by Ria Cantrell
Kicking the heavy box at her feet again in annoyance, Kiera hoped that the trip would wash and numb some of her battered spirit and when she returned to New York, she would have the clarity needed to begin rebuilding the pieces of her life. As pain shot into her toe from the kick, she cursed and finished packing.
In the morning, the movers had arrived amazingly on time. Kiera stood aside as the two burly men loaded her belongings into the truck parked at the curb. She breathed a heavy sigh noting that there were less of her things than she really had thought. Clothes, books, a few odd knickknacks and mementos and not much else remained. She wondered how her life had taken this turn and how in the end she had nothing to show for it. As the last of the boxes were being loaded, Kiera grabbed her luggage and took one final look around. A fat tear streaked down her cheek and she drew in a ragged breath. The finality of it hit her and she just felt so sad. As she stood looking at nothing in particular, she heard the familiar voice of the man she once loved behind her.
“Oh, you are still here. Sorry. I thought you would have been.…”
Kiera turned, wiping the tears off her face quickly. She was still so angry at him that any love she may have felt was replaced with disgust and revulsion.
“Don’t worry, Jax. I am going. I won’t be in your hair any longer.”
His face fell. He had not wanted it to end this way. Things had been declining in the past few months, but he did not want it to be like this. Looking down, he said, “I will come back. I don’t want to cause you any more hurt….”
She laughed bitterly. “Hurt, Jax? Really? You are worried about this causing me hurt,” she said with a wave of her hand. “This is nothing; just mere things. The important part that is broken cannot be replaced. Please, spare me your false pity. I’m going.”
He reached out and grabbed her wrist gently. He felt her recoil and snatch her hand away. Dropping his own hand he said, “For what it’s worth, I really am sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want it to end this way. It’s just…”
“It’s just what? It’s just that you are a faithless pig with no sense of loyalty or honor?”
“I didn’t come here to argue again, Kiera.”
“No, of course not.”
“Look, I don’t want to fight.”
Kiera gave a bitter snort-like laugh.
“Fight? What a surprise. You never even thought to fight for us and for love. You don’t even know what is worth fighting for. To think that I….”
Just then, the movers came back up to the door and stopped short, seeing the couple engaged in a heated encounter. The larger of the two said, “Miss, we are about done. We are taking the things to the storage unit now. It is our first stop. Are you alright?”
Kiera straightened her spine and lifted her chin.
“Yes, yes. Thank you. Can I ride with you? My friend will be meeting me down at the space in case there is anything you need from me.”
“That’s not necessary, Ms. Callum. We have all the information. Your unit’s secured and ready. Since you’re storing your things at our warehouse, you don’t need to come with us. We’ll see that your belongings are taken care of and stored safely. Just let the office know when you want to come get ‘em.”
Nodding, Kiera said, “Thank you. Yes, I should be getting on, then.”
She handed each man a tip and grabbed her purse and luggage again. Jackson tried to help her, but she shot him a menacing look and she said, “Please, don’t. You have really done more than enough.”
The look of anger that crept across his face was quickly masked, but it was undeniable. He silently seethed at the way she humiliated him in front of those blue collar thugs. Pasting a look of false remorse in his expression, Jackson tried to appear contrite and above all else, sober. He didn’t need any more of her sanctimonious lectures at the moment. For now, he would let her go. She’d be back. Jackson was sure of it. When Kiera realized how much she would be losing once she returned to the States, she’d be back alright. Things would be different. She would realize her place in a society she had not been raised in. Jackson would teach her how women of good breeding were supposed to act.
The mover grabbed the heavy bag and helped Kiera carry it to the street. Kiera did not look back. If she did, she was afraid she would see that look on Jackson’s face or the way his chocolate brown eyes always drew her and she could not afford that right now. Not ever.
When she got to the curb, she hailed a cab. The cabbie helped her load her carry-on bags into the trunk. She gave him the address of her best friend Jeanne, and refused to look as her home for the last four years disappeared behind her.
As Kiera settled into the back seat of the cab, she pushed the strands of dark brown hair that had escaped her pony tail band out of her eyes. She drew in several deep breaths. She felt so many things; anger at Jax, hurt and pain, anxiety over where she would next go. She could not even think about her trip to Europe. Somehow when she did, she got a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach. She knew that going away was just what she probably needed and she chided herself for not seeing that as a blessing. Plenty of other people went through break-ups and longed for a change of scenery to clear their minds, but Kiera kept feeling a sense of foreboding. It was as if something monumental would happen there and she was too shattered to think that it could ever be something good.
She was tired; bone-weary tired. She curled one leg under herself and sucked in some more deep breaths. She tried to put Jax’s voice out of her head. He scolded her often about sitting that way, saying it wasn’t good for her circulation or something. When had he stopped caring for her wellbeing? What was wrong with their relationship that made him cheat like that? Maybe it wasn’t that he actually cared, but liked thinking he could tell her how to live her life. His tendency toward being domineering was often a point of contention with Kiera, but she let it go many times, telling herself he loved her and he only had wanted what was best for her. Kiera did not want to think of the times that Jax pushed the point a bit too far and his temper would almost become a black mood. Jackson had never hit her, but Kiera was not oblivious to the mood swings that could rival a menopausal, hormonal woman. Kiera thought again that Jax had some substance abuse problem because of his volatile temperament. Although she had never found any proof of just such a thing, Jax had become very good at hiding the truth. After learning that he had hidden his cheating from her, nothing would surprise Kiera about Jackson Samms any longer.
Kiera also didn’t want to ask herself the biggest question at the back of her mind; she just could not ask it. What was wrong with her? Why hadn’t she been enough? She knew those sort of thoughts were detrimental, because she had done everything she could to be the kind of woman Jax needed. She tried not to think about the fact that she really did not belong in the world of Jackson Samms and his high-bred family who flitted between the Gold Coast, Uptown Manhattan, the Hamptons and life abroad as easily as she changed subways. She came from a family of divorced middle-classers with a father who embraced his “Hippie” roots and a mother who constantly tried to outrun the ghosts of her own past. Kiera’s parents worked hard and Kiera worked hard. Nothing had ever been handed to her and she preferred it that way. It made her never feel bored enough to seek excitement in the bottom of a bottle of alcohol or pills.
Kiera had always prided herself on being level headed and a “finder of solutions”. She knew that she was just shell-shocked at the moment and after she had a good rest and some time to sort out what she wanted to do next, she would be alright. She would be damaged, but she would be alright. She pulled her thick hair out of the pony tail and smoothed it, re-twisting it back up more neatly into the band. The trip to Jeanne’s apartment was less than twenty minutes away and Kiera knew that seeing her friend’s kind face would ease her hurt a good deal. Kiera needed to be with someone who loved her and she knew that staying with Jeanne would be just what she needed. She drew her bottom lip between her teeth and thought, �
�Jeannie will let me have a good cry and then she will kick me in the butt to get on with my life.”
Jeannie was waiting for her at the curb when the cab pulled up, and she offered a bright smile and a hug when Kiera got out of the taxi. Helping her with her bags, the two women made their way up to Jeanne’s third floor apartment. Kiera was glad it was a warm May day. The winter had been particularly cold and slow in showing any sign of spring this year, but today it was mild and pleasant. Like Kiera, Jeannie was recently single, but it was by Jeanne’s choice. Kiera wasn’t happy that Jeanne had broken up with her present boyfriend Chris, but for now, Kiera was glad that at least, she would not be some sort of third wheel in Jeannie’s life for the moment. Still, Kiera knew that Jeanne and Chris belonged together. Somehow she just sensed Jeannie and Chris would make it work. She could just feel it.
Jeannie showed Kiera to the room she had prepared for her and she said, “Put your things away and then we can go head out for a bite to eat.”
With a tentative smile, Kiera said, “I’m not really that hungry, to be honest.”
“I know, but we will have a couple of drinks and a little food and things will start to look better. Besides, you look too thin. On you it doesn’t look well.”
That was Jeanne. She told it like it was. She knew her friend was right. She had lost a bit of weight since all this crap started with Jax. Her normally curvy shape seemed to have hollowed out in the wrong places. Her oversized sweater hung over her body shapelessly and she knew she must look pretty bad. She had always been told she was pretty, but she didn’t feel particularly pretty at the moment. The fact was, she really didn’t care if she was considered pretty or not. She wasn’t entering any beauty pageants anytime soon. She certainly didn’t want to attract the opposite sex any time soon, either. Jeanne looked into her beautiful friend’s face, and was worried more about the empty look that was in her eyes than the empty look in Kiera’s sweater because she had dropped some pounds. She had never seen her usually positive and feisty friend look so broken. She hoped that Kiera’s trip to Europe would change some of that and put the whole Jackson Samms experience behind her.
Kiera smiled sadly and with quivering lips, she said, “I know…I look terrible.”
“You don’t look terrible. Just a little skinny and a little pale. Definitely not terrible. You couldn’t look terrible if you tried.”
Jeanne was not just trying to make her friend feel better. She had always thought that Kiera was one of the most beautiful women she had ever known. Not only was her beauty physical, but Kiera exuded a beautiful spirit. Jeannie loved her dearly and was saddened that the likes of someone like Jackson Samms had caused Kiera to lose sight of the beauty she radiated. She could just choke the dirt bag for hurting her friend.
Swallowing hard, Kiera said, “I saw Jax before I left.”
Kiera’s voice held a slight tremor at the mention of her faithless fiancé. Kiera cursed herself for allowing herself to give in to that sign of weakness. Jackson didn’t deserve one tear, but somehow, Kiera felt a little fragile at the moment.
“Oh. Do you want to talk about it?”
“There isn’t much to say, really. He showed up too early before I was gone and he offered the obligatory apology again. It was a little ugly, actually…on my part. I didn’t rant at him or anything, but I wasn’t exactly nice to him.”
“Good. He doesn’t deserve you to be nice to him.”
“I know you’re right. He doesn’t but…he…seemed sad to see me go. He was trying to say goodbye and I.…”
“Sad to see you go? Look, hon, I don’t want to be cruel or to kick you when you are down, but he is a scumbag. He had us all fooled. You are lucky to be rid of him. Just because you were cleared medically, doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t have brought you home a nasty disease later down the road.”
“I know. I think that was the worst part…not knowing if he infected me with something.”
Jeannie hugged her friend again and said, “Come on. Get ready to go out. Put on a little lipstick and change. You will start to feel like your old self soon.”
Jeanne was right. She hadn’t felt like herself in months. She felt like a shell of herself. She thought about the Allison Krauss song, “I’m Just a Ghost in this House”, and she thought that described her totally. She needed to focus and pick herself up and dust herself off. She needed to fix her hair and make-up and at least, perhaps in going through the motions, she would start to feel better. This was the closing of that chapter and it was up to her to re-write the next part of her story.
Chapter 4
~1370 – Scotland~
If anything, Derek’s visage hardened. He was not going to be duped into pity just because Caitlyn McLeod had been a casualty of war. It was a pity she had died an untimely death and he was sorry it was by his own arrow, but it was an accident. His fight was never with her. His fight was with those cursed MacCollums. Rory MacCollum had killed his brother; or at least he had been the cause of Roderick’s death just as sure as if his own hand had plunged the dagger into his brother’s heart. Why did he have to atone and the MacCollum did not? Caitlyn McLeod frowned. One of the gifts she was granted in becoming one of the Guardians was the ability to read thoughts. She said, “Derek Campbell, I am not the only one ye’ have ruined. Rory MacCollum was defending the honor of his wife. Your brother had abused her badly and he wanted to fight Rory to the death. He made his choice in life. Rory has been given his chance in the marriage of your sister. His life is full of love and joy, but alas, he will never know peace because of what your arrow did that day. This is yer’ chance. What ye’ choose to do with it is up to ye’. But know this, the longer ye’ fight me and the Others, the longer ye’ will be forced to stay in this realm. The fight is over, Derek Campbell. There is no more need. Now ye’ need to unbind yer’ heart and take this gift. I’ve no wish to harm ye’, but I will if I must and do as I am bidden.”
“Lass, what is done is done. Let me go. If it was my time, then I….”
“What has been done for ye’ is to offer ye’ redemption. The pleas for ye’ have been heard. It has been decided it was not yer’ time. Why would ye’ waste the chance that so many would have wished to be granted?”
Derek shrugged. He was not a man to plan for his future. It sounded like a lot of work with time wasted that would end the same way. If he was to walk the netherworld, so be it. For the first time, Derek saw the expression on the gentle lass turn icy. It pooled fear inside of him that he did not know he could feel.
“Ye’ mock the Old Ones and ye’ challenge the Guardians. It is not for ye’ to decide. Only if ye’ persist in this course, I shall not be able to prevent what should have been yer’ due.”
At her words, Derek was wracked with pain. He could feel the pain of his fall with every injury that was responsible for his death. He doubled over and wailed from the intensity of it. Caitlyn stood over him and said, “Do ye’ understand now, that if ye’ reject this gift, ye’ will feel this very torment for all eternity. There will be naught I can do to help ye’.”
Derek could feel his broken bones grinding against each other. He could feel the heaviness from the blood pooling in his belly from the injuries he sustained. He fell to his knees, not able to stand and he said, “Just…let me die....”
“Ye’ have already died, Derek Campbell. I dunna’ decide the punishments.”
Derek cried out again, wanting to vomit from the magnitude of the agony, but even that he was not able to do.
“Please,” he pleaded as he clutched at the grass beneath his hands, only to feel fresh waves of pain coursing through all of his broken bones. Fingers of pain tore at his innards and it sent scorching fire into his chest. Caitlyn stooped down and pressed a hand to his forehead. Instantly the pain ceased, causing Derek to falter. If only he would lose consciousness, but in this altered realm, he did not; he probably would never be able to rest again.
“Do ye’ believe me, now? Do ye’ still wish
to reject this chance?”
Derek hung his head and whispered, “No.”
Caitlyn’s hands, now gentle, rested upon his shoulders. Derek could feel the warmth of them as he got to his feet. The memory of the pain lingered even if he could no longer feel it. His vision was blurred and he still felt sick. He wondered, if he was dead, why could he still feel things as if he had his physical body? Caitlyn again answered his thoughts. “Ye’ feel because ye’ have not crossed into the final realm. Ye’ will continue to feel until ye’ do.”
“Do ye’ still, then?”
“I am a Guardian. I do not experience these things the way I did in life.”
“But ye’ feel whole and.…”
“That is for yer’ benefit. Yer’ soul has not journeyed far enough to sense my Spirit.”
“But ye’ wept.…”
“Love does not die. Memories dunna’ get washed away. That which makes us human does not end when our mortal bodies are no more. Ye’ will learn, but first ye’ need to learn how to love. Too long have ye’ shunned love and in doing so, ye’ have denied yer’ Spirit the nurturing it needs to cross through. This is why, ye’ will be required to learn these lessons. But it does not come without a price.”
“What is the price, Lass?”
