by Snead,A. M.
And what about you and Todd? You say you’re not falling for him, but every time you’re near him—he ends up in your arms.
Drew sighed and stared at the ceiling. He wanted to believe he was still free and clear, and that his attraction to Todd was merely a surface attraction. Sexual and nothing more. But when his thoughts turned to Todd, it wasn’t all about sex. And when it was about sex…they were making love, and not just fucking.
It troubled him deeply that during his very first encounter with Todd—he’d asked the man if he could make love to him. He never asked that of anyone, not even Nolan. Maybe with Nolan is was just a given that they loved each other as friends and to some degree they did make love. But that was Nolan—his best friend.
You need to get control of this and get out while you still can.
Nolan shifted and nuzzled Drew’s throat. “Is it morning?” he mumbled.
“Yeah.” Drew kissed his hair. “Such as it is.”
“Are you mad at me?”
Drew frowned. “Why would I be mad at you?”
“For last night…Lane…”
“Nolan,” Drew murmured. “Who you take to bed is your business. I only cautioned you about the noise because I saw Rodney in the hallway.”
Nolan was quiet for a minute then whispered, “It was stupid of me to do it. He was drunk. He probably doesn’t even remember coming to my room.” He swallowed thickly. “Maybe it’s better if he doesn’t.”
“It wasn’t stupid, baby.” Drew tightened his arm around Nolan. “You like the guy, and he was right there, offering himself to you. You’re human, that’s all.” He kissed his head again. “Can’t hardly blame you for that.” Drew turned onto his side and pulled Nolan deeper into his embrace, holding him close. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt, babe. And if you throw your heart to Lane Cassiter…he may not catch it. This is a confusing time for him and I don’t think he’s ready for all this. So, please, just be careful.”
Nolan sighed and kissed his throat. “I’ll try.” He caressed Drew’s chest with his fingertips. “You be careful, too. I think Todd really likes you, but he isn’t ready, either.”
“I know,” Drew whispered. “Trust me…I know.”
Dampness smeared Drew’s neck when Nolan pressed his face closer. “Maybe it would be better if they left. And it could just be us again. I miss the way it was.”
“So do I.” Drew lifted Nolan’s face and kissed his lips. “I miss it a lot.”
They gazed at each other and Drew knew that Nolan didn’t really want Lane to leave…he just wanted Lane to let him into his heart.
Isn’t it the same with you…and Todd?
Rather than answer the question, he shut it out with another kiss to Nolan’s lips, slowly submerging them both in tender, warm, safe passion.
♠
“I’m assuming the race is postponed?” Lane stood at the bedroom window watching the wind whip the trees.
Todd sat up and dropped his feet to the floor. He leaned forward and ground the heels of his palms into his eyes then stood up and walked over to stand beside Lane. He could feel the force of the storm pummel the lodge. It was nearly a whiteout, the evergreens just vague silhouettes as they swayed back and forth. The slopes would be a mess after this. “You didn’t get the memo last night?”
“Maybe,” Lane murmured, staring out the window. “Fuck if I know. I can’t remember shit after I left the lounge. All I remember is chugging on a bottle of Wild Turkey and then—nothing…until I woke up at the butt crack of dawn to that bitch running her mouth.”
Todd looked at him. “You don’t remember anything?”
“That’s what I just said.” Lane met his stare and frowned. “Why? What’d I do?”
Todd shrugged. “I don’t know,” he mumbled. “I couldn’t find you. Sometime during the night, you stumbled in here and crashed on the bed.”
Turning his focus back to the storm, Lane asked low, “What did Tonya mean about overhearing you telling Drew that you fucked him? When was this? And what were you two talking about?” He chanced a quick glance at Todd that didn’t hold. “I thought you didn’t want anything more to do with him. I mean, we paid our dues. Why even associate with them anymore?”
Why can’t you look me in the eye when you talk about “them”? Did he really not remember fucking Nolan last night? Or was he just scared shitless and putting on a convincing act?
“Yesterday, in the lounge,” Todd said. “After the shit with Rodney. I went back to the restroom. Drew came back there to…” He rubbed his palm over his mouth and stared out at the storm.
“To what?”
Todd cleared his throat. “To apologize for something,” he mumbled. “I was pissed off at Rodney for that bullshit story he told and-”
“Wait.” Lane looked at him, brow knotted. “What story?”
Lane wasn’t out there when Rodney said that shit about the Hamptons. Fuck. Todd didn’t want to repeat it, not to Lane. Would he believe the same as Rodney—that Todd had made up the bet to try and get Lane screwed by a guy? He wouldn’t think that and you know it. All things considered…how could it not cross his mind?
“What story?” Lane pressed.
Todd shook his head and averted his eyes. “It was nothing,” he said quietly. “Not important now.”
“Was it something about me?”
“No.”
“About you?”
Todd left the window and walked back to the bed and sat down.
“What the fuck did he say about you?” Lane turned his back to the window and stared at his friend.
“I told you, it’s nothing,” Todd murmured. “He was just trying to piss me off and it worked.”
“Well, what did he say?” Lane sat down on his bed. “Was it about you and Drew?”
Todd frowned. “Why would he say anything about that? He didn’t know about any of that.”
“I’m just asking,” Lane said. “Why won’t you just tell me?”
Why wouldn’t he? Lane was his best friend. Did he actually think he would believe Rodney over Todd? He leaned forward and hung his head, shoving his hands through his hair. “He said that…” Todd closed his eyes, his throat tight. “He said that last year at the Hampton tournament, during the after party…”
“What?” Lane asked quietly.
“He said that he…” Todd swallowed hard, afraid to look at Lane. “…walked in on me and one of the waiters…fucking.” His head sank lower and he gripped the back of his neck, his voice trembling as he whispered, “He said I was taking it in the ass and…and implied that was about the time I started having problems getting it up with Tonya.”
“What?” Lane breathed stiffly. “How the fuck does he know about that?”
Todd raised his head, his eyes damp. “How do you think?”
“That bitch,” Lane hissed. “Is she fucking him, too?”
Todd nodded.
Rubbing his mouth, Lane asked, “What really happened at that party?”
Todd stared at him. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “I was drunk off my ass. I don’t remember a fucking thing, but…I mean, fuck…if that was true, I’d fucking remember. I mean…wouldn’t I?” He looked at Lane desperately.
“Fuck yes, you would,” he insisted. “And that’s fucking bullshit anyway. Rodney’s a fucking prick. You can’t believe a word he says.”
Todd trembled and ducked his head again, raking his hair. “But what he said about the other was true,” Todd whispered. “Right after that was when I started having problems. What if…what if he’s telling the truth? What if I really…” He shook his head, his throat constricting. “He said I made that bet with Nolan because I didn’t want to be a fag all my myself.”
“That’s bullshit,” Lane said. “And he isn’t right. That was a shit story to try and get under your skin. You can’t listen to him.”
Todd bit his lip as his chin trembled. “I feel so fucked up. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with
me.”
“Nothing is wrong with you.” Lane moved from his bed to Todd’s and sat beside him. “Yesterday was…jarring, to say the least,” Lane murmured. “But you’re still the same person you’ve always been. So am I. So we…took some cock. So what? It was just sex; it didn’t magically turn us into…” He let the sentence go and exhaled heavily, leaning forward next to Todd.
Todd turned his head and Lane met his eyes. Then why did you go running back to Nolan’s bed the first chance you got?
“It didn’t,” Lane whispered with a trace of fear in his voice that seeped up to his eyes.
Todd looked away and rested his head in his hands. “Yeah,” he mumbled. “We’re still completely straight.”
So why are you still fucking Nolan and why is Drew the only one who can get me hard?
♠
The main part of the lodge was powered by generators, allowing the dining room to remain open for hot meals. When Nolan ventured downstairs to begin his shift, there was no sign of Lane or Todd, though their friends were gathering at the large table near the fireplace.
Drew showed up ten minutes later to lend a hand. With the race postponed and all outdoor activity prohibited, the dining room was overcrowded. Nolan saw Drew discreetly scour the room in search of Todd, and noted the faint pinch of disappointment when he didn’t spot him.
Oh Drew, we are both up shit creek without a paddle.
“Hey.” Drew slipped his arm around Nolan when he walked over. “What do you want me to do?” he flashed his classic grin, reminding Nolan of the old Drew. “You’re the master.”
“The Master, huh?” Nolan teased. “Does that mean I get to dominate you?”
“God, yes.” Drew chuckled and kissed his cheek, and for a moment, everything felt like it was back to normal. Until Todd and Lane walked into the dining room and joined their friends. Both Nolan and Drew’s light playful spirit faded.
Nolan stared across the expansive room at Lane who sat with his back to Nolan. Purposely? Todd as well had taken a seat that faced him away from Drew and the rest of the guests.
“We got us, babe,” Drew murmured and hugged Nolan from behind, holding him tight. “We don’t need anyone else.” He kissed his neck softly. “They’ll be gone soon and everything will be good again, like before.”
The strain of emotion in Drew’s voice betrayed his lack of faith in such reasoning.
Nolan didn’t really believe it, either.
Didn’t believe it at all.
–5–
Lane hadn’t mentioned the dream to Todd. It wasn’t something he wanted to advertise. He didn’t know at just what point it had started, all he remembered was lying flat on his back on the bed while Nolan rode him…his incredibly soft, tight ass swallowing Lane’s cock again and again…then Nolan was under him, clutching Lane’s body, pleading with Lane to fuck him harder. It had both a surreal and a real feel to it, the images and sensations so vivid yet at the same time steeped in a cloudy haze.
What if it wasn’t a dream? Lane chewed his thumbnail and stared blankly at the table, barely hearing the chatter of his friends. One thing he was aware of—Todd’s own silence, and the tension wafting off him. Tonya had left the room pissed off and carrying vital, damaging information about Todd. Both Lane and Todd knew she wasn’t going to just file it away, at least not for long.
Lane’s thoughts returned to the dream. That’s all it was—a dream. But when Nolan approached the table to take their order, Lane couldn’t bring himself to meet his eyes, scared shitless that what he saw there would reveal truths Lane wasn’t ready to face.
The others recited their orders to Nolan until only Todd and Lane were left. Lane felt his friends’ expectant stares. Lane had never passed up an opportunity to flick Nolan shit and the others sitting around the table now were taking notice of his ‘silence’.
Nolan’s gaze weighed heavily on him. “Can I get anything for you?”
A sudden wave of Déjà vu struck Lane and it suddenly felt like the previous morning, before everything spun out of control and they were all still securely within their respective roles; Nolan the quick-lipped queer waiter, and Lane the asshole bigot skier, with his trusty jerk sidekick, Todd. Though he knew they could never go back to that, a part of him longed for the security of familiar emotions.
“Just coffee,” he mumbled without looking at Nolan.
“Make that two,” Todd added with a subdued tone.
“What is with you two?” Jude snorted when Nolan walked away. “You look like you just ran over a puppy.” The others laughed and one of the girls—Nikki—grimaced and berated him for the imagery it conjured.
Lane rubbed his eyes and murmured, “Drank too much last night. Feel like shit.”
It isn’t a hangover twisting up your guts.
“Where the fuck were you all night?” Jude asked. “We looked everywhere. There’s only so many places you could be in the lodge, but you weren’t in any of them.”
Lane raised his head and glanced at Todd. Something in his friend’s eyes caused his stomach to knot up tighter; did he know something he wasn’t telling Lane? What if it wasn’t a dream—and Todd knows about it? Lane felt nauseous. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “I was wasted. I don’t remember where I was.”
Leaning toward Todd, Darren said, “Hey, sorry about razzing you yesterday. Didn’t mean to piss you off.”
Jude turned his attention to Todd as well. “Yeah, man, we were just fucking with you. We know you’d never turn fag on us.” The rest of the group laughed as if it were the most absurd notion.
The tension in Todd mounted. He maintained a casual air, though, as he shrugged and muttered, “Whatever. I wasn’t really pissed at you guys.”
“Tonya?” Jude supposed.
Todd chuffed. “Yeah.”
Lane had no clue what had taken place between them and Todd, or what Tonya had said or done, but obviously it hadn’t set well with Todd.
“Where is she?” Nikki asked without much enthusiasm. Nikki and Tonya hadn’t exactly been chums. Tonya thought Nikki was white trash because her family wasn’t wealthy, and had more than once suggested to both Todd and Lane that the girl should go back to her trailer park and quit stinking up their group. Lane liked Nikki. Tonya, on the other hand, could go straight to hell, for all he cared.
“I don’t know.” Todd exhaled, sagging a bit in his chair. “We’re through.”
Their friends didn’t say much to that, though didn’t appear disappointed.
“It’s okay,” Todd told them. “You can say it; she was a total bitch. Trust me, you’re not going to get an argument from me. Pretty sure she’s been screwing around on me, too.”
“With who?” Darren asked.
Todd shrugged. “The easier question would probably be who isn’t she fucking. Rodney Castle, for sure, is one of them.”
“The Hotrod?” Nikki’s face scrunched. “Why? The guy’s a total prick. You’re way cooler—and hotter—than he is.”
Apparently Tonya hadn’t shared with the class about Todd’s “problem”.
Lane leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. “You are.” He grinned at Todd. “Way hotter.” He winked teasingly and the others cracked up.
“Shut up, dumb ass,” Todd grumbled on a short laugh—which faded away when Drew, rather than Nolan, brought them their drinks. Todd kept his eyes averted, his body stiffening with deeper tension. Was he afraid Drew would do or say something to expose him? Jude’s words—We know you’d never turn fag on us—hung heavily in the air and Lane could sense them pummeling Todd’s mind.
Drew said nothing as he served the drinks, keeping his own stare away from Todd’s face, then left.
The others watched him go, then Darren spoke up. “I heard he got in Rodney’s face last night and kicked him out of the lounge.”
Jude smiled. “Maybe he was pissed at the Hotrod because he wouldn’t give him dick.” Low chuckles drifted around the table, dying cold when they
reached Lane and Todd. Lane just stared at Jude coolly. The guy shifted. “What?”
“Why do you think everything is about getting dick with them? Rodney was being a fucking asshole last night. Maybe that’s why he kicked his ass out.”
The others at the table donned shocked looks; Lane Cassiter defending a queer? That was unheard of in their circle.
Todd glanced at him with mild shock as well…beneath which shimmered a wisp of gratitude and admiration.
You’re not alone in this, bud, Lane thought. Don’t think for one second you are.
♠
Todd scooted his chair back and stood up. “Be right back. Gotta drain the lizard.”
“Eww!” Nikki laughed. “That is such a gross expression.”
Todd chuckled and shrugged, for the moment feeling a little more relaxed. So far, Tonya hadn’t made an appearance and if he never saw her again, Todd would be happy. But that was too much to ask for. She would show, and when she did…would all hell break loose?
“Hey, I’m coming with you.” Jude left his chair.
Todd snorted. “Okay…but I think I can manage.”
“Maybe, maybe not,” Jude snickered and walked around the table.
Todd shook his head and laughed quietly. They crossed the dining room and Todd felt the weight of Drew’s stare, but he didn’t look his way. He didn’t know how to shake off the effect Drew had on him, but he guessed not staring at him was a good first step.
“Hey.” Jude stopped him at the edge of the room. “You see that girl over there?”
Following his discreet nod to the counter, the only girl Todd spotted was the bartender chick from last night. “What about her?” Todd quickly pulled his eyes away as Drew and Nolan hovered close by the young woman.
“I was thinking of asking her out,” Jude said. “Do you know her?”
“Why would I know her?” Todd asked. “I only spoke to her once, last night at the bar, before she left with Rodney.”
