“I’m telling you, mate, I didn’t know I was going to be barging in on anything,” Darcy pleaded. “You know I’m not that kind of guy. After all, I’m your wing man!”
“Yes, well, use those wings and fly off somewhere far, far away,” he said. “It’s bad enough I’m dealing with the parents.” He nodded toward Emma’s folks, who were chattering with Caroline for a minute at least.
“They seem like friendly folks,” Darcy said.
“They think I’m gay,” Adrian said.
“Gay? What the-—?”
“Don’t ask,” his friend said. “In the confusion of their late-night arrival and interrupting me from a sound sleep, somehow Emma thought it would be a brilliant idea to suggest I was a gay graduate student with an obsession with royalty. Oh, and they think some chap named Darcy is my ex-lover. So welcome to the club.”
“You’ve gone and changed my sexual preference without even checking with me?” Darcy said, eyes wide open, jaw dropped. “How am I going to work my wiles with the lovely Caroline then?”
“Gee, sorry. Looks like you’ll need to get a room,” Adrian said. “Go ahead and charge it to the family. It’s the very least my mother can do at this point, pay for us sinners with her vast cash reserves. Considering neither of us would be here were it not for her.”
“Speaking of your mother,” Darcy began.
“Is she all right?” Adrian asked, worried.
“Oh, she’s as right as can be. Maybe even as right as humanly possible, in her mind at least,” he said. “But I took the liberty of strongly expressing your opinion on your behalf. I hope you don’t mind.”
Adrian winced. If this could get any murkier. But he couldn’t even be bothered with such nonsense at this point: he was busy trying to devise a situation in which he could get Emma alone and willing all over again. And worried he’d need an act of nature to get to that point. Which he was willing to work toward, if need be.
They gathered from the shift in the direction of the nearby conversation that their attention was being enlisted.
“So this is your Darcy?” Emma’s mother asked with more than a hint of curiosity, lifting up his arm and inspecting him as if it was the sleeve of a sweater hanging on the sale rack at Macy’s.
Adrian nodded. “Indeed, my good pal Darcy.”
“But I thought you two had broken it off?” she said.
Caroline cocked her head and squinted her eyes, and Emma elbowed her softly in the ribs in the hopes she’d keep her mouth shut.
“Oh, right,” Adrian said. “We did, but we’ve been friends for too long to let any hard feelings get in the way.”
“Absolutely,” Darcy said. “If Adrian wants to run around with other men and flaunt his eligibility, that’s his business.” He shot his friend a sly wink.
Luckily Emma’s father broke into the conversation, dressed in the infamous Statue of David apron, spatula in hand, to announce breakfast. Thank goodness. Perhaps with everyone being busy tasked with chewing food they’d not flap their lips needlessly.
~*~
As they walked through the small house to get to the kitchen, Darcy was struck with the odd labels all over the walls.
“What’s with the words everywhere?” he asked Emma. “You teaching someone the English language?”
Emma laughed. “That’s my father’s little quirk,” she said. “One of many. He has this labeling machine. It’s like a gun-shaped thing and you punch in words and they print out on a sticky label. Dad likes to be sure we know which light switch lights up which light fixture. Same with the fans. You’ll notice he also has little informational bits about where the locks can be found for the sliding glass doors and such. Just in case you can’t seem to find them yourself.”
“Don’t think I’m not picking up on your sarcasm, young lady,” her father said, swatting her with his spatula. “You’re lucky I’m in a generous mood. Now eat your sausage.”
Emma looked at Adrian and nearly burst out laughing. If only she’d gotten that far earlier in the morning. Poor Adrian could only be reminded of the state in which she left him, scrambling as they were to throw on some sort of clothes and race to the bathroom to wash up with their friends lingering in the doorway.
“Ah, is it bangers and mash, then, Mr. Davison?” Adrian said. “Replicating your daughter’s little royal wedding brunch, are we?” He winked broadly at Emma, who frowned back.
Darcy was confused, what with the danger of an actual potential royal wedding on the horizon, one that his friend was desperate to avoid.
“Royal wedding?” he asked.
“Emma! You told him about us?” Caroline said. “How could you, under the circumstances?”
Emma had pulled Caroline aside en route to the dining room table just to brief her, and so she kicked her beneath the table as a reminder.
“Circumstances?” Ellen asked in her squawk of a voice.
“Caroline just meant we never told any guys about that,” Emma said. “But Adrian and Darcy aren’t exactly ‘guys,’ are they? I mean not in that sense. I mean of course they’re guys. Just not guys!”
“Precisely,” Caroline added. “Telling these two would be like confiding in your hairdresser. And of course I’d tell my hairdresser about our party.”
“Tell him? He was there!” Emma said.
“Wait a minute,” Darcy said. “Let me get this straight. You had a royal wedding party. In the middle of the night. Complete with bangers and mash. And hairdressers.”
“And those huge hats, with feathers like weapons,” Bob chimed in.
Shoot me now, Emma thought. Put me out of my misery.
“Were they working hairdressers, or just guests?” Adrian asked.
Emma blushed. “It was just for fun. They offered to do our hair. We had lots of food and we stayed up drinking all night. It wasn’t as weird as it sounds.”
“And every time the announcers said certain words, we all had to chug our mimosas. Curse that Pippa girl,” Caroline said.
The guys looked at each other knowingly. The last thing they’d want to do with that Pippa girl was curse her.
“You Americans sure do know how to have fun,” Darcy said with a laugh. Emma frowned.
The cheeky bastard. We can’t all gallivant off at royal balls and off-shore Mediterranean yachts for our jollies. Emma knew she couldn’t say that aloud, not with her parents nearby. She had to remember to smack him one for that later on.
“Well, this is an unexpected surprise, having all these houseguests here,” Ellen said, holding up her glass of orange juice to toast everyone. “Welcome to our home!”
“Not to worry, Mrs. Davison,” Adrian said. “You don’t need to worry about hosting Darcy and Caroline. They’ll be fine staying at a nearby hotel.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it! And please, we’re Ellen and Bob,” she said, beaming.
“No, really, ma’am,” Darcy said. “We wouldn’t dream of imposing on you. In fact, Caroline and I have already checked into a hotel room, haven’t we?”
Her eyes grew large, wondering what his plan was with that. “Uh, er, yes, lovely. Seashells everywhere, very cute room. Nautical theme.”
“That’s no huge surprise, being that we’re at the beach,” Emma said. “I’d be worried if you told me it had an alpine ski theme.” She couldn’t help but throw that one out there. It was how she and Caroline were with each other. The smart-assier the better.
“Touché.” She said, then mouthed I’ll remember that to her friend.
“Thank you so much for your hospitality, Ellen, but I think you’ve got your hands full with my friend Adrian,” Darcy said. “Having him here can be like hosting royalty.”
Adrian nearly spat out his scrambled eggs on that one. As it was Emma choked enough that her mother felt the need to whack her on the back to dislodge any potential asphyxiation hazards.
“You all right, dear?” her mother asked, worried.
“Yes, thanks Mom, I’m fine. Must’ve
gone down the wrong pipe.”
“Funny you said that, what with him studying royalty for his graduate degree and all,” her mother said to Darcy.
Emma needed to steer the conversation in a safer direction. “Hey! You guys want to rent bikes and ride along the beach road?”
“Sorry, your father and I are tuckered out,” her mother said. Which was fine, because the last person she wanted joining them was her mother. Or her father. The whole idea was to escape their prying eyes. Shame she and Adrian couldn’t get that hotel room. Though they probably could. But the truth was that would be a bad, bad plan. Once again, she had already girded her loins, those ever-so-satiated loins, so to speak, to resist his temptations.
“That would be lovely,” Adrian said.
“Can I ride a bike in heels?” Caroline asked. The woman was never in anything less than three-inch heels.
“We’ll find a way,” Emma said. “Darcy? You game?”
‘Indeed,” he said. “I’d love nothing better. In the meantime, why don’t Adrian and I clear the dishes after this lovely meal?”
Oh, how he enjoyed watching Adrian play amongst the rabble. This would be too fun.
Once at the kitchen sink they were able to speak sotto voce.
“So you take the scrub brush here,” Darcy said, holding the brush in his hand. “And you rub the bristles against the dirty plate, like this.” He rinsed the food away.
“You’ve got me in stitches with your hilarity,” Adrian said. “You’re practically ready for your own stand-up routine. For your information I’ve already helped to cook a meal. Before you know it I’ll be ready to live on my own.”
“Rue the day,” Darcy said.
“You never know, my friend,” he said. “If push comes to shove.”
“Speaking of shove,” Darcy said. “I gave your mum a little bit of push-back. Just softening her up for you.”
“Oh, God,” Adrian said with a groan. “Is she sending out Interpol in search of me?”
“Not yet, but I do think she’s suspicious of what’s going on.”
“Please tell me you didn’t say anything hurtful.”
“Nothing hurtful. Honest, maybe, but not hurtful.”
“Honest?” As in ‘I’m being truthful, Mother,’ or as in ‘Yes that dress makes you look fat’ honest?”
“The former, absolutely,” Darcy said. “I wouldn’t call your mother fat!’
“Of course not. You would never get me into hot water with my dear mother. So spill.”
“Well, I might have suggested you needed to cut the apron strings. Or she did. I can’t remember who had to do that.”
“Perfect. I’m sure that went over well.”
“Then I said even though she’s never had to wear an apron since she doesn’t cook.”
“I’m sure she warmed up to that one.”
“And I said something about needing to be a man.”
“She tuned that one out, no doubt.”
“The rest was just chitchat.”
Adrian arched a brow. "Chitchat?"
“Just sort of closing out the conversation.”
“Did you cut her off?”
“Not exactly. More like I said I had to go. Without letting her demand anything more of you.”
“Great,” Adrian said. “So the next person who shows up on the doorstep is going to be the royal entourage, with my mother at the helm, bearing the standard for the great nation of Monaforte. I’ll keep my eyes open for that.”
Chapter Sixteen
“I’m glad to see they taught you how to ride a bike,” Emma said to Adrian as she pedaled alongside him.
“You laugh, but I begged my governess to teach me,” he said. “She bucked it to her husband, who came in every day for three weeks until I mastered it myself.”
“You had a governess?” she said, incredulous. “I thought they were only in the Sound of Music or Mary Poppins.”
“You’re a strange bird sometimes,” he said to her, laughing. “Pardon me for following the protocol of my nation as expected of the heir to the throne.”
“What other heir-y things can you tell me about? Do you get special briefings from the prime minister? Full of top-secret information? Do you have a hotline, complete with a button that could launch missiles against the enemy? Do you have an enemy? Do you have a wardrobe full of crisply-pressed uniforms with brass buttons and epaulets and swords and crops for riding your dappled steed? Oh, wait, what about a suit of armor? I would love to see your suit of armor. And then could I see the crown jewels?”
“Ahem,” he said, clearing his throat exaggeratedly. “I was thwarted in that attempt just this morning, lest you forget.”
Emma felt her face turn hot. “Yeah, about that,” she said. “While that was certainly a lovely little diversion—”
“Diversion? I beg to differ,” he said. “It was far more than a diversion. At least to me it was.”
“What I mean by that is that you know you’re kicking a dead horse with this. Or barking up the wrong tree. Or—”
“I prefer to think of it as answering the call of the wild,” he said with a wide grin. “Emma, I happen to like you. I find you most attractive. And charming and sweet and adorable. And fun to be around. And you are a wonderful tour guide, make a mean omelet, and your parents are terribly quaint.”
“That’s so sweet Adrian, but—”
“But I’m not good enough for you?”
Emma laughed. “How about you’re too good for the likes of me? You know and I know that even if we fell madly and deeply in love, you and I can’t ever have a future together. So why go there? We’ll only get hurt. Or at least I know I will. And I don’t think I have the stamina to go through rejection again. I think I spent three months in a dark room sobbing after that last break-up. It took so much out of me, and I promised myself I’d not get caught up in that again. Life’s too short to waste on heartbreak.”
Adrian sighed. “Let’s not talk about this now. Let’s just enjoy this day.”
And it was a lovely day: unseasonably warm, the sun beating down to make it feel like late September rather than early December.
“Agreed?” he asked with a slight pout.
“Fine, agreed.”
“Hey look!” Darcy shouted out. “No hands!”
“Darcy! Watch out!” Caroline yelled, a split second before he careened into a mailbox, his bike jackknifing as his head slammed into the metal box.
Caroline was there in a split second, tending to him, pulling tissues from her pocket to press against the gash on his forehead.
“Oh, poor baby. Does it hurt?” she asked. “Wait, don’t answer that. That’s a really stupid question. Of course it hurts. Are you all right?”
Poor baby? Emma mouthed to Adrian.
“I need some TLC, stat,” Darcy joked as he pulled her closer to him. His friends couldn’t help but notice the proximity of the two.
“In that case you’ve come to the wrong place,” Emma said. “We used to called Caroline Nurse Ratched when she was a kid. If someone fell or got hurt on the playground she’d tell them to buck up and get a move on.”
“That is so not true!”
Emma just looked at her with a deadpan face, suppressing a grin.
“Okay, so maybe it’s a little bit true. But not because I’m cold and heartless.”
“I didn’t say you were cold and heartless, I just said you were Nurse Ratched.”
“But she was cold and heartless!”
“Yes, but we knew better with you. Which made it all the more fun to tease you, since it made you so crazy. And for what it was worth, when my beloved pet bunny Hoofer died, you were a hundred percent sympathetic to me. You didn’t yawn once while I cried, nor did you tell me to stop bawling my eyes out.”
Caroline turned away from her friend to deliberately shun her. “So, Darcy, let’s take a look at your noggin.” She removed the tissue and peered at the gash. “Looks pretty angry. What do you guys think
— maybe some stitches in there?”
“Lord, no. Anything but that,” he said.
“I don’t know. Looks pretty deep. Plus how dirty is that thing? Rusty metal? You probably need a tetanus shot.” Darcy’s face grew white.
Adrian started to laugh. “For as heartless as your friend was during childhood, Darcy was fearful. At least when it came to medical procedures. Needles and Darcy don’t go hand in hand.”
“Oh, please,” Darcy said. “I’m not afraid of a little stick.”
“Good, then,” Emma said. “Because we’re going to get that looked at and sewn right up. You’re not going to come down with a bad case of trichinosis on my dime.”
“I think that’s lockjaw, and it would be on your watch,” Adrian corrected.
“I guess your governess taught you that?” Emma said, cracking a broad smile. “You do know I’m just giving you a hard time, right?”
“Yes, I do. Though I seem to recall a few days ago you told me you’d stop with that mockery, if I’m not mistaken.”
“D’oh. You are so right about that. Let me apologize yet again.”
“Not to worry,” he said, helping Emma back onto her bike. “I’ll find a way for you to make it up to me.”
“Says you.”
“Says me. Now let’s get this patient fixed up.”
~*~
Two hours later they were on their way back from the emergency clinic, Darcy with four stitches holding together his sliced forehead. He sat in the backseat with Caroline, who was being awfully empathetic for her usual non-doting self.
“If you want, I can kiss it and make it better,” she said in treacly baby talk.
Emma glanced over at Adrian when they were at a stoplight and pretend-stuck her finger in her throat. They’ve kissed? She mouthed to him, her eyes wide open in surprise. He just shrugged. Clearly someone was moving fast there. Or at least it seemed to be from the outside looking in.
“Awww, that’s sweet of you,” Darcy said.
“Not sure that’s the cleanest of options,” Emma said. She shifted her rearview mirror in a futile attempt to spy on what they were up to in the back seat. The best she could tell — aside from her friend grimacing and sticking her tongue out at her —was that Caroline’s hand was happily perched atop Darcy’s thigh. Which in the scheme of things wasn’t surprising, because Caroline was nothing if not a flirt. But from the texts she’d gotten from her, Emma was under the impression Caroline was set on playing hard to get with Darcy. Seemed that hard to get became Easy Ellie when bloodshed was involved.
Something in the Heir (It's Reigning Men, #1) Page 13
