by T. S. Ryder
In the bedroom, she stripped off her dress but didn't dare shower. Not yet, at least. Instead, she wet a cloth and scrubbed her skin. It took off some of the blood, but not all of it. Once she was done, she wrapped herself in a sheet, shivering, and waited.
After what seemed like forever, Ronan returned. He brought a worker's uniform. Erica gratefully dressed.
"It's not a large ship. Bigger than ours, but I'll be able to fly it. They have a medical bay that's got a lot of good equipment in it. I suspect that it was a research vessel that they stole. Our ship is damaged beyond repair, we'll have to take theirs." Ronan frowned in concern, stroking her hair. "Are you going to be okay?"
Erica nodded. She opened her mouth–and a projectile of vomit flew out. Ronan was just able to jump out of the way. She covered her mouth, eyes widening.
Her T'shav embraced her. "Don't worry about it. It's the shock from killing for the first time."
"I've seen deaths more grizzly and violent than that before," Erica protested, though nausea still swam in her stomach. "Maybe I'm getting sick."
"You've seen deaths. But have you ever killed someone before?" Ronan's black eyes which had been so deadly and terrifying before were soft and gentle now. "It's different."
Erica nodded. That made sense. But there was still something nagging at the back of her mind. Something that all the blood around her reminded her of. Her stomach threatened to rebel again. "I'm going to go to the medical bay. I should double check, just in case. Maybe they released a gas or something that only affects humans. I… just for my peace of mind. And if it's just shock, I can treat it there."
"That's a good idea. Just don't give yourself any medications or injections until I can verify it's what the labels say, okay? We don't know what these pirates were actually doing."
"They were coming after me. Because apparently that 'bridal' service double booked my sale." Erica closed her eyes and sucked in a deep breath. "I'm going to go now."
Ronan nodded. "I'll take care of this."
Erica didn't bother responding. She felt like she was a ghost as she crawled through the opening and into the pirate's ship. It was definitely a newer model than Ronan's and looked in better shape. The entrance led to a central area with barracks, medical bay, cockpit, kitchen, and cargo bay branching off from it. More space to live. That was nice.
The medical equipment was a little old, but still much more extensive than what Ronan had. She programmed a scan in one of the larger pieces, and laid down on the examination bed, her eyes closed. Her heart was still pounding, images of the dead pirates flashing before her eyes. Ronan was dangerous. Erica hadn't realized just how dangerous until now.
A beep told her the scan was done. She swung up, taking a closer look at the results. And screamed.
Chapter Eight: Ronan
Ronan's whipped towards the sound.
The scream was of pure terror. He hadn't searched the ship thoroughly enough, he hadn't checked and rechecked to make sure it was clear. And now Erica was in danger. He scrambled back into the pirate's ship, leaving behind the store of perijan he had been gathering.
When Erica's scream abruptly stopped, so did his heart. Images of her hurt or dead flashed through his mind and he pushed himself harder. He was in the medical bay in seconds, guns ready. His gaze swept over the room, but there was nobody there. Nobody but Erica, curled into the fetal position on an examination table. Sobs wracked her body.
In two steps Ronan was by her side. She flinched when he rested his hand on her shoulder. He kept one gun up, ready in case of attack.
"What is it? Where is he?"
Erica shook her head, curling up tighter.
He stroked his human's hair from her face, his hand trembling with worry. What was wrong with her? If she had been attacked, where was her attacker? There couldn't have been time for someone to leave before he got there. And she didn't look like she had been injured. So what could make her cry like this?
"What is it? Erica, please."
Slowly one arm broke free of the ball she had made herself. It pointed to a holoscreen projected beside a scanner. Ronan glanced at in confusion. He froze as he read the results. And then he read them again, just to make sure his mind wasn't playing tricks on him. The results didn't change. Plain as day, he could see exactly what had Erica sobbing like this.
Pregnant. She was pregnant. Two standard months. Ronan sank onto the examination table next to Erica, staring in disbelief.
The possibility of Erica getting pregnant had never occurred to him. He had been out among the stars for so long that he didn't even have anything that they could have used to take precautions. Judging from Erica's reaction, she hadn't thought about picking up condoms or birth control, either. It was too late now. His child was already growing inside of her.
He rested his hand on the small of Erica's back. A strange feeling bubbled up in his chest. A feeling like when he was a boy, and he won a tournament against an opponent that he didn't think he could beat. Or when he fell asleep tucked in the safety between his mother and father. When he played with his two best friends, Tang and Tom, or when they completed little missions together. A warmth that spread from his heart to fill his whole being.
Happiness like he had not felt since his father had died.
Without warning, he began to laugh. Erica's sobs quieted and she raised her head to stare at him, but he couldn’t stop laughing. It was ridiculous. After all this time and all these years in which he hardened himself, sworn off love and the pain that always came with it–now he found happiness in knowing that he was going to be a father. He had never wanted children until that moment. Wasn't even sure he liked kids all that much.
But knowing that Erica carried his child filled him with such joy. Such love. When had that happened? When had he fallen in love with her, rather than just seeing her as a challenge? Or had he always loved her, from the moment he first laid eyes on her?
Erica pushed herself up into a sitting position, still looking at him like he had lost his mind.
"I thought someone had attacked you," he said, not knowing how to explain his reaction or his epiphany. "I thought you had been hurt. But you're not hurt. You're pregnant. A little T'shav warrior is growing inside of you."
He placed his hand on her belly, unable to stop himself from beaming. He knew it was the wrong way to react. Erica was sobbing about this, there was no way she thought it was happy news. And yet his happiness was still there.
"Don’t." She pushed his hand away. "Ronan, no."
"I'm sorry. I don't know why I can't stop smiling." He tried to straighten his face, but the only result was that the thrilled laughter came back. He gathered Erica into his arms. "I know that this must be frightening for you. But it doesn't have to be. I won't ever leave you, Erica. We'll raise this baby together. You're not on your own."
Erica put her hands on his chest, pushing him away. She shook her head, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks. "There isn't any room in my life for a baby."
The smile slipped off Ronan's face.
He heard what she didn't say. There wasn't any room in her life for him. The disappointment hit him hard. He tried not to let himself feel hurt. She was merely saying what the truth had been all along, after all. She hadn't wanted him. He had bought her, against her will no less. She owed him nothing. Not her body, not her love. Not even this baby.
Ronan stood, pacing away. "You don't have to change your life for it. I will keep it. I'll raise the baby."
"How? In your ship? Going from place to place, killing people? You'll raise a child surrounded by the violence that is a regular part of your life? It will be better for the baby if I returned to Zon's sanctuary, and let it be raised by T'shav parents there. I heard that Zon's son has a human, and they have a little boy. Maybe they'll take another half-human, half-T'shav baby."
Tom had a mate? And a child? Ronan's mind reeled–it had been so long since he had broken ties with his childhood home. After his father d
ied, he had left Zon's fleet, determined never to return. But the news that the man he once considered his best friend had a child—
No. That was irrelevant. "I will take the child."
"And I ask you again, how can you raise a child when you're a… a mercenary?"
Ronan bowed his head. Erica was right–his life was no life to raise a child. Or have a mate.
"I'll decide what I'm going to do after we get Bethy." Erica mopped her face with her sleeve. "Until then, forget that I'm pregnant."
"Right." Because it would be so easy to just forget about something like this. Ronan let out a pent-up breath. Whatever Erica's choice, he had nothing to gain from letting possible futures destroy his present. "I'll bring over the rest of the supplies from my ship and set our course."
"And then come back here." Erica slid off the examination bed. Emotion drained from her face. "You're all banged up and I want to make sure you haven't hurt yourself too badly. Internal bleeding is a killer."
Ronan nodded. As he left he thought he heard another choked-back sob, but he didn't turn around.
***
He delayed himself as much as he could before returning to the medical bay. Fortunately, by that time Erica had dried her eyes and though she looked a little shell-shocked, she was back to her normal self. She scanned him and began using a tissue regenerator on his various bruises and cuts.
"Bethy and I were both attending medical school on Earth," Erica said after half an hour of silence. "We had all these big plans for our futures. We were going to join doctors without borders and set up free clinics in poor places. We were going to help the people who needed it most. We shared an apartment, a car. Basically everything. She was always my best friend. Our fathers are brothers, and growing up we lived only a block away from each other."
Ronan's shoulders sagged. First, the baby and now Erica's story were bringing up memories that he had long wanted to be rid of. His childhood had been a happy one. It was that happiness that hurt so much now. He closed his eyes as she worked on the scarring tissue on his back.
"And then we were abducted from Earth. Bethy remembers more about it than I do. I remember this flash of light, and then Zon freeing me from the stasis chamber. His wife explained to me that I had been in there for hundreds of thousands of years, and everything I knew was dead. But Bethy was there. We were able to cry together, to find a way to start again in Zon's sanctuary."
"Why did you leave?"
"Bethy and I were never ones to sit around. I wanted adventure. She still wanted to help people. Joining the United Species Corps paramedics was the natural replacement to our Earth-bound dreams. Who knew that by joining that we'd end up abducted once again and sold off as brides." Her voice trembled, but she shook her head. "No matter. I think I'm adventured out. From here on, it's the straight life for me. Sitting at home knitting, watching TV."
Ronan tried not to think about how much his heart sank after that. What else was he expecting? It was the natural progression of things.
"What about you?" Erica asked.
"What about me what?"
Erica put the regenerator away and sat on the table next to him. Her brown eyes locked on his. "What made you come out here and become a mercenary?"
Ronan stared back at her. He knew he shouldn't tell her. It would just further cement the bond between them that was doomed to be broken. But he wanted to tell her.
And so he did.
Chapter Nine: Erica
Ronan looked away for a moment before nodding slightly and meeting her gaze again. "My father was one of Zon's closest allies. I grew up in his fleet… well, on his flagship. His son, Tom… he was one of my best friends. Like an older brother. I was an only child. My mother died when I was very young. Zon's wife, Lisa, became something of a mother to me."
It was so far away from what Erica had ever imagined her T'shav warrior would say Erica couldn’t help but stare. Ronan smiled, half-amused, half-sad, and tucked a finger under her jaw.
"You'd better close that mouth before something lays an egg in it."
Erica flushed. "Sorry."
"Don't be. It's quite a story. I wouldn't expect you to have guessed that I grew up close to such a noble warlord."
She hesitantly put her hand on his. The shock of learning she was pregnant was over, and now she kept thinking about Ronan's assurances. That he wouldn't leave her, that they would raise the baby together. But… how? Not like this. Not the two of them in deep space. Not with him being a mercenary. Would he really be willing to change?
If he were, she would give all her trust to him in a heartbeat.
"When I was a young man, many years ago, I was training as a pilot. On one of my flights, I crashed. My father and my friend Tang were in the ship with me. They were killed. Tom blamed me, and he was right. It was my fault."
"I doubt it was—"
Ronan pressed a finger to her lips. "It was my fault. I've played it over and over in my mind. I acted stupidly, and I lost everybody that mattered to me. So I left Zon's fleet to strike it out on my own. And now here I am."
"Here you are," Erica repeated. "And here I am."
They sat in silence, hands entwined, not talking.
"What are you thinking?"
Erica sighed. I'm thinking that it's time for you to stop punishing yourself. The only future in your current path is dying. I care about you. It would be very easy for me to love you. Scratch that, I do love you. It would be easy to dedicate the rest of my life to you. But I am not going to be a mercenary, and I am not going to be the kind of girl that waits for her man to come back from his missions, knowing that if he dies she may never know what really happened.
How was she meant to say that? Was she in a place where she could commit to Ronan, to the baby, to a life together, even if he changed his ways? And what sort of life would it lead them to? Could she really do the whole barefoot and pregnant thing? What about her career? Would he stay at home while she went to work and treated patients day after day?
"Thank you for telling me. I know it can't be easy." She squeezed his hand. "What are we going to do when we reach the planet Bethy's on?"
Ronan smiled. It looked like it was in relief. "We aren't going to do anything. You're staying here."
"I don't think so."
"It doesn't matter what you think."
"I told you—"
Ronan pressed a finger to her lips. "You were going to stay here even before the results came in."
"But—"
"No buts. You'll only slow me down. If you want Bethy back, you're going to stay in here and do as I say. I can't worry about protecting you while I'm in a potentially deadly position. And if I tell you to take the ship and leave, you are going to, whether I am back with Bethy or not."
Erica's heart lurched at the thought. Her eyes narrowed. She pushed Ronan's hand from her mouth. "No, I'm not. I'm not leaving without you and Bethy both."
"You'll leave, or I'll program the ship to give me a couple of hours before it takes off. Maybe I should do that anyway."
Erica pinched the bridge of her nose. "I can't change your mind, can I?"
"No."
"Then you should set a program. If it came down to it, I know I wouldn't be able to leave. And whether I like it or not, I am pregnant. It'll be easier for you to find Bethy if you know that I and the baby will be safe…" Her stomach roiled and she clutched Ronan's hand. Tears burned in her eyes. She was pregnant. She was really pregnant.
She wasn't certain what frightened her more–that there was a baby growing inside of her, or how much she loved it already. There wasn't room in her life for a baby. And if she loved it, then she would keep it… and what would she do then?
***
The planet was densely forested, with a sub-terrane system of tunnels and caves that were seemingly endless. Ronan had set the ship down near a water source. If the corporation had managed to see through the pirate's stealth technology, they would assume the ship was just stoppi
ng to refuel. At least, that’s what Ronan thought. Erica could only hope that he was right.
She was stuck on the ship alone now, while he was out there. As much as she wanted to go rushing after him, she knew her skills were better suited to giving medical attention when he returned.
She rearranged the medical supplies, putting the Bloodstore before the Fleshseal so it was the first thing she could grab. If Ronan returned badly wounded, then she would need to replace the blood he lost first. Her hands trembled, but she worked at keeping a cool head. Once he was back, she knew she could handle whatever mess he brought.
It was the waiting that was going to kill her.
The comm flashed. Erica activated it at once. "Ronan!"
A toad-faced Rlabek squinted at her. Erica took a step back unconsciously, quelling the disappointment rising in her. She smoothed down her uniform and raised her head. "Hello."
"You must be the human that Ronan has been traveling with. I am Dyme Lirreb."
"Ronan told me about you." A tremor shook Erica's hands. He had told her about the threats Lirreb had made, and how he was demanding the retainer he had paid back. "How did you know to call this ship?"
"I didn't call a ship, I called Ronan's contact line. Where is he?"
"Not available at the moment. May I take a message?" She tried not to show how hard her heart was hammering. It wasn't bad enough that Ronan was on this planet, sneaking into heavily-fortified buildings with the possibility of dying. Now this guy had to call?
Lirreb considered her for a moment before nodding. "Yes, you can. Tell him I want my money back within one standard week, or I will kill him. And maybe he doesn't care about himself that much, but I'll kill you, too… just for the fun of it. You think you can tell him that?"
Erica shivered. She knew if she tried to talk her voice would shake, so she merely nodded and ended the call. In silence once more, the paramedic looked around the medical bay. Yet another threat to work through. Yet another reason why keeping the baby and staying with him was a bad idea. Was anything going to go their way?
