by Alicia Rades
I nodded in understanding. Part of me believed her wholeheartedly, but part of me still worried. “What exactly is the universe? The ‘other side,’ I mean. Why do we have these visions? Are they all from spirits and things like that?”
“That’s something that has always been a mystery to all of us. Most of us believe it’s our ancestors and other spirits who are able to see these things and then communicate with us from the other side.”
“And what do you believe?”
“Honestly? I think a lot of it has to do with the universe making things right. I think there are times when cause and effect get out of control, and we’re sent to balance it out. I’m not sure if all our visions come from spirits, but I definitely won’t argue that there are spirits on the other side helping us out.”
“How is it that we’ve never had this conversation?” I asked with a small laugh.
My mom looked at me seriously for a moment, and then she broke the silence. “Because I don’t want to tell you what to believe. How can I put that on you when I’m not entirely sure myself?”
I blinked a few times as I absorbed her words. “I guess I never thought about it enough to decide what’s worth believing in. After all these months, I still don’t know how it all works.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“That I can’t explain to you how it all works. I know I’m your mom and I’m supposed to know everything, but I don’t. I shouldn’t be admitting this to you, but your abilities intimidate me a little bit.”
My gaze flew to hers in shock.
“I mean, at first I thought I had so much I could teach you, but now after everything that’s happened, I think you have more to teach me. Your abilities are truly amazing, Crystal. I’ve tried to teach you what I know about it all, but I don’t know how much more I can help, especially when you’re so reluctant to learn.”
I twisted my face at her. “What’s that supposed to mean?” The words didn’t come out spiteful, but I was a little offended by her statement. I’d been working hard to practice my abilities.
“You have this ‘let’s get it over with’ attitude. If you’d just relax and welcome your abilities with open arms, it may not be as difficult for you.”
Now I was starting to get upset. What was with her picking on me like this? “I am trying!” I defended.
“I’m sorry, sweetie. I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m only trying to help.”
“I know, but it’s tough to hear something like that when I’m already trying so hard.”
“I’m sorry.” My mom pulled me close into an embrace. “Let me know if you need any more help, okay?”
Then my mom left the room.
11
Just as my mom’s footsteps faded down the hall, I heard Emma’s coming toward my room. I quickly took a breath to compose myself; I didn’t want my mood over my mother’s accusations to show. I stole a quick glance in my mirror and put on a smile.
A second later, Emma burst into my room. “I am so sorry I’m late.”
“Late?” I glanced at my clock. She was only a few minutes later than normal, and it’s not like our practice sessions were set in stone. “It’s fine, Emma,” I assured her, and I really meant it. If she had come earlier, my mom and I wouldn’t have finished our conversation. Sure, I was hurt that my mom felt I wasn’t trying with my abilities, but I was also glad she told me the story about Teddy and opened up to me about her opinions.
“Derek and I lost track of time,” Emma started.
“Seriously, Emma,” I cut her off, “it’s okay. You can be late for our psychic sessions. They don’t have to start on the dot.” I smiled at her teasingly.
Emma placed a hand on her hip and narrowed her eyes at me. “You just want to get out of it, don’t you?”
I knew she was just poking fun at me, but I couldn’t help but realize how much truth there was to her words. She was right, and my mom was, too. I was always reluctant to practice, and I wasn’t doing my best to understand my abilities.
I sighed and rose from my bed. I didn’t know what else to do, so I began arranging a few things on my desk. “Actually, not tonight. I do want to practice.” I didn’t let my gaze meet Emma’s. Something about admitting this felt so out of character to me that I was afraid of what Emma would think. But she didn’t say anything.
I broke the silence. “Dinner won’t be ready for a while. Do you want to maybe do some research until it’s done?”
“Research?” she asked with surprise. “Since when are you into research?”
I shrugged, but her words cut at my heart a little. “I just thought it’d be a good way to kill time.” I turned away from her and reached for my phone on my bedside table so she wouldn’t see my expression. Emma could read me like a book, and I knew there was self-doubt written all over my face. If she noticed, though, she didn’t mention it.
“What do you want to research?” she asked as she took a seat on my bed.
“I don’t know, actually.” I set my phone back down—there wasn’t anything on it to check—and took a seat next to her. “Is there anything fun you’ve come across lately?”
“Oh, there are tons of fun things.” Her eyes brightened. “I try to focus my research on your abilities, but there are other things we can learn about.”
“Like what?”
“There are things like astrology and tarot card reading we haven’t really looked into, but I know you aren’t really interested in all that.”
She was right. I wasn’t terribly interested, but who’s to say I couldn’t give it a shot? After all, my mom was a great tarot card reader.
“And there are things like telekinesis,” she continued.
“You think that’s a real thing?” I asked skeptically.
Emma shrugged. “It’s not really any more unbelievable than seeing the future, is it?”
I stared at her for a minute because I wasn’t sure if it was. I also wasn’t sure if she was looking for a real answer.
“We could also research astral travel,” she suggested.
“That’s, like, seeing things outside your body, right?”
She nodded excitedly. “Yeah. It’s like an out of body experience. It’s where your spirit leaves your body and travels on the astral plane.”
“That one sounds interesting,” I admitted, “even though I don’t have that ability.”
“Maybe it’s something you can achieve, kind of like how I’ve been learning to be psychic but wasn’t born with it.”
I nodded, although I wasn’t sure if I would be leaving my body any time soon. “Okay,” I agreed. “Let’s do some research on that one, then.”
Emma and I read about astral travel for a while until she reminded me to look up the video of Sage playing the saxophone. I pulled out the sheet of paper Derek had given me earlier and used that to quickly find it through an Internet search. Emma and I sat silently as we listed to the crisp tone and melodic tune coming from Sage’s saxophone.
Emma’s mouth hung open in shock. “Wow. She’s really talented.”
I nodded in agreement. “I know. It’s sad that she doesn’t play anymore.”
“There’s no one in our band who can play that well.”
“Except maybe a first chair clarinet player,” I teased, but then I realized how insensitive that suggestion was. No way could I ever compete with Sage’s talent. I quietly turned back to the screen.
“Why do you think she stopped playing?” Emma asked.
“The article on her parents death. Remember?” I handed her the sheet of paper. “They died coming to watch her play. I’m not saying I would quit playing, but I can see where she’s coming from, I guess.”
Emma stared at the news clipping. “Do you notice how she’s all reserved?”
I knew exactly what she meant.
She finally looked up to meet my eyes. “Maybe if she played again, it would help. It could be like therapy or something.”
“It would be
cool to hear her play in person,” I admitted, looking back at the screen.
“Oh, my god!” Emma exclaimed.
“What?” I asked in a quick breath.
“Look!” she said, pointing to my computer screen. “The date that video was uploaded is the same day her family died.”
I looked back and forth between the article in Emma’s hands and the video on my laptop. “Oh, my gosh. This is the concert performance her family was driving to see. She didn’t even know. In this video, she probably thought her family was out in the audience, but they were already dead.”
“That’s so sad,” Emma agreed quietly.
“Dinner,” my mom called from down the hall, pulling Emma and me from the article and the beautiful tunes of one Sage Anderson.
***
After supper, Emma and I went through our normal routine, and I filled her in on what Teddy had told me. As much as I was motivated to learn more and start doing better with my abilities, it didn’t feel like anything had changed.
You can’t expect things to get better at the snap of a finger, I told myself after Emma left. If only, I thought, then I’d be closer to figuring out this whole thing with Sage.
It was getting late, but watching Sage play saxophone earlier had me itching to break out my own instrument. I rarely practiced—it’s not like anyone else in our school band did—but our conductor made us bring our instruments home every night. I pulled my clarinet from my backpack and assembled it. I played through a few of the songs we were practicing for our spring concert, which helped me relax slightly before crawling into bed.
That night, I snuggled with my stuffed owl Luna for comfort and reached for my phone on my bedside table. I sent Robin a quick text—nothing special—and we stayed up texting for a while. I wanted to talk more about Sage, but I didn’t know what to say. Nothing could be said that we hadn’t already discussed. Eventually, Robin’s texts stopped coming, and I assumed he’d fallen asleep.
Despite the late hour, I still couldn’t bring myself to close my eyes and drift off to sleep. Too many worries raced through my mind. I thought about all the work I’d put into my abilities, but it didn’t seem like I’d come very far. I replayed my mother’s words in my head and pondered what they meant for my past and my future.
I didn’t know how much time passed, but I still couldn’t fall asleep. I thought long and hard about the other side and considered what was there. Did I get visions because of spirits, or was it something else? If it were spirits, who were they? Could it be possible that my dad was sending me messages?
I gripped onto my owl necklace and held onto that thought for some time as I wondered what it would be like if he was the one communicating with me. I pondered it so hard until I nearly believed it. A single tear ran down my cheek. I pulled Luna in close to my body in hopes of making my chest feel whole again. I couldn’t help it. Whenever I thought about my father, a feeling of emptiness consumed me as if physically reminding me of the years he hadn’t been here.
But what if he was here all along? I thought. What if he’s here now?
“Daddy,” I whispered into the darkness. I couldn’t feel a spirit there. I had no way of knowing if my father could even hear me, but a little part of me wanted to believe it was possible, that if I spoke to him, he might actually help. After all, he had to be on the other side somewhere, right?
“Daddy, I feel so lost,” I admitted to thin air in a quiet whisper. “I guess I’m ashamed of myself a little bit. Mom’s right. I haven’t put enough effort into my abilities, and it could cost a girl her life. If you’re out there, Dad, will you help me save her? It’s been days since my warning, and I haven’t figured much out. I don’t know how she’s going to die. I don’t know how to save her. Is her uncle coming for her? How can I fight against a full-grown man? You must know, right? Someone over there on the other side must know how to save her.”
I took in a deep yawn as my eyes began to droop. “I don’t have a whole lot of time left—just until the wedding—but I hope you’ll be there for me when I need you, Dad.”
After I let a few more thoughts go out to my father, I drifted off to sleep soundlessly.
12
I was restless at school on Thursday as I thought about what I might say to Sage if she came to Asher’s again that night. I texted Robin to make sure he’d invite her again. He said he would, but all I could do was cross my fingers all day.
That night, Emma drove Derek and me to Asher’s like before. I felt more comfortable this time as I settled into the now familiar basement.
“Is she coming?” I asked Robin quietly when I greeted him with a hug.
“She said she would.” I could see the hint of sorrow in Robin’s eyes. It was like he was already grieving for her. I knew he had faith in me, but at the same time, I understood how hard it was to talk about someone who you knew was likely to die soon.
Robin gave me a peck on the lips before he turned to tweak some of the equipment settings. I could see him stealing glances at me as he poked at things. I couldn’t help but smile back at him.
“Troy.” Emma positioned herself near Asher’s younger brother on one of the couches. “Why aren’t you in their band? Don’t you play music?”
Faith, Troy’s girlfriend, nearly choked on her laugh.
I took a seat on the opposite couch as I listened to the group talk. I was still waiting on Sage, but I didn’t want to feel left out, either.
“Nah,” Troy answered. “I love to hear them play, but I don’t have that kind of talent. Imagine me playing guitar.” He curled up his hand like he was holding an imaginary guitar. “My fingers just don’t bend that way.”
“And he can’t keep a beat or sing in tune to save his life,” Faith added.
“I’m more a visual artist, I guess,” Troy said as he put an arm around Faith and pulled her close.
“What about you, Andrew?” Emma asked.
“Huh?” Faith’s brother muttered, looking up from his phone. “Oh, yeah. I don’t do this kind of stuff, but I play sax in the jazz band at school. It sounds nerdy, but it gets pretty intense there.”
We all talked for a while to get to know each other. Eventually, we exchanged Facebook friend requests. Just as I accepted Andrew’s friend request on my phone, I caught a glimpse of movement on the stairs.
“Sage!” I exclaimed a little too excitedly as I shot up from my spot on the couch. I quickly calmed my voice. “We saved a spot for you,” I said dumbly, gesturing to the cushion next to me.
She smiled back sweetly. “So, uh, what are you guys doing?”
We all had our phones out and were huddled around the couches in a semi-circle, all except Robin and Asher, who were trying to fix a tuning problem on Asher’s guitar.
Tyler twirled his drum sticks around his fingers. “Just falling victim to social media addiction,” he joked. “Want to join?”
“It’s okay,” Sage declined, taking a seat next to me.
“What?” Tyler teased. “You don’t use social media or something?”
Sage didn’t say anything for a moment, and then she spoke softly. “No, I don’t.”
Even though Sage tried to stay casual, everyone but Emma, Derek, and me froze and stared at Sage like she’d just grown two heads.
“What?” Faith exclaimed. “How can you not use social media? My grandma is the only person I know who doesn’t use social media, and that’s because she’s in a nursing home.”
“Even our cat has a Facebook page,” Andrew added.
I could see where this was going, and all I wanted to do was jump in and save Sage the trouble of explaining. I still didn’t understand it completely, but I was sure it was something she didn’t want to tell the whole room about. As if he could hear my prayer, Robin’s eyes locked on mine from across the room. I tried my best to communicate a warning with my expression.
“Okay, guys,” Robin announced.
I breathed a sigh of relief.
“We got
the tuning problem fixed. Time to get started.”
“What takes you guys so long to set up anyway?” Troy complained.
That started a whole string of snarky remarks from the band members until Robin got them to calm down again. Soon, they came together in harmony to play their songs to near perfection. Since I had downloaded their songs, I knew most of what they were playing. Some of them were new and weren’t on iTunes yet. It was pretty clear since they weren’t as good on those.
When they began playing a song I knew again, I couldn’t help but sing along. I was pleased when I glanced over at Sage and she was moving her body to the music. That was the happiest I’d seen her since I’d met her. I almost turned away, but then I noticed her lips moving to the words.
“You know this song?” I asked above the music.
Sage pressed her lips together shyly. “They’re on YouTube,” she explained.
I smiled as I went back to singing the chorus.
Emma’s voice rang loud above my own, even almost louder than Robin’s. She had also downloaded their songs a while back and had memorized them all in under a week. I admired her ambition and courage to be heard in front of everyone.
“Hold on,” Robin said into the microphone, stopping the music in its tracks.
Tyler was so surprised at the abrupt halt that he dropped his drum sticks.
Robin’s eyes locked on mine almost aggressively. Had I done something wrong? What happened? “Crystal,” Robin said, “you’re in big trouble.”
“What?” I asked in a way that came off sounding horrified.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me Emma could sing?”
All the muscles in my body relaxed.
“We’ve been looking for female vocals, and here we knew a great singer all along. And it looks like she knows our songs.”
“What?” Emma asked, enunciating the word. “Are you serious?” She made the question come off sounding like she wasn’t up for it, but I knew Emma far too well. Inside, she was surely jumping at the chance to be part of a group like this.
