‘No, we’re staying with my sister who lives in Clapham,’ she hugged her. ‘Thank you so much, Alice, it was wonderful. I expect Nick will come back to say goodbye when he’s put Lexie in the car.’
‘Don’t worry, you’ll want to be on your way,’ Alice said, certain that Nick would not return.
Frank appeared back in the room, he came over to her and took her in his arms to dance. ‘I’ve dealt with it,’ he said in her ear. ‘Sent him packing. I don’t know how far it would have gone if I hadn’t arrived, but I don’t think it was much more than a few kisses.’
Before she could answer she saw Laura come into the room. She looked pale but calm as if she had settled something in her mind. Douglas appeared smiling and she hugged him and he swept her up in a dance.
The party broke up soon after, Laura and Douglas had an early flight and left for an airport hotel. Evie and Luke, who was a charming but rather fey young man who obviously adored Evie, went off somewhere else together. A friend had collected Raffi much earlier in the evening and Frank drove Alice home.
‘What did Laura say when you caught them?’ she asked as they drove over Putney Bridge, the river like black oil gleaming in the moonlight.
‘She didn’t see me, the door was slightly ajar and I pushed it open. She had her back to me but Nick saw me, that was enough.’
‘He ruins everything. Laura’s had a crush on him forever and I suppose he knew it and played on it, though she shouldn’t have gone off alone with him. But seeing her with Douglas at the end, I think in a way it settled things for her. She looked very happy to be with Douglas. Laura needs to depend on people and I think she realised that Nick can never be depended upon, but Douglas can.’ Alice said, wondering how far Laura would have gone if Frank had not caught them?
‘That’s a relief, it would be dreadful for a marriage to end on the day it started.’ He turned to her. ‘Think about what I said about skiing, there’s a chalet in Switzerland that I can borrow, belongs to my cousin, we could go there, and ski the four valleys, would you like that, Alice?’
His voice was gentle and she felt he was asking her something very important. She was free now to choose her own life with both her daughters in their own relationships. She didn’t know what to say to him.
As she didn’t speak, Frank said, ‘I know you’re angry with me for telling you about Ned, souring your picture of Julian, but he, like the rest of us, made mistakes. Let it go, Alice, before it eats you alive.’
‘I can’t think about it now,’ she said, wishing they could go back to how it was before she’d known about it.
They’d reached her front door now and he stopped the car. ‘Will you be all right? I’ll come in if you don’t want to be alone.’
His voice was tender, it made her want to cry and cling to him but she was afraid of embarrassing him, being like some of her girl friends who flirted so outrageously with him, hoping for an affair. But she was not like that, she had never had a love affair apart from with Julian, and she had married him. She felt shy about it all, knowing she could not embark on an affair with Frank, it would not be enough. If ever they made love she would want to commit to him forever. She felt very tired and flat and needed be alone to mull over the day.
‘I’m fine, thank you Frank. Evie will be back sometime, but I can’t thank you enough for everything, it was such a lovely day. We’ll meet up soon and I’ll think about skiing. It sounds very tempting.’ She got of the car, taking her house key out of her bag and he took it from her and unlocked her front door.
‘Sure you’re OK?’ His hand was on her arm.
‘I’m sure,’ she hugged him hard and felt his lips against her cheek. ‘Thanks so much again for everything,’ she said and shot inside before she lost control and dragged him into the house with her.
44
The tumultuous year had ended. Christmas had come and gone. Alice with her daughters and Douglas, spent it in the cottage in Suffolk; Laura wanted Douglas to see it and his children were with their mother. Evie wanted to be close to Luke, who spent part of the holiday with them and the rest with his parents who lived in Cambridge. Frank was in France with his children.
It was Raffi who made it such a success. His fascination with the coloured lights and the sparkling decorations on the tree, bringing his own magic to the occasion.
Alice greeted the New Year with a mixture of relief and trepidation. Surely it couldn’t throw up any worse changes than had occurred already, could it? She was a grandmother in circumstances she wouldn’t have wished for, though Raffi had stolen her heart and Johnny too, and she couldn’t imagine a life now without them.
Raffi and Evie were about to move to Norfolk to live with Luke in a large, rather ramshackle house that once belonged to his grandparents. It would give him room to do his sculpture and there was a studio with good light for Evie to continue her illustrations and, as Alice remarked to Cecily, they suited each other well, both driven by their creative personalities, spurring each other on to produce their best work, and both adoring Raffi.
Alice saw how content Laura now seemed with Douglas. He had come out of himself since the day she’d first met him, and she realised now how perfect they were for each other. Perhaps his first wife had been too domineering, squashing him into the dull man Alice had first thought him to be. Nick was never spoken of. They’d glimpsed him briefly in church at Christmas but neither girl remarked on it.
As January slipped by, Alice saw more of Johnny, sometimes collecting him from school and keeping him until Douglas or Laura got home. Zara was at a different school and always seemed to be busy with friends or activities, and for that she was relieved, finding her rather bossy and spoilt, though she accepted that that was probably her way of coping with the difficult changes in her life. Johnny was slowly emerging from his shell and he kept asking when Frank would take him paragliding.
‘He’s very busy, but if your father lets you go to watch, I know he’ll take you. It’s too cold and grey now, wait until the spring,’ she told him, wondering when, if ever, she’d see Frank again.
She had barely seen him since the wedding. He’d come round the following day to see how she was but Evie and Luke were there with Raffi. Evie had immediately asked him about Ned and when they could meet him, and Frank, glancing apprehensively at her, had said that Ned was very committed to his job in the US just now but he hoped a meeting would happen some time in the future.
‘Well, I must go,’ Frank had got up then, ‘I’ve got work to finish here before I leave for France.’ He kissed Evie goodbye and Alice followed him to the door.
When they reached it, he had turned to her. ‘I’ve got a couple of assignments to do back home after Christmas but when I’ve finished them, I want you to come skiing with me,’ he said quietly. He was standing so close to her and though they were not touching she imagined that she felt the warmth of him leaching into her and it was all she could do not to reach out and hold him. ‘Remember,’ he went on with a smile, ‘you did say you wanted to ski the four valleys, Alice. And I’m going to hold you to it.’
‘But I’m hardly fit enough, I haven’t skied for a couple of years,’ she said, thinking that that wish must surely stay a dream.
‘But you’re a good skier I’m sure, you went almost every year, didn’t you? You perhaps need to get fit, go to the gym, we’ll do it or anyway a part of it, start at Mont Fort. I’ll send you the tickets then you’ll have to come.’ He’d kissed her goodbye, holding her close to him a moment before opening the door to leave.
She remembered Margot wasting away with anxiety, and said, ‘Can you tell me if Glen will be all right?’
He frowned, ‘There’s nothing new about decent people getting caught up in various dodgy practices, especially when those in charge do it too or don’t keep a strict enough eye on things. I don’t know. I’ll be in touch when I get back.’ He kissed her again on her cheek. ’Get your skiing things out,’ he said and was gone.
F
rank’s words about Glen and his firm did not comfort her but Margot would cope; hard though it might be, she would come through. She thought of the shattering changes in her own life, things never stayed the same forever and the only way to survive the difficult bits was to keep going.
Their nursery basket business was going well and the two of them concentrated on that. They worked from Alice’s house as Margot felt intimidated in hers, the luxurious home she’d adored now felt tainted after the heavy-footed raid on it and also, though she didn’t say but Alice guessed, relations between her and Glen were strained, but Margot was a stayer and she was pretty sure she wouldn’t leave him over this.
While they worked together, one dark and gloomy afternoon in February, Petra had come over to see them, the three old friends together, Alice told them about Ned.
‘I don’t believe it? Julian? He always seemed so straightforward. What you saw was what you got, a dear, dependable man with no secrets.’ Margot and Petra were both amazed.
‘How did you find out?’ Petra asked. ‘Did he turn up?’
‘No… Frank told me.’ She then told them about that afternoon when she’d glimpsed Ned and thought he was Julian. ‘Ned is Frank’s sister’s child, but it all happened before Julian and I met, and his sister is happily married to someone else and lives in New Jersey,’ she finished with a rush.
‘Who’d have thought it? So no wonder they were such friends, they shared a family… and a secret,’ Petra said in surprise.
Alice said no more, Petra was fascinated but Margot was quiet, her face pensive, then she said, ‘It’s not as bad secret as Glen’s… I don’t know how much he is involved in this financial business. We don’t talk about it but… well I’m so frightened.’ She burst into tears and Alice held her, trying to comfort her.
Petra, stroking Margot’s back, asked, ‘What does Frank say about it?’
Margot blew her nose and faced them. ‘He can’t say anything while he’s working on it and he must keep away from us, be impartial.’
‘He needn’t be impartial with me,’ Petra said. ‘I’ll arrange for drinks, have him round.’ She smiled at them all, fired up with her idea. ‘It’s such a dreary time of year, we need to keep cheerful.’
‘He’ll hardly tell you anything at a party, at least I hope he won’t.’ Margot was rather irritated with Petra for seeing their disaster as a topic for party gossip.
Alice had not heard from Frank since Christmas and she assumed he was in France. He’d told her he had work to do there. Then one evening he rang and asked her out to supper.
‘I’ve finished my part in reporting on Glen’s firm,’ he said when they were settled in a quiet corner of a cosy restaurant in Kensington.
‘So it’s all over?’ Alice tensed herself for what he was going to say.
‘No, but I’ve finished for the moment. I’m afraid there will probably be a court case, well bound to be, there’s been some highly corrupt practices going on. The management seemed to have lost all sense of their responsibility. There are some big names involved but I think Glen is safe, safe from jail anyway. He’s made a few bad decisions, but I don’t think he’ll be prosecuted, though they’ll all lose their jobs and the perks that came with it.’
‘That’s a sort of relief, but will they lose the house?’ She felt sympathy for Margot who’d spent so much time and energy doing up her house, but then she no longer felt happy there now so she might not find it so hard to move.
He nodded. ‘It’s not going to be easy for them, but when the fuss has died down Glen will probably get another job but…’ He reached across the table and took her hand. ‘Perhaps everyone has a secret, and it doesn’t always mean the end of everything.’
‘Yes, I’ve been thinking that,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry if I was…’
‘I understand,’ he interrupted her, ‘we all carry secrets and sometimes we don’t tell them because we’re afraid it will damage the relationship. We don’t quite trust it to be strong enough to survive any difficult news. Julian might have felt that with you, after all you are so much younger and so beautiful, and at the back of his mind he might have been afraid that you would leave him for someone else.’
‘Surely not, he was so strong, so dependable,’ she protested.
‘Outwardly yes, but who knows the insecurities that lurk inside us all. I don’t know why he didn’t tell you but it wouldn’t surprise me if it didn’t have something to do with that.’ His eyes were bright on her face and she felt closer to him than she ever had, he went on quietly, ‘You have to be sure of a relationship before you bare your soul, Alice.’
‘I suppose so,’ she said, puzzled by his words.
Frank let go her hand and picked up the menu, ‘Sorry don’t let’s get too heavy, now, I hope you’re hungry.’
After dinner, he dropped her home and they sat in the dark of the car a moment before she got out. ‘I’m going back to France tomorrow but I want to take you skiing as I said I would, take us both out of the life we know into something else. Early March, we’ll meet at Geneva airport, you will come, won’t you?’ He turned to her and for a moment she thought she would refuse, afraid that she wouldn’t match up to him, afraid of the feeling that he was offering her something more than just a skiing holiday.
‘Remember you wanted to break out, do exciting things, you’ve test-driven a sports car, paraglided and now only skiing remains on your list and the time for that will run out as the season changes.’
It was four weeks away; she wasn’t busy, not really. Her daughters were settled for the moment, and Margot was grateful to immerse herself in their small business. Alice had said she wanted excitement and now here it was being offered to her, was she going to be coward enough to turn it down, just continue on as she always had?
‘I will come,’ she said though she felt fearful.
‘Good, I’ll book it all and send you the tickets.’ They got out of the car and stood in front of her house that was in darkness and empty of children. She wondered for a moment if he would come in, but he kissed her, gently on her cheek. ‘Until then,’ he said. ‘I’ll be waiting there for you.’
She smiled and went inside, snapping on the lights to give life to the empty house. What was she thinking? No doubt he had a girlfriend waiting for him in France, she might join them and perhaps there’d be a group of his friends.
The tickets arrived a fortnight before they were meeting. She felt excited, yet nervous too. It would be the first proper holiday she’d had since Julian’s death. She looked out her ski clothes. She’d hire boots and skis out there.
It was strange yet exciting arriving at Geneva airport alone. She’d told everyone she was going skiing with Frank, and they’d been pleased for her. Cecily, had smiled, taken her hand, ‘I’m so glad, Alice. Love’s quite elastic, you know.’ She glanced at the photographs of her two dead lovers; ‘There’s always plenty to share with others.’
Frank was waiting for her, her spirits lifted when she saw him. He came joyfully towards her and kissed her, holding her close. ‘It’s so good to see you, Alice,’ he said, taking her case and with his other hand, took hers and led her out towards his car.
He had a different Bristol with him to the dark blue one she remembered from so long ago. It was sleek and silver grey and they drove on up the valley to the resort perched high in the mountains, the small houses and villages scattered below them. She reminded him of the last time she’d driven with him when she was young and the children had not been born.
‘I remember,’ he said, smiling at her, ‘we went quite fast, I won’t try it here we might go over the edge.’
‘Please don’t,’ she said watching the narrow road in front of them
The chalet was small, overlooking the valley. ‘There’s a chalet girl, or I think a boy this time, who’ll come in and clean and everything, get us breakfast if you want,’ he said as he took her case and put it into one of the rooms and his own luggage in another.
Th
ere seemed to be no one else there though she saw another bedroom. She felt a little relieved but also regretful. He was taking her skiing, helping her achieve her wish, she reminded herself firmly. She must not be like Petra and expect a more intimate relationship. Frank was Julian’s great friend, Laura’s godfather, a close family friend, which perhaps was a more lasting relationship than that of a lover.
She had little time to reflect on their relationship as they rushed down to the village to rent her skies and boots and then had supper with Frank’s friends. He seemed to know a lot of people out here. They got back late to the chalet and both were only too glad to sink into their own beds and sleep.
For three days, their life was the same, skiing all day, sometimes just the two of them, sometimes with friends, and every evening pleasantly tired. With all their exercise they slept well… alone. Frank was friendly and kind but there was no hint of a romance.
The day came when they were to ski part of the four valleys.
They reached the hut at Mont Four at the end of the afternoon straggling up the steep path to reach it perched in the mountains. The day-skiers were setting off on their last run home, leaving those skiers who were spending the night here to the majesty of the sky, the snow and the ring of mountains all around them. Frank and Alice took off their skies, leaving them in the entrance before going into the warm, wood-lined hut, the welcoming smell of hot soup waiting for them. There were rooms off the main living area, each holding four narrow beds where the skiers snatched a few hours of sleep before getting up at first light to set off on the first run. It was important to catch the snow at each place at the right time when it was cold and crisp enough not to give way.
‘I’ve been here for lunch in the day but I never really took it in,’ Alice said to Frank. ‘Now at the end of the day it feels different, wonderful, just us few in the world.’ She turned to him, her eyes shining, an energy driving through her, lifting her spirits.’
‘Wait until the sun goes down,’ he said smiling at her, ‘it is magic.’
Mothers and Daughters Page 27
