by Joyce Alec
“Christmas is only two months away. It is quite wonderful that we are still having days as warm as these,” Lord Vaccos said.
Christmas was once my favorite time of year, but ever since Papa died, there was not much cheer. Mama tried to make Christmas a grand celebration, as it had been when Papa was alive, but it was not the same. As a family, we agreed to forgo the celebrations since Papa died, and we had many debts. This was not news I was ready to share with Lord Vaccos though, as I did not want him to think of me as a pessimist.
“I think it is time we head back,” suggested Christopher.
Although I did not want my time with Lord Vaccos to end, I did not want to seem too eager.
“I think you are right, Christopher.”
Upon returning home, Christopher kept his distance as I said goodbye to Lord Vaccos.
“Thank you for the lovely stroll. I have a feeling it will not be long before outdoor walks will be a thing of the past for the year.”
“It was my pleasure. May I come back tomorrow and see you again?”
I nodded and smiled, but tried not to feel so happy about it. Once he learned about my destitute situation, he would not be as interested in calling on me. But, oh, how I longed to learn more about him. The handsome gentlemen with jade-colored eyes had awakened all my senses.
Everything considered, I still said yes. “I would like that very much, Lord Vaccos.”
4
Charlotte
November 1845
The weather continued to get colder as the weeks passed. As promised, Lord Vaccos visited and continued to visit regularly. Getting over my embarrassment, I finally invited him indoors. The way he did not seem to notice the lack of furnishings was a true testament to his genteel nature.
Joy was a feeling that disappeared from our home, along with Papa, but Lord Vaccos seemed to bring it back. My mother was charmed by his devotion to visiting me. Lord Vaccos joined us at church, and when the weather kept us indoors, he read to me or we played cards. Every time he visited, the ambiance of my home would change.
As the sun rose, I looked forward to another day with Lord Vaccos and prepared some scones to enjoy with tea. He had once shared that scones with raisins were his favorite, so I prepared them while anticipating his visit.
While I waited for verbal reassurances that he cared about me, we never talked about the future. Our visits were very much about living in the moment. My mother began to question his intentions, but I brushed off her questions as being ridiculous.
The knock on the door alerted me to his arrival. I smoothed my skirt and pinched my cheeks for some added color. Looking down, I realized I was still wearing an apron covered in flour. I quickly removed the apron and headed for the door.
A smile spread across my lips to greet Lord Vaccos, but my face fell when Lord Tomline greeted me with a bow. I took a step back when his dark eyes fell on me.
“Lady Charlotte, how fortuitous that you are the one to welcome me. Where is your butler?”
He looked around the house and back at the overgrown yard. His facial expression gave away his disapproval. Unlike Lord Vaccos, Lord Tomline did not demonstrate the courtesy of ignoring my obvious financial difficulties. He kept his hands at his sides, as if he was afraid to sully himself if he touched anything. His presence made me uncomfortable for many reasons. How I wished Papa had been there to turn Lord Tomline away.
“Are your home alone?” asked Lord Tomline.
“Yes, which is why I must ask you leave. My mother would be quite upset if I were here alone with you.” I lied. Christopher was in his room.
“Well, your Uncle has given me permission to speak to you in private. It seems as if you are in quite the predicament.”
“A predicament?”
“Yes, your uncle has alerted me that your family is nearly bankrupt. He wishes you to be married immediately to someone of good social standing, and I am here to fulfill that request. You are quite lucky that your uncle is the Marquess of Lissenton. For without such meaningful familial ties, who knows where you would end up.”
The words were so vulgar. My family’s financial problems were no concern of his. Uncle Charles was helping to sell some of my brother’s inherited land. The money would help get my family’s affairs in order and restore our wealth with the right investments.
“I do not think that my future is quite so dire, my lord, but I thank you for your concern.”
I did not know what else to say. I knew that my mouth was agape with his forwardness and his words, but I could not close it. It was unladylike, but it did not matter.
I was outraged and my blood was boiling. His audacity in discussing finances was upsetting, but for him to present himself as my only choice was even worse. He hid behind the pretense of being concerned for my welfare, but I believed that to be a falsehood.
He moved towards me, and I backed away to remain at arm’s length. He was not here to make me feel better. Lord Tomline did not care how difficult those past few years had been. He wanted something else, much like what he had wanted that night on the balcony. Taking another step back, I moved the door in front of me a little and he finally stopped.
“You think that Lord Vaccos is going to ask you to marry him then?” said Lord Tomline, with a cruel laugh.
I was taken aback by Lord Vaccos’s name on the earl’s thin lips. Lord Tomline’s dark eyes looked at me in such a way and I took a deep breath. He wanted to see my reaction.
“My relationship with Lord Vaccos has nothing to do with you, Lord Tomline. But if you must know, he comes and visits my family on occasion.”
Lord Tomline gave me a grin that was not meant to show his pleasure. It was meant to scare me, and so help me, it did scare me quite a bit. How did he know?
“It is the talk around London, my lady. Imagine my surprise when I found out that he has been coming to see you almost every day. You know that there have been whispers that he comes here when you are without a chaperone.”
If his words were true, my reputation was ruined. Even though we had not been alone without a chaperone, it did not matter. Once rumors started, there was very little chance of coming back from them. The gossip paired with my family’s financial troubles would surely secure my future as a spinster.
Lord Vaccos’s visits crossed the lines of proper code of conduct, but in the moment, it didn’t seem to matter. After all, we did not have servants anymore to spread gossip, so I assumed nobody even knew of his visits. All I knew was that he had brought happiness to our home. My entire family’s spirits had been lifted by his presence.
“It is not as it would appear, and I thank you again for the concern that you have shown me. I do not know what my uncle has said to you, but I assure you that I am not worried about my future.”
“I am asking for your hand in marriage, Lady Charlotte. I have come here for your answer. That is the sole reason for my visit.”
There was no talk of love, nothing that made me want to marry him. All the man could manage was a reminder of my circumstances and the realization that he may well be the best choice I had. What if Lord Vaccos had no intention of marrying me? Even though Mama was fond of Lord Vaccos, she had mentioned on several occasions that he should make his intentions known after so many visits. Not only was my family now in dire straits, but apparently, my name had been sullied with talks in the city. I was feeling the room closing in around me and the man’s smiling face was doing nothing to help it.
“Why do you wish to marry me, my lord? I have no dowry and we have never spoken of love.”
“It is the chase, my dear. You have never wanted me, which is why I must have you.”
“Thank you for your proposal, Lord Tomline, but—”
I could not finish the sentence as I was fighting back tears that threatened to fall down my face. What if he was right about it all? What if Lord Vaccos never planned on proposing? Why would he marry me when there were so many other choices? I did not know the true reason w
hy he came to visit nearly every day. I started to question my future.
“What of my answer, Lady Charlotte?”
I could not give one and I told him as much. The joy I harbored from thoughts of Lord Vaccos had dissipated. I finally asked Lord Tomline to leave, and told him that I was unwell and needed rest. I locked the door behind me as I did not know if Lord Tomline had any respectable boundaries. Sighing as I leaned against the wall, I finally let the tears fall.
My nose detected the faint whiff of burning bread and it seemed to be the omen for the day. How could everything have changed so quickly, so much doubt was sown in such a short amount of time. My confidence had faded and I felt utterly alone and desperate.
I heard the knock on the door a while later and I stopped Christopher from answering it. I could not face Lord Vaccos. Christopher’s questions started coming, but I could only answer by putting a finger to my lips to ask him to be quiet.
I could no longer live in my fantasy world and wish to marry for love. Lord Vaccos had not proposed, and I had no way of knowing if he ever would. I had to choose to survive in a world that was not kind to women.
5
Joseph
I stood at her door for some time, but no one came to it. I checked the knob to make sure that everything was alright, but then I stopped. The door was locked and there were no sounds coming from inside. Surely Lady Charlotte knew that I was planning to call on her. I waited for a time to see if they had gone for a short walk to the neighbors’ house, but the snow on the ground revealed horses’ tracks and one set of footprints. Somebody should have been home, but nobody answered the door. Where had they gone?
Going back to London, I was unusually sad, and figured it was because I had not seen Charlotte. A feeling of dread came over me. A gut feeling warned me of something amiss. I was afraid that I had lost her or something had happened to her.
Spotting Lord Richardson on the road with his wife and another female companion, I stopped and opened the carriage door to greet the couple and their acquaintance. I always had a pang in my heart for Lady Richardson. After all, her husband’s affairs were no secret, but she always put on a facade that all was well her world.
After a brief introduction to Lady Richardson’s sister, who was the other female companion, Lord Richardson moved the conversation forward. “Why Vaccos, what are you doing in London? I thought you would be calling upon Lady Charlotte. It is where you always seem to be these days.”
My face did not show the humor of his comment. I had not talked to him since the night of the party, and had only seen him once from afar. While I did not agree with his brazen lifestyle, there was something undeniable about the amount of information that he was privy to. His ear was always down to the ground and I hoped that he would help me.
“Lady Richardson, would you mind if I spoke to your husband alone for a brief moment? I have an important business matter that warrants his attention.”
Lord Richardson looked at me inquisitively; my request intrigued him.
He turned to his wife. “My dear, can you go on ahead with your sister to the shop you wanted to visit? I will meet you there shortly.”
As Lord Richardson stepped into my carriage, he immediately relaxed. He brushed his blonde curls from his brow as he removed his hat.
“Thank you for saving me from that day of torture. I promised my wife I would accompany her on a shopping trip while her sister visits. Their incessant gossip nearly drives me mad.”
Ignoring the ill talk of his wife, I quickly changed the topic.
“I went to see Lady Charlotte this morning and she was gone. Do you think her family’s financial difficulties have forced them from their home? I have a sinking feeling something terrible has happened. Do you think that she has promised herself to someone else?”
Lord Richardson joked, “It seems you want to gossip as much as my wife and her sister.” His tone then grew serious. “Does it really matter who Lady Charlotte has chosen to marry? If you were so in love with her, as you seem to be, you should have asked for her hand in marriage by now. You do realize her reputation is ruined, and you are the reason. She should consider herself lucky that someone else wants to marry her.”
Hoping that his words were untrue, I ignored his accusatory comments. The idea that I had lost her was one that I just could not shake. What if I had lost her for good?
Lord Richardson looked at me, with a smirk. “You really do not know do you?”
The sinking feeling was back and compounded with his words. I knew that I was not going to like what I was about to hear.
“I have not heard anything. Please tell me what you know.” I tried to hide the desperation in my voice, but there was no use.
A look of sympathy appeared on Lord Richardson’s face. He sat back and frowned a little. Lord Richardson’s hesitance in confiding his knowledge was a sure sign of grave news. It was obvious he took no pleasure in what he was about to tell me.
“You know I told you about Lord Tomline pursing Lady Charlotte?”
I nodded my head and tried to swallow down the lump in my throat.
“It seems as though Lord Tomline has agreed to pay off all of Lady Charlotte’s family’s debts if she marries him. The Marquess of Lissenton, Lady Charlotte’s uncle, has agreed to the match.”
“She would never agree to such a thing.”
He shrugged and didn’t meet my gaze. “It isn’t really up to her. The marriage would secure her brother’s future, as well as take a large burden off her mother. What do you expect her to do?”
I remembered the fear on Lady Charlotte’s face while she was on the balcony alone with Lord Tomline. The thought of the woman whom I loved in the clutches of Lord Tomline nearly brought me to tears. Was Lord Richardson right? Was this my fault? What had I done?
“I am not going to let that happen.”
“Are you going to save her then? I am sure your mother would love that,” said Lord Richardson.
I grimaced and thought of my mother, who had very strong opinions about who I should marry. My mother’s idea of the perfect wife was the exact opposite of what I wanted in a lifelong partner.
“My mother does not know about her.”
“And why is that? It is just another clue that shows you never had any intentions of marrying Lady Charlotte. Another man is taking her off your hands. Consider yourself lucky. Lord Tomline has wealth and connections. Many women are vying after his fortune. Lady Charlotte is lucky that he will have her.” He continued, “Besides, you have not really given her another choice. Have you?”
I stopped his questions and had to ask myself the same thing. I had been going to see her almost every day and it had not occurred to me that I was putting her reputation in jeopardy. I knew that I eventually wanted to marry Lady Charlotte, but I wanted to take time to get to know her. Now I had to wonder if it was too late. Had I waited too long?
“I do not know, Richardson. I am in love with her, and I want to be with her. Marriage is a lifetime commitment though.”
“When you tire of her, there are plenty of women who will keep you company.”
“I could never do that—especially to her. She is so kind and trusting.”
My friend’s tone softened. “She is about to marry another man, Vaccos. You should have worked out your marriage issues sooner.”
He was right of course, but I could not imagine it being too late. It could not be too late. She was supposed to be with me after all. It was something I knew in my heart.
“Well, I have kept you from your wife and her sister long enough, Richardson. Where should I drop you off?”
I had planned to spend the day with Charlotte, so I now found myself with a free afternoon. My mother had been requesting a visit for days, so I decided visit her.
“What is this I hear of you and Lady Charlotte Rowan?”
The questions began immediately as I walked into the drawing room where my mother was embroidering a pillow.
“Hello, Mother. Are you well?”
She grimaced and shook her head. “I do not want to hear it, Joseph. No excuses. I need to know what is going on between you and that girl.”
“What is it that you have heard?”
“That you have been meeting with Lady Charlotte, almost daily. I nearly fainted from the news when I heard about your disgraceful behavior.”
“Mother, she is wonderful. My intentions were never dishonorable.”
“So you don’t deny it?”
I shook my head. “No, I do not. She is a respectable woman that comes from a good family. I have been going to see her for some time.”
“Her mother is in debt to everyone in London. I will not have you associated with that family.”
Of course I knew about the troubles Lady Charlotte was facing, but to me, it did not matter. It was not her fault that her mother mismanaged the money when her father died. The family’s solicitors should have never let the estate go into debt, but again, that was not Charlotte’s fault.
“An apple never falls far from the tree, son. Bad trees make bad fruit.”
My natural reaction was to roll my eyes, and I was grateful my mother seemed preoccupied with her needlepoint work.
“Mother, she comes from a very good family. Her father was the Earl of Granston, and her maternal grandfather was the Marquess of Lissenton; of course, her uncle now holds that title.”
“Well, I cannot deny her advantageous family ties, but it still does not excuse her family’s debts.”
Arguing with my mother was not worth the effort. I knew her harsh words were only because she wanted the best for me. She was a kind woman, but she was nearly sixty-five and set in her ways. Still, I needed to tell her about my intention to marry Lady Charlotte.
