I keep checking Reese’s expression as we talk, and gradually he starts to relax. And so do I.
When Tyler and his wife continue to their movie, I glance at Reese uneasily. I’m curious to see what he thinks about what just went down. “All good?” I ask.
“Wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be,” he admits. “But now we have to have our first dinner as a couple. Damn.”
“I’m sorry it’s going to be going around the office, though.” I assume Tyler will tell some of the guys. So even though he’s okay with it, the guys who aren’t will find out and probably give Reese a hard time about it. Not only will they potentially think less of him for being gay, but they’ll wonder if I’ll receive unfair treatment because of our relationship.
All those things Reese was worried about.
I wait for him to acknowledge his concern on our way to the car, but he changes the subject back to the movie. Clearly he doesn’t want to consider the consequences of what just happened, which I totally understand.
We head to his place, discussing the movie some more. Chuckling as we talk about some of the funniest parts. He parks at a frozen yogurt shop.
“What are we doing?” I ask.
“Treating my man the way he deserves to be treated.”
I’m blushing. Oh my fucking God, I’m blushing.
He’s seriously bringing me out to get frozen yogurt. How much more adorable can Reese be?
We head in and order. He gets strawberry with almonds and fudge while I get some peanut butter with fudge and cookies and cream.
“No toppings for you?” he asks as we sit at a small table in the shop.
“You’re the only top I need.”
He fights the smile, but I’ve clearly earned it. He takes a bite of his combo.
“That’s an interesting mix you have there,” I say.
“Strawberry and chocolate anything is fine by me…and you know, I like nuts.” He winks.
“I bet you do. I’m sorry about Tyler.”
“I needed this to happen. To show me that it’s not the end of the world. Even if he says something to the guys at work, I’ll live. Plus, there’s no reason to keep it from anyone. I already keep enough shit from people as it is.”
“So are these the kinds of dates you usually take guys on?” I ask, trying to change the subject.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve been with anyone…even flirted with the idea like this.”
“Oh, come on. There had to be others.”
“Not really. Considering the PTSD, I never felt comfortable letting things go far. I’ve tricked out plenty, but you know, this hasn’t been an easy thing to deal with. Still isn’t, and I’ve never thought it was fair to drag someone else into my life.”
I reach out and grab his arm. “You know you’re not burdening me, right?”
But I can tell by the apprehension in his expression that he does. “Jay, I don’t need you pretending that this isn’t stressful for you. You didn’t sign up for this.”
“I did. In fact, I knew before I even started liking you that this was part of the package, so I eagerly signed up for it.”
My words don’t seem to bring him any relief. “Since you brought it up, I think it’s only fair that I should mention that you haven’t seen the worst of it yet. And it’s coming. It’s always coming. One day, I’m going to wake up, and it’s not going to be easy to manage. And it’s going to hurt you when that happens. I love having you here with me. It makes me feel amazing, and in some ways, I think it helps, but I’m not naïve. And I know that nothing can make this go away. And it’s not your job to make it go away.”
“I’ve done enough research to know that this isn’t going to magically disappear, Reese. You gotta give me some credit.”
“I just don’t want to wake up one day and find out that I’m the reason you’re unhappy.”
The despair in his tone is like a knife in my heart.
“God, I sure know how to ruin a fucking date, don’t I?” he says.
“Reese, I’m not some fragile guy who needs you tiptoeing around him. I can handle this, and we can push through it together.”
“It just scares me because I really don’t think you can understand until it happens. Until one day I’m caught up in it, and you don’t even recognize me.”
For me, they’ve just been moments—moments when it feels like Reese isn’t really there. Where I’m wondering where he’s gone.
“I don’t think you realize how lonely it can feel,” he adds.
“I’m sure it feels awful.”
“Not for me. For anyone near me.”
Now I understand what he’s getting at.
“It’s like I’m drowning and then someone’s come out to save me, but I just pull them under with me so that we’re both suffering. So that neither of us can breathe. I don’t want to hurt you like that.”
“Who did you hurt like this?” Because I know that’s what this is really about.
“Someone I loved. Someone who loved me. Someone who it was too much for.”
“Well, it’s not going to be too much for me,” I insist, though I can tell he doesn’t believe me. That he’s still scared. “You gotta give us a chance, Reese. I’ve got my reasons for being scared it won’t work and so do you, but I care about this and so do you.”
“I know. I am trying, but as we both get more invested in this, that’s what keeps playing on my mind.”
“Well then maybe you need to fill your mind with sexier things,” I tease, and he chuckles.
“All those comedy shows really come in handy, don’t they?”
“Sometimes. And when they don’t, I can just put on something sexy and distract you that way.”
His gaze sharpens. Something about what I said stirred a thought.
“What?” I ask. “Do you have something you’d want me to wear? A jockstrap, maybe?”
He rolls his eyes. “Nothing. No.”
But I can tell by the way he says it that he isn’t being honest. Now I’m curious, but I let it slide.
We finish our frozen yogurt before heading back to the house, some Louis C.K. diffusing the tension from the conversation we had about his PTSD. When we get back to his place, we wind up on the bed, making out. We lie on our sides, groping each other’s bodies.
“Tell me…what you…want, Reese,” I say between kisses. I’m thinking about that look he had when I mentioned me wearing something sexy.
“You,” he replies.
“Good answer, but no. Tell me your fantasy. I saw that look when I talked about wearing something sexy. What is it? What can I do to serve you?”
I feel so close to him right now. All I want is to fulfill his desires. To make him happy the way he’s made me happy.
He pulls away and glances me up and down like he’s itching to say something to me. I’m intrigued.
“I just want to make my boyfriend happy,” I say. “The sex we have is great, but I mean, we all have little kinks. Things we don’t typically disclose right away. I want to know what yours are. I want to get to know you…in every possible way.”
I see something in his gaze that suggests he’s got a good kink he’s eager to explore.
“What?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “Nothing.”
“That obviously wasn’t a nothing. What do you want?”
He hesitates before saying, “There is one thing I’d be curious to try out.”
“What is it? Water sports? Roman showers?”
He cringes. “Oh, God no. Nothing like that.”
“Just show me, then,” I say slowly, hoping he can tell just how game I am to explore his fantasy with him. “And I’ll show you how good I can be to my boyfriend.”
25
Reese
We shower up together and brush our teeth. I told him I’d show him after we cleaned off, but I can’t believe I’m even considering this. He won’t fucking understand. Who the hell would? God, this is what I get f
or watching so much porn. I knew when I stumbled across my little fetish that it was wrong, but I can’t deny that it’d be hot as hell if Jay was game. But I think he’s just going to call me a freak and wig out about it.
I shouldn’t show him this, but I want to explore it with Jay. I want to take him in the way I crave. In the way I hunger for.
We had such a good night, and I actually confronted my fear of the guys at work discovering what we’re up to, so in a way, I feel more vulnerable than ever. Ready to take on yet another challenge. Ready to embrace this desire within me.
Once we’re cleaned up, we kiss and nip at each other, rub each other’s dicks a bit. I strap into my hands-free crutch, and we head into the bedroom.
I put on my liner followed by my regular prosthesis, not being shy about it with Jay. Nowadays, I don’t even feel shy about asking him where I left it if I happen to lose track of it.
When I’ve secured it to my residual limb, I say, “Just sit on the bed while I get it out.”
He jumps on top of the comforter and runs his hand through his hair, which is still a little wet from the shower.
I head to the closet and push my way through the luggage on the shelf before retrieving an unlabeled white box from the back.
I’m already blushing just thinking about sharing this with Jay.
As I turn back around, revealing the box, Jay eyes it with interest.
I hand it to him. I want him to see for himself. Decide if this is really a path he wants to go down with me.
He pulls the lid off and looks inside, wincing.
“It’s stupid. I shouldn’t have said anything.” I grab the box, but he grips onto it.
“Just wait a second,” he says, snatching it back.
What was I fucking thinking?
He reaches in and pulls out the fuchsia-colored women’s thong with vine lace print across it.
He grabs the strap on either side and holds it before him, studying it as though he’s not sure what he’s supposed to do with it. Of course, it seems pretty fucking obvious.
His gaze shifts to me. “You want me to put this on?” he asks.
“I’m mean, you don’t have to. It’s just something I’ve always wanted to experiment with.”
“Have other guys worn this?” He looks disgusted.
“Oh, God no. I ordered that online. I watch a lot of porn where guys wear panties and I just thought…I don’t know. I kind of wanted to get it.”
“Have you worn it?”
“No. I’m more turned on by another guy wearing it.”
“Oh, so you thought you’d just meet some little trick who’d be eager to prance around in this for you?”
I cover my face with my hand. Why did I fucking bring this out?
“I guess I was hoping that one day I’d meet someone who would be interested in wearing it. But never have. Or at least, I’ve never had the balls to bring it up until tonight.”
He studies it some more, and I reach for it again. “This was a stupid idea. Just forget it.”
He pulls it out of my grasp. “I mean, it’s weird,” he says. “Like, you know that, right?”
“You’re not making this less awkward.”
His lips twist down, and he tilts his head. “Won’t kill me to give it a try.”
My dick shifts as I imagine his balls trapped behind the lace. After he notices my expanding girth, he stands up and steps into the thong.
He has this apprehensive expression on his face, and for some reason, that’s almost as hot as him wearing it. He pulls it up over his junk. It’s a snug but perfect fit.
“God, you’re hot as fucking hell,” I say out loud, even though I meant to just think it.
His body’s stacked with muscles, his abs stressed by the shadows created by the overhead light fixture. His cock runs horizontally behind the lace of the thong.
I bite my lip, stifling the impulse to throw him down on the bed. I want to appreciate this moment. Take in the beauty of his body.
Now he’s the one blushing, looking everywhere but at me.
I know why this is turning me on so much. I love seeing him out of his element.
“Does it look dumb?” he asks.
“I wasn’t bullshitting when I said you’re hot as fucking hell. You don’t have a goddamn thing to be blushing about.”
“Whatever. I didn’t think it would feel this weird, but it does.”
He hooks his fingers into either side like he’s considering taking them off. I approach him and run my hand up and down the sides of his legs, my fingers trailing across the side straps of the thong before gripping on.
I pull him close, so that our torsos touch. He looks me in the eyes.
It feels just as good as I thought it would. We’re both so exposed right now. Him for wearing these, and me for him knowing that I’m into this.
We’re on an even playing field.
I slide my hand between us and run my finger across his torso, up his chest. As I reach his chin, I squeeze it between my thumb and forefinger.
I’m in control of him right now. He wants to play this game, and he wants to play it my way.
I lean forward and kiss him. Cupping my hand behind his head, I pull him in closer, strengthening our kiss. Soon, I’m sliding my tongue between his lips, his tongue meeting mine.
I feel around his back and down to his butt, pushing my fingers beneath the thong, enjoying his firm cheeks.
He breaks our kiss for a moment. As he exhales, the warmth of his breath rushes across my face, the scent of mint hitting my nostrils.
It stirs desire within me. Something powerful. Something I can’t fight anymore. I scoop him up off the floor and toss him onto the bed.
His eyes are lit up with surprise, but I can tell that it’s excited him. “You like that?” I ask.
“Do you like it?”
I nod as I grin.
I want to ravage his body. I want to take him even more than I have in the past because he looks so delicious in those panties. I crawl onto the bed, and he lies down, stretching out across it like he’s offering up his body to me. Letting me have him in whatever way I choose.
I wrap my arms under his thighs and bury my face in the thong so my nose is right next to his cock as I inhale deeply, nipping at the panties. He groans. I slide my tongue along the top edge of the underwear. He throws his head back as his dick shifts, sliding up in a clockwise motion until the tip slides out of the top of the undergarment.
“I want to fill my mouth with your cock,” I say. “Make you shoot your load on my tongue.”
“Do it.”
“Not yet.”
Because I don’t want to waste the moment that I have him like this. Totally trapped in my fantasy, surrendering to me.
I run my nose back and forth along his balls, offering licks, which I can tell by the way he arches his back that he enjoys.
“You’re driving me fucking crazy,” Jay says.
I stop licking his balls and crawl up him, my knees resting on either side of his right leg as I offer licks and nips up his body, appreciating his torso, those rigid muscles that he’s earned from his workouts.
I slide my hand down beneath the thong and grip onto his rock-hard erection, squeezing it.
“This is mine right now,” I say. “Mine to decide when you get off. Mine to decide just how I want you to get off. You got that?”
I like to dominate, but this is a whole other level. Something about having him in this simple little thong makes me feel so powerful. And like I just want him to bend to my will.
“That’s how I want it,” he says.
I kiss up his body in a frenzy, offering open-mouthed kisses with licks and the occasional nip before I reach his mouth.
He wraps his arm around me and pulls me close. That ease that I always get when I’m with him sweeps through me.
He cringes. “God,” he says, breaking our kisses, “I’m so fucking hard it hurts.”
“So am I,” I
say.
I straddle his face, titling my dick down. He opens his mouth wide, and I shove inside him and lean forward on the bed, setting my palms on one of the pillows in front of the headboard to maintain the balance I struggle with because of my right leg.
I push in until I hear him gag. But he grips onto my ass-cheeks and pulls like he wants me to dive in even deeper, which just makes me even harder. He’s normally eager to suck my cock, but not like this.
He sucks and licks, and I offer thrusts. He slides one of his hands around to my hole and massages his finger against it. The sensitivity of his tongue across the head of my dick assures me that I’m leaking. I like knowing that he’s tasting me.
I pull back out and plant myself down beside him. “Get up and suck me off. On your knees.” My own words remind me of being bossed around by one of my senior officers.
Jay follows my instruction, getting on his knees and shoving my dick back in his mouth, working it up. I grip his hair and force him to follow my lead, pleasing me the way I want to be pleased. Moving at the pace I want him to go.
He fights my hold and pulls back. I release him, and he slides my cock out of his mouth and gazes up at me, his eyes pleading as he says, “I need you inside me.”
I turn around and lean over to the nightstand. Retrieve the condoms and lube.
He rolls over and slides the thong down his legs. “No!” I say before biting down on the edge of the condom wrapper. I tear it open and spit the loose edge onto the sheets. “You keep that fucking on.”
He slides it back up, his eyes filled with confusion.
“Spin around and face the bathroom door,” I say.
He does, positioning himself on his knees.
I squeeze a liberal amount of lube from the bottle before setting it beside one of the pillows. I crawl to Jay, who faces away from me, his back arched, his ass eagerly waiting to receive me.
As I reach him, I grip onto the straps on either side of the thong and slide them down, pulling it to just beneath his ass-cheeks. Setting one hand on his hip, I press my cock against his hole and push in.
Between These Sheets Page 15
