Chapter 61
Kait had fought the urge to call Jasper. As much as she wanted to, she knew that the ball was now in his court. If he wanted to see her, he knew where he could find her. But what if he never came round? What if they were now done? Kait knew she couldn’t think like that. Jasper was just lashing out at her because he was hurt about what had happened in the ring during his latest fight. They were okay as a couple…weren’t they?
When someone finally knocked at her door the following evening, Kait literally jumped up from the sofa with delight. But she took her time answering, not wanting Jasper to know how eagerly she had been awaiting his visit. As she’d expected, when she unlocked the latch, she found him standing in her doorway looking sheepish.
“Hey.” He had the decency to look deep into her eyes rather than avoid her gaze. Kait felt a rush of heat burn through her as their eyes connected.
“Look, Kait, about yesterday.” She moved aside so that he could enter the apartment. It pained her to see him hobble in awkwardly on his bad leg. She glanced down at it and saw that it was covered by a support bandage beneath his gym shorts. She hoped Jasper had been sensible enough to go to the hospital and have someone take a look at it.
She wanted to tell him how angry he’d made her. How he should have been thankful that she’d come to support him at his match. But now he was in her apartment, now she could smell his sweat mixed with his designer cologne, her thoughts became a blur, and she couldn’t think. When he reached for her, she didn’t resist.
They crashed together in a passionate wave of kisses as arms eagerly felt every inch of one another’s body. Kait groaned as his tongue pressed up against hers. They found their way into her bathroom, and Jasper soon had her back pressed up against the tiled walls. He pulled off her jeans, and the cool surface was cold against her bare skin. But Kait didn’t care. Her body was already on fire.
Jasper came close and kissed her neck. Kait held him close, savoring the sensation.
“I missed you,” he nuzzled the words into her ear.
“I missed you too,” she told him breathlessly.
For the next hour, they were locked together in the bathroom. The mirror became steamed up with the heat from their intensity. When they eventually parted, Kait was breathing hard. She looked over at Jasper, wanting to take him all in, but to her surprise, he was quickly pulling his shorts back on.
“What are you doing?” she demanded sternly. She had hoped that perhaps they could enjoy a bath or shower together, spend the evening unwinding in front of a movie and even indulge in a takeaway pizza like they used to do.
“I need to be heading back,” Jasper told her flippantly as he left the bathroom. Kait stormed after him, not caring that she was still completely naked. She did however reach for a towel by the door before she powered through it which she now protectively wrapped around herself. Moments ago, she’d been in euphoria to be naked with Jasper. Now, she didn’t want his eyes to see her bare flesh. He’d once again changed in an instant and let her down. But this would be the last time. She knew that.
“You’re not going anywhere!” She shouted at him. Jasper had already been headed towards the door, and he stopped and slowly turned around.
“I can’t stay here,” he told her apologetically. “I’m not even supposed to be here.”
“What?” Kait snapped incredulously.
Jasper massaged the back of his neck and looked awkward.
“I’m meant to be focusing on my training right now,” he admitted. “You saw how badly I took a beating out there. I can’t let that happen again. My agent, he fears that being in a relationship knocks me off my game.”
“Well it’s none of his business!”
“Look, Kait-”
“I am done with you treating me like I don’t matter to you. You come round here, and we have amazing sex, and then you leave. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel, Jasper? I don’t feel like I’m loved by some amazing guy; I just feel used.”
Kait tilted her head back to avoid crying and bit her lip. She’d wanted to be wrong about Jasper. She’d wanted to believe that they could be a genuine couple, that they could be happy together. But nothing was changing. She was still coming a very distant second to his career, and she knew it wasn’t a position she could remain in long term.
“What do you want from me?” Jasper roared the words at her. “I came here to see you even though I shouldn’t. You know how things are for me. I told you!”
He was so angry that the veins on his neck were protruding. Kait folded her arms across her chest and tried to hold her ground. She didn’t want to fight, but she felt like he was giving her no choice. All she’d wanted was for him to stay and spend the evening with her, and somehow it had escalated in to a full blown argument.
“I want us to be together!” Kait admitted. “Not just part time, but properly!”
“I can’t do that!” Jasper threw his hands up in dismay. “You knew what you were getting into with me.”
Kait was crying now. This wasn’t the response she’d been hoping for. Jasper wasn’t speaking with regret and telling her he wished things were different. He was telling her that things were as they’d always been and weren’t going to change. Did he not wish they could be together more?
“But I want more!” Kait declared as her tears exploded down her cheeks. “I want to lie in your arms and fall asleep against your chest. I want all of you, Jasper, not just the little bit that you can spare.”
She saw his shoulders tense. She hoped he was about to come and take her in his strong arms, but his expression remained hard.
“If you don’t want to do this anymore, then fine,” he told her quietly.
“That’s not what I’m saying!” Kait implored desperately.
“If you can’t handle what we have, then let’s call it quits.”
Jasper was being cruel. His eyes were glazed over and distant, the way they were when he was in the ring. This wasn’t like him. This wasn’t the man who had saved her from those thugs in the car park.
“Jasper - ” but it was too late. Jasper powered towards the front door and slammed it behind him as he left. Shaken, Kait dropped to her knees, gazing helplessly at the space where he had just been.
Chapter 62
Even though it was late, Jasper didn’t go home. Rage was powering through his body, and he knew he had to release it somewhere. Luckily his gym was open twenty four hours a day. It was unusually quiet as he stalked through towards the boxing ring at the back. He didn’t need someone to spar with; he just needed a punching bag.
Pausing only to wrap his knuckles, Jasper eyed the bag hungrily. He was angry about so many things – about his near defeat, about his bad knee, and about the constant war which raged inside him over Kait. He wanted her, truly he did, but he also wanted to remain a champion, and he knew he couldn’t have both.
He smacked a fist against the bag, and it shook on its hook. The shock of the impact travelled up his arm, and it felt good. Jasper punched the bag again and again. His bad knee throbbed in protest as he bounced upon it, but he ignored it. He had to push through the pain; there was no other way he could go back into the ring again. He had to be strong; he had to remain on top.
He jabbed sharply at the punching bag. Again and again. Sweat ran in rivers down his back, but he didn’t stop. He did a sharp undercut and then a left jab. He punched the bag so hard that if it were a person he’d have risked breaking ribs against their heart. Panting, Jasper punched harder and faster. The more he hit, the less he thought. He was able to get lost in the power of the brute force he was exerting.
Exhaustion crept up on him and blurred his vision, but still he hit the bag. He didn’t even know what time it was or how long he’d been punching at it. He tried not to think about Kait. He hated how she could turn an amazing evening into yet another fight. Jasper was sick and tired of fighting. He felt like all he did these days was fight. His life within the ring was blee
ding out to all the other areas, and he hated it.
He hated the disappointed look Kait gave him each time he left her apartment. But what was he supposed to do? Carl had been very clear about her not coming around. But Jasper couldn’t stay away. She’d become like a drug he needed to have a hit of no matter what the consequences. Was their relationship toxic?
More punches. Jasper was hammering the bag now.
If it was toxic for him, it must be just as bad for Kait. Each time they parted, he saw the pain behind her eyes, the disappointment in her gaze. She wanted more from him, deserved more, but he had nothing left to give. Every ounce of himself was being spent each time he entered the ring.
He punched harder so that the bag shook and dust spewed out from it.
Carl was always telling Jasper what to do, telling him how to live his life. All he cared about was winning. Jasper could feel his bad knee threatening to buckle beneath him. He should have gone to hospital; he should have ignored Carl. But instead he’d pushed through just like always, and where was that getting him? Jasper had read the comments online. People were laughing at him, fans were questioning if his days as a champion were now numbered. And so was he. Each time he went down, it was becoming increasingly harder to get back up.
Gritting his teeth, Jasper smacked against the bag with all he had. The fabric split, and the sawdust contents spewed out on to the gym floor. Panting, Jasper stepped back from it, coughing as some of the dust gathered in his chest.
He dropped down on to a nearby bench and let his head fall between his knees. He was exhausted. His entire body throbbed with lack of energy. Slowly, Jasper moved his hands so that he could examine his knuckles. Dark blood had soaked through the protective bandages he’d previously placed around them. Wincing, Jasper began to unwind the fabric. Once his knuckles were exposed, he saw that they were red raw and weeping. Sighing, he opened and closed his fingers, feeling the burn of resistance each time he did so.
He’d pushed too hard. This is what Kait drove him to. She made him a mad man. Jasper remained on the bench not wanting to move. Not only was he exhausted, but his body was also heavy with regret. The worst part of what Kait said was that she was right. She did deserve more. She deserved to be in a real relationship. Jasper knew how achingly frustrating it was to be in a one-sided relationship; he’d been in one with fighting since he was a young man. Didn’t he also deserve to be loved and cherished by someone?
Jasper considered reaching for his phone and calling Kait, but she was probably asleep by now. Besides, what would he say? He feared he’d pushed their relationship to a point where “sorry” would no longer be enough, but he didn’t want to lose her. Clenching his sore hands together, Jasper wilted against the bench. He wished that there was some way of knowing what to do. He felt like he was fumbling around in the dark without any guidance, and worst of all, he wasn’t even sure he wanted to be a champion anymore, not when the cost to be one was so alarmingly high.
Chapter 63
Wiping her eyes, Kait gathered herself up off the floor and tightened the towel which wrapped around her. Anger soon replaced sorrow. Why did Jasper keep repeatedly treating her so badly? Maybe they truly were done. Maybe she did just need to walk away from him and never look back.
But still…
Kait couldn’t stop seeing him as the heroic man who saved her that night when her life was in peril. He had emerged from the shadows as bold and brave as any comic book superhero. Without any regard for himself, he had saved her, and in that moment, Kait had fallen for him.
“It’s just because he saved you,” Anna had brushed off her friend’s infatuation with Jasper countless times. “It’s just hero worship or something. You’ll get over it.”
But Kait wasn’t so sure. Jasper was like an infection which had managed to get into her system, and now she couldn’t get rid of him; there was no cure. Despite all his cruel words and harsh actions, she still ached when she watched him leave. Thinking about him never coming back made Kait feel like she was drowning in a bottomless pool.
Jasper wasn’t the cruel, cold hearted man he was appearing to be. He couldn’t be. That kind of man didn’t save strangers.
“Come back to me Jasper,” Kait whispered towards the closed door through which he’d previously stormed off. She wanted her Jasper back, the gentle giant she knew he could be. She just didn’t know anymore how she was supposed to get him back.
Defeated, she headed towards her bedroom where she collapsed against the bed and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
Chapter 64
Jasper popped several more tablets in to his mouth hoping that they’d have some effect on the pain which was currently surging through every inch of his body. His night spent pummeling the punch bag had been a mistake. His knuckles were still red raw the following morning, and he knew that neither Carl nor his trainer would be impressed. Yet again, he’d let them down. Lately he was letting everyone down, including himself.
“You’ve got this,” he told himself as he washed down the tablets with a long swig of ice cold water from a bottle freshly sourced from his large refrigerator.
“Ready to kill it today?” Carl was already in the hallway, standing expectantly beside the door.
“You bet,” Jasper did his best to sound upbeat, but he knew it was just a matter of time until Carl clocked his beaten knuckles.
“Woah,” Carl reached out for one of his hands, turning it over to assess the damage. “What happened here?”
“I got a little over enthusiastic with a punching bag last night,” Jasper shrugged.
“I’ll say.” Carl agreed as he dropped his hand. Jasper waited for the anger, for the discipline, but Carl remained quiet. There was almost something approving about his silence.
“You’re not mad?” Jasper felt forced to prompt him for a response when one wasn’t readily given.
“No,” Carl shook his head and opened the front door. “If anything, it’s nice to see some of your fierce energy coming back. I was worried for a moment that you were spent.”
Chapter 65
Sadly, Jasper had no fierce energy left to give at the gym. He lifted weights, did squats, and jumped rope, but it all just felt like going through the motions. Perhaps his pain medication had made him overly numb. Feeling detached, he sat for a moment and wiped the sweat from the back of his neck.
“Your mind is elsewhere today,” his trainer noted, his tone lacking the harsh edge it usually held.
“Yeah,” Jasper agreed with a sigh. “Sorry.”
“What made you go mad at the bag like you did?” His trainer glanced at his bloodied knuckles. Jasper leaned back on the bench and shook his head.
“You don’t want to know.”
“That means it’s a woman,” his trainer laughed wryly. “Which also means I should know be berating you for letting the fairer sex get in your head. Once there, all they do is mess up your thoughts, and you need to be focused right now. But you already knew that.”
“Exactly,” Jasper agreed softly. “I already knew that.”
“I saw the fall you took during your last fight,” his trainer came and sat beside him. His perfect blonde hair settled naturally around his shoulders as it was free from product that morning.
Jasper lowered his head shamefully. The whole world saw the fall he took on his bad leg. Everyone knew he was ripe for replacement. It was one hell of a beast of burden, and Jasper struggled beneath it.
“There’s no shame is stopping when you’ve peaked,” his trainer said gentle, his voice low so that no one else could hear him.
“That’s not what you’ve said before,” Jasper challenged with a smile.
“True,” his trainer laughed. “But I’ve seen men push themselves so hard in the ring that they can’t walk by the time they are forty. And that’s no life.”
“But I’m not supposed to think about the future,” Jasper countered, “just the next match, the next big win.”
“But you
are thinking about the future. Hence why you took that punching bag to task. You’re frustrated, Duboix, about more than your career.”
“So says you.” Jasper gave him a playful nudge.
“I’ve seen it happen before. If you find something beyond the ring that you care about, cling to it. Your career won’t always be there, but this other thing, it might be.”
“Carl would fire you on the spot if you heard you talking like that,” Jasper warned teasingly.
“True,” his trainer was nodding and laughing as he spoke. “But if I didn’t say this to you, I’d never forgive myself. That knee can still barely support your weight, but you’ve got another fight lined up for next week.”
Jasper grimaced at the thought of getting back in the ring so soon. He was starting to fear that the next time he went down, he’d never get back up.
Mason: Inked Reapers MC Page 39
