by Donna Alward
Maddy knocked on the door. Laura counted to three, and then opened it, putting on a polite smile at the same time.
“Maddy. This is a surprise.” She injected as much warmth as she could into the words. She didn’t dislike Maddy at all; she was simply nervous.
“Hi, Laura. May I come in?”
“Please do.” She stood aside and opened the door wider. “Can I get you anything? Something to drink?”
“No, thanks.” Maddy smiled at her and Laura felt marginally better. Nothing about the woman sent an adversarial message. “I was wondering if we could talk for a few minutes.”
“Of course.” Laura led the way through to the living room. “Do you mind if we sit in here? I’ve got Rowan in her Exersaucer. It keeps her occupied. She likes spinning around.” True enough, when they entered the room Rowan gave a little bounce with her feet as she sat in the middle of the contraption, and then spun a quarter turn to bat at a bar holding a colorful wheel.
Maddy grinned. “Oh, we had those for the boys. Gosh, they loved them. When they got older, they jumped so much we thought they would bounce themselves right across the floor.” She laughed. “Now I wish I could stick them in it again. They’re mobile and holy terrors.”
It seemed motherhood was a great shared topic. It also helped that Maddy was one of the few who knew that Rowan wasn’t Gavin’s child.
“So,” Laura said, as they sat.
“I’m here about Tanner. But you probably knew that already.” Maddy’s lips were slightly pursed, a small frown marring her perfect eyebrows.
“I didn’t, but thanks for getting right to the point.” Laura folded her hands and regarded Maddy evenly. “I didn’t have a chance to speak to Tanner about what happened with you and Cole. He brought his stuff over last night and was gone early this morning, before we got up.”
“He didn’t waste any time moving out.”
Laura hesitated, not wanting to rush her words. “I guess you guys don’t approve, huh.”
“It’s so fast.” Maddy’s eyes searched hers. “Laura, I’m not trying to judge you. But I do find it hard to believe that you and Tanner are ready for marriage. You can’t have been seeing each other very long.”
“How long were you with Cole when you knew?” Laura asked the question, knowing fully it was a deliberate diversion, and that it was playing into the lie that this was a love match.
Maddy’s cheeks turned pink and she smiled softly. “Not long. A month? But we’re not rushing to the altar, either.”
Laura shrugged. “That’s between you and Cole, Maddy. Tanner asked me, and I said yes. It’s only a few weeks until the wedding, so he decided he might as well move in now. It’s no big deal.”
“No big deal?” Maddy’s voice rose and she stood for a moment, turning away briefly before turning back again. “Laura. Please. I know how hard it is to be a single mom. I know what you told me about Rowan’s father, too. Tanner told us that you’ve told him everything. Have you?”
Unease settled heavily in Laura’s stomach. “More than I’ve told either of you,” she admitted. “I wouldn’t go into this hiding things from him.”
Maddy’s shoulders relaxed a little. “I’m glad. He deserves honesty.”
“You’re protecting him, and I get that. But he’s a big boy. He knows his own mind. You don’t understand. He’s kind and gentle and funny and easy to be around and...” She ran out of descriptors but was shocked to see a warmth in Maddy’s eyes now.
“You really do love him.”
The words seemed to suck all the wind out of her sails. Laura was speechless for a second, knowing Maddy was wrong, but unable to protest without giving herself away, knowing if she did it wouldn’t be completely truthful. She did like Tanner. In love with him? No. But neither was she completely immune. Maybe he could pretend their searing kiss hadn’t happened, but she couldn’t. She didn’t want to.
It had been nothing short of splendid.
“Maddy, I’m not exactly comfortable talking about this with you,” she said, hoping to dodge the bullet. “Because of the circumstances and because we’re not exactly friends. Not that I dislike you in any way. Please don’t think that!” she hastened to add. “It’s just that I don’t have many friends left here in Gibson, and I’m not used to talking about my personal life.”
Maddy laughed. “Good Lord. Ask me how many friends I’ve lost since Gavin died. When the gossip started, it was like I’d somehow changed. People gave me their sympathy but kept their distance. I don’t talk about my personal life, either.”
Guilt bore its weight on Laura. “God. I hadn’t considered that. Oh, Maddy, I’m sorry. That’s my fault. I should have made it clear from the start... I just didn’t know what to do.”
“It’s water under the bridge,” Maddy assured her. “I’m happy now, and that’s the main thing. But I don’t want to see you and Tanner leap into anything that’s not going to make you both happy. Cole told me to leave it alone, but...” She shrugged helplessly. “Tanner’s a great guy. And despite the situation, you haven’t exactly got it easy in this town. I don’t want either one of you to get hurt.”
It was a magnanimous gesture, and knowing Maddy’s reputation as she did, Laura had no doubt it was sincere. There wasn’t a false bone in her body. It was a little intimidating being faced with all that perfection.
Laura looked at Maddy, trying to envision a world where the two of them might be friends. If it weren’t for the history, it would be easy. Maddy was extremely likable. Perhaps a little too perfect, but she didn’t throw it in anyone’s face or act superior. “Maddy,” she asked cautiously, “is Tanner’s family really that upset?”
“Bah, bah, bah!” babbled Rowan, an abrupt sound in the stillness as Maddy considered her answer.
“Upset? I don’t know about that. Concerned? Sure. Have you really been seeing each other since Christmas?”
“He helped deliver Rowan.” She had to expect these sorts of questions and how to answer them. “It’s a pretty intimate experience, you know. And he was so strong and kind and steady. Do you know that one day my car wouldn’t start and people drove by for a long, long time, but it was Tanner who stopped to help? He’s never treated me like a pariah. And there was this time at the diner when Rowan was fussing and he just stepped in and smoothed everything over. No one’s ever done things like that for me, Maddy.” She smiled, feeling a silly sentimentality. “He has this thing for doughnuts, did you know that? And he won’t admit it, but I catch him looking at Rowan or holding her and he’s not awkward or intimidated. I’d be crazy not to want a man like that in my life.”
She was really laying it on thick, wasn’t she? And yet every single word of it was true.
“You’re sure you don’t want to wait to get married?” Maddy asked. “I think it’s the rush that is really throwing Ellen and John.”
Laura shook her head. “I’m not popular here, and it’s not like we’d have a big guest list. Something small and quiet is what we both want. We just want to get on with our lives, you know?”
“Still, it’s a wedding. Surely, you want some romance to it. A month or two to plan things properly.”
And give Tanner time to change his mind? Or for her to get cold feet? Or worst of all, for Spencer to get out of jail? “The wedding’s set for just under three weeks,” Laura replied, sitting a little straighter. “I’ve got lots of time to plan what I need. We already picked up the license and booked the JP.”
“You need a dress. Rings. Flowers.”
At this point, Laura’s heart hurt. She didn’t want this to be real. She felt guilty enough as it was, without the trappings of a real wedding, no matter how simple. “Really, Maddy. I’m just going to wear something in my closet. Or something I can wear again.”
Maddy sat down and considered Laura for a long time. Row
an was playing happily, thanks to a full belly, dry diaper, and another hour before nap time. Maddy’s face softened as she looked at the little girl, then back to Laura again.
“She’s beautiful. She’s got your nose and eyes. Even if the color isn’t the same, the shape of them is.”
“Thank you.”
Maddy sighed. “Laura, you shouldn’t feel like you have to sneak away like you’ve done something wrong. Why not have a new dress? A pretty bouquet?”
It’s an extravagance for a farce, she wanted to reply, but held her tongue.
“Surely your parents, your grandparents...”
“My parents are in California now, and won’t be coming up. Gram and Gramps, though...”
“Will expect you to look like a bride. Where are you having the ceremony?”
Once again Laura shrugged. “We haven’t decided yet.”
“Maybe you can have it at the ranch.”
Laura was stricken by the suggestion. A guilty conscience was a terrible thing.
“Or below the library, at the gazebo, you know the place?” Maddy’s smile widened. “Think about it. If there are only a few people, everyone can be beneath the roof if the weather isn’t ideal. And if it’s sunny, you’ve got a beautiful setting for pictures at no charge. You just have to reserve it with the town office.”
Laura’s throat tightened, touched by Maddy’s acceptance and enthusiasm. “Why are you doing this? Everyone in Gibson thinks you have a big reason to hate me. And we’ve never been friends. Even without the affair, I was Gavin’s high school girlfriend. It should still be awkward as hell.”
“I’m doing it because you’ve had a rough time and you told me the truth when you didn’t have to. And because we’re probably going to be sisters-in-law and I’d like it to be so that family gatherings are fun.”
Laura shook her head. “You have a very forgiving nature.”
“I have a wonderful man who loves me and makes me see the world a little bit brighter than I did a few months ago. Please, Laura. If you love Tanner, give him a real wedding day to remember. His last one was such a farce and hurt him so badly.”
Her words had the opposite effect than she’d intended. For the second time, Tanner’s wedding was going to be a farce. He’d given up, hadn’t he? He didn’t believe in happy ever after and all that stuff. When he’d said he wasn’t giving up anything to marry her, he’d meant it.
The thought made her sad, because deep down, she still believed in love. She still had a flicker of hope despite all that had happened. Tanner didn’t. He was prepared to be completely pragmatic about the whole thing.
Briefly, she considered a wedding with a few more frills, but then what would be the point? It wouldn’t change anything.
“I’ll talk to Tanner,” she promised. “It’s his wedding, too, and he should have a say.”
“Just consider it,” Maddy said, folding her hands in her lap. “You can still have something quiet and small with very little fuss. It’s just a few little touches. I think it would reassure John and Ellen, too.”
“I’ll think about it.” She already was. The suggestion of the gazebo was a good one. They had to have it somewhere, after all. It wasn’t as if they would get married here in her living room.
There was a long pause where the atmosphere became slightly uncomfortable again. Maddy looked as though she wanted to say something, and her hands fidgeted in her lap, but she was holding her tongue. Laura knew she should probably let it go, or change the subject, but curiosity got the best of her. “Maddy, if you’ve got something more to say, please say it.”
Rowan spun in her saucer, the whirring sound of it occupying the silence for a few seconds.
“You had Rowan less than six months ago. It’s not a long time from courtship to wedding. And no one knew you were seeing each other. It’s so rushed. Are you absolutely sure this is what you want, Laura? That it’s what’s best for you and Rowan and for Tanner? Marriage is for a lifetime.”
Except when it’s not, Laura thought. She was tempted to explain, but held back. Maddy wouldn’t be the last to question their motives. And it wasn’t as if Laura had ever done anything to really earn their trust. She’d let everyone believe she’d had an extramarital affair for months. Even the reason for the secret was enough to wreck her credibility. What kind of person got pregnant with a drug pusher’s baby?
And that line of thinking did absolutely nothing to prop up her already fragile confidence.
Except Tanner knew. And he was still beside her. Maybe not at this exact minute, but he was willing to help her when she needed it most. Despite her mistakes.
“I’m sure,” she whispered. And with those words she silently promised herself that she’d never give Tanner a reason to regret his decision.
* * *
TANNER SIGHED HEAVILY as he climbed the front steps. He hadn’t had time to change and there was blood on his uniform shirt. He was dog-tired and couldn’t get the image of Carson Baxter out of his head.
What he really wanted right now was some peace and quiet, a hot shower, and a stiff drink. The last few days had been an adjustment, living at Laura’s place, but they were managing all right. She was quieter than he expected, and he caught her looking at him sometimes with a strange expression on her face, but then she’d smile and go on doing something else.
If the worst thing about the move was missing his mom’s cooking, he figured they were doing okay.
He wrinkled his nose. The windows were open and a strange, acrid smell wafted outside. It wasn’t a scent he could place, but it sure didn’t smell good. His already sensitive stomach turned over as he opened the door and the aroma grew stronger.
The kitchen was definitely not peaceful or orderly. A rolling pin and dirty mixing bowls sat on the table, some sort of strange batter stuck to the sides. Flour was everywhere, and on the stove was a still-smoking roaster. He did a quick check to make sure it wasn’t still on the burner. It wasn’t.
Beside the stove, he spotted the cause of the smell. It was a pile of what he thought must be doughnuts, but they were unlike any that he’d ever seen in his life. Dark brown, lumpy bits of dough that...well. His stomach turned again.
And where were Laura and the baby? The car was out front so they had to be here somewhere. A horrible thought popped into his head. Had something happened to Rowan that had caused Laura to forget the hot fat in the roaster? He hurried from the kitchen, calling out for her.
“Laura? Laura, are you okay?”
He rushed right past the living room to the bedrooms, but her soft voice came from behind him. “In here.”
She was in the rocker next to the TV, tucked away in a corner of the living room. Rowan wasn’t in her lap. It was just her, sitting there with tears streaking down her face.
“What is it? What’s happened? Is Rowan okay?” He rushed to her and knelt before the chair. “Is it Spence? Laura honey, what’s going on?”
Her lower lip wobbled. “She’s napping. I—I tried t-t-to make you doughnuts b-because I know they’re your favorites.” She took a breath. “Nothing went right. The b-batter was weird and didn’t hold together and then I burned them, but when I took them out the i-inside was still ruuuunnny...” The last word was drawn out with despair, but finally ended when she punctuated the sentence with a sniff. “I—I’m so sorry, Tanner. I wanted to surprise you.”
“So nothing’s wrong? This is just about doughnuts?” God, he was so relieved. With the mess in the kitchen, the silence and everything that had already happened today...not to mention the situation with Laura and how worried she was about her ex. He’d never experienced his heart freezing before, but that was what it had been like. As if it had stopped and everything had turned cold.
Another sniff. “I wanted to do something nice for you.”
He dr
opped his head, unsure how much more of a roller coaster he could take today. “Goddammit, don’t scare me like that again, okay?”
She flinched. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I—I was just in here feeling sorry for myself. I’ll go clean up the mess. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m really sorry.”
It occurred to him how much she was apologizing and it made him feel like a heel. He softened his voice. “Stop saying you’re sorry. It’s fine, really. I’ve just had a hell of a day, that’s all. I’m all wound up and nowhere to put it.”
She placed her hand on the side of his face, and he looked up abruptly. Her face was still streaked and her eyes red, but there was concern in them, too.
“What is it?” She looked at his shirt, and the color drained from her face. “You’ve got blood on your shirt.”
“We got a call midmorning.” He closed his eyes, wishing he could unsee the scene. “It was a bad one.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
He shook his head quickly. “No.”
Her thumb rubbed against his cheek. “Okay. Then let’s get you out of your uniform. Unless you’re still on call.”
“No.” His throat felt raw. “Not... I mean, someone else is covering for us.” It had been Sean McEachern on call with him today. They’d been debriefed and then relieved.
“Come on, then.” The color had returned to Laura’s face and erased the weakness he’d seen only moments before. She grasped his hands and stood, urging him to his feet. Damn, he was wobbly.
Laura got up from the rocker and held his hand as she led him down the hall. Tanner felt an unfamiliar tightening in his chest, which was at odds with the numb sensation in his legs and arms. It was like an out-of-body experience, following her, and that was when he realized why he’d been sent home for the rest of the day. He’d functioned through it all. The call, the debriefing at the hospital, everything...but now it was setting in and his body started to shake.
