‘Sorry. What did you say?’
‘You and Nathan?’ her friend persisted.
Annie felt warmth heat her cheeks, and she looked towards the lanes as Callie’s husband, Frazer McInnes, a flight doctor with the local air ambulance, sent his ball down for a perfect strike, earning a high five from his teammates and a delighted cheer from Callie.
‘There is no me and Nathan.’ Her delayed protest sounded awkward to her own ears.
‘Right.’ Callie’s chuckle was laden with disbelief. ‘You’ve been watching him all evening like a starved chocoholic let loose amongst the pick-and-mix.’
‘I have not!’
Callie waved her objection aside. ‘You have so. I thought you were going to claw Olivia’s eyes out when she turned the full force of her questionable charms on him. Not that he was remotely interested.’
‘We were together in med school,’ Annie admitted after a moment’s pause, lowering her voice.
Her friend’s unusual purple-hued eyes widened with surprise and curiosity. ‘Together as in together? Oh, my!’
‘What?’
‘Come on, Annie. In all the time I’ve known you, you’ve never so much as talked about a man. And you always refuse to date. Is Nathan the reason for that?’
Annie sighed, alarmed at her friend’s perception. ‘It’s complicated.’
‘I have time.’ Callie smiled and gave her a gentle nudge. ‘Just as you had time for me when I first came here two Christmases ago. I’ll never forget all you did for me, Annie, or the way you took me under your wing. My first ever friend.’
A lump formed in Annie’s throat as she remembered the old Callie, the one who had been so cut off, so defensive and tough, recovering alone from a frightening scare with pre-cancer that had seen the young woman lose part of one breast. Callie was in full health again now, contented and happy, and planning to give up her role as flight paramedic on the helicopter during her pregnancy.
Annie liked to think she’d played a small part in helping Frazer and Callie get together. Now, seeing their love grow stronger by the day, Annie felt an unwelcome and unwanted surge of envy—just as she had at their Christmas Eve wedding. She had tricked herself into believing she’d had a lucky escape with Nathan, that it would never have worked if he had married her as she had wanted, but deep inside she didn’t believe it.
Against her will she found herself turning to look at Nathan again, her heart clenching as she drank in his chiselled good looks, reading clearly his tension and discomfort in this social setting. Parts of him she knew so well; parts she didn’t know at all. The pain of being separated from him was acute. The rush of regret hit her out of the blue, swamping her. She feared she had lost something important, someone special, a vital part of herself.
She had changed a lot in the last five years. It was a shock to think back and make herself take a fresh look at that terrible last day. They had never argued before. Not in over four years of living together, or before that during their months of friendship. Somehow, in an instant, it had all blown up and raged out of control. Now Nathan accused her of never giving him a chance, of forcing his hand and refusing to listen to his point of view. She hated to admit it, but she feared there might be some truth in what he said. A truth she didn’t want to examine too closely.
She had buried their row so deeply that the details were a blur. It had been the only way she could survive. If she was honest with herself, she could believe that some of the responsibility for the way things had ended did rest with her. But even acknowledging that didn’t dull the hurt of Nathan’s rejection. Or help her come to a decision about what to do now. She didn’t want to open the sealed vault in which she had enclosed those hurtful memories, scared of what she would find. And what purpose would talking it all over serve for either of them five years on?
From beneath her lashes she watched as Nathan moved away from the drop-in centre staff and joined matronly A and E nurse Gail and her husband. A frown creased Annie’s brow as she noticed the direction of Nathan’s gaze. He was watching Will and Anthony, who were laughing together and arguing good-naturedly over the fire service’s disputed bowling score. Nathan couldn’t suspect anything, could he? Alarm skittered along her nerve-endings. It was too soon to have her cover plan blown apart. She was nowhere near ready to make a decision on what to do about Nathan.
‘What happened between you two?’
Callie’s softly voiced question sent a swift dart of pain straight to her heart. ‘Nathan didn’t want to make a commitment. I did.’
‘Did he tell you why?’ Callie pressed, forcing Annie to examine things she found too uncomfortable to deal with.
‘No—’ She broke off, unable to say more, weighed down by the rush of confused memories and feelings that threatened to overwhelm her. ‘Until the other day I’d not seen or spoken to him in five years.’
‘You still love him.’
Her friend’s statement had panicked denial clamouring for freedom. Clenching her hands into fists, Annie shook her head but bit the words back, too uncertain and scared about her mixed emotions, about the thoughts and images from the past that had begun to challenge all she had once believed since Nathan’s rejection of her.
‘I can’t,’ she whispered, her traitorous gaze once more resting on him as he turned his attention from Will back to Gail and her husband, listening attentively to what they were saying. Just looking at him still had an overpowering effect on her. ‘It hurt too much, Callie.’
‘You are so good at caring for other people, whether it’s your patients or your friends. You’re always so giving and funny and alive. But maybe this is the time to think about yourself for once, and go after what you want. Annie, you deserve happiness and love, too.’
‘I don’t know. I’m contented with my work and my friends, Callie. Since seeing Nathan again—’ She broke off, running a hand through her hair. ’I’m so confused.’
‘Annie, your advice when I came here made me realise that I couldn’t live in the past or let it rule the rest of my life—that sometimes we have to take a risk to win the prize. You were right. I faced the fear, leaped off the precipice, and Frazer caught me. I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life.’ Callie paused a moment and bit her lip, her eyes full of concern. ‘Don’t you think you should do the same?’
Annie opened her mouth to say no, to voice the pain and resentment that still clenched inside her, to protest that Nathan had rejected her, wounded her, hadn’t loved her, but the words wouldn’t come. Doubt assailed her as the uncomfortable knowledge that maybe it hadn’t all been Nathan’s fault tormented her. She had blamed him for so long, had used her anger and hurt as a shield against him and the rest of the world as her only means to cope, to go on, blanking out many of the details. In consequence, had she at best embroidered the truth, at worst altered reality?
‘I’ve only just met Nathan tonight, but I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at each other. An almost electric connection shimmers between you two. It’s obvious how he feels about you. And you about him. You’re both hurting, stubborn, anxious. But you have a second chance, Annie. If Nathan means anything to you, don’t waste it,’ Callie finished, echoing Will’s words from the other day.
As Frazer hit another strike, winning the evening’s competition for the air ambulance crew over the fire service team, Callie raced across to fling herself into her husband’s arms and give him a congratulatory kiss. Annie watched them, happy for them and yet envious, too, aware of the black hole inside her that nothing seemed to fill.
Her thoughts and emotions disturbed her. And she had no answers to the endless questions plaguing her, leaving her feeling torn in two and impossibly confused. The idea that she might never have got over Nathan was frightening, giving the lie to her so-called recovery. Quite why the prospect of talking to Nathan made her so afraid she couldn’t put into words. She just knew that the very idea of remembering those terrible last moments with him made her recoil, a t
ight knot of ice-cold anxiety clenching inside her. Not to mention the way she remained so vulnerable and open to more hurt.
And she was all too aware that almost from the first moment she had seen him again—certainly from the time she had run from their explosive kiss in panic—she had been lying to him. That was hardly a good basis for renewing any kind of…what? Friendship? Relationship? Just what did Nathan want?
‘The stupidity of people never ceases to amaze me.’
Silently agreeing with Will’s comment, Nathan sank into an old but comfortable armchair in the staffroom. ‘The “it-will-never-happen-to-me” syndrome,’ he murmured, cupping a mug of hot tea in his hands.
‘Ain’t that the truth?’ Will agreed with a grimace.
‘Well, the idea that a group of parents would take young teenagers up into the hills in this weather, with so little preparation, protection or planning, makes me furious,’ Gail grumbled, her customary calm flustered by the events of the morning. ‘Thanks,’ she added, accepting the tea Will offered her and taking a couple of cookies from the tin before sitting on the three-seater sofa. ‘I need this. Then I’m out of here—and not a moment too soon.’
Nathan couldn’t agree more. After a hectic run of three night shifts, he was looking forward to some down time. Since the ten-pin bowling evening he had still not managed to talk to Annie. Despite his dislike of social gatherings, he had enjoyed the get-together—partly because he had talked with some of Annie’s friends and learned more about her life in Strathlochan. Five years of her life he had unwillingly missed out on.
He had also enjoyed meeting Thornton Gallagher and the other staff from the drop-in centre, and he’d followed up an invitation to spend part of the time on his days off looking round the place. He’d been impressed with what they were doing there, and were he to stay for any length of time in Strathlochan he would definitely volunteer there.
Despite his visit to the centre, and spending hours reading and studying to increase his medical knowledge and prepare for making up to specialist registrar status, the time had dragged before he could return to the hospital and see Annie again. Her avoidance tactics were wearing his patience thin. And the bone-deep weariness from this last shift wasn’t helping, he admitted, knowing the events of the last hours had made everyone short-tempered.
With a tired sigh, Will sat next to Gail and took a long drink from his own mug. Only the three of them were left in the staffroom. Nathan was lingering out of pure stubbornness, determined to wait for Annie—to wait out Annie. Which seemed to be his lot in life this last week. Leaning back, he closed his eyes, allowing Will and Gail’s conversation to drift around him.
Work had been the only thing that had kept him busy and his mind off his troubles. And this morning had been manic, making them all late leaving. Reports had begun to come in the early hours about a party missing overnight on the hills. The mountain rescue team, complete with a couple of search-and-rescue dogs, had been out for ages in atrocious conditions—biting winds, snow and freezing temperatures—attempting to find them. There had been no proper notification of the route the party had planned to take, and, once finally found, their lack of equipment, protective clothing and common sense had baffled everyone. They had also split into three small groups, which had complicated the search further.
Once they had been located it had taken time to bring them safely off the hills. The most seriously injured had been air-lifted by helicopter—precarious in the conditions—while the rest had been ferried to Strathlochan by a small fleet of road ambulances. The A and E department had been on full alert to receive them, and everyone had worked hard to cope with the influx. Several adults and young teenagers had suffered moderate hypothermia and had required careful attention, investigation and rewarming to raise their core body temperature. A couple of the party had fallen—one adult male had nasty fractures to both arms and an ankle, one young woman had broken ribs and a punctured lung, and a teenage boy had shoulder injuries.
Nathan looked up as the door opened and Annie came in. He couldn’t stop watching her. And he couldn’t fail to note the fatigue on her face, the dark shadows under her blue eyes. To him she still looked stunning, and his whole being filled with the inevitable mix of love and longing, pain and uncertainty. Her gaze met his, and for an endless moment they stared at each other. It was as if the room faded away and no one existed but them. Then Annie bit her lip, her movements jerky as she moved to the counter and busied herself making a hot drink.
‘All finished out there, Annie?’ Gail asked, finishing her tea.
‘With the hill walkers.’ Nathan heard the tension and tiredness in Annie’s voice as she answered. ‘Robert is with a serious accident victim in Resus, and minors is filling up again. Thank goodness it’s not our problem and the next shift have taken over.’
Gail rose to her feet and crossed to the sink to wash her mug. ‘Amen to that. I’m away, then. I’ll see you all in three days. Enjoy your time off.’
They said their goodbyes, and after Gail had left Nathan returned his attention to Annie.
‘How’s the boy with shoulder injuries?’ he asked, as much to keep her talking as anything else.
Turning, she leaned against the counter and sipped her coffee. ‘He has a grade three acromio-clavicular injury. The ligaments have ruptured and the joint was dislocated. I’ve referred him for possible internal fixation.’
As she spoke, she walked across to join Will. Nathan’s gut clenched and his throat tightened as she attempted to snuggle up on the other man’s lap, but he was puzzled when Will looked uncomfortable, throwing her a speaking look as he shifted her from him and on to her own seat on the sofa. Alert to everything about Annie, Nathan couldn’t help but wonder if something was wrong. And, while he didn’t want her hurt, everything in him urged that he stake his claim.
At that moment the door opened and Holly stepped inside. The young nurse looked even sadder than usual, her face pale, her eyes almost haunted, and Nathan’s concern for her increased.
‘Annie, can I have a quick word?’ she asked with a wobbly smile.
‘Of course.’
As Annie rose and moved towards the door, Nathan couldn’t help but follow her every step, his gaze lingering on her until she disappeared from view. Silence stretched for a few moments. When Nathan refocused his attention, it was to find Will watching him, a speculative glint in his eyes.
‘You’re still in love with Annie.’ The statement was made with candour, but no hint of confrontation.
‘Yes,’ Nathan agreed, deciding to be equally up-front and straightforward, so that there were no misunderstandings about his intentions. ‘I came to Strathlochan because I needed to find Annie and deal with the past.’
A small smile played at Will’s mouth. ‘And to win her back?’
‘As soon as I saw her again I knew the chemistry and the feelings were still as strong as ever. I can’t walk away.’
‘I’ve seen a photo of the two of you—you looked good together,’ Will admitted, surprising him.
‘The only time in my life I’ve known happiness was when I was with Annie.’
Will drained his mug and set it aside. ‘So why did you dump her?’
‘Is that what Annie told you?’ New pain piled on top of old hurts. ‘I didn’t dump her, Will. I never wanted her to go—never stopped loving her. Annie left me.’
‘She did? Why?’
Frowning, he tried to mask his emotions. Discussing this with Will made him uncomfortable, and he was confused at the other man’s manner. ‘I think you should ask Annie that.’
‘I will.’ This time Will’s smile held sympathy.
‘I made mistakes. I don’t deny that.’ Nathan paused, dragging his fingers through his hair, his agitation increasing. ‘But Annie’s formed her own reality of the past. I’d hoped by this time that we could at least talk, that she could acknowledge her part in what happened, but she refuses to listen, to discuss anything.’
There was no triumph in Will’s expression, just understanding. It made Nathan feel worse. That the man Annie was now involved with saw his pain and knew how he loved her, even felt sorry for him, was hard to bear.
‘Hang in there, mate,’ Will advised.
Nathan’s frown deepened, and he tried to read the expression in the other man’s grey eyes. ‘Sorry?’
‘Things are not always as they seem.’ Will winked before rising to his feet and crossing to switch the kettle back on. ‘Do you want another cuppa?’
‘No, thanks.’
He watched in bewilderment as Will fixed himself more tea. He’d never been as confused in his life as he had this last week. What did Will mean? That he might give Annie up? But Will professed to love her, and she loved him, so what was going on here? Nothing made sense any more.
Before he could gather his thoughts, Annie returned, followed by Holly, who had changed out of her uniform and was ready to go home.
‘I just stopped in to say goodbye,’ she said with a fractured smile, nodding at Annie, who gave her a quick hug. ‘Well, not goodbye, as such. But this was my last shift in A and E. I’m moving up to the children’s ward.’
A moment of silence greeted her announcement, then Will found his voice. ‘Are you sure, Holly?’
‘Yes. I need to do this. It’s been great working with you all. And I’ll still be around,’ she added, forcing another unconvincing smile.
When Holly had gone, Nathan turned to the others in surprise. ‘Did you know she was planning this?’
‘No.’ Will’s usually smiling face was sombre. ‘It’s a real shame…and the department is losing a great nurse.’
Nathan couldn’t agree more. He had enjoyed working with Holly, and found her to be skilled, compassionate and eager to learn.
‘It’s too hard on her to be around Gus all the time,’ Annie explained, sitting back down on the sofa.
Cradling his second mug of tea, Will leaned against the counter, his legs crossed at the ankles. ‘Holly really cares about Gus. I’m not sure what happened, but they were attracted to each other when Gus first came here in the summer. They were going to go out, but there was some misunderstanding, and Holly’s sister Julia stepped in and ensnared him.’
The emergency doctor claims his wife Page 8
