‘That will be nice,’ Alice said weakly. She couldn’t remember about the lunch Julian and Laura had had with Frank but there was nothing sinister about that. There had been other occasions, even further back, when she had something of her own to do and she didn’t live in Julian’s pocket – she had work, friends and interests of her own and Julian encouraged it.
‘You’re so refreshing to be with,’ he’d said once, ‘having interests away from home, having other things to talk about, not hanging about waiting to be entertained, like some of my poor friends’ wives do.’
She’d laughed at that, felt a warm glow of pleasure at his remark, remembering discussions they’d had about history, art, music and politics. She’d had her job with the decorating business, and joined book clubs and attended lectures, so she did have more to talk about than just the house and the children.
She felt a stab of insecurity now, it must be just having to cope without Julian beside her. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen Frank and how strange it was that she’d suddenly thought of him when she’d passed that car show room, though it was probably because as she looked at those gleaming sports cars she’d recalled that drive with Frank in his Bristol. She wondered if he still had it.
The telephone rang again and this time Alice answered it, certain it must be Frank having forgotten something he meant to say or wanting to speak to her. It was Petra.
‘I wondered if you’d heard from Frank yet? I thought I’d give a little party, ask all his old friends.’
‘Not yet, I’ll let you know.’ She found herself lying; she couldn’t bear the thought of all her girl friends mobbing him like a frenzied bunch of adolescent girls around some celebrity.
Frank’s reappearance in her life had unsettled her, Julian’s dearest friend whom she had not seen for so long, although it appeared that he had a base in London and Paris was hardly far away. She felt as if he held a key to secrets she didn’t know about, but that was foolish, why ever should he? She was just dreading seeing him without Julian, the two had been such friends it would be hard to see him without her husband at his side, like stripping off a scab on a healing wound. But her emotions were so muddled at the moment with all that had happened to their family, she mustn’t overreact or make too much of it.
14
He hadn’t seen Laura for about five years. She’d come to lunch with Julian and he’d found her rather shy and gauche, but after speaking to her on the telephone just now, she seemed happy, more sure of herself and about to be married.
He was touched that she wanted him to stand in for Julian and give her away, it was something he hadn’t thought about, and if he had, he’d have imagined there’d be a relation or some other friend closer to her. He’d just assumed they wanted to tell him about his goddaughter’s wedding. They might not have even have invited him; weddings cost so much today and often the couple would rather have their own friends there instead of their parents’ friends or relatives they barely knew.
But now she wanted him to take Julian’s place, he must go, for Julian’s sake as well as Laura’s. Ned had left the flat now, having, rather reluctantly, gone back to the US, so Frank could stay there in peace. There was plenty of work to do in London, so much financial news to report on, and more than once he’d been asked if he could advise on certain legal cases, so it might be sensible to be based there for a while, though he could just as well stay here, at home, and commute to London for a few days here and there.
But he was kidding himself, he wanted to see Alice, make sure she was all right without Julian. He’d died nearly two years ago now and he should have gone back to see her sooner, but somehow he’d always put it off, though it was true he was heavily involved with various complicated cases the other side of the world. But now Laura was getting married and she wanted him to give her away, he must go, for whatever his feelings were about the past, he owed it to Julian.
The wedding would be at the end of the year. Though the date had not been fixed, it all hinged on when her sister Evie’s baby was born. He didn’t know Evie, though Julian had been proud of her, she was a talented artist apparently, but now she was having a baby and there was no mention of a husband, but he’d find it all out when he saw them.
Maybe Alice had found someone else; there’d be no shortage of men wanting to take Julian’s place. He pushed away a twinge of jealousy; she must be in her mid-forties, still young, and surely she wouldn’t stay alone for the rest of her life. He hoped she wasn’t one of those women who thought she was being unfaithful to her dead husband if she loved again, tied herself to a long life alone; Julian would have hated that. Perhaps she’d be like Cecily, losing both her fiancés and deciding not to marry but having lovers instead, though the little he knew of Alice he felt sure she’d rather have one lover, one person to spend the rest of her life with. She’d struck him as being a one-man girl, unlike Cecily, though Cecily had lived through the war when life was snuffed out in a moment and nothing and no one could be relied upon.
He was making too much of it; all these years had passed since he’d seen her. She would have changed from that bright, young woman she’d been then, kept buried deep in his thoughts. Time and circumstance would have changed her as they had him, and with luck they could be friends now, comfortable together without the tumult of passion – his passion, not hers. He’d held on to his feelings for her too long, it was high time he let them go, they could only ever be friends. It was not possible in the circumstances for them to be anything more than that.
15
Alice couldn’t keep Frank’s arrival from Petra and Margot forever so she told them a week before he was expected that he was coming, and both women – with the excitement of adolescent groupies – set about planning parties for him. Alice was relieved to escape to Suffolk with work for her sewing ladies, making new curtains for Cecily who’d been mortified to find holes in the ancient curtains in her guest room.
‘I don’t often go in there but I did the other day, in bright sunlight, which was a mistake,’ she laughed, ‘as it showed up all sorts of horrors, and they’ve rotted. I think my mother bought them before the war, so they’ve had a good innings, not like things you buy today that fade and wear out so soon.’ She’d been on an expedition with Kalinda to buy some material and the roll of pale blue and cream fabric stood to attention by the front door ready for Alice to pick up.
‘It will look very pretty, it goes perfectly with the room,’ Alice was pleased to do it for Cecily, though she wished her pleasure at going to Suffolk was not overshadowed by Evie’s dramas with Nick and poor Freya, who naturally, as Evie’s pregnancy was quite advanced now knew about it, as did everyone else in the county.
‘You must think how difficult this is for her and their children,’ Alice scolded when Evie moaned about it.
Evie was coming to London for Frank’s dinner and as Alice was going to Suffolk with Cecily’s material she suggested that she bring her back to London. It crossed her mind that Evie might move back permanently. Bunk down at home in her old bedroom until the baby was born and then stay on. How would she feel about this? She was struck with guilt and anxiety. She loved Evie, was anxious for her future, bringing up a child without a father and she knew she’d love the baby – this grandchild – whatever its parentage, but she knew too how time-consuming and disruptive babies were. She’d done it twice and gladly, but then she had Julian to share childcare with, and she didn’t want to take it on full-time again.
Alice confided her fears to Cecily who said, ‘Of course you want to help out, but you’ve also got Laura and her stepchildren and perhaps one day, a child of her own. If Evie wants to live in London and there’s no money to help her out perhaps you should think of selling the cottage. I know you love it but… well.’ She smiled to soften her words, ‘Perhaps it could be better all round if Evie moved away, so this wretched man’s wife and children didn’t have this latest fruit of his loins growing up on their doorstep.’
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br /> It wasn’t advice she wanted to hear, but Cecily had a point. She loved the cottage, Julian had been thrilled to find it quite by chance through a work colleague whose mother had died and wanted to sell it. They’d gone without a lot to be able to buy it and they’d had many happy occasions there and made good friends. But Evie, under Nick’s influence, had disrupted the happy vibes, she admitted, and why should Freya be made to suffer more than she must be already?
‘I’ll see when I get there,’ she said lamely, ‘and get the wedding over.’
‘The birth will come first,’ Cecily reminded her.
‘It will, I keep forgetting, well hardly forgetting, but as I’m not with Evie and Laura’s here talking about her wedding all the time… it occasionally slips my mind. Oh,’ she sighed, the complications exhausting her, ‘Evie’s all booked in down there for the birth, got her own midwife and all, I suppose she’s too late to sort that out in London, I don’t know how they do it here.’
‘My poor girl,’ Cecily took her hand, ‘facing this without Julian, but at least Frank has contacted you, I’m sure he’ll be a tower of strength.’
‘I do hope so, I haven’t spoken to him yet, Laura’s sorted things out with him, but you’d think George Clooney or someone like that was coming by the fuss my girl friends are making over him.’ Alice laughed, though she wondered how much time Frank would have left for Laura and the wedding with all the events her friends were planning for him.
‘He was a very attractive man, probably still is if he hasn’t gone to seed. Perhaps you didn’t notice as you were so besotted with Julian.’ Cecily smiled a rather maddening secret smile, Alice thought, though she didn’t remark upon it.
*
Alice left London just after 6 a.m. and arrived at the cottage at breakfast time to find Evie slumped on the sofa in the little sitting room, in tears.
‘Nick says I must go back to London with you, stay until after the baby’s born as it will be better for me,’ she sobbed. ‘I agreed to go with you for a few days, but he thinks it better I stay away for a bit, until it’s born and everything.’
Alice bit back a retort; Evie’s news did not surprise her. Now the pregnancy and Nick’s part in it was common knowledge, Freya had confined him to barracks as it were, or perhaps without the added excitement of a secret affair he was tired of Evie and now that she was large with his child perhaps not so sexy or carefree as she used to be. This was the trouble with affairs; they often only worked when they were illicit and exciting, something apart from everyday life, a gilded treat that falls to pieces when the sparkle wears off.
‘Darling, it was always going to be hard.’ She held her close, biting back her views on being seduced by a married man, and she felt the movement of the child within, filling her with a sudden joy. She sat back, put her hand on Evie’s stomach. ‘I felt it, it’s… well it’s a person, a person we have to love, look after.’
‘Of course it’s a person, Mum, not an elephant, though I feel so fat it might as well be,’ Evie snapped, her face tear-spattered and grumpy. ‘Nick said he’d help. Was longing for it to be born, but now, because Freya is so upset, he thinks it best if I come home with you and he’ll visit me. He said he would anyway,’ she added in a small, lost voice that smote Alice’s heart.
Alice struggled with her fury with Nick. The selfish bastard, impregnating her daughter and then leaving her to cope with the consequences, but Evie was not an innocent child, surely she could have rebuffed his advances, or at the very least taken precautions? She’d never said he’d forced her or got her drunk or anything, and they’d obviously slept together more than once. Evie was just like countless other women, some far older and more experienced in life than she was, who’d been seduced by Nick’s charm.
‘Come back home with me tomorrow and let’s see what happens,’ she said gently. ‘We must think of Freya and his other children, but Nick must face up to his responsibilities and provide for his child. I suspect he’s feeling bad now that everyone knows about it, but somehow things will work out.’ She wondered if Evie had really believed that Nick would leave his wife and their children and set up home with her and their baby. Freya might chuck him out, and Alice wouldn’t blame her if she did. She hadn’t thought seriously enough about the situation herself either, not faced it in a constructive way. What with that and missing Julian, and Laura springing her marriage to Douglas on her and her concerns about that, she hadn’t thought through what the birth of the baby would actually mean. For a start this poor child needed a bed, clothes and a buggy. Had Evie thought of buying or borrowing those? Later she would have to make a lot of important decisions on her own, for she doubted if Nick would bother. She would need childcare while she worked, it would be tragic if Evie had to give up her work, then schooling, money for clothes and such and all as a single mother.
‘If only Dad were here, he’d know what to do,’ Evie said.
‘He wouldn’t have approved and he’s not here, so we’ll have to cope with it ourselves. Get packed and we’ll leave for London first thing in the morning, and perhaps we ought to go and buy a few things for the baby,’ she said, leaning close to kiss her daughter before leaving the room, fearful of Evie’s future.
Alice drove over to her sewing ladies Amy and Edith, who lived in a thatched cottage in a small village close to Bury St Edmunds.
After leaving the material with them for the curtains and Cecily’s carefully written-out instructions and measurements, she drove on to Bury to buy food for the day. A quick look round Evie’s kitchen had revealed that, apart from fruit and biscuits, there didn’t seem to be much of anything.
Having bought a chicken and some vegetables and feeling faint from her early start from London, Alice decided she’d have a coffee before going back to Evie. As she crossed the square, she saw Freya and a small girl coming towards her. She stopped, wishing frantically she could disappear, but before she could escape up a side street they’d seen her and there was no way she could get away.
‘Alice,’ Freya stopped in the middle of the pavement confronting her. She was a voluptuous woman, who obviously cared little about trying to be a size zero. She wore a beautiful turquoise garment that flowed around her and a silk scarf in cobalt and jade, tied bandeau style round her head to secure her thick, dark hair. She was like a bird of glorious plumage standing out against the rest of the dull sparrows.
‘Freya, how are you? Good to see you.’ Her words felt trite and mechanical, but however was she supposed to greet her?
Freya sighed. ‘Not happy, as you can imagine, Alice – that bloody old goat, it’s time he was neutered, I’m…’ She paused and Alice wondered if the child should be listening to this, but she seemed happy enough peering into the shop window beside them. ‘I’m spitting, and I don’t suppose you’re very pleased about it either.’
‘No… I don’t know what to say… it must be so hurtful for you for…’ she glanced at the little girl who was now pulling on her mother’s hand as if impatient to be off. ‘For everyone,’ she finished lamely.
‘It’s not the first time,’ Freya said. ‘Look, I’ve a few minutes; could we have a coffee, just talk about it. I… I’d like to know if Evie’s going to stay in Suffolk or go back to London.’
‘I was just going to have a coffee. I left London at dawn this morning… I had some material to take to Amy and Edith… I’m… we’re going back tomorrow,’ Alice said. ‘But what about…’ she smiled at the child, not knowing her name. ‘Won’t she be bored?’
‘Oh Lexie won’t be bored if there are chocolate biscuits,’ Freya said.
‘But we’ll be late for my friend, she’s got chickens,’ Lexie addressed her. ‘But chocolate biscuits…’ She danced up and down beside her mother. She was a beautiful child with wispy blonde hair and merry blue eyes, just like her father’s, and Alice wondered if Evie’s baby would look the same. Feeling it move this morning made her wake up to the fact that here was a little person who in a few weeks would a
rrive in their lives clamouring to be cared for.
‘We didn’t make a definite time, just before lunch,’ Freya said to Lexie. ‘We have time for a quick one.’ She gestured to the café on the corner of the street and Alice followed them in.
‘I don’t remember seeing you before, do you live here?’ Lexie asked Alice when they’d sat down and ordered coffee and chocolate biscuits.
‘I only live here sometimes; I really live in London,’ Alice said, watching as the child unpacked a pink cloth bag of treasures that she laid out on the table in front of her. She was soon engrossed in these – tiny dolls and animals, a couple of marbles, a notebook and pencil and various pieces of plastic jewellery – so Freya and Alice could talk quietly together.
‘I don’t know what to say,’ Alice started. ‘Julian’s death unhinged us all and perhaps Evie was looking for… well hardly a father figure, but still it’s not right.’
‘It’s not the first time, but it better be the last,’ Freya said grimly. ‘They usually look like him, so there’s no need for a paternity test,’ she added darkly.’
‘I’m… just so sorry,’ Alice said weakly.
‘It’s hardly your fault that Nick can’t keep his trousers up. I knew it before I married him, but I love him and love is a foolish thing, like quick sand sucking you in and not letting go.’ Freya took a savage gulp of her cappuccino. ‘I’ve thought of leaving him many times, even have a couple of times, but quite honestly there is no one else I’d rather be with. When he’s at home with us he’s great, and the children adore him. I’ve wondered if he’s jealous of my work, as you can imagine he likes… needs… to be the centre of attention, but I don’t see why I should stop working, especially as I’ve just got a big commission from the V and A for their shop.’
‘Freya, that’s wonderful, congratulations.’ Alice was impressed; Freya was a potter, and her work was sublime.
Mothers and Daughters Page 9
