She had resigned herself to this possibility. Several of her friends had approached him, some not even with the slightest hint of subtlety, only to be politely rebuffed by him. He was impervious to flirtation, unwilling to even entertain the thought if a dalliance. Could he be nursing a broken heart, the victim of a failed marriage. What else could he be doing in Atlantic City?
It was impossible for her to know. He was a master at moving the conversation to where he wanted, and not wanting to pry and having to maintain a semblance of professionalism, Amanda had let him steer the ship. But tonight, as she watched him navigate the approach to the table, she prepared herself to change course.
“Good evening, Amanda. How are you tonight?”
“I am fine, Jack,” she returned his smile. “How was your day?”
“It was good. Got in a good workout, and had a great lunch at Flames over on the boardwalk. Have you tried it?”
“I don’t get over to the boardwalk much,” she teased him. “Isn’t the boardwalk for tourists?”
“Well, this time of year, I don’t think it is really for anyone,” he dodged her jab. “I was the only one in the restaurant, but it was really good. They serve pretty authentic Greek food, and I love their gyros.”
“You’ll have to take me sometime,” she hinted.
“Sounds good,” he politely ignored her comment. “How was your day?”
“It was busy,” she thought of ways to spice it up. “I went to school this morning, and I actually dragged myself to the gym this afternoon for a workout. It felt pretty good.”
“What did you do,” he asked with interest.
“Well, I took a spinning class, which nearly killed me, and then I lifted some weights.”
“I can tell,” he smiled. “You look much buffer.”
“Stop it, Jack,” she pretended to be offended by his teasing. “I don’t even think buffer is a word, I think it would be more buff.”
“Well, whatever it is, you look it,” he smiled as he paid her a subtle compliment.
“Well, thank you,” she smiled at the thought that he may have noticed. “Looked like you did pretty well last night.”
“It was a good night. Seat six was practically giving it away, and it was nice to have position on him. I just kept isolating him, and no one at the table ever stopped me by re-raising my isolation raises. Made for an easy night.”
“You are ruthless, Jack, I hope it goes as well tonight,” she appreciated his play while still seeking an opening to change the subject. “So, what else have you been doing besides playing poker, working out, and going to the boardwalk for lunch?”
“What else is there,” he smiled and gave her the opening she had been seeking.
“Well, I was wondering if you were ever going to ask me out,” she finally popped the question.
For once, he was speechless. No witty retort, no counter jab, not a peep. As she watched his face for any tell, she kicked herself for having been so forward.
“I guess that would be okay,” he finally managed to stammer out an answer, although not exactly the one she had been hoping to hear.
“Don’t let me twist your arm, Jack,” she managed to smile although she was somewhat embarrassed. “You don’t have to go out with me, although I promise you I won’t bite.”
“I’m sorry, Amanda, I know you won’t bite,” he smiled slightly as he apologized for having offended her. “At least, I don’t think you will. I think it would be great to take you out. It’s just that I never thought about it. I am a lot older than you.”
“How old are you, Jack,” she finally asked the question of which she had been curious.
“I am forty-two, old enough to be your father,” he replied with a smile.
“Not quite, Jack, unless you were getting lucky at fifteen, which I doubt you were,” she went back to teasing him. “Forty-two. That might be a deal breaker.”
“Very funny. How old did you think I was.”
“I figured you were around forty,” Amanda answered honestly. “Age doesn’t really matter to me.”
“Try saying that when I am fifty and you are a hot thirty-four year old in the prime of your life.”
“Don’t worry, Jack, I will take care of you when you are an old man.”
“Yeah, right,” he smiled. “So, what do you want to do on our date.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” she replied, although a couple things immediately came to mind. “Can you go out tomorrow night, I actually have the night off.”
“You know me, my schedule is pretty clear,” he replied as a player arrived at the table. “Bobby Flay’s at 8:00,” he asked discreetly.
“I’ll see you then,” she smiled as she started her nightly routine and looked forward to her night with Jack.
* * *
What the hell just happened, Jack thought to himself as he watched Amanda move to the next table and waited for the fill to be complete.
She had taken him by complete surprise with her request. They had never talked about their personal lives very much and certainly never came close to discussing who they were dating or whether they were engaged or married, or anything remotely like that. It was pretty much off limits in their conversation, and Jack was comfortable with the boundaries he had set.
Not that he hadn’t thought about it. Never in a way of wondering whether he should ask her out or if she was available, no, that ship had sailed for Jack. He thought about it more in a way you would think about a friend, concerned for her well being, hopeful she would find happiness.
Why did she seem so sad?
That was a question Jack had asked himself many times. Here was this beautiful woman, accomplishing everything she wanted to in life. Vivacious, funny, intelligent, and independent. Despite all of this, Jack always sensed an underlying sadness whenever he spoke with Amanda, a feeling he could certainly understand, maybe even the reason he was drawn to her.
He had speculated that maybe she was involved in an unhappy relationship, one that she couldn’t find a way out of, maybe a marriage gone bad. That certainly seemed like a distinct possibility. What else could possibly affect a woman like Amanda?
A woman like her would have her choice of men, whether at work or at school, and if she wasn’t happy with the current one, there would be a line of men waiting for her. It had to be a broken relationship, Jack had decided, a lost love that she had yet to get over. What else could it be?
He was about to find out, Jack realized as he watched the dealer complete the fill and retrieve the cards from the auto shuffler. Am I ready for this, he asked himself as the dealer dealt the cards and Jack looked down at queen three off-suit.
I am definitely not ready, Jack thought to himself. Everything is going fine right now, I don’t need to be messing up my routine, he considered the possibility of canceling the date. I can’t do that, Jack quickly realized, aware of the awkwardness it would create and the ramifications it would have on their friendship.
“Fold,” Jack muttered as he tossed his cards into the muck and mentally chastised himself for getting into this situation.
Chapter Nine
“What do you think of this one,” Amanda held up another dress for Sue’s inspection and watched for a reaction. “Do you think it is too dressy?”
“That’s a pretty dress,” Sue replied as she felt the material. “But, like I told you before, you can’t go wrong with that little black cocktail dress. Trust me, he won’t be able to resist you in that.”
“Are you sure it’s not too slutty for a first date,” she smiled as her casualness with Sue.
“Isn’t that what you are going for,” Sue laughed. “I would be more worried about what I am wearing underneath the dress if I were you.”
“Very funny, Sue, but that’s not going to happen,” Amanda smiled at the thought. “At least not tonight.”
“Go with the black dress, honey,” Sue reassured her. “It’s perfect for dinner and for the casino. He will love it.”
“Okay,” Amanda agreed as she hung up a couple of dresses and cleared a spot on the bed to sit. “I don’t know why I am so nervous. It’s just Jack, it’s not like I don’t know him.”
“That’s exactly why you are so nervous,” Sue looked at her to see if she understood. “You have actually come to know this man before you dated or started sleeping together. He means something to you, and I can tell that you really want it to go well. It’s only natural that you are nervous.”
“You think so, Sue. Maybe I am just on the rebound from Jim, or maybe I just want to stop thinking about my mother.”
“I think it is more than that, Amanda. You haven’t been able to stop thinking about him or talking about him since you met. I’ve never seen you quite like this, especially since he isn’t like most of the men you date.”
“Thank God for that,” Amanda smiled and tried to figure out what Sue was really trying to say. “Do you think he is too old for me?”
“I wouldn’t say that necessarily,” Sue paused as she considered what to say. “It’s just that with your background, you may be seeking something in your life with an older man, and I would be careful.”
“Would you stop being a psychologist for just a second, Sue,” Amanda rolled her eyes at the implication. “I do not have Daddy issues. I have never met my father, don’t want to meet him, and I definitely don’t miss anything about him. He is a philanderer, an adulterer, and a user, why would I even care about him or about replacing him in my life. I definitely don’t have Daddy issues, if anything, I have man issues.”
“Maybe they are one in the same,” Sue replied honestly as she put her hand on Amanda’s. “You have never had a man in your life who you could respect or consider a role model, a man who would serve as an example of what you should seek. You have never known what it is like to be truly loved by a man, what that really means. You have been left on your own to figure it out, and we both know, you have made some mistakes.”
Amanda took a second to think about what Sue had said. Yes, she had made some mistakes, usually as a result of falling in love too quickly and expecting too much. She had mastered the art of impulsively diving head first into a relationship before really getting to know what she was getting into. Was it because she was so needy to be loved?
Maybe it was. Maybe she was just repeating this same destructive pattern with Jack, his age seemingly setting him apart him from the men in her past. Could she be making the same mistake once again?
“You still there, Amanda,” Sue interrupted her thoughts.
“I’m still here,” Amanda smiled as she thought about Jack. “I understand what you are saying, but I honestly think that this time is different, and I don’t think it would matter whether he was twenty-five or fifty-five. He really is unlike any man I have ever known. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but you should see the look on his face when I talk to him. He listens, he cares about what I am saying, and he cares about me. It’s not like it is with other men who are basically just ignoring you or simply waiting for you to finish what you are saying so they can go back to talking about themselves and trying to get you into bed.”
“You really have it bad this time,” Sue smiled.
“I do,” Amanda finally agreed with Sue as she stood up to get ready for a shower. “You know, my grandmother fell in love with a man who was twenty years older than her, and she knew right away that he was the one. She said that marrying him was the best decision she ever made and that she was in love with him until the day he died. Maybe there is something to that.”
“Listen to you talking about love and marriage,” Sue laughed. “Don’t forget, it’s only your first date.”
“I know that, but you never know,” Amanda smiled. “Can you stay and help me get ready and maybe drop me off at the casino. I really don’t want to drive.”
“Of course I can,” Sue reassured her. “And stop worrying about tonight. Everything is going to go fine.”
“I hope so,” Amanda replied as she walked into the bathroom to get ready. “I don’t know what I will do if it doesn’t.”
* * *
“I’ll just have a soda water,” Jack replied to the bartender as he stood at the busy bar waiting for Amanda to arrive. Probably best not to have a drink yet, Jack thought to himself, although I could use one to settle my nerves.
Am I dressed too casually, Jack checked the mirror behind the bar and saw a indistinguishable reflection of a man in a white button up polo shirt open at the collar, complimented by a black blazer. Maybe I should have worn a tie, he reconsidered his choices as the bartender arrived with his drink. Maybe I shouldn’t be here at all.
“That will be three dollars, sir.”
“Thanks,” Jack replied to the bartender as he handed him a five.
Stick to the plan, Jack, he scolded himself for second guessing his choices. This is not a big deal. Just two friends having dinner and a nice conversation. No expectations, no pressure. Just try to enjoy yourself,and remember, it is about Amanda tonight. It is her night to relax and have a good time, to escape from the crazy schedule that she keeps.
Then, he saw her, and all of his planning and preparation fell by the wayside. Jack absolutely froze as he watched her enter the restaurant, seemingly the only woman in the room, her long dark hair flowing over her shoulders and leading his eyes to her figure, stunning in a black cocktail dress. She absolutely owned the room, and as she approached him, Jack was at a loss for words.
“Hi, Jack, glad you could make it,” she smiled as she teased him.
“Good evening, Amanda,” he managed to stammer as he gave her a kiss on the cheek and tried to get a hold of himself. “You look great, I didn’t know you had hair.”
“What did you think, it was a wig,” she laughed.
“You know what I mean,” he smiled at his awkwardness. “You always have your hair up when you work. I have never seen you with it down.”
“You have never seen a lot of things about me, Jack,” she flirted casually. “Do you want to get a table.”
“We are all set,” Jack replied, grateful that he had finally done something right by arranging for a nice private table.
The Maitre D’ arrived as if on cue, and as he lead Jack and Amanda to their corner table, Jack could feel every man turn to look at her in admiration. He smiled as he thought not so much about her beauty, but rather about the funny, spirited woman that complimented and contrasted her exterior appearance so nicely.
“I ordered some champagne,” he smiled as the waiter poured two glasses before departing the table. “I remembered you said it was your favorite.”
“Trying to get me drunk already, Jack,” she teased him again.
“No, I think it’s the other way around,” he laughed at his own nervousness. “I needed something to calm myself down.”
“Awww, that is so sweet, I’ve made the stoic Jack nervous.”
“Just a little,” he replied as her teasing started to relax him. “It has been awhile since I have been out.”
“Well, as I said before, I promise not too bite. So, do you think I can finally find out something about you besides that you are a good poker player.”
“What would you like to know,” Jack replied somewhat cautiously in his response.
“Well, I’ll start with an easy one. What do you do?”
“I run a resort in South Florida,” he replied casually. “I’ve been doing it for seventeen years.”
“That sounds like fun,” she smiled as she took a sip of champagne. “But, how do you run a resort in South Florida and spend all your time in Atlantic City.”
“I am on a bit of a sabbatical,” he answered somewhat honestly as he stuck with his plan to steer the conversation away from him. “Just needed a little break. So, my turn to ask a question. What made you decide on substance abuse counseling as a career?”
“It’s kind of complicated,” she paused awkwardly, not wanting to continue.
“
That’s okay,” Jack reassured her, relieved to talk about anything except himself. “I like complicated, and we have all night.”
“I don’t know, Jack,” she replied as she took another sip of champagne. “Maybe we should just stick to easy topics like poker and baseball. I don’t want to ruin the night.”
That is why she always seems so sad, Jack suddenly realized as he recognized the look on her face and thought about changing the subject. There is a major event in her past that has altered her life, helped shape her into the woman she has become. Do I really want to go there?
Sure, they could stick to safe topics and talk about poker or work or baseball and never get to really know each other. That would certainly be easier. Maybe it would be best.
“It’s okay, Amanda,” he reassured her as he went with the more difficult option. “I promise, you won’t ruin the night. Look, we are friends, we should be able to talk about anything.”
“Okay, Jack,” she replied, still hesitant to continue. “But remember, that goes both ways.”
“I know it does,” he smiled at her as he poured both of them some more champagne. “But, you are first.”
“Well, I’m not sure where to start,” she painfully smiled back at him as she began the long sad story of her mother.
* * *
Oh my God, what have I done, Amanda woke with a start, alone in her apartment.
She looked over at her clock, 5:13 in the morning, and immediately realized what had happened. She had definitely drank too much, her dry mouth, throbbing head, and waking up in the middle of the night indicative of her behavior.
What was I thinking?
The unmitigated disaster of the night suddenly washed over her brain as she realized she was still dressed in her cocktail dress, kept warm by Jack’s blazer.
“I am such an idiot,” she whispered to herself as she reached for the glass of water on the nightstand.
The water felt good in her mouth, cooling her throat and temporarily relieving the dryness. Unfortunately, it also served to return her to her senses and bring back memories of what had happened just a few hours earlier.
Broken Man Page 7
