Was she really turning me the fuck down? No. That wasn't possible…was it? She had always wanted me in the past.
"I can't… I don't… Oh, God." Tears were filling her eyes.
Fuck that shit. I took her face in my hands again and kissed her forehead, her cheeks, her eyes, the tears that started to fall, her lips, and more tears. Then she was touching my face and kissing me back, all over my face, my neck and back up again. Our lips met again and again, it was passion and heat and desperation. I swore I started to sweat. How could she ever try to resist me? On the other hand, how could I ever try to resist her? We were cut from the same line, and sex was the knot that kept us together. We needed each other.
"You're so freaking irresistible," she murmured against my mouth.
And so was she. Fucking hell, so was she.
My hands dropped down to her hips, and I turned her around, guiding her to bend down over the desk. Her fine ass stuck out straight toward me, and I slapped it with one hand while my other worked to unzip myself. She gasped out a moan and stretched out her body, her arms dangling off the other edge of the desk, her ass lifting slightly higher into the air. Just perfect. Even better than I had imagined.
Even though we were both still wearing clothes, it didn't matter. I had my cock out and her wet pussy was exposed, now that I moved her panties to the side. Before I slipped inside of her, I bent down and licked her folds. She gasped and writhed, not away from me but toward me, giving me better access to her and her juices. I lapped them up, as she shoved herself closer to me and my mouth. When my tongue touched her clit, she screamed.
"You like that, huh?"
"Oh… Yes…" she said between pants.
"Do you like how I make you feel?"
"God, yes, Shadow, come on!" She shoved her ass toward me again.
I palmed her cheeks and pushed her back. "Now, now. I'll decide when you come."
"Well?" she demanded.
"Not yet."
She groaned and slapped a hand onto the table. "Shadow, you better fuck me right now or else I'm going to…"
"You're going to what?" I asked, grinning wildly. The idea of her thinking she might be able to threaten me was comical. She might tease me for a while sexually, but in the end, I'd still come. And I always made sure she did at least once. Most of the time, it was multiple orgasms for her. Once or twice, we had a round when I actually ejaculated twice. Now that was epic.
We were amazing together. Fucking amazing.
Without giving her any warning, I stood and slipped inside of her. She felt so fucking tight. It felt so fucking good. Like I was able to find peace with her, only when I was with her. She was my light. My life had been so dark before her, after her. But with her, I felt as if I might have actually found a place where I belonged.
Whimpering, she pressed her ass back towards me, and I laughed. Oh, yeah, I was in control now, and she knew it. "Not going fast enough for you?" I teased.
"You're not moving at all." She looked over her shoulder at me, her lips in a perfect pout. "Please, Shadow."
I laughed some more, enjoying myself far too much. "Just…" I pulled out of her completely and grinned at her groan. "You…" I slammed back inside, and this time, she moaned with pleasure. "Wait."
In and out, forceful and quick, deep and wild, I rode her and rode her and rode her. Each thrust sent a rush of pleasure through me. This was what I needed from her. This was what I craved. No one else made me feel like she did, and I wasn't just referring to the sex.
Her hands reached out and gripped the desk. She was holding on as if her life depended on it.
No. Her life depended on me. And I was pretty sure mine depended on her.
Scratch that. Mine did depend on hers too.
Fuck it all. I might be the boss right this second, but I had the feeling that wasn't always going to be the case. Fuck. It. All. Maybe that was actually what I—what we—needed. For us to take turns being king or queen of the hill. Give and take. But would that be enough for her? Would she still want to change me instead of accepting me for who I was? Did I even deserve her after all of the fucked up shit I've done and planned on continuing to do in the future?
My emotions were roiling again, and I poured all of my aggression, anger, and frustration into each plunge, trying to strip them away and replace them with her goodness and light. She was moaning so loud everyone in a two-mile radius had to hear her. It made me swell with pride.
"Are you going to take this?" I grunted in time with my thrusts. "Are you going to let me do what I want to you?"
"What… Oh, yes, right there! What do you… Yes, yes! You want?" She was panting, and her walls were so tight, I wasn't sure how much longer I could last myself. As far as I could tell, she hadn't come yet either, which amazed me. Normally, it was so easy for me to make her come. I sure hoped that the buildup for her worked the same as it did for me—the longer I delayed it, the better it was.
"I want to come inside of you until I have no more cum inside of me." I pulled out until only the tip remained inside of her then inched back in slowly, teasing us both. Shit, that was torture.
"Yes. Yes!" She wiggled her ass backward, toward me. "Come inside me! Come now!"
"You come now," I countered. I paused my thrusts and yanked hard enough on her hips so there was a little bit of room between her pussy and the desk, just enough space for me to slip my hand beneath the front of her panties. I worked her clit, soft at first, too gently to make her come despite the forceful thrusts I was now back to pounding into her pussy. "You like that?"
She whimpered. "Oh… Shadow… I want to come…"
I loved listening to her moan, especially when she was saying my name, although I loved it even more when she was screaming my name.
"Come, baby," I demanded. I applied enough pressure, the amount I'd learned long ago that would make her squeal, and the walls of her pussy squeezed my cock so hard the force of her orgasm had me coming with her.
I continued to pump in and out of her until I was sure that every last drop of cum had jetted out of me. Until I was bone dry.
I was the boss. Me.
I was almost, not as fucking pissed as I was before we'd started fucking. Almost.
But I was still going after that guy. Nothing would change that. Nothing and no one.
Chapter Sixteen
Sky
Parts of yesterday were a blur. I knew Shadow and I had fought and then he left me, only to come back and almost force himself on me. But he could never really force himself on me. I wanted him too damn much and he knew it. When it came to him, I was a mess, even more so than my life normally was. And it was a complete and total mess. The magical bubble we had been in, in the cove, had shattered. I couldn't deny who he was. A part of him was a killer and if I couldn't get through to him, he would never change. And if he never changed, how could I remain with him?
After we had sex… after he had fucked me while I was bent over a desk. He said he wanted to come inside me until he had no more inside of him. So dirty. So hot. After he'd pulled out of me, some of his cum still remained on his cock, so I had climbed off the desk and kneeled in front of him. I took his cock in my hands, and I licked every last drop. He closed his eyes, and the expression on his face was the most peaceful I'd ever seen. It was incredible. It was empowering to realize how much I could affect him.
But not enough to get him to change. Not enough to get him to see reason. Not enough for him to stop his crazy missions.
After all that, I can’t even recall what happened. A blur of nothingness. Just a blank space where my memories should be. Could you be fucked into amnesia? I doubted it, but I hated that I couldn't remember the details. Would memory loss always be a thing for me? The car accident had robbed so much of me, and while I was glad I was giving Shadow a second chance, maybe I was right to walk away from him when I did before.
Here I was, in his bed, the next morning, and I was all alone. His side of the bed was cold. I di
mly remembered him getting up a long while ago. It couldn't be that late in the day, was it? I glanced at the clock on his nightstand. Eight twenty-two. Not super early, but not late by any means.
What could he be doing? Maybe he was downstairs eating breakfast. I hoped that was the case, but while I might not remember my past, I hadn't been born yesterday. I had a feeling I knew exactly what he was doing, even if that meant I didn't know where exactly he was. And that thought erased my hunger. I didn't know whether to be upset with him or to feel terrified for him. He was going to get himself killed, didn't he realize that? Didn't he care?
If he died, where would that leave me? I only had a bed to sleep in and a roof over my head because of him, but I wasn't worried about being out on the street. All I cared about was him; his safety and his wellbeing—both in body and in mind. Could he be saved? Not without help, but if he didn't want to be saved…
With a deep breath, I released a sigh that didn't make me feel any better, but at this point, I wasn't sure if anything would. I slowly forced myself to climb out of the soft bed. The carpet was scratchy beneath my feet as I walked over to his dresser. I opened Shadow's top drawer to grab one of his shirts, since I was tired of wearing the same shirt, even though I washed it daily. I really needed a job to buy more clothes.
Lying on top of his shirts was a light blue shirt. I giggled at the thought of Shadow wearing it. He was too much of a bad ass biker to wear something that shade, but then I realized it was a ladies' shirt.
A sky blue ladies' shirt, with the tag still on it.
He must have bought it for me. When, I don't know. Before our argument? After? Probably after. We had spent all of the morning and early afternoon together. Back when I had been better able to pretend Shadow was just an ordinary guy. Well, not ordinary, but back when it had been easier to forget about his past and his job. Back when I thought we might be able to one day leave all of this stupid crap behind us. I had told him what I wanted in the future, about my dream job, but I hadn't told him what I wanted the future to hold for him, or for us. And I did want for there to be an us. I so badly wanted to fix him, but was that even possible? He was so damaged. I was only beginning to realize just how damaged he was. Could someone come back from all of that? There was so much pain inside of him. So much raw anger and hatred. It was entirely possible that some of that hatred was geared toward himself. Did he even feel any guilt for the lives he was taking? I doubted it, and if he didn't feel any guilt, why would he want to stop? Did killing those pedophiles actually help him? Did it make him feel better? God, that would be so messed up!
I had no idea how to help him, but this…. this shirt… I held it up to my chest and closed my eyes. Shadow was more than just a killer. He was so much more. Complicated and layered.
He cared for me. Trusted me. Was it possible that I could help him learn how to cope with his emotions, to get him to realize right from wrong? And while I helped him sort through the issues of his past, maybe he could help me with my own. If he took me to places we'd been to together or even just talked to me about things we'd done, maybe something would help trigger my memories. Because while I was trying to move forward and forge a new life for myself, I still felt like a piece of myself was missing. While he needed to forget his past for the sake of his future, I wanted to remember my past so I could figure out the direction of my life going forward.
I washed up and pulled out my new shirt. Something dropped to the floor. A cell phone. Not Shadow's. One for me. Only two numbers were programmed in; his and one labeled "witch."
There was only one person I could think of that he would call that—my sister Marie. I sat on the edge of the bed and dialed her.
She answered on the third ring. "If you're calling to sell me something, hang up now because I am not in the mood."
I laughed. "It's me."
"Allie! I mean Sky! It's so good to hear from you!" She sounded so happy, eager even. "Does this mean you want me to come get you?"
I'd almost forgotten about our blow up, too concerned with Shadow and our fight. "No. Not yet at least."
"Not yet." I could just tell what she was thinking: Not yet was progress. "So what's up? Why did you call?"
I bit my lower lip. "Mom and Dad… I can't believe I didn't ask about this before, but did you let them know I'm all right? I don't remember their number. Although I don't really know what I would talk to them about. I mean, I don't want to tell them about the car accident and the van incident and all that. But they should know I'm all right. They must be so worried. Unless you talked to them?" I held my breath. God, I was rambling.
"Actually…" Marie hesitated.
"What?" I bit my lower lip.
"They never knew you went missing. I just didn't want them to worry! If you had been gone for much longer, I would've told them, but between Dad's heart problems and—"
"Dad has heart problems?"
"Oh, yeah. He had a triple bypass surgery two years ago. And Mom suffers from anxiety, and I just didn't think they should worry. It's not as though you never ran off like that before. You have. Just never for so long or without at least checking in periodically. Oh, I should've told them. I should've!"
"No." I rubbed my forehead and lay back down on the bed. "I'm glad they weren't worried. That would have been worse."
"You're sure?" Marie sounded so relieved.
"I'm just…"
"What is it?"
"I don't remember them," I wailed. "When I do work up the nerve to call them, how am I going to keep that from them? I don't want to make them worried now after the fact but…"
"We'll figure it out. Whenever you're ready. Hopefully, your memory will come back soon and you'll have been worried for nothing."
"I hope so." I sighed.
"No luck so far getting it back, huh?"
"Not yet. I've been… busy."
"Uh." Now her tone took on a little bit of judgment. "Well, if there's nothing else, I should get going. I might be staying in the area a little longer for you—"
Which translated into; until you wake up and ditch Shadow.
"But I still am working via teleconferences and phone calls with clients."
"How is the real estate business?"
"Not forgiving of breaks, but I'll be fine. Don't you worry about me. Take care, sis!"
"You too!"
Feeling even more mixed up after the phone call—not only did I have Shadow to deal with but my parents too, not to mention Marie's judgment—I sat up and got out of bed. Today wasn't going to wait for me. I needed to get out of here and find Shadow.
I quickly changed into my new shirt and the miniskirt. My guess was that Shadow liked how I looked in it, too much to buy other options for my lower half; aside from those obscenely short shorts which he also loved. That thought made me smile, but I quickly frowned. If he knew what was good for him, he'd be waiting for me downstairs.
Down in the dining area, there was no sign of Shadow anywhere. Several of his biker guys were milling about though. A tall, bald one approached me.
"Looking for Shadow?" he asked, his voice a little higher-pitched than I would've expected based on his size.
I nodded. "Yeah. Is he around?" I wasn't really holding my breath. It was obvious he wasn't here.
The guy shook his head. "Nope. He went to track down the pedo."
I stared at him. How much did Shadow's guys know about what I knew? Did Shadow even tell them that I wasn't Allie anymore? This guy and I might have talked a hundred times before, and I had no idea who the hell he was. And what did he think of my looking for Shadow? Shadow should've told me where he was going. Left a note at least.
"You know you're welcome to whatever." He shrugged, gesturing to the anemic spread, and stepped aside so I could go past him.
I sighed and rolled my eyes. Someone really did need to go grocery shopping and get a bigger selection of food options. Eggs and bacon could only get you so far.
But I wasn't going to mother t
hem. I wasn't going to be their Wendy. They really did remind me of the Lost Boys though, as sad as that was.
Ignoring the looks I got from the guys and trying not to feel self-conscious, I got myself a plate of food, happy there had been a clean plate for me to use and brought it over to the bar to eat in peace. Only I didn't really eat. I more or less just broke up the eggs into tiny pieces with my fork and ate the portions of the bacon that were actually cooked. I knew I should eat more, I just had no appetite.
There were so many things I wanted out of life. I wanted Shadow to be here, with me. I wanted us to be a normal, happy couple. Well, our extraordinary sex life could stay. And I wanted to feel like my life was worthwhile, with or without him.
But there were so many things I didn't want out of life. I didn't want him to be a thief or a murderer. I didn't want him to be tortured by his past. I didn't want him to be broken. Hell, I didn't want to be broken either.
Shadow (A Bad Boy Romance): The Hoods MC Page 12
