When Kait had listened to Anna gushing about Robert, she realized that she wanted that too. A man who would make her tea and toast, a man worthy of boasting about. All she got from Jasper was heartache. And that kind of pain wasn’t worth all the sex, no matter how knee meltingly great it was.
Jasper’s details were on her phone’s screen. She looked at the digits beneath his name. Just seeing them made a thrill of excitement dance down her spine.
“I’ll always come second,” Kait said aloud, needing to cement the sentiment. She deserved to be more than second best to someone. She wasn’t just something for Jasper to do when he wasn’t training or fighting. And he’d expressly told her that his career would always come first. It was an absolute term; there wasn’t a ‘for now’ or anything added. He had no intention of changing, of settling down with Kait.
More tears came and slid down her face towards her pillow. She kept her phone held before her, staring at Jasper’s name backlit by the screen. He’d walked in to her life like a larger than life hero. And now? Kait’s tears intensified as she locked her phone and threw it towards the carpeted floor. She drew her knees up to her chest and hugged herself tightly. The darkness of the room seemed harsher than usual. A part of her wished she was with Jasper instead of lying alone pining for him.
“I have to be strong,” Kait told herself firmly. She was still uttering the words as she eventually fell asleep. She dreamt of gold teethed men and muscular arms which carried her like wings to safety.
When she awoke hours later, the apartment was still around her. Sunlight had begun to filter in beneath the curtains bathing the bedroom in a pleasant glow. Sitting up, Kait took a second to get her bearings. Her head throbbed slightly from the wine she’d previously consumed, and her mouth felt unpleasantly dry. Glancing across the bed, Kait sighed upon waking alone. Anna was no doubt currently being treated to breakfast in bed. She’d called Robert upon leaving Kait’s place, and he’d immediately answered. When she suggested he come over to hers, he instantly accepted the offer. There was no pretence between them. Soon they would officially be a couple; Kait recognised the familiar pattern with her friend emerging.
Anna would wake up in her bed as Robert came in smiling and holding her favourite mug with freshly made tea. Kait was waking up cold and alone. She looked longingly over at the side of the bed where Jasper had previously slept. It pained her that he never woke her when he left, instead preferring to creep away. It made Kait feel like there was some shame attached to what had happened between them.
She could feel her eyes growing watery as she dwelled on Jasper for too long. She doubted he was thinking of her. He was probably already at the gym lifting weights and thinking about his next fight.
“Get it together,” Kait told herself firmly as she climbed out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. But everywhere she went, she was reminded of him. He hadn’t just taken up residence in her heart; he was also all over her apartment.
As Kait stepped in to the shower, she decided that more than ever she needed the promotion at work and the new house which would be possible as a result of it. She needed to put as much physical distance between her and Jasper as possible. It was over, done with. He’d saved her, but not in the way she’d truly needed. If anything, he’d left her worse off than before. Now she was more determined than ever to focus on work so that she could leave the wretched apartment his essence now haunted.
Chapter 30
Sat in his trendy, minimalist apartment which overlooked the river, Jasper Duboix ached. His back throbbed and his legs burned. His entire body felt like it had been ripped apart and then crudely stitched back together.
Wincing, he pressed the ice pack against his inflamed knee. The silence around him felt more potent than normal. With his free hand, he reached for the television remote and continued where he had left off with his favourite television show. He should be in the gym working out, doing reps, but he’d been forced to admit that he needed a day to rest.
But in reality, Jasper wasn’t sure what he was actually getting over; the brutal fight in the ring or the death blow Kait had delivered to him in the park. She’d ran away from him before he even had chance to try and explain himself. And now he felt more alone than he ever had in his whole life. His bones ached with the pain of it.
“Damn it,” Jasper ground his teeth and stretched out his injured leg. The ice pack was doing little to ease his discomfort. He glanced at the large plasma flat screen hanging on the wall above the decorative fireplace and tried to focus on the violent storyline, but his mind kept wandering away from the television show and back to Kait. Had she meant what she’d said? Was she really saying goodbye?
Jasper dubiously eyed his phone which was placed beside him on the sofa. He should really Tweet an update to his followers. But what would he even say? At home today instead of killing at the gym due to…what? A broken heart.
“Argh,” Jasper knocked his phone to the floor with a swipe of his hand. He was better than this. He didn’t want Kait. He’d been the one to push her aside. His career, it was always about his career. Ever since he’d turned sixteen, he’d lived with a single minded purpose: to fight as much as he could and to always win. Each time he won in the ring, he inched further away from the troubled boy he had once been. It was an ongoing journey, one which he couldn’t prematurely stop because he’d met someone.
Flashes of burn fired up his leg bringing tears to his eyes. Jasper reached forward and massaged the area around his knee, but it didn’t help. He’d need to see a physical therapist before he could even think about starting up training again. His last fight had been much more brutal than he’d anticipated. His opponent was rested and hungry for victory. Jasper on the other hand was strung out and just trying to remain standing. But somehow he’d managed to dig deep and eventually flaw his opponent. The crowd had gone wild, clamouring to their feet cheering and chanting his name. Usually Jasper could lose himself in the sound of his own triumph, but this time the applause sounded hollow as it echoed in his ears.
Kait was right. He was pushing himself too hard. Was he so terrified that if he removed his foot off the gas that he’d just slip back in to his old ways? Hadn’t he already moved on from all of that? He didn’t need fighting to remain stable, did he? Had his passion somehow become a crutch he was terrified to cast aside?
Panting, Jasper pushed himself off the sofa and hopped over to retrieve his phone. Sweat glistened on his temple as he hastily grabbed it and began calling his agent, Carl.
After three rings, Carl picked up.
“Hey man,” Jasper was breathing heavily. “Can you send that physical therapist we use over to my place?”
“Is everything alright?” There was tension in Carl’s voice which suggested he was displeased.
“Yeah, yeah,” Jasper insisted, doing his best to breathe more slowly as he lowered himself back on to his dark leather sofa.
“I’m just mad sore after that fight the other night.”
“You’ve had ample time to recover. I heard you weren’t in the gym today.”
Jasper squeezed his eyes shut and lowered his head against his heaving chest.
“Yeah, Carl, I’m sorry about that. I just needed a few days to recuperate.”
“Well, while you’re holed up in your apartment watching back to back episodes ofBreaking Bad, your future opponents are in the gym, lifting weights, and doing reps. Getting strong. Do you want to be beaten, Jasper? Is that why you took a day off?”
Jasper was already shaking his head, his gaze lifting sadly to the television screen where his favourite show was currently paused.
“I’m the champion, Carl, you know that. Champions don’t get beaten.”
“Then you need to get yourself down the gym and push through whatever pain you’re in. No pain no gain, remember?”
Jasper stood up, and his knee immediately burned in protest, struggling to support his weight.
“Shit,” Jasper gasped.
“I’m not sure I can make it today, Carl. My knee is really busted up from where that guy clocked me with his kick.”
“You’ve got to push through it.” Carl’s voice was stern.
Jasper sunk to the sofa in defeat.
“Okay, okay. But can you at least give me a lift there? I don’t think I’ll be able to drive or jog in.”
“Sure,” Carl’s tone was brightening now. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes, champ. I’ll even spot you for a while if you like?”
“Yeah,” Jasper ran a hand over his head which was slick with sweat. “Yeah, that’d be great, thanks Carl.”
He ended the call and stared bleakly around his apartment. He’d called for help, and instead all he’d got was an order to work harder, to push himself further. But what if he had nothing left to give? His bones throbbed uneasily, desperate for more time to rest. Jasper knew that Kait would disapprove of him going to the gym in this state. She’d tell him he was being ridiculous and demand he stay in his apartment and rest. Jasper reckoned she was tenacious enough to even stand up to Carl. She’d been so willing to fight Jasper’s corner. But now she was gone, pushed aside. Who would fight for him now?
Chapter 31
Kait was carrying a fresh mug of coffee over to the sofa when her phone chirped to alert her to an incoming message. With a roll of her eyes, she picked up the device, anticipating she’d find another gushing message from Anna all about how she was so in love with Robert. Instead, Kait almost dropped the green mug she was clutching when she saw that the message was from Jasper.
Her hands started shaking so madly that she had to lower the mug before she could read the message. Kait could hear the sound of her heart beating in her ears as she opened the message and held her breath.
I just had a brutal day at the gym. Can we talk? Xx
Kait starred at the message for several minutes, trying to decipher what Jasper meant. There was nothing to talk about, was there? And what did he mean by brutal day? It didn’t surprise her if he was struggling at the gym given the state he’d been in when she last saw him at the park.
Ten minutes passed, and Kait was still holding her phone, looking at the message Jasper had sent her. She knew what would happen if they met up. She’d take one look at him and forget about all her anger and indignation. She’d fall in to bed with him and wake up the next day to find him gone, and the same painful cycle would just repeat itself until she had the power to walk away. Kait was too tired to enter in to such a charade. Jasper didn’t truly want her, he had told her as much. He was only reaching out now because she’d wounded his pride. Perhaps he just wanted to be the one to tell her it was over.
Biting her lip, Kait promptly deleted the message and then picked up her mug of coffee and resumed watching a film.
Chapter 32
Picking himself up out of the ice bath, Jasper shook. The intense cold had numbed some of the pain within his muscles but not all of it. He could feel the bruises which would soon bloom covering most of his body.
With a gasp he was out of the bath and pulling on his favourite sweat pants and hooded jumper. They offered little comfort to his now frozen skin. He’d spent all day at the gym at Carl’s behest. He’d worked so hard he feared he might tear some of his muscles. But miraculously, he had remained in one piece. Now he was back at his apartment, alone and soon to be asleep. The prospect of resting was a delicious one to contemplate. Jasper barely had the energy to drag himself over to his bedroom and his king sized bed adorned with sumptuous sheets and pillows. Laying down, it felt as soft and wondrous as floating on a cloud. Jasper could already feel his eyes drooping, but something prohibited him from dropping over the edge in to sleep.
He reached for his phone which was just beside the bed. He had numerous Twitter updates and a message from Carl, but that was it. She hadn’t replied to him. Kait had ignored his message. His heart tightened in his chest, and Jasper winced at this latest pain. Why hadn’t she gotten back to him? He’d basically apologized for what had happened. And he’d asked to talk; it wasn’t like he’d insisted they get together and partake in more bedroom antics. Her silence told him everything. She had meant it when she had said goodbye. He’d managed to push her far enough that she wasn’t willing to come back.
Clutching his phone, Jasper contemplated sending another message. Should he just say he was sorry? He wanted her there with him. Not because he was horny, but simply because he wanted to hold her. She’d looked upon his scars with such tenderness. She didn’t view him as a monster, at least she hadn’t then. She saw beyond the muscles and the championship titles through to his true strength at his core. She understood what he’d overcome and admired him for that. He liked the way he looked in her eyes. But his insistent drive had killed that. Now she couldn’t even reply to a message from him.
Despite his tired limbs Jasper was unable to sleep. He lay amongst his pillows with his eyes wide. He had not anticipated that he would care this much about Kait. He thought that it would be straight forward, that he’d let her go as he had so many girls before her. But now the thought of not seeing her anger, of not holding her terrified him. It terrified him more than the thought of never getting back in the ring, of never hearing the roar of a euphoric crowd again. Somehow Kait had managed to sneak in to a place Jasper kept fiercely guarded: his heart. And as that realization sunk in, he feared that he’d already burned the bridges between them, that it was too late to make amends.
But as his eyes finally closed, Jasper clung to the hope that all was not lost, that in Kait’s eyes, he wasn’t yet past redemption.
Chapter 33
“Kait…Kait!”
Kait jumped in her seat as her eyes snapped wide with attention. The smartly dressed men and women gathered around the grand meeting table were all directing their gazes at her, waiting intently for her to speak.
“Um…yes,” Kait began to flick through the papers placed on the table before her.
“The figures for the last quarter were our strongest yet,” she began, trying not to sound as nervous as she felt.
Marie, who was sat beside her, placed a hand on Kait’s arm and leaned close to whisper to her.
“We’ve already been over the figures for last quarter. We need to talk about projections now, Kait.”
Kait nodded and shoved some of her hair out of her face.
“Yes,” she replied briskly. “Yes of course.” She spotted the piece of paper with the correct data and took a deep breath. “We are all extremely optimistic about projections for the rest of the year.”
The people around the table leaned back in their chairs and commenced listening to her report.
Kait breathed a sigh of relief when the meeting finally concluded. She began gathering her papers as people dispersed from the room, eager to grab a much needed cup of coffee.
“What was that?” Marie was standing beside her, patiently waiting instead of leaving. Her neat eyebrows were knotted together, and her shoulders were tensely gathered by her neck.
“What was what?” Kait innocently blinked at her.
“That-” Marie gestured back towards the meeting table. “You totally spaced, Kait. You can’t keep dropping the ball like that, especially if you want to make your fixture in these development meetings a more permanent one.”
Kait’s cheeks burned with understanding. “I’m so sorry,” she uttered nervously. “I lost my focus. It won’t happen again.”
“It had better not,” Marie said sternly as she folded her arms across her chest. “When you look bad, the company looks bad. Have I made myself clear?”
“Crystal.”
“Okay, good.” Marie left and took her cloud of vanilla perfume with her. With a sigh, Kait dropped back down in to her chair. The meeting had been crucial. Her team had been prepping for it for weeks. Yet in the middle of it all, she’d allowed her mind to wander. And she had of course been thinking about Jasper.
Kait held her head in her hands. It had been a whole m
onth since she’d last heard from Jasper and an impressive twenty four hours since she’d felt compelled to check his Twitter page. Shouldn’t she be getting over him by now? Instead, he was pretty much all she could think about. She remembered how amazing it felt to kiss him, and her body would tingle as though being caressed by thousands of fireflies.
“I’m over him,” Kait told herself firmly as she stood back up and smoothed down her pencil skirt.
“I’m over him,” she repeated as she walked out of the meeting room, but sadly her voice lacked the conviction she’d hoped it would have.
Chapter 34
Kait found that the nights were the worst. She’d sit alone in her apartment and see Jasper everywhere she turned. She was still waiting to hear about the promotion at work. Her life felt as though it had been bizarrely put on pause, and she was unable to go forwards or back. She just had to wait. And wait for what? Did she expect Jasper to send more flowers, to offer more dates? She’d received that one text from him and then nothing.
Mason: Inked Reapers MC Page 32
