by Tayte, Megan
When Gabriel finished speaking, we sat quietly on the beach for a time, listening to the call of the seagulls and the crash of the waves. I don’t know where Gabriel’s thoughts were, but mine, and no doubt Luke’s, were carefully comparing his account with Evangeline’s. The similarity was striking – but Gabriel’s account added a new layer of meaning.
I had many questions. Why had Gabriel come to the cove in the first place? Why had he and my mother returned a year after leaving the cove? Had he convinced Sienna to join the Fallen before she died? If so, why hadn’t he done the same for me?
But one question was clamouring louder than all the others:
‘The day you were Outcast. The day you saved a life and took a life. Who?’
Gabriel’s eyes were fixed on mine, intent and fierce. ‘I loved her,’ he said.
Emotions slammed into me – sympathy, horror, respect, disgust.
‘Mum?’ I whispered.
‘Elizabeth,’ he said. ‘She drowned.’
The waves were roaring, crashing. I couldn’t sit any longer – I scrambled to my feet. Luke rocketed up, but I put out a hand before he could hold me. I needed to breathe.
The waves were roaring, crashing. The waves that had taken my sister. The waves that had taken my mother.
All my life, she’d taught Sienna and me to be afraid of the sea: You stay away from the water, girls. The sea is dangerous. The sea is death. She’d told us that she’d nearly drowned in the cove in her teens. Nearly.
She did drown.
And he brought her back.
Gabriel came to stand beside me. We stood in a row, staring out at the water I had come to love.
‘You pulled Elizabeth from the water?’ said Luke, and I knew what he was thinking, what scene was replaying in his head.
‘Yes,’ said Gabriel. ‘She wasn’t in far. I got her out and I laid her on the beach. She was blue. She was staring. Her eyes – they were empty.’
Luke took my hand, and I clung on to him.
Slowly, Gabriel rolled up a shirtsleeve to reveal the Latin branding on his forearm. ‘They taught us to serve the light. To unquestioningly follow the instinct. To be instruments, never gods. To fear being powerful.’
He rolled his sleeve up further, all the way to the crook of his elbow, and I saw that he’d extended the original tattoo so that it read: Non Serviam.
‘Lucifer,’ said Luke. ‘You’re wearing the motto of the devil.’
Gabriel smiled a little at that. ‘I see you paid attention in Sunday school. Yes, when the archangel Lucifer rebelled, that was his cry: Non Serviam. And then he was cast out of heaven. As was I, from Cerulea.’
‘That’s why you were Outcast? For saving my mother?’
‘Yes, Scarlett.’
‘But you loved her. Of course you saved her!’
As Gabriel’s smile widened, Luke shook my hand and said my name sharply.
‘What?’
I looked up at him. He looked frightened – why did he look frightened?
‘He’s not a hero,’ said Luke. ‘He’s a killer. Remember? Two acts got him thrown out.’
‘True,’ said Gabriel. ‘I killed a man that day, right here on this beach.’
Instinctively, I stepped backwards, and so did Luke. I found myself scanning the sand around, as if the body lay here still.
The body. Whose body?
‘Who?’ I said.
‘The who doesn’t matter,’ said Gabriel. ‘It’s the why you need to know.’
‘Why then?’
‘Elizabeth. I put my hands on her and I drowned her in my light, and when I hit a brick wall I basted through it. And then… she was breathing: she was alive. And I was bleeding and drained, but I was free. All those years a Cerulean, gone in seconds. It wasn’t just Elizabeth who got a second chance at life that day.’
‘Yes, yes,’ said Luke, ‘very poetic. But where does the murdering come in?’
Gabriel snorted. ‘I’m really starting to like you, son,’ he said.
‘I’m not your son. Now get on with it.’
‘Elizabeth was alive, but out of it. I left her, and I went back to the man.’
‘What man?’
‘The man I’d pulled off her in the water. The man drowning her.’
‘Someone tried to kill my mother?’
‘No, Scarlett, someone did kill your mother.’
I staggered and Luke grabbed me.
‘Sorry,’ said Gabriel, serious now. ‘That can’t be easy to hear. I don’t know who he was. All I know is that when I came to the beach to meet Elizabeth – it was night-time, she’d sneaked out – he had her in the shallows and he was holding her under. I punched him, knocked him out. Healed Elizabeth. And then I went back for him.
‘I was too weak to hit him again. But I knew how to end him. I’d done it with a dog once, on the island. It was dying, whimpering with pain. I used my light to bring it peace. I did that to the man. Only I didn’t wish him peace. I wished him an eternity of torture. And afterwards, when I stood over his body, I knew I had done right.’
A memory: my sister standing over a dead man, a man who had died at her hands. The look on her face: grim satisfaction.
‘Sienna,’ I said. ‘The alley. Newquay. The man.’
‘A paedophile,’ said Gabriel, ‘and a rapist. The things he’d done... he deserved to burn in hell.’
Oh God.
Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe, and the beach tilted a little.
I saw Gabriel reach for me but Luke pulled me back.
‘It’s okay,’ he said, arms around me, holding me up, ‘it’s okay.’
The beach was blurring around the edges behind Gabriel, and I thought I was passing out. But then the blur assumed a bluish hue and a figure materialised.
‘You’re vigilantes,’ said Jude. His face was bloodless, his tone as shocked as I’d ever heard it.
Gabriel was opening his mouth to answer, but he was cut off by a voice behind me. A hard-edged voice as familiar to me as my own.
‘Seriously, Jude,’ said my sister, ‘what else would we be?’
34: ON THE LEVEL
There followed an interlude of staring. Jude stared at Sienna. Sienna stared at Jude. I stared from Gabriel to Sienna. Gabriel stared from Sienna to me. As for Luke, his head snapped back and forth as he looked from one to another in agitation.
It was Gabriel who broke away first. He scanned the beach and the village, and then said, ‘Sienna, did I not explicitly tell you not to magically appear in this public space in the middle of the day?’
Now we all looked around. So far as I could see the beach was deserted and the few people visible in the village were going about their business and not staring in shock at our spot on the beach where two people had just appeared out of thin air. I was perhaps not the best judge, given that my vision was still a little blurry, but the others seemed to relax so I took that to mean we were in the clear.
‘Sit,’ commanded Gabriel.
Four pairs of eyes glared at him.
‘Sitting puts us all on the level so we can talk calmly,’ he said in a slightly less domineering tone. ‘And we should all talk.’ His eyes fixed on Sienna. ‘Calmly.’
My sister huffed, but plonked herself down on the sand. Gabriel sat next to her, leaving Luke and Jude and me standing awkwardly, trying to work out where to sit. In the end, I positioned myself opposite Gabriel and Sienna, and rather than form a circle and get close to Gabriel and Sienna, Luke and Jude flanked me at either side so that we formed two lines: us and them.
‘Now, as pleased as I am that you decided to join us, Sienna,’ said Gabriel, ‘I’ve warned you about abusing your power to Travel. You can’t just semi-materialise and spy on people.’
Sienna pouted her cherry-red lips but said nothing.
‘And that goes for you too, Jude,’ said Gabriel.
‘Well, I was hardly going to let Scarlett face you alone, was I?’ said Jude.
I waited for Luke t
o bristle at the implication that as protection went, he was useless, but he was nodding.
‘You knew?’ I said to him. ‘You knew Jude was here, watching us?’
‘It was Luke’s idea,’ said Jude.
I glared at my boyfriend and he cringed. ‘Sorry. But I thought you’d say no. And we figured, just in case…’
Whatever outraged response I was about to utter – or would it, in fact, have been one of pride that Luke had teamed up with Jude? – was lost as Gabriel let out a deep laugh.
‘Ah, the subterfuge,’ he said. ‘Clearly, you two are blokes after my own heart.’
Luke and Jude rounded on him.
‘Hardly,’ said Luke.
‘Never,’ said Jude.
Gabriel arched an eyebrow. ‘Never, Jude? Despite your realisation today that we are, as you call us, vigilantes, that good reasons exist for our actions, you’re Evangeline’s man through and through?’
I noticed Sienna had leaned forward a little, and though she kept her expression aloof, I knew her well enough to recognise the interest in her eyes. But it quickly dimmed with Jude’s adamant reply:
‘I will always be loyal to Evangeline and the values of the Ceruleans. I will always believe in respecting the boundaries of the light. And I will always obey the most fundamental law: you shall not kill.’
‘Who do you kill?’ I interjected. ‘Not just anyone – people you think deserve it?’
‘People we know deserve it,’ said Gabriel.
My sister rolled her eyes. ‘Really, sis, what the heck else would we be all about?’
‘I don’t know, Sienna,’ I snapped. ‘I didn’t get much past knowing you were all cold-hearted, vindictive killers who enjoy what you do. You showed me that. And I told you that night, do not call me “sis”.’
Sienna’s colour was rising, and Gabriel put a restraining hand on her arm.
‘What about the other stuff you all do?’ said Luke. ‘The… resurrecting.’
‘If we can,’ said Gabriel, ‘we will.’
‘But how does it work? How do you decide who to save – who to kill?’
‘Good questions, Luke, and important ones. But not ones I’ll answer today.’
Gabriel fixed his eyes on me. ‘This is our first proper conversation, Scarlett, and I know how difficult it must be for you. And frustrating, that you can’t see the full picture. Your grandfather, Peter, used to counsel me on the need for patience. As a young man I never managed to follow his advice, but I’ve grown to see the wisdom in it.
‘You know now a little more of who I am and how I came to be this way, and that’s all I wanted to get across to you today. To answer all your questions would mean us sitting here all night, and then you’d think up more. Take some time to think about what’s been said today. And then visit us and see how we live and work.’ He cast a quick glance at Sienna, and then finished: ‘I think in many ways what you’ll want to know is better seen than told.’
‘No!’ Sienna shook off Gabriel’s hold. ‘No. I don’t want her there. I don’t want either of them involved!’
‘Sienna,’ he said. ‘We’ve been over this. There’s no other way…’
‘No!’ She was up on her feet now, towering over her father. ‘You do not have the right to make that decision!’
‘It’s not about having the right, Sienna – it’s about doing what’s right.’
‘I don’t care. You’ll ruin everything.’ She looked at me, and then at Jude, and when she spoke again her voice cracked. ‘Please, Gabe. Don’t.’
I stared at Sienna. I didn’t understand at all. Why was she so desperate to keep me away?
At the first note of fear in my sister’s voice Jude had launched to his feet, and now he moved towards her saying, ‘Sienna – what is it?’
But she put up her hands and backed away and said, ‘Don’t, please. You can’t.’ And with one last panicked look at me and then Gabriel, she disappeared.
Jude stopped in his tracks.
‘Has she gone?’ I asked Gabriel.
He looked at the space Sienna had just occupied. ‘Yes.’
‘You can tell?’
‘If a Cerulean is watching, the air where they stand is a little distorted – like a mirage on a hot day.’
‘Oh,’ I said. ‘Like that.’ I pointed over Gabriel’s shoulder, but by the time he looked there was nothing to see. If Sienna had been lurking, she was gone now.
When he turned back, he was shaking his head. ‘She does love a dramatic exit, your sister. I’m sorry about her outburst. She has a lot to deal with at the moment. But don’t let her put you off visiting.’
‘Scarlett’s not going anywhere with you,’ said Jude firmly.
‘Definitely not,’ said Luke.
I looked between the two of them. ‘You’re doing it again.’
‘Doing what?’
‘Acting like I don’t exist. Making decisions for me.’
‘We’re just trying to protect you,’ Luke protested.
‘I know – but don’t do it by trampling all over me!’
‘If I may?’ Gabriel cut in. ‘Luke’s welcome to come with you, Scarlett.’
‘And me?’ said Jude.
Gabriel regarded him seriously. ‘You would come?’
‘Yes.’
‘Evangeline wouldn’t like that.’
‘She trusts me. She has no reason not to. And she’d want me there, for Scarlett.’
Gabriel looked pensive. ‘Perhaps,’ he said. ‘But you coming may be a step too far for Sienna. And she’s already on the edge. I’ll have to talk to her.’
‘This is all academic,’ I pointed out. ‘I haven’t said I’ll come.’
‘True,’ said Gabriel.
We surveyed each other, he smiling, me most definitely not.
I broke the gaze first and looked away. I thought I caught a flash of movement, a slight blur, towards the waterline, but then it was gone. Sienna? I wondered. Well, if she was still spying, I wasn’t about to tell tales on her. It made no difference to me now – I’d decided, abruptly, that we were done here.
I shot up and Jude and Luke quickly closed ranks at each side of me. Gabriel, conversely, was as relaxed as a surfer post-rush as he stood and brushed sand from his jeans.
‘I’ll think about what you’ve said today,’ I told him. ‘And in the meantime, you’ll leave me alone. No surprise visits. No watching me.’
‘I’ll keep my distance from you, Scarlett,’ he said.
‘And if I decide I want to contact you?’
I ignored Luke’s hand clenching around mine and a sharp intake of breath from Jude.
‘Then you can call me.’ He enunciated the number carefully and I saved it in my phone under Gabriel. Seeing me mouth the name, he said, ‘It’s Gabe. It’s always been Gabe.’
‘Not always,’ said Luke. ‘What’s that “Rafe” name all about?’
Gabriel – Gabe – laughed. ‘That’s a name I haven’t been called in many years. It was Elizabeth’s name for me; a pet name, I suppose you’d call it.’
‘Why Rafe?’
‘Short for Raphael.’
Jude snorted. ‘Not for the archangel.’
‘No, for the painter.’
‘You paint?’ I asked.
‘No – that was the point. It was Elizabeth’s little joke because I can’t draw for toffee. Hence this.’
Gabe reached into his pocket and pulled out the napkin.
‘You drew that?’ I said.
‘Yes. A long time ago, in a fish-and-chip shop at Plymouth harbour. It was just a silly token, to represent our dream. Our quiet life.’
I could feel Luke’s eyes on me, but I didn’t turn to him.
‘For all these years, she kept it,’ said Gabe softly.
I looked at the stickwoman on the napkin, at her wide half-moon smile. ‘You hurt her badly,’ I said. ‘You broke her.’
Anger flashed in his eyes, and for a moment I thought he would challenge me. But h
e only smoothed his face into a blank mask and said:
‘The past is the past, Scarlett, and we can’t change it. We can only go forwards. With hope.’
35: SHADOWS
Jude and Luke and I left Gabe on the beach and walked to the cliff path. I didn’t look back. I didn’t want to know whether my father was watching me.
I caught myself in the thought. My father. I’d thought that. Not Gabriel, not Gabe. My father. It unsettled me immensely. He wasn’t my father – no more than Sienna was my sister after what she’d done.
What she’d done.
What had she done?
She’d killed a man.
Why had she killed the man?
Because he was bad.
Why had she killed him like that, in front of us?
To drive me away.
Why did she want me away from her?
When we reached the cottage, I was still lost in thought. Dimly, I was aware of Luke sending Jude off to make coffee – ‘with lots of sugar’ – and standing me in front of the fire. I stared at a picture on the mantelpiece. Sienna and me in the meadow at Hollythwaite. I hadn’t been able to bring myself to take it down.
Finally, Luke said, ‘Scarlett, a little help...?’ and I snapped back to the moment and realised he was trying to wrestle my wetsuit off while it resisted and clung to my skin like hot wax. Removing it was nearly as painful as a waxing – I’d forgotten to put on Body Glide – but the pain was good, like a slap in the face.
I dressed quickly in clothes from the kitbag Luke had brought back from the beach, and then we collapsed onto the sofa.
‘You okay?’ said Luke.
I nodded. ‘Just been thinking.’
‘And?’
‘And I keep coming back to what they are. Vigilantes. I should have known that. I don’t know why I didn’t realise.’
‘I thought of it,’ said Jude, striding into the room. ‘Since Sienna went into the ocean, I must have thought of every possibility, even the crazy ones.’
He set a tray down on the table and we took a coffee each. In unison, we sipped – and winced. Way too sweet.
‘Why didn’t you tell me they could be vigilantes?’ I said.
Jude shrugged. ‘Why would I? It doesn’t change anything.’
