by Joyce Alec
When it was filled enough to submerge her, Haddie retrieved Katherine. She had already sweated through some of her blankets.
She gently carried her to the basin, speaking gently to her as she went, trying very hard not to think of Adam and the torment his death had caused.
It couldn’t be. It isn’t as if fevers are able to be inherited, right? And it has been just over eight months since Adam had passed away…
She took a deep, steadying breath, forcing herself to focus on Katherine. She needed her to stay calm. Nothing good could come from her losing control of herself.
Katherine was fussy in the water. Apparently, it was too hot or too cold, but she couldn’t communicate her discomfort. She kept her in the tub for a little longer, washing the sweat from her hair.
She wrapped her snuggly in clean clothes, and then wrapped her in a blanket. Then, she took her to the fireplace, pulled a rocking chair up beside it, and sat down with Katherine in her arms, rocking slowly and singing to her.
She spent a good portion of the afternoon like that. Katherine eventually fell asleep, but it was fitful, restless.
Haddie prayed for her little soul. She prayed that the Lord above would have mercy on her so that Haddie didn’t have to lose the one person she loved more than anything in the whole world.
It was nearly dark when Jack came back home. He called through the house, looking for Haddie. He found them still by the fire, Haddie’s legs having gone numb from sitting with her for so long.
“Hello there,” he said, “I am surprised to see you in here. Normally I thought you’d be…”
And then he laid eyes on Katherine, and his face paled.
“Haddie, is she all right?” he asked.
Haddie looked up at him, her eyes wide, and she shook her head.
“What’s the matter? What happened?” He crossed the room and knelt down beside her, trying to look at Katherine more closely.
“It’s a fever. She’s had it all day…” Haddie replied. She told him all she had done to help soothe the baby.
“Will she eat anything?” Jack asked, looking around for evidence of food.
“No, not even warm broth,” Haddie answered.
“What about water? Has she had anything to drink?”
“Very little,” Haddie replied. “She had some milk earlier, but she spit most of it up.”
“Well, that is what we must focus on now,” Jack replied. “We must get her to drink. It will cool her better from the inside.”
Haddie moved to get up, but Jack laid a hand on her shoulder. “No, you stay here with her. She seems to be resting, which is good. I’ll be right back.”
“Where are you going?” Haddie asked hurriedly, reaching out to him. “Don’t leave me! I can’t do this alone! Not again!”
Jack hesitated, just inside the doorway, and stared at her.
“Haddie…” he started slowly, his voice gentle. “I am not going to make you do this alone. I was just going to pick some mint leaves, some lavender, and some white willow. It should help get her fever down and calm her.”
Haddie hadn’t realized how much she was shaking.
“All right,” she said. “But please hurry. I can’t lose her. I can’t even bear the thought of it.”
“I understand,” he replied. “Don’t worry. I won’t be gone long.”
He was true to his word. He returned and set right to work slicing the herbs into thin ribbons. He set those aside, and she watched, as he started to boil some water in the kettle. He found the pot where they kept the honey and coated the bottom of a small cup with it. Then he layered in the herbs, and then finally, poured in the hot water.
“It will be cool enough to give her in a little while,” he said, coming to sit down beside her. “Have you eaten?”
“Not since this morning,” she replied.
“Well, I will fix something for you to eat. You need all of your strength to care for the baby.”
She watched, as he deftly began slicing some onions, potatoes, carrots, and turnips, along with some fresh cream, herbs, and a generous helping of nutmeg.
“What are you making?” she asked.
“Just something my father used to make for me when I was a child.”
He looked up at her.
“How is she?”
Haddie looked at Katherine. “She’s still feverish. I can’t tell if it has changed at all.”
“She will be all right soon,” Jack replied. He stuck the end of his little finger inside the tea he had brewed for her. “Just a few more minutes and it will be blood warm.”
“Thank you,” Haddie replied.
She was impressed with his ability to put together such a wonderful meal. It smelled delicious as he stood over the pot. She was amazed at his willingness to help, at his creativity with his food, and the way that he was so meticulous with his cleaning as he went along.
He did everything, absolutely everything that Haddie would have done in exactly the way that she would have done it.
“Here, let’s get her to drink it,” Jack said, coming to kneel beside her once more, the still-warm cup in his hand. “Just tip her head back a little. We just want her to take small sips.”
Katherine roused, and she looked at Jack with large, wide eyes.
“I know, sweetheart…” he said gently, stroking her hair. “I haven’t been around much. I haven’t given you the attention you needed. But I’ll do better. Just drink this real easy now…”
He tipped the glass to the baby’s mouth, and a little bit of the liquid poured between her lips.
She looked dazed for a second, but her gaze sharpened as she licked her lips.
Jack grinned. “See? The honey got her attention, and now she wants more of it.”
Haddie’s heart felt lighter, as if a cord wrapped around it has loosened.
Katherine allowed Jack to drizzle the liquid into her mouth, one sip at a time. It was a long process, but with each swallow, Haddie felt more and more reassured.
Darkness had fallen by that point, and Katherine’s fever had not broken.
She was still alive, but Haddie was not sure that the storm was over just yet.
It was nearing midnight when Jack helped to change the cool cloth on Katherine’s forehead one last time.
“You need to rest,” he told her. “Let us lie her in bed. I will stay up with her and watch her, so you can get some sleep.”
“I won’t be able to sleep…” Haddie replied.
“Well, then let’s at least get you both lying in bed, and we will watch her together. All right?”
Haddie consented that this was a wise move.
They laid her down in Haddie’s bed, with Haddie crawling in beside her.
Jack sat in the chair on the other side of the bed, leaning over Katherine, stroking her forehead with his large fingers. He kept catching Haddie’s eye over the stretch of the bed.
Haddie laid her head down on the pillow, checking Katherine’s temperature on her forehead every few seconds.
“I can’t tell if she’s any cooler…” Haddie murmured. She was finding it hard to keep her eyes open.
“At least she isn’t getting any warmer,” Jack replied. “Sometimes these things need to get worse before they get better. She will break that fever soon. Just give the herbs some time to do their work.”
Haddie swallowed, her throat feeling dry. At least she was no longer hungry.
“Thank you…” Haddie whispered. “For all of your help tonight. Cooking that meal and making the herbal remedy for Katherine…I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you were there with me through all of this.”
A small smile crept up onto Jack’s face.
“That’s what being a husband is, isn’t it?”
Haddie’s cheeks colored.
“I know I haven’t been very good at it,” he said quietly. “Really, I’ve been awful. I am glad that you had the strength to confront me about my actions toward you. I never shoul
d have kept you in the dark about what happened to me. I knew your heart was broken, and that was what moved me to take you and Katherine in. I just wanted to help.”
Haddie smiled back at him. “Things have been better. It is something that is going to take time. We just need to be patient with one another. We will learn.”
“I suppose…” Jack replied. He looked at Haddie. “You really should just close your eyes. Even for just a few moments. I will stay awake with her, and I will wake you if anything changes, good or bad.”
Haddie was resistant until it was nearly impossible to keep her eyes open. They felt like they were weighed down with bags of sand. She reached out and clutched her hand around Katherine’s little wrist. She knew that she would be able to feel if any change happened.
As she drifted off, she heard Katherine’s steady breathing, in and out…in and out…
In and…
And then she was lost to the world, her own exhaustion pulling her into the world of quiet dreams.
6
Haddie was standing out in the field behind the little house that she shared with Adam back in Virginia. Katherine was absent. She did not understand where she was, but she was not afraid. She felt at peace.
She had a large basket on her hip filled with root vegetables and herbs. The wind tousled her hair, which was let down from its braid. She enjoyed the feel of the sweet-smelling air in her face, the promise of summer in the breeze.
“Haddie?”
She heard her name from the little house, and she took one step, and suddenly, she was there. The house was larger than she remembered and entirely different, by all definitions. There were windows on every wall, and a large cobblestone fireplace was in the main living space.
“There you are, sweetheart.”
She smiled. There he was, her husband, the man who was helping her raise Katherine.
Jack was there beside the fire, holding Katherine in his arms, bundled in a blanket.
“She was just falling asleep…” he said, smiling. “We spent all afternoon riding on the back of Toledo. She really has taken to those horses. Katherine just loves the feel of their manes in her fingers.”
Haddie laughed and went to sit beside them, wrapping her arms around Jack’s neck to embrace him.
She snuggled right up to him, just as he hugged Katherine, and then he began to sing. Low and quiet, he murmured a hymn, and Haddie closed her eyes to listen and enjoy the comfort of his voice.
She blinked and saw only darkness.
The singing remained, in the same voice, in the same tone.
She closed her eyes once more.
She was no longer in in her dreams. She was lying in her bed beside Katherine, who was experiencing a fever very similar to the one that Adam had, one that was very high and unrelenting.
She could still hear singing. It was gentle, slow, and soothing.
Chancing a glance at the room, she opened her eyes and she felt her heart skip a beat.
Jack was no longer sitting in his chair. He was standing beside the window, the light from the moon making him just barely visible to her tired eyes. There was a bundle in his arms, and it took Haddie a moment to realize that he was holding Katherine.
He was swaying back and forth gently, the bundle in his arms rocking.
She must have been sleeping in his arms, for she made no sound, no fussing.
Haddie laid there for nearly an hour, listening to Jack continue to rock her back and forth, singing softly to the baby girl. She had no idea Jack could sing so well. He had a very nice sound, very soothing. She would have been happy to listen to him for hours and hours.
She opened her eyes once more when Jack’s voice became still, and the room was silent. She watched as Jack shifted the bundle in his arms, and then stood motionless.
Haddie’s heart began to beat faster. She was suddenly awake, very much awake, very afraid.
Why has he stopped moving? Why is he checking Katherine?
He slowly turned toward the bed, his face hidden in the shadows. She couldn’t make anything out—other than his body moving toward the bed, clutching the bundle tightly in his arms.
No, she thought. No, this can’t be happening. Katherine…she has to be… She can’t be…!
Jack laid the bundle on the bed beside her. Katherine wasn’t moving inside of it.
“Haddie?”
His voice cut through the tension in the darkness, and her heart skipped a beat.
“Is she okay, Jack? She isn’t moving.”
She knew what he was going to say, and she couldn’t bear it. She didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t want to know, didn’t want to see…
“The fever broke. She’s sleeping now, but she is going to be just fine.”
She cried out, and immediately the tears started to fall. Her cries echoed off the walls, and Katherine woke with a shrill cry of her own. It was the happiest sound that Haddie had ever heard.
She launched herself from the bed and threw her arms around Jack’s neck, squeezing him tightly, sobbing into his shoulder.
He was stunned, but he wrapped his own arms around her a moment later and allowed her to cry until she could cry no more.
It was near dawn when they laid Katherine back down in her own bed, freshly dressed once more, her body much cooler than it had been just hours before.
“Katherine just needs to sleep,” Jack whispered, pulling the blankets up to her chin and tucking them in around her sides. “That, and she will likely be hungry in a few hours.”
Haddie’s lip trembled, and she let out a dry sob. She clutched at Jack’s sleeve, tugging on it gently.
“What is it?” he asked.
“You…” she began. “You stayed with her, and you stayed with me.”
“I did what I had to do, and what I wanted to do. Now, come on. You need to sleep, too. Get back in bed.”
She wheeled around, grabbing at the front of his linen shirt.
“Stay with me…” she murmured.
He hesitated, but he nodded eventually. “Yes, all right. The ranch hands will be arriving soon. I will tell them to make sure the animals are fed and come right back in.”
Haddie waited while Jack went outdoors. He returned within minutes, just like he said he would.
They returned to her room, and he laid down on the side of the bed where Katherine had been, on top of the quilt. Haddie crawled beneath it and could only stare up at the ceiling.
Katherine had survived. She was going to be all right. Jack had been patient and helped the baby girl get through the worst of the sickness and stayed with her all through the night.
He had been like a father to Katherine.
No, he was a father to Katherine.
The next time she opened her eyes, the light of the day was shining in through the window, and when she peeked outside, she realized that it was nearly midday. She turned and looked at Jack, one arm over his eyes to block out the light while he slept, the slow rhythm of his breathing comforting.
She sighed. Everything was all right. They had survived through that horrible storm.
Being sure not to wake him, she tiptoed over to Katherine, where she peered at the sleeping girl for so long she lost track of the time. She was sleeping easily now, and Haddie could see no more evidence of sweat, and no bright spots of color in her cheeks. She was certainly on the mend.
“She sure is beautiful…” Jack’s voice sounded from right above her.
She nearly jumped, but Jack grabbed her hand and led her out of the room before pulling the door shut so as to not wake the baby.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you,” he said, smiling down at her.
Haddie looked over her shoulder, a tiny crack in the door revealing Katherine’s sleeping form in the room beyond.
“She is beautiful,” she agreed.
“I realized just how wonderful she is when I was holding her for so long last night,” he commented gently. “She has your nose, you know. And
the same sort of curl in her hair as you do.”
He looked through the crack at her.
“I imagine that her eyes are very much like her father’s.”
Haddie shuttered and looked up at Jack.
His face had grown hard, but more than that, it was sad.
“She does resemble him in some ways, yes,” Haddie agreed. “Like the look on her face when she’s upset. Or the glint of excitement in her eyes when she sees something lovely and colorful. Those were things her father did.”
“I am sorry that her father is not around to see her grow up,” he said. “I, however, feel very blessed that I have had the opportunity to experience the things I have with her.”
Haddie was breathless. She stared up into his face, really truly feeling like he meant every word that he said.
“I know that I am not the girl’s father,” he said. “She has a father, and I want you to share memories of him with Katherine. However, she does need someone in her life to be like her father, and I realized last night just how much I want to fill that role.”
Haddie couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing!
“I hope you don’t think I ever despised her,” he said. “I know that it must have seemed like that. I never offered her any affection. Katherine is not my child, and as such, I wasn’t sure how to interact with her. I worried that you might feel protective of her, and rightly so, if I tried to get close to her. I also do not have much experience with young ones…I am always concerned that I might drop them. They are so fragile, after all.”
“You never had to worry about me being too protective,” Haddie said. “I would have been happy to give you the chance to get to know her.” She smiled. “I thought that you felt burdened by us being in your home.”
“Never,” he replied easily. “Not once.” He smiled as he looked down at her. “Besides, this is not my home. This is your home, and Katherine’s home, too.” He paused and thought for a minute. “I worried about raising another man’s child. It’s a very sensitive thing. What if I messed up? What if I did something wrong, or said something I shouldn’t? I never knew the right thing to say or do.”
“I do the wrong thing all the time,” Haddie replied. “It’s part of being a parent. Besides, the main reason I wanted to marry again was to give Katherine the chance to have a father in her life. She is going to need one as she grows, for I would not be able to do a sufficient job of raising her on my own.”
