‘Of course, sorry darling, this baby’s arrival has addled my mind. I didn’t know you’d made up your mind to use them and not buy one in London, though we hardly had time to go over and see them this weekend. You did say you didn’t want the hassle of making trips up here if you found one in London.’ Alice thought to remind her of that, afraid of Laura making trips to see Edith and Amy here in case she ran into Nick and he was on the prowl again and found her a willing conquest.
‘I sort of know what I want, I’ll work on it this week and come down for them to fit me,’ Laura’s face hopeful again. ‘Must go or I’ll miss the train.’ She kissed her and jumped out of the car, her step lighter as she disappeared into the station, no doubt thrilled to have another excuse to return to Suffolk and hopefully see Nick.
A few days later, Alice went over to Amy and Edith to see how the nursery stuff was going. Margot had dropped the baskets and material with them and had called in at the cottage on the way back.
‘Sweet baby,’ she had said, vaguely peering into the basket. ‘Where’s Evie?’
‘Working, she’s got a deadline,’ Alice said. ‘She hoped she’d finish before the baby came, but he caught us all out. But it’s strange, since his birth, her work seems to have taken on a new energy, glowing with life and colour.’
‘Well don’t get sucked in,’ Margot had warned, mistaking her feeling of wonder for Evie’s talent for being swept back into the nursery again. ‘I saw Frank yesterday, he asked after you.’
Alice had ignored a surge of warmth, ‘Oh, how is he?’
Margot had spent the next twenty minutes telling her, saying what fun he was and so interesting compared to everyone else, which was probably due to him living abroad, and Alice was relieved when at last Margot had said she must hit the road as she and Glen were going out that evening.
When Alice told Amy and Edith that Laura wanted them to make her wedding dress, they were thrilled. Alice knew that whatever fears she had about Laura hoping to see Nick, these women were the best bet for a beautiful dress as they had been properly trained in making couture clothes.
They had made a couple of nursery baskets, which were beautifully lined with pretty material and pockets to hold all the baby things. Margot was going to arrange to have them photographed and hopefully get them into a few magazines.
Alice ordered one of the baskets for Evie, wondering what the two spinster sisters thought of married men fathering children around the place as blatantly as Nick did.
On the way back to the cottage, Alice stopped at the supermarket to buy some food, she had a long list with her as she thought she had better stay with Evie until the midwives stopped calling. As she walked towards the supermarket, she saw Freya and Nick coming towards her. Nick saw her at once and pretended he hadn’t but then Freya saw her and came towards her, pushing the overloaded trolley in front of her like a battering ram.
Nick for once looked sheepish and began to walk faster as if he were in a hurry and would pass her, no doubt with some quick excuse, but Freya stopped the trolley and said, ‘Alice, nice to see you, though the circumstances are hardly good. But is Evie all right and the baby?’ She ignored Nick who had taken out his mobile and was studying it intently as if he had nothing whatever to do with the baby’s existence and had far more important things to do than stand here chatting.
‘Yes, she’s fine they both are thank you. I’m sorry…’ If only Nick were not here and she could say how upset she was for the pain Freya must be feeling, but it was difficult with him standing there with little sign of contrition on his face, so she asked Freya about her coup with the V and A instead. ‘Have you sent any of your work there yet? I must go and see it, I’m sure it will be wonderful.’
‘First lot go next week,’ Freya said. ‘I’ll be coming up to arrange it in the shop. If you’re back in London, we could perhaps meet up.’
‘I’m not sure if I’ll be back by then, I don’t know what’s happening just yet.’ Alice felt so awkward standing here talking to the wife of her daughter’s lover and mother of his children – both were mothers of his children – it was like some awful farce, only neither of them were laughing, though Freya became quite animated as she talked about her order from the V and A and Alice was pleased for her. Perhaps she’d put more of her energies into her pottery if it took off, but perhaps that would make Nick behave even worse if he felt eclipsed by her talent.
‘No, it’s early days. Well we better get on,’ Freya moved to leave. Nick threw Alice a regretful smile as though he were a small boy caught stealing sweets.
This infuriated her, fathering a child with her unmarried daughter was not as trivial as taking sweets and it goaded Alice into saying, ‘So Nick, I hope you’ll take your responsibility seriously for this child, give Evie maintenance for him and all.’
Freya looked away, her face set hard, Alice was upset for her but she might not see Nick for ages. Julian would have said the same if he’d been here.
‘Of course,’ he looked affronted as if she’d accused him of dishonesty. ‘I haven’t been to see him as new mothers need time to bond, but I’ll set up something with my bank, you know I will.’
But I don’t, Alice said to herself. ‘Thank you, Nick, please do it soon,’ she gave him a stern look.
‘So bang goes our skiing holiday,’ she heard Freya say to him as they reached their car close by. ‘If you do this again, Nick, I really will chuck you out, in fact I think I’ll book you in for a vasectomy.’
Nick’s hand shot down to the front of his trousers. ‘Don’t say such a thing,’ he said. ‘It’s barbaric.’
‘Perhaps castration would be better,’ Freya said darkly, wrenching open the boot of the car, making him winch even more.
Pity she hadn’t done it before, Alice thought, geld him like the tomcat he was.
30
The days blurred into feeding, changing and snatching sleep when they could. The baby, who was still without a name, summoned them at all hours of the day and night with his petulant cry. Alice struggled out of bed to go to him hoping to give Evie some rest, but he woke her too, his cries drilling through the walls demanding attention. He was Nick’s child all right, Alice grumbled to herself as she stubbed her toe in the dark as she crossed the landing to go to him. She kept the lights out, hoping he would slip back to sleep, and crept, feeling her way like a blind person, to his door.
‘He can’t want more to eat,’ Evie called from her bedroom. ‘My milk’s obviously not nutritious enough, he’ll have bottles tomorrow.’ Despite the encouragement from her friendly midwives, Evie hadn’t taken to breastfeeding and after a week of ‘persevering’ had decided to give up, her breasts were sore and so it hurt to feed him and she needed to get on with her illustrations, keep as near as she could to the deadline. If Alice could take over the feeding with bottled formula, she could get down to it and not keep having to interrupt her work to feed him, especially as it took so long and didn’t seem to satisfy him.
Alice picked him up and tried to soothe him. He wept pitifully, snuggling his downy head into her neck, snuffling against her skin, his warm mouth searching, and she was overcome with a great wave of love for him. Poor little boy, did he feel the rejection of his father already? Nick had still not come to see him, though he had put a sum of money into Evie’s account, not much but enough now for his small needs, and Evie’s mind, she had to admit, seemed more focused on her illustrations than her child, but it was her work and she had a deadline, and each picture took so much time, being so intricate, the colours shimmering like jewels.
‘I was expecting to have another month free before he arrived then I’d have finished this lot and could have a break until the next book,’ Evie said. ‘I didn’t know a baby could take up so much time, but thanks for being here, Mum, to love him and, after all, you know what to do having had us.’ She gave her a quick hug.
Alice hugged her back. ‘But I can’t stay for long, darling, just until you’re on your feet
again.’ She thought of Cecily’s advice. She’d been right, Evie would expect her to take charge and she mustn’t fall into that trap, she was happy to be here, settling them both in, but she had to get back to her own world and the longer she stayed here, the more Evie would come to rely on her instead of picking up the reins of motherhood herself. There was also the wedding to think about so Laura needed her time too, she reminded herself, feeling slightly over whelmed with it all. Laura was coming down for the weekend with her dress designs to show to Edith and Amy.
Despite her moans, Evie had had an easy birth, and coping with a baby, especially for the first time, even for happy and secure couples was a shock, but she’d been here nearly two weeks now and it was time Evie got on with motherhood by herself. Her drawings were almost finished, and Alice had agreed to take them back to London and drop them safely with her publisher. Then Evie could concentrate fully on being a mother.
Various women friends had called round and offered to help, and there were the kind midwives for any dramas so Alice knew Evie was not going to be deserted… except it seemed, by Nick.
Alice picked Laura up from the station on Friday night. Almost the first thing she said after greeting her and getting in the car was, ‘Has Nick seen him yet? Does he love him?’ Her last remark tinged with longing.
‘No, Nick hasn’t visited yet.’ Alice was rather dreading the weekend – or rather just tomorrow, as Laura was going back on Sunday for Elspeth’s birthday lunch. It was disastrous both her daughters loving the same disreputable man. ‘Nick’s very busy apparently, lots of gardens to see to, but he’s not forgotten her, and is paying maintenance.’
‘Doesn’t he want to see his own child?’
He has too many to see, Alice thought but didn’t say it, instead she said, ‘You know many men, even the most loving ones, often don’t show much interest in tiny babies. It’s when they start to do things, relate to them, that they become good fathers.’
‘Was Dad like that?’ Laura looked hurt.
‘No, he wasn’t, he loved you both from the start. But then he hadn’t had any children before, and perhaps Nick, having had so many, is not so excited. After all it’s not as if they are married and raising him together,’ she paused, not wanting to seem to put any blame on Freya. ‘He has to think of how this affects his wife and their children and it’s hurtful enough without him spending lots of time with Evie.’
‘But not to come to see him even once,’ Laura said in disbelief, ‘or Evie. Have they broken up?’
‘I’m sure he’ll see him soon.’ Alice didn’t want to talk about Nick, or see the hope in Laura’s eyes, though, as she was rarely here, how could anything develop between them? Not that she wanted anything to develop. Nick’s affairs all went the same way and after a few sexual encounters that would be the end of it, leaving Laura – if she ever succumbed to him - distraught.
It was quite late by the time they got to the cottage. Laura was tired too after a hectic week at work. She admired her sister’s magical illustrations, and Evie, in her turn, praised Laura’s design for her wedding dress, which was simple, high-necked with a low-cut back well fitted to the body and a fullish skirt that swirled softly from the hips.
‘I showed it to Frank and he said it must be made of the best wild silk for extra wow factor and he’ll pay for it.’ Laura glanced at Alice to see her reaction.
‘I won’t let him pay for it, it’s for me to take care of and he’s been generous enough already,’ Alice said firmly. ‘Did you see him, how is he?’
‘He took us both out to dinner the night before last. He sent his love and hopes you’ll be back soon.’
‘Mum’s waiting until I finish my work so she can take it back to London for me,’ Evie said.
‘So how long will that take?’ Laura demanded. ‘I’ve lots to do for the wedding and I need Mum to help me with that, flowers and things.’
If only she could fold up into a tiny shape and slip away, her girls were too demanding and yet she wanted to help them, it was just unfortunate that both such important events had occurred at the same time. ‘Let’s discuss it in the morning,’ she said quickly, hoping to soothe the turbulence that threatened the atmosphere. ‘We’re all tired now and we’ll feel better in the morning.’
A beautiful basket of flowers arrived for Evie that evening. Alice answered the door and took them into the living room where both girls were sitting.
‘Wow, they are awesome,’ Evie said, taking them on her lap and opening the card tucked in beside them.
They must be from Nick, Alice thought and guessed the girls did too by their faces: Laura’s slightly jealous, Evie ecstatic. She opened the tiny envelope and her face fell. ‘Oh, they’re from Cecily, lovely of her,’ she said, touched but obviously disappointed that they were not from Nick.
‘How sweet of her,’ Alice said, longing suddenly to talk to her, feeling the need for her advice.
Evie rang Cecily and thanked her and then passed the telephone to Alice.
‘Well, my dear, I’m glad he’s arrived safe and sound and I’m sure you’re besotted with him.’ Her voice was warm.
‘I am, but I’m coming back to London in a couple of days when Evie has finished her work.’
‘Good, I’ll be glad to see you. Frank is back and he said he wants to take you paragliding,’ she laughed. ‘I’m looking forward to hearing about that.’
‘Me too,’ Alice said, feeling suddenly alive.
After breakfast the next morning, Alice and Laura set out for Edith and Amy. It was a fine morning, the sun a deeper gold now the year was nearing its end, gilding the fields and hedgerows with its touch.
‘I sometimes wish I could live here, stay for weeks like we did as children,’ Laura said, gazing out at the flat countryside dotted with old oak trees.
‘It is lovely in the summer, nowhere better,’ Alice said, wondering if this was the prelude to something else, like Laura saying she didn’t want to marry Douglas after all but leave London and start a new life here. Or did she want to be in Suffolk to be closer to Nick? If she was going to call off the wedding, she hoped she’d do it before Edith and Amy started on the dress.
‘Though remember how cold and gloomy it could be in the winter? We spent most of the winter in London, didn’t we? It didn’t seem so cold and damp there.’ Alice turned to her, wondering if now was the time for confidences but not wanting to push her, knowing she’d retreat like a snail going back to the safety of its shell.
‘Yes, I remember but… Mum… is, well has Evie taken the cottage, is it hers now?’
‘No, of course not, it belongs to all of us. She is just using it for peace and quiet while she does her illustrations. You… and Douglas and the children can come here for a holiday or weekend whenever you’d like to. Arrange it with Evie and she can come to London or be here too, there’s enough room, the baby can go in with her.’
‘We might. Obviously I’m giving up the flat and moving in with Douglas when we’re married and I just wondered…’ She tailed off, staring out of the window.
‘You’re sure you want to do this?’ Alice said before she could stop herself.
‘What, have the dress made by Edith and Amy? Of course, it may be a bit of a hassle coming up here for fittings, but the dress will be just how I want it and I hate going round and round shops with pushy sales people gushing over me, saying hideous dresses look wonderful on me when they don’t.’
‘Of course it will be beautiful, far more beautiful than anything you could buy in a shop,’ Alice scolded herself for being too much of a coward to bluntly question her daughter about her feelings. Laura would take it the wrong way, imagining that her mother thought she was not capable enough to be marrying Douglas and taking on his children.
Edith and Amy, bright-eyed and eager, glowed with excitement when Laura showed them her design. They measured her with great precision, congratulating her on her figure; draping some purple silk round her to see the effect of the skirt
. ‘It will be cut on the bias, so it will hang without bulking out the hips,’ Amy said, writing down the measurements in a finicky hand, so small Alice could barely read them.
It was a restful morning sitting in their workroom, French windows looking out at a small, well-kept garden. There was a comfortable intimacy about discussing materials and styles, calming Alice’s fears. She could almost hear Cecily warning her: You did your best to bring up your children and now they must fly free to make mistakes, like everyone else.
Because they were still connected to the couture world, Edith could order the right silk for the dress at wholesale prices and Amy produced a book of swatches of gleaming silks. Laura chose a cream silk with a slight sheen to it that made it seem as if it were alive, which, indeed, Amy explained, in a way it was and must be carefully treated, kept in a linen cover not a plastic one so it could breathe.
Their mood carried on for the rest of the day. The baby now slept longer. He was nicknamed ‘Bunny’ by Laura who said he looked like a rabbit when he wrinkled his nose and Evie still could not decide on another name, though she insisted his second name would be after her father. Laura took him for a walk while Alice curled up with the newspaper and Evie drew. Later that evening Alice dropped Laura at the station to go back to Douglas, leaving her feeling bereft, thinking of her daughter going back into her new life. You can’t have it both ways; she scolded herself, when only last night she yearned to be free of her girls and their dramas.
‘Julian, if only you could send me some sort of sign that you are somewhere close,’ she said out loud. There was no answer, just emptiness stretching on ahead of her forever, but just as she reached the turn to the cottage Frank came into her mind, bringing a surge of pleasure. He wanted to take her paragliding; she could almost feel the rush of air as they took off, the gentle drift through the sky. How long would it be before she would see him again?
Mothers and Daughters Page 18
