Cameron’s brows pulled together as tears filled my eyes. I couldn’t believe I had any left.
“And then, Reese showed up.”
Cameron shut his eyes at the sound of Reese’s name, and when he opened them again, they fell to the floor at our feet.
“When I was a young girl, Reese was everything to me. He was my first crush, my first love, my first heartbreak. Seeing him again, it knocked the breath out of me. He was the one man in my life before you, Cameron, and I didn’t know how to handle him coming back — especially when he saw right through me, like I was glass, like he knew every cell that made up who I was.”
“Charlie, please…” Cameron said, standing.
“No, you need to hear this.”
He didn’t sit back down, but he did turn again, his eyes finding mine.
“I love him, Cameron. I do. And I know that hurts to hear me say,” I said, feeling the pain of those words as much as Cameron seemed to.
His bottom lip trembled and he bit it hard, willing it to stop.
“And he saved me when he came back to town. He woke me up from the daze I’d been walking in, from the horrible life I was living, pretending it was enough. I was miserable, Cam. I was dying.”
Cameron’s jaw clenched.
Just as much as my life had been killing me, my words were doing the same to him, now.
“He showed me what life could be like with him, with a restart, with a new beginning. He brought passion back into my life, made me feel wanted again, needed, desired. And more than anything, he made me feel like I deserved to live a better life. He made me feel like I could be happy again — and that I deserved to be.”
“You do deserve to be happy,” Cameron said, his voice breaking. “And I’m sorry I didn’t make you happy. I’m sorry I let that go, that I let you go. I will never forgive myself for abandoning you when you needed me most. I made a promise to you,” he choked. “And I couldn’t keep it. My word means nothing.”
“Stop,” I said, standing with him. I wrapped my arms around him, but he wouldn’t hold me in return. He just stood like a statue in my grasp, his shoulders tense, two tears falling parallel to each other down each of his cheeks.
“I failed you,” he whispered.
“You did,” I said, my eyes searching his. “But I failed you, too.”
Cameron shook his head.
“I did. Just as you leaned on Natalia, I let Reese in when I should have come to you, instead. We both betrayed each other, as much as that hurts to admit. We messed up. We did. And honestly, when you told me you wanted more time, a chance to win me back, I thought it was a waste. I thought I’d be counting down the days, wishing for it all to be over so I could leave once and for all.”
Emotion surged through me, along with the realization that it didn’t matter if the words were right or not, as long as they were from the heart.
“But, I stand here in front of you humbled and thankful that you begged me for that chance, that you didn’t let me go, that you didn’t give up on me,” I said. “Because you opened my eyes to the one thing I’d somehow forgotten, the one thing I’d lost sight of.”
Cameron’s eyes flicked between mine, a flash of hope lighting them from the inside out.
“We have hurt each other, we have failed in so many ways,” I said, grabbing his arms and placing them around me. I laced my own around his neck. “But you are my husband. You are the man I love, the man I promised forever to. Through thick and thin, for better or for worse. I love you, Cameron, with every fucked-up, shattered piece of my heart. And it is shattered,” I told him. “And I am broken. But it’s you who makes me whole. It’s you who I cannot live without. And I’m sorry I ever made you doubt that, that I ever made you believe I could walk away from this, from us, from you.”
“What are you saying?” Cameron asked, his hands trembling where they held me. “Do you… are you saying you choose me?”
I smiled, tears still blurring my vision as I nodded. “I choose you, Cameron.”
He broke at my words, his arms crushing me in his grip as I leaned into him. He pulled back with his hands framing my face, his eyes searching mine like he didn’t believe me.
“You choose me?”
“I choose you,” I repeated. “Just like I did the night we made our vows, just like I should have done when we faced our first challenge. The truth is, you make me forget I even have a choice at all. Like the writer who cannot live without the reader, and the rose that cannot exist without the rain, I am bound to you, to your love, and I cannot go on without it.”
Cameron blinked, a new set of tears racing down in the trail made by the first.
“It’s you,” I said. “It always has been, it always will be, and from this moment on, I will choose you. Every day, every minute, every second of my life.” My voice broke as I cried, but I didn’t fight against the emotion. “If you will let me, if you will choose me, too — then I am yours forever, and I will love you the same.”
He laughed, pressing his lips to mine as he shook his head. “As if I have a choice. As if I ever did after the moment I first met you.”
Cameron kissed me harder, his entire body surrounding me, arms pulling me close like he was afraid I’d disappear if he didn’t root me to him.
“I can’t explain how I feel right now,” he said between kisses. “I believed in my heart that you would come home to me, but after last night, I knew nothing for sure. The longer I packed, the more I waited for you to come, the more I thought you wouldn’t. I don’t deserve you,” he said, pulling back to frame my face again. His eyes flicked between mine. “But I will spend the rest of my life making you happy. I promise you that.”
I wrapped my arms around him, resting my cheek on his shoulder as he squeezed me tight.
“I’m so sorry, Cameron,” I whispered. “I’m sorry for hurting you, for walking out on you, for finding comfort in the arms of someone else. It’s me who doesn’t deserve you. But I want you, and I will do whatever I can to be the woman who does deserve your love.”
Cameron pulled back, brows bending together. “What about Reese?”
My throat constricted at the thought of him, at the memory of his heart breaking in front of me just hours before.
“He will always be a part of my life,” I said. “And he’s broken. I hurt him, just as we have hurt each other.”
“You told him already?”
I nodded. “And he understands. As much as he can, anyway.”
Cameron let out a breath. “I just… I can’t believe this. You’re really here,” he mused, tracing my jaw with his thumb. “You’re really mine.”
My stomach twisted as he leaned in to kiss me, and I pressed my hands to his chest to stop him.
“There’s something else you should know,” I whispered. “Before we go any further.”
Cameron tensed, his chest tightening under my hands.
There was no easy way to say it, no tender way to drop such a heavy bomb.
“I’m pregnant.”
Those two words sucked all the air out of the room, and neither Cameron nor I even struggled for a breath as he let me go. I felt ice water seep into my veins when his warmth was gone, when he took a step back, and it flooded my system altogether when his wide eyes disappeared from view as he turned his back on me.
“I just found out,” I said, voice shaking as much as my hands. “And I… I don’t know who…”
Bile rose in my throat as Cameron pressed his hands against our bedroom window, the same one I’d let Jane free from.
“It could be yours. Or it could be…”
“His,” Cameron finished for me.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, so softly I wasn’t sure he’d even heard me.
I sat back down on the bed, my hands finding my stomach, as if the child that grew inside it could somehow give me the strength I needed in that moment.
“I don’t know how long yet,” I continued. “I don’t know when I… when it
happened. But I’ll go to the doctor soon, and when I do, I can ask about getting a test.”
Cameron still stared out the window, his slow, steady breaths the only sound in the room.
“Please, say something,” I begged him. “Anything.”
I smoothed a hand over my stomach, comforting the little one growing inside. No matter what Cameron said, no matter what he chose next, I would be a mother to that baby. I would love him or her unconditionally, and give them the life they deserve. I would teach them, help them grow, love them on the good days and the hard days, too.
Even if I had to do it alone, I would raise that child.
Cameron was so still, I wondered if he’d gone into shock. I wondered if he was debating flinging our window open and jumping out of it, just as Jane had — only he wouldn’t fly.
“Cameron?”
“I don’t want it.”
His words were a fist to my chest, my next breath stolen. They were loud and final, as sure and steady as a rushing rapid, and the waves of it took me under faster than I could blink.
He didn’t want it.
If I wasn’t already sitting down, I would have fallen to my knees.
I stared at his back, at the way it rose and fell with each easy breath he took, and the glimpse of hope and joy we’d lived in just moments before was stolen.
Here we were at the foot of another challenge, and he wouldn’t face it with me. He wouldn’t stay. He wouldn’t love me through it.
Though, could I really ask him to? Was it fair of me to even ask that he love me and a child that may or may not be his, let alone to expect it?
I didn’t even have to ask the question to know the answer.
I was a selfish woman, and I’d taken too much — from him, from Reese, from everyone around me. I couldn’t undo what had happened, couldn’t right this wrong, but one thing I knew for sure was that I would not walk away from my child.
No matter who the father was.
“I understand,” I whispered after a moment, sniffing back the tears gathering in my eyes again. “I just wanted you to know, and now you do. I love you, Cameron, and I choose you. But I choose this baby, too. And I get why you wouldn’t want it, I get why—”
“The test,” he said, interrupting me as he slowly turned. His eyes found mine, his gaze fierce. “I don’t want the test.”
I blinked.
“I don’t understand.”
Cameron crossed the room, carefully lowering himself to his knees as he took my hands in his. He kissed my knuckles, his eyes on mine before he dropped my hands and placed his own over my belly.
“I want you, Charlie. I choose you today just the same as I chose you on our wedding day eight years ago. You are mine,” he said. “And so is this child — regardless of its DNA.”
There he was.
It was Cameron — my Cameron — who knelt before me with his hands on my stomach, welcoming the child within it as his own, whether it was or not. It was my husband, taking me for who I was — flaws and all. It was the man I chose, the man I would choose time and time again, in any lifetime, in any situation, reminding me before I even had the chance to forget why I really had no choice at all.
I folded my hands over his, smiling through my tears, and Cameron leaned up to press his lips to mine.
He kissed me like the horizon kisses the sun as it sets — tenderly, with the blinding promise that another day would come.
With that kiss, we sealed our choice. With that kiss, we shut the door on the past. And with that kiss, with my hands over his, and his over our child, we began a new chapter in our story — together.
And I knew this one would be brighter than the last.
Three hours earlier
Reese
I wished I never quit smoking.
My body itched for the sweet relief of nicotine as I flicked the wheel of my lighter, on and off, watching as flame after flame was lit and then snuffed just as easily. At first, I’d counted each one, but I’d lost count somewhere around two hundred, and now I simply watched numbly as I rubbed my thumb raw on the lighter.
It wasn’t that I was nervous. It was that I was impatient.
Right now, Charlie was likely across town, telling Cameron that their marriage was over. I knew when she got to me, she’d be a mess. She’d be crying, she’d be mourning the loss of him and what they built together, and all I wanted was to fast-forward to when she was in my arms. I wanted to hold her, to rock her, to assure her the choice she made was the right one.
I wanted to love her — without him — and I couldn’t wait much longer.
I started counting the flames again, and somewhere around seventy-two, there was a knock at my door.
I jumped up like my couch was on fire, sprinting to the door and flinging it open in one fell swoop. And then she was there, on my porch, just like she had been the first night I’d had her as my own. She looked just as sad, her eyes just as dark, face just as long.
For a solid minute, I just held the door open, my eyes tracing every single feature. I wanted to remember that moment, the one right before she was mine. I took in her long, dark hair, the waves of it broken by the wind. My eyes traveled down her slim waist, catching on the jean shorts she wore, though it was cooling down now that the sun had set. She trembled a little as my eyes devoured her legs, trailing all the way back up slowly to connect with her brown irises, and then I held the door open wider.
“Come in.”
She stepped in slowly, crossing her arms over her middle as another shiver traveled through her.
“Here,” I said, reaching in the closet near my door for one of my hoodies. I ripped it from the hanger and passed it to her. “I’ll get us some wine. White or red?”
Charlie pulled the hoodie over her head, letting it fall down to her mid-thigh. It swallowed her, and I loved her in it. There was something about the way she looked so small in my sweater, how something I wore so often felt brand new against her skin.
She didn’t answer once the hoodie was on, just watched me with those same sad eyes. And I knew she was hurting, knew she was in pain for the choice she’d had to make, so I took the burden of any more decision-making off her shoulders.
“White,” I said, and then I turned for the kitchen.
I was already lighter with her in my home, already riding the high that came from having her back. I was only gone a few minutes before I returned with two glasses and the bottle. I nodded toward the room where my piano waited, and Charlie wrapped her arms around herself, following me with her eyes on the floor.
“Hop up,” I said, patting the top of the piano. I’d already put the lid down before she arrived, anticipating the night.
She climbed up slowly as I filled both of our glasses, and I handed one to her, holding mine up for a toast.
“To new beginnings,” I said. “And to us.”
We clinked our glasses together, my eyes watching her as she watched our glasses. I took the first drink, but Charlie just lowered hers again, the glass trembling slightly in her hand.
She wasn’t ready to talk yet.
I could feel the pain without even touching her, without even holding her, and all I wanted was to make it go away. So, I set my glass next to her on the piano, took my seat, and floated my fingers over the keys.
I played nothing at first, just warming up, letting the smooth notes flow between us. Once Charlie took another sip of wine, I transitioned into the song I’d written for her — for us — the one I’d been saving for tonight.
It was a piece I’d started the night I’d come back into town, and the beginning was soft and slow. It took me back to the day she walked into the teachers’ lounge, that old book in her hands. I saw her eyes when they first met mine, how empty they were, how I wasn’t even sure she recognized me at all. That woman seemed so far away now from the Charlie who had come back to me. She was full of life again, full of love, and I wanted to continue making her happy — so much so that she’d spil
l over.
As the song progressed, the melody turned darker, emotional, for all the nights I longed to touch her, all the days I wished for her to be mine. I built up the crescendo gently, bringing the song to a grand, expressive and dramatic climax. It was the night we gave in, the night our worlds collided, our stars uniting under one universal sky. The melody only grew louder as I mirrored my emotions watching her with Cameron, knowing he was trying to win her back. My fingers flew over the keys, my eyes closed as I felt every note.
And then, everything ceased.
I kept my eyes closed during that pause, feeling the weight of that silence, of the past two months. Slowly, I brought the song back to life, filling the room with the same melodic notes that mirrored the beginning, only they were happier now — comfortable and sure. It was our coming together, making it through the storm.
The river meeting the ocean once more, just like it always would.
When I finished, the last notes floating from the piano, I carefully opened my eyes to find Charlie.
She was crying.
Her cries were silent, tears streaming down her cheeks and running toward each other at the apex of her chin before they fell to her lap. She held her wine glass, still full, her eyes on me, lips trembling.
“I named it, Where the River Meets the Sea.”
“It’s beautiful,” she whispered, but her tears still fell, one after the other.
I took her calves in my hands, pulling her closer to me as I looked up into her eyes. “I know you’re feeling a lot right now,” I said. “I know these past few months have been hard on you. And I know what you did tonight wasn’t easy.”
Her face crumpled at that, and she let her head drop, shaking it where it fell between her shoulders.
I squeezed her legs, smoothing my hands over the skin there. “It’s okay. You don’t have to talk right now. Come, let me hold you.”
I slid my hand up to grab hers, but when I tugged, she pulled it away, still shaking her head.
What He Always Knew (What He Doesn't Know Duet Book 2) Page 23
