some money for clothes. He’s got some time off now and they’ve arranged it for next week. She brought him in to see me last night and he seems a nice lad.’
‘That’s wonderful,’ Angela said. ‘Exactly what we all need after what’s been happening here! I’d like to contribute to the wedding breakfast, Nan, but you needn’t tell Alice – and you may know what can I get her for a present?’
‘I know she likes modern stuff, but I imagine they will need everything: china, linen, pans – anything you can find, I should think.’
‘Yes, of course.’ Angela nodded.
‘Sister is delighted,’ Nan said. ‘She’d been pressing me to persuade Alice to have her child adopted, but now of course it will all be respectable. I shan’t have to sack her and she could come in to work here for a few hours when she’s over the birth – if she wants …’
FIFTY-EIGHT
‘You look really pretty, Alice,’ Sally said as she twisted Alice’s fine fair hair into a knot of fluffy curls at the back. Alice had washed it earlier and it had taken an age to dry, because they didn’t have a blow dryer. While they waited for her hair to set, Sally had filed and polished her friend’s nails with a natural pale gloss. Alice had sat patiently while Michelle had applied a tiny touch of rouge to her cheeks and a pale rose lipstick to her mouth. ‘I had no idea you could look this beautiful.’
‘I’m not beautiful,’ Alice said and laughed, putting both her hands on her bump. ‘I’m too fat and this isn’t what I’d have chosen to look like for my wedding if I’d had a choice.’
‘Well, you’re several months pregnant,’ Michelle told her in a no-nonsense tone. ‘Bob would’ve married you weeks ago if you’d let him …’
Alice looked regretful. ‘Bob isn’t the father and I felt it was wrong to push another man’s child on him – but he doesn’t seem to mind. I’m so lucky and I don’t deserve it.’
‘Of course you do.’ Sally gave her hair a final pat. ‘Bob knows the truth and he still cares for you so you should just accept it and be happy.’
‘Yes, I am happy,’ Alice said, feeling slightly uncomfortable. Sally had lost the man she loved to a tragic car accident and it must have cost her a lot to come here and help Alice get ready for the wedding. ‘You’re all so good to me.’
‘We all care about you, Alice. You’re one of us and after that awful man left you in the lurch … well, marrying Bob is the best thing that could happen to you.’
‘Yes, I know.’ Alice wasn’t certain in her own mind that she’d done the right thing, but in a few hours she would be Mrs Robert Manning instead of plain Alice Cobb. ‘As I said, I’m very lucky.’
‘Well, I reckon it’s Bob that’s lucky,’ Mavis said, bringing the pale cream suit that Alice had chosen for her wedding. It had a loose wrap-over waist and a skirt that fell about her hips in fine pleats, ending just below her knees. The jacket was long and covered her bump, though nothing could quite hide the fact that she was around six months pregnant. ‘You’ll make him a good wife, Alice, an
d you’re a real good cook.’
‘At least Ma taught us both to cook,’ Alice said, a wry smile on her lips.
‘Is your mother coming to the wedding?’ Michelle asked as Alice placed the tiny hat on her head; it was a confection of net and flowers in pink and red and went well with Alice’s red shoes and gloves.
‘No, she refused, told Dad she was ashamed of me and wasn’t going to relent just because I’d trapped some idiot man into weddin’ me.’
‘She couldn’t have said that?’ Sally gasped in horror. ‘Oh, Alice, that’s so unfair of her. Bob wants to marry you – and you haven’t done anything a lot of other girls in love haven’t done before you.’
‘It doesn’t matter,’ Alice said and glanced at Nan, who stood watching them all. ‘Nan has been as good as any mother to me – she will be my baby’s granny, won’t you, Nan?’
‘Of course.’ Nan smiled at her. ‘Me and Eddie are looking forward to the christening – and babysitting …’
Alice smiled back. ‘Bob says I’ve got to stay home now and take care of myself until the baby is born – but he doesn’t mind me doing a few hours at St Saviour’s afterwards.’
‘My mother might help with babysitting for a few hours sometimes,’ Michelle said. ‘It’s a pity your mother won’t – but at least your father is coming to the wedding.’
‘He said he wouldn’t miss my wedding for the world. He was angry over the child and the fact that it was Jack Shaw’s.’ Alice sighed. ‘But he’s forgiven me now that I’m marrying a decent bloke and he likes Bob. He’ll visit me and he’ll make sure that Mave and my brothers can come when they like too. I just hope he’ll stay sober.’
‘Of course he will,’ Mavis said. ‘He won’t let you down today, Alice.’
