by Ria Cantrell
“I will have a word with your grandfather and let him know what you are up to and you will be stuck here another 700 years.”
It was out of her mouth before she could stop it and she saw a look of total shock finally come into his eyes. That was such a childish thing for her to do and she regretted the words upon speaking them.
“What did ye’ say, Lass? Ye’ have spoken to my grandfather? But that is impossible.”
“Damn it! I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Nay, I suppose ye’ should not but now that ye’ have, ye’ had best explain yerself’, woman.”
Oh boy, if a man ever could be pissed off, Derek certainly was right now. Kiera suddenly realized she was getting a taste of the lethal warrior Derek once was. He did not look like the man who had tucked her into bed or who had made love to her in her dreams. No, this man was devoid of tenderness and he was once again the monster he had told her he had once been. He was lethal and dangerous.
Swallowing the lump of lead that had formed in her throat, Kiera felt that this explanation would be the hardest of all to come up with.
“I have met your grandfather, Gavin Campbell. He and Morag have--”
“Morag!”
Derek’s voice thundered, causing Kiera to jump back like a startled hare.
“That old witch is here? Now? I dunna’ know if I should kill her or thank her. It is because of her that I have been stuck here all this time.”
“How is it her fault,” Kiera dared. She knew better than to provoke him when his mood seemed black, but it seemed she just couldn’t help herself.
At the risk of divulging all that had passed and jeopardizing his release from this earthbound prison, Derek blurted out, “That old hag did something to my body when I fell. She begged the Guardians to allow me redemption. Only I have been stuck here, by yer’ admission, near to seven centuries. I think hell would have been a more welcomed punishment for the likes of a man like me. Instead, I have been destined to walk this earth neither man nor ghost, but some aberration in between. The MacCollum hag should have let me go when I fell from that damned fecking tree.”
“Derek, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say what I did. They asked me not to tell you.”
“Really? What a surprise. They seem to revel in dangling some sort of prize before me and watching me suffer all this time. Well, I am done being their plaything. I care not what happens to me now. I willna’ give them sport any longer.”
“Derek, please. I…think…I am here to help you. To help you leave these earthly bonds behind.”
Kiera did not realize how much she would hate saying that to him, for suddenly, she realized, she selfishly did not want him to cross over; not if it meant she would never see him again. Yes, he infuriated the hell out of her, but she had grown quite fond of him. There, she admitted it. She was developing a full blown crush on a damned ghost! Only, he said he was neither a spirit or a man. That was not unlike what Gavin had said.
“How do ye’ suppose ye’ are here to help me? To torment me more with need as I fail to touch ye’ except in dreams.”
“You touched me last night, remember? You put me to bed and…wait, what did you say?”
Shyte, it was Derek’s turn to regret opening his mouth.
“T’is nothing. I misspoke.”
“No. No you didn’t. You said you touch me in dreams. Oh my God! You touch me in dreams. You freaking touched me in my dreams! You more than touched me. You fucked me…it wasn’t a dream, but you really did it.”
Derek met her eyes and he said, “I made love to ye’, lass. Ye’ seemed to enjoy it.”
“How dare you? What gave you the right to use me like that?”
“I dinna’ use ye’. I made love to ye’. Ye’ made love to me back. I dinna’ imagine that. I --”
“You played on my weakness and vulnerability and you used me.”
“I…needed ye’, lass. It seemed ye’ needed me, too.”
Kiera whirled on him, with fists clenched at her side. She felt herself nearly losing control and she yelled, “Never mind that. You had no right to do that to me. You had no right to make me--”
“Scream, lass? Because ye’ did. Ye’ were so beautiful when ye’ came in my arms.”
“Oh my God! Get away from me. I feel sick and humiliated.”
His voice softened and his facial features relaxed. “Ye’ should nay be humiliated. It was beautiful, Kiera. I am sorry ye’ learned of it this way. I meant to tell ye’ when I thought it would be right.”
“Right? None of this is right. This is so fucked up, I don’t even know what to do.”
“Kiera, please, let me explain.”
Derek’s hand tried to touch her, but once again it passed through her. This time the chill was not palatable to her and she shuddered visibly at the contact; or rather the lack of true contact. Wagging her finger in his face, Kiera said, “Don’t you ever touch me again. Do you hear me? Don’t come to my apartments. Don’t come near me. Stay the hell away from me and damn you, too. Damn you to hell, Derek Campbell! Gavin and Morag can fix this. I want no more part in it.”
Kiera pivoted on her heel and started to storm off, but she turned back and she said, “I mean it Derek Campbell. Stay away from me. I renounce you and do not welcome you in my home.”
She thought those words would prevent him from “haunting” her. Hell, those were the words all those ghost seeking shows used when exorcising unwanted spirits.
Only, they did not exorcise Derek’s spirit. Derek could not be exorcised like a demonic presence with incantations and prayers like they did in the movies. It was not that simple because he had become more mortal than he wanted to admit. His heart was breaking and he decided that the pain of his broken body could not rival the pain he felt at her rejection. He silently wished he could feel the sharp unbearable agony again so that it would blot out the torment of Kiera’s wrath and hatred. He knew about hate. He had fostered it his whole life. He had seen it in the face of many of his foes. He saw it now on Kiera’s. And he saw something else. As he watched her go, she was crying. It was almost more than he could bear.
Chapter 30
Kiera hurried into the Keep. She passed the main hall quickly, not wanting to be stopped by the wedding planners. Tears blurred her eyes and she did not notice the painting of Jenna Brandham, her medieval twin, missing from its place. She moved with such purpose, she did not see if anyone noticed her. She stumbled up the main staircase to her quarters and she locked the door behind her. With her back pressed to the door, she let go of emotions she had held in check for what seemed like a very long time. It was as if a dam had burst and she could not stop the sobs that wracked her. She cried for the loss of her former relationship with Jackson, she cried for the loss of her home she had set up with him, she cried for all the months of abuse she had suffered at the hands of Alex, her former boss, and she cried for allowing herself to be duped by an unholy spirit of a man who tugged at her heart more than she wanted to admit. She could not admit it. It was an aberration. She heard her mother’s voice sound in her head when she had been a little girl and had tried to tell her mother she had seen the spirit of her own beloved grandfather. She remembered hiding behind a corner while her mother cried similar tears to her father about what Kiera had experienced.
Aberration…Kiera could hear the word plainly. It all came back to her, now. She remembered not knowing what that word meant, but she certainly did now. Her mother was right. These ghostly visitors were aberrations and mere wisps of the memories of the loved ones that passed, only sent to torment those left behind. Why her? Why did she have to see them? It had gotten her into more than her fair share of trouble when she was a little girl. She saw them and sometimes spoke to them, and the other kids called her a freak. She learned at an early age, that no one liked freaks, so she put a stop to it for many years, denying the spirits, their visits and she refused to acknowledge them. Eventually they went away and left her alone. Eventually Kiera
stopped thinking about those days and became one of the “normal” kids. She had not wanted to think about her mom crying to her dad in the kitchen that morning she had seen her grandfather. Kiera had hidden the memories of the teasings and taunts from the other kids to a place long forgotten; buried deep in the places that pain could be stuffed away. That pain now surfaced and washed over her as the memories flooded her.
An errant sob escaped her. Kiera had never forged a bond with her mom after that day. She did not understand why her mother would want her to not talk to her grandfather, who she loved more than anything. She sure understood now. When she thought of what Derek had done to her, her skin crawled. It was too creepy to imagine. Only, why did you not feel creeped out when it happened? You loved it and you know it!
Putting her hands over her ears as if to stop her thoughts, she cried out loud, “No! This is wrong in so many ways.”
She did not know how long she stood there crying her eyes out, but it seemed to drain everything from her. Why did her heart hurt so? It was not like Derek should even matter to her. He was a memory from the very distant past; a past she had no claim to. It was not like she had not had a casual fling in the past, either. Only something kept pulling at her and telling her there was nothing casual about what she was able to experience with Derek. She had felt changed. She felt cherished and loved. He made her feel beautiful.
Kiera hugged herself, feeling chilled to the bone. She felt sick to her stomach thinking about what had happened with Derek in the wee hours between night and day that night where she lost control like she had never with any living man. That was sick. She needed help. There had to be something wrong with her to not be able to foster healthy relationships with living, breathing men. Kiera was not sure how much time had passed or how long she cried, but she was suddenly exhausted. She seemed to collapse in one of the chairs before the fire place. She had no desire to lie upon the massive bed where that unthinkable thing had happened. She could not call it rape, exactly, because she had fully participated in it. Hell, she wanted it, but only when she thought it was a harmless fantasy. Those thoughts made her stomach turn again, to the point she almost felt like she was going to vomit.
She fell asleep, then, giving in to the exhaustion that came with cathartic emotional release. She welcomed the sweet oblivion of sleep to blot out what she had done and felt at the hands of Derek Campbell.
When she woke, the room was dark. No light came from the French doors leading out onto the battlements. The room was cold. The weather had begun changing. There would be few days left of summer as August bore down on the Highlands. Kiera stiffly stood up. She had no idea what time it was, but she gathered it was quite late. Finding her cell phone, she noted that it was after 1:30 in the morning. Shit! There were also several missed messages from her friends. She knew it was late, but she had to let them know she was alright. She dialed Giancarlo’s number and he answered on the first ring. “Bella mia, where are you?”
“I am so sorry. I started not feeling well and I fell asleep.”
“We were worried sick. I came to your rooms. I almost banged the door down, but you did not answer.”
“I am really sorry to have worried you and to have ruined your night.” Kiera then heard a soft giggle in the background. Gianni was not alone! So much for him being worried sick. She heard him cover the phone to say, “Una momento, Amore.” Then to Kiera, he said playfully, “You did not ruin my night, Bella. Are you alright now?”
“Yes, I am fine. Sorry to have disturbed you.”
“You no disturb. We went to town and thought you would meet us there, but you no answer your phone, Bella.”
“So you were so worried, you brought a...never mind.”
“Kiera...you keep rejecting me…I take the hint.”
“Yes, you are right. Good night. I will see you tomorrow.”
Kiera slammed the phone shut and tossed it across the room so that it landed with a thump onto the bed. God, all men are pigs, she thought. Why was the room so damned cold? Bending next to the fireplace, she grabbed a few small logs out of the basket and tossed them onto the grate. She would be lucky if she could get a fire started, but she had to try. She suddenly felt chilled to the bone. As she leaned on the mantle, a sliver of wood came away from the front of it. Kiera turned on a lamp and inspected the damaged mantle. There seemed to be a small void in the ancient wood, like a tiny hole. “Great, now I have to worry about termites.”
Tossing the piece of broken wood into the smoldering fire, Kiera watched as the splinter flared and burned. It was probably so old and dry that it easily caught fire.
It seemed to be just the thing to kick the fire into catching and Kiera watched it as it came alive. Rubbing her arms, she felt a sense of numbness. She thought she would cry again, but it seemed for the moment, she had no more tears left. She plopped back into the chair that had been her bed for the last several hours and she cursed Giancarlo and Jackson and above all, Derek Campbell. She cursed love and she cursed Scotland. She sank into bitter emptiness and she realized she should go home, whatever that meant. She would have to start all over again and find an apartment…and a job for that matter. God, when had her life become this pitiful hot mess? Kiera brooded over the many seemingly mistakes she had done and the wrong choices she had made as well. The list seemed unending, but none had been so stupid as to let her heart feel something for a ghost. She laughed bitterly at the thought. She hated when Jax and Alex had made her feel stupid. She hated that she felt stupid now. It was good that she had slept as long as she did after crying her eyes out for sleep eluded her now and she sat numbly watching the flames flicker before her bleary eyes.
*****
Several days later, Morag had come to pay a visit to her charge. Kiera stood before her, guarded and cold. She felt she had been tricked by the Old one as much as by Derek, and for that matter, his grandfather. She really was in no mood for any lectures and admonishments. Her friends had left early that morning and she was not even really that upset that they had gone. She tried to put on a brave show of enthusiasm, but if the truth were to be told, she secretly wished to be left alone. She did not feel like partying or being fun. She wanted to be by herself, in her loneliness and failure. She wanted to just have time to process what had happened and to plan her next step. Clearly, she could not stay in Scotland, but she had no real home to go to. She did not want to impose on Jeannie again. She and Chris would be engaged soon, Kiera was more than certain of that. There would be no place for her in that happy-ever-after now. Kiera could not go to live with her dad. His new wife would certainly not welcome his thirty-something daughter parking herself on their living room sofa in California with no prospects of a job or any other type of a future, for that matter. Then there was Jax. She did not know what he was up to, but she was pretty certain another ugly scene was sure to ensue if she went back to New York.
If Kiera expected Morag to be understanding and considerate of her plight, she had been sadly mistaken. Instead the old woman stood before her, with her hands on her hips ready to do battle, it seemed. What the hell? She was the victim here.
“What have ye’ done, girl?”
“Done? I haven’t done anything.”
“I think ye’ have and ye’ know it.”
“Look, I am tired of playing this crazy game. You used me as a pawn in some sick and twisted scheme to move a ghost onto the light or whatever. You spoke to me in riddles and expected me to just be part of your crazy plans.”
“I had naught to do with summoning ye’. That was left to Powers higher than me or for that matter, the Guardians. T’was fate fer’ ye’ to be the one. I didna’ make the rules.”
“Rules? And what rules would those be? What rules govern this whole charade? Perhaps you can enlighten me.”
“Girl, I wouldna’ be so quick to try my patience. Let me remind ye’ that ye’ live here free of room and board and ye’ are paid handsomely for yer’ work here.”
“Yes,
well that does not give you or that phantom the right to take advantage of me. I did not ask to be put in this position. There is no helping that one. He can burn in hell for all that I care.”
The old woman looked murderous at those words. “Stupid girl, ye’ dunna’ know what ye’ have done.”
“What I have done? Do you want to know what your precious ghost has done? He used me…he took liberties with me that he had no right to do.”
“Hmmph. Liberties. He would not be able to take such liberties if ye’ had been unwilling. T’is part of his punishment. But only willing, would he be able to take liberties. Dunna’ play the innocent in this.”
Kiera looked horrified at Morag’s admonishing words.
“What are you saying? That I wanted him to use my body as a plaything in some sick twisted scene from a horror movie?”
“I am saying had ye’ not welcomed it, it would not have been so. T’is time to take responsibility for the choices ye’ have made.”
“I have always taken responsibility. It seems my life has been fraught with mistakes.”
“Ye’ run. When things dunna’ end the way ye’ believe them to, ye’ turn tail and run.”
“You don’t know anything about me.”
“Oh, do I not? Ye’ did not come to the Highlands because ye’ were facing yer’ troubles at home. Someone broke yer’ heart and even if he wasna’ the man fer’ ye, Kiera Callum, ye’ didna’ stay to face the hurt and learn from it. Instead ye’ ran as far as yer’ heart could take ye’ and ye’ ended up here, with a chance to love again, only to throw it to the pits of the netherworld.”
Kiera did not like being told she had made a pile of crap out of her life. She was fully aware of the state of chaos her life had become. She did not like the insinuation that she had cowardly run from her troubles. She stammered, “I had to come to Europe because of my job.”
“And what job would that be? A job where a man abuses ye’ and tamps down yer’ spirit?”
